19 17 - | |

An hour later, I was pulling several pans out of the oven. After setting each pan down on a wheeled metal cart, I placed the dessert platter on the bottom layer of the cart and finally decided everything was ready. I pulled the cart behind me, pushing the door to the dining room open with my shoulder. The dining room was packed, with loud conversation and laughter shaking the windows. I set down each pan on a different part of the table, and headed over to the empty spot next to Ruby. Shirone immediately vacated her spot to sit on my lap, her tail waving proudly.

'It's times like this that I'm glad I'm so much taller than she is.' I mused. 'If we were both the same height, this would be really uncomfortable.'

{I'm Master-sized.} Shirone agreed. {Perfect for sitting on your lap while still letting you eat.}

{Moot point. You make me feed you before I can eat, anyway.} I pointed out drily.

{Oh, you don't mind.} She replied smugly. {You find it adorable.}

Rias cleared her throat, eying us with amusement. "I take it the food is ready?"

I nodded. "Yep. The one next to Gaspar and Valerie is non-garlic, so they shouldn't have to worry about stomach cramps."

Rias smiled. "Well then, let's eat!"

There was a resounding cheer as people cut slices of lasagna and piled them onto their plates. The garlic bread in the baskets next to the pans was summarily raided as well, leaving the baskets bare of food.

I chuckled. 'Five…four…three…two…one…'

Everyone froze as they took their first bite, with the exception of the few who had eaten my cooking before. Rias spoke first, chewing slowly and swallowing. She turned to me. "Can you please marry me?"

Shirone smirked, eating a bite off of my fork. "Paws off, bitch. He's mine."

Rias sighed. "Pity. I'm sure our children would've been merciless little monsters."

And that's when the food massacre of Gremory Mansion began.

There were no survivors.

And in the aftermath, where only corpses remained, I resurrected the dead by unveiling the desserts.

The second war lasted longer than the first, as the participants fought tooth and nail over the delicious confectionaries.

I wisely stayed out of the fight, idly feeding Shirone pieces of a chocolate muffin and scratching her behind the ear.

Life was good.

After dinner, my girls and I headed back to the room we shared. Sera had claimed the room next door, but otherwise we were the only ones within fifty feet in all directions. The color scheme was atrocious, everything was oversized, and the beds were far too large for just one person.

I sighed, closing the door behind me. 'I fucking hate mansions.'

Shirone leapt onto the bed, flopping gracelessly onto her stomach. The bed sank under her weight like a great big marshmallow. She sat up a moment later, looking disgruntled. "The beds here are too soft."

I grimaced. "You see why I prefer my own bed."

She nodded, slipping off the offending mattress. "This is hardly cuddle-friendly."

I hummed for a moment, hitting it with a quick ))Structural Grasp((. "I can fix it, if you want."

Ruby poked it with a single finger. The entire digit sank in to the knuckle. "Yes, please."

I walked over and placed my hand on the bed. One quick ))Alteration(( later, and the bed was habitable. Asia sat tentatively on the side, relaxing when it held her weight. "Thanks, Cas." She told me, smiling brightly.

I nodded. "Any time."

She pulled out a Storage gem, tapping it on the bed next to her and summoning what was stored within; a notebook, a pen, a pencil, and a stack of heavy textbooks.

I blinked. "Asia, what are you doing?"

"Make-up work." She replied easily, scribbling something down in her notebook.

I sighed. "Well yes, but…we're on vacation, aren't we? Why not wait on the homework for a bit?"

She frowned, looking up at me. She had an adorably serious look on her face. "It's because we're on vacation that I'm getting my work done as fast as possible. Until all our work is done, I can't enjoy snuggle time." She told me solemnly.

I shrugged, grabbing a pillow off of the suspiciously marshmallow-looking couch and sitting on the floor. "Suit yourself. Mind if I join you?"

She shook her head. I grinned. "All right, then. ))Shadow Clone((."

There was a pop and another me appeared, sitting just to the left of me. We glanced at each other, casting a few brief switching and memory spells to make sure neither of us knew who was the original. After all, whoever the clone was definitely wouldn't want to know the depressing truth that they weren't real. The other me stood, walking over to where Asia sat and sitting right next to her. He smiled at her, leaning over and kissing her on the cheek, before reaching into his side pouch and pulling out his own stack of textbooks. Asia flushed, turning back to her own work.

I chuckled, glancing at the rest of my girls. "See? Best of both worlds."

Sera's eyes lit up, and she quickly copied my impromptu strategy, her clone tackling Other Me and Asia in a hug. Other Me just sighed, used to being tackled, ignoring Asia's adorable squeak of surprise. The three quickly settled into a routine of their own, chatting about nonsensical things as they started in on their considerable load of make-up work.

Shirone sighed, seemingly deciding that my lap was more comfortable than the bed for doing homework. She plopped down, making herself comfortable as she pulled out her own Storage gem to begin her work. Ruby braved the marshmallow couch, sinking down a good few inches as the cushions gave beneath her weight. Sera grabbed the couch's other pillow, sitting across from me. Gil eyed one of the plush, marshmallow-like chairs, and seemed to decide to stay standing rather than risk not being swallowed by the chair.

Satisfied that everyone was comfortable for the time being, I turned to Sera. "So…anything you'd like to talk about?"

She hummed in thought, crossing her legs and putting her striped panties on full view. Shirone's ears twitched at the sight, and her tail began to wave softly as she stared. I flicked one of her ears, pointing down at her homework. She sulkily returned to her work, still occasionally glancing at the tantalizing sight. I sighed. "You're flashing us your panties, Sera."

She blinked, glancing down. "So I am." She agreed.

"…You…aren't going to fix that?" I asked cautiously.

She frowned. "Why, they do go with my outfit, don't they?"

I sighed. 'Well, they totally do, but…' "That's…not the point."

She smiled. "Oh, I know. I just don't care. You haven't done anything perverted so far, and this position is pretty comfy, so I don't have a problem with it~." She replied, finishing her piece with a wink and a peace sign.

Shirone smirked, giving her a thumbs-up. "Excellent. I approve."

I just sighed once more. "Are you sure you don't have any questions or anything? Nothing confusing that you want to ask about?" 'A conversation topic besides panties?'

"Hmmm…" She muttered, putting a finger to her chin. "I wonder…" Inspiration struck, and she clapped her hands together. "I know! Tell me about the Talents!"

We all paused for a moment. Ruby grimaced. "That's…really not a can of worms you want to open, there, Sera. It's best to leave that one alone."

Sera puffed out her cheeks and crossed her arms childishly. "But I wanna know!"

I blinked. "…You're just messing with us, right?" I checked.

She deadpanned at me. "No, I regularly throw a fit whenever I want something."

I shrugged. "Well, you never know…" A smirk crept across my face. "If Sona is to be believed…"

Sera flushed. "Sona's a special case."

I chuckled. "Suuure." I flicked Shirone's ear, catching her staring at Sera's panties again. 'I swear, if Canon Shirone met my Shirone, she'd probably start plotting her demise.' "So you want me to tell you about the Talents, then?"

She nodded. "Yep! I mean, you've spoken about them in passing, but you never really explained them."

Gil shot me an irritated look. "I thought we weren't going to mention them."

I shrugged. "I kept it discreet. And besides, she's more than proven she can be trusted by now."

Gil hesitated, then sighed. "Fair enough. Go ahead."

I smiled, turning to Sera. "All right, then. Talents." I paused as a thought occurred. "I have told you about Reality Marbles before, right?"

She shook her head. I sighed. "All right then. Here's what you need to know. A Reality Marble is having one's inner world, one's soul, materialized and projected onto reality. In order to gain one, you need your very soul to warp to the point that you can comprehend The Alien Common Sense of Demons. In short, Distortion." I tapped Shirone on the head. "Due to my own Distortion level, my Distortion has slowly been affecting those I Claimed through the Soul-Bond. Because of this, my girls are slowly developing their own Marbles. You with me so far?"

She nodded. I continued. "Good. The Talents are the physical effect of one possessing a Reality Marble. The proverbial corona around the sun of your soul. The Talents are, by definition, warps in Reality that defy common sense." I paused, smiling mischievously. "But that isn't to say they don't follow rules."

She frowned, shifting in place once more. "The things that break rules…follow rules."

I chuckled, flicking Shirone's ear to get her back on track. "Is it that hard to believe? Everything follows rules."

After a moment of thought, I tore a piece of paper out of Shirone's still unused notebook, numbering it one through ten. I wrote down brief summaries of each rule as I spoke.

"First and foremost, Talents are defensive in nature. Because they are part of your soul, they cannot directly harm you and will not harm another living being without you telling it to. Even if I occasionally wind up at the bottom of the ocean, my Talent always moves me somewhere safe before… never mind."

I gestured to spot two. "Second. A Talent must defend you to the best of its' abilities if you are in harm's way. This is, however, no exception to rule one. If I were to point a gun at Asia and pull the trigger, then the gun would fall apart. The clip would fall out of the bottom, the top would drop off, and the screws would come out in my hands. I would be left with little more than useless metal. However, her Talent would not target me, just the gun."

I moved to the next spot. "Third. Talents work independently of their owners' wishes. You can bargain, demand, or threaten, but it will only piss you off more. You can't control a Talent, you direct it to do as it wishes… in the direction you need it to go. I can't control how I get Lost, but I can control when. Of course, as the one who owns the Talent, I can be tricked. We once tricked Gil into turning in an assignment a week early by telling her it was due a month before the actual due date."

Gil huffed. "That wasn't you tricking my Talent, that was just you being an asshole."

I smirked at her. "I love you, too, Gil."

She turned a pretty shade of red. "S-shut up, you idiot." She muttered, moving over to the bed.

I chuckled, tapping the next item on the list. "Fourth. Talents work Conceptually, and cannot be blocked. However, much like Reality Marbles themselves, they are limited by their user. They force all things to obey their rules, but are limited only to that one pattern. Shirone can Forget, but she can never…say… get Lost. She can only ever Forget. She might be able to get the same effect by Forgetting where she is, but she can never do it as well as I can."

I clicked the mechanical pencil a few times to bring up more graphite before scribbling down the next rule. "And last but not least… the larger a Talent, the less area it can effect on its' own. Ruby might only have a seemingly minor Talent, but she can confuse an entire room of people into thinking two plus two equals potato. She doesn't even have to be on the same continent to achieve that, either. Furthermore, even if it doesn't directly harm anyone, it's still one of the rare kinds that only effects people. Asia, on the other hand, while having a tremendously powerful Talent, must be present to use it."

Sera blinked. "Wait, Ruby doesn't even have to be there to use her Talent?"

I shook my head. "Only when it's used defensively. If you want to test it yourself, try planning an attack on her sometime. Write down your plan, and stop once you reach five pages or so. Then, once you no longer intend to harm her, reread what you wrote. I can guarantee that it'll be the most complicated plan you've ever come up with."

She smirked. "All righty, then~. I guess I have something to do tomorrow."

I chuckled. "If you want to have a good laugh afterwards, video yourself writing it. It's hilarious."

I flipped the paper over, sketching out a crude circle with a plus sign in the center.

*-*-*-/*-*-*-*-*-II-*-*-*-*\-*-*-*-

-*-*-*/*-*-*-*-*-II*-*-*-*-*\*-*-*

*-*-/*-*Space-*-II-*-Time-*-\-*-*-

-*-/-*-*-*-*-*-*-II*-*-*-*-*-*\-*-*

.*/*-*-*-*-*-*-*-II*-*-*-*-*-*-\-*

*\*-*-*-*-*-*-* *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*/*

-*\-*-Physical-*II-Knowledge*/-*-

-*\-*-World-*-*II*-*-*-*-*-*-/-*-

-*-\*-*-*-*-*-*-II*-*-*-*-*-*/-*-*.

*-*-\*-*-*-*-*-*II*-*-*-*-*-/*-*-

I gestured to the chart. "Now, for the specifics. This is what's known as the Reality Wheel. It separates our reality into its' four main components. Time, Space, Knowledge, and the Physical World."

I tapped each section in turn. "Since Reality Marbles each warp a certain part of reality for their user, they can be placed on the Wheel in accordance with the part of reality they effect."

I placed several letters on the paper, one for each Talent-user.

*-*-*-/*-*-*-*-*-II-*-*-*-*\-*-*-*-*

-*-*-/*-*-*-*-*-*II*-*-*-*-*.\*-*-*-

*-*-/*-*Space-*-II-*-Time-*-\-*-*-*

-*-/-*-*-*-*-*-*-II*G-*-*-*-*-\-*-*

.*/*-*-*-*-*-*M.II*-*-*-*-*-*-*\-*

===========-A============

*\*-*-*-*-*-*-*.R*S-*-*-*-*-*-/*-

-*\-*-Physical-*II-Knowledge*/-*-

-*\-*-World-*-*II*-*-*-*-*-*-/-*-*

-*-\*-*-*-*-*-*-II*-*-*-*-*-/-*.-*-

-*-\*-*-*-*-*-*-II*-*-*-*-*/-*-*-.

"The closer to the center of the Wheel, the more powerful the Talent." I continued, flicking Shirone's ear. "A Talent such as mine is very close to the center, to the point that it also effects Time and the Physical World. A less vague Talent such as Gil's ability to Procrastinate would be a bit further from the center. An extremely specific Talent, like only getting Lost in subway stations would be near the edge. Some, like Ruby's or Asia's, are debatable, seeing as they can theoretically affect more than one aspect."

I tapped the 'R' that I had written on the paper. "But in the end, Ruby can most easily Overcomplicate things like weapons, plans, and recipes, so I placed it on the line. I put Asia's in the direct center, considering she can likely Break even concepts if she puts her mind to it. Shirone's affects primarily the Knowledge sphere, but it's so powerful it can also warp both Time and the Physical World."

Sera held up her hand. "Question, Millicas-sensei! What exactly does her Talent do?"

"…Do you want the simplified version or the elaborate version?"

"Both." She replied immediately.

I blinked. "Ooookay, then. Put simply, she can make reality meet her expectations." I paused for a moment, thinking. "For example, last week she Forgot that she didn't do her homework. She removed a boundary of causality…"

I hesitated. "All right, look. To understand this next part, you have to understand the way she bends causality."

I took a deep breath. "First you have a causally continuous space‐time, let's call it A. Because she can't change the past or the future from her current point in the continuity, we can use indecomposable past and future sets in a symmetric way to construct a causal completion B for A. B is a causal space; the chronology of A in B is the chronology of A. In other words, it's the same. The extended Alexandrov topology for B makes A Hausdorff and a densely imbedded subspace."

Sera raised her hand again. "What's Alexander-whatever topology and House-something?"

I blinked. "Oh, sorry. An Alexandrov topology is a topology in which the intersection of any family of open sets is open. It is an axiom of topology that the intersection of any finite family of open sets is open; in Alexandrov topologies the finite restriction is dropped. Hausdorff space, also known as separated space or T2 space is a topological space in which distinct points have disjoint neighborhoods. It implies the uniqueness of limits of sequences, nets, and filters."

Sera just stared blankly at me. Ruby sighed, looking up. "Don't worry too much about it. It's not vital for the explanation. To completely understand the complexities of topologies and T2 space, you'd need waaay more time than we have."

I huffed, crossing my arms. "Hey, I managed to teach you how it worked."

She raised an eyebrow. "You showed me how the majority of the time-space causality of hypothetical axioms work through the Link. And I'm fairly sure it doubled my Distortion level."

I shrugged. "You seemed to enjoy it."

She frowned. "And? Even if it was extremely interesting, it doesn't make my point any less valid."

I ignored her, turning back to Sera. "Okay, back to the explanation. A is globally hyperbolic if either the chronological future or the chronological past of each point in B-A is empty, or causally simple if the causality of A in B is the causality of A. The standard examples of causal completions are special cases."

Ruby raised an eyebrow. "You done?"

I blinked. "Well, no, not yet. That was just my explanation of the causal boundaries for general relativistic space-times. Now, assuming that the model I just created is true, Shirone can temporarily suspend endpoint B in order to create C. If B is the natural progression of events, C would be the alteration. She can Forget anything that can be considered a part of B and substitute a version of B without whatever was Forgotten, namely C. Do you understand that part?"

Sera nodded slowly. "So, in other words, she rejects reality and substitutes her own?"

I hesitated. "…Yes? That's a drastic oversimplification, but you have the right idea. Since a Reality Marble, and therefore a Talent, is limited to 'Yes' or 'No' outcomes, she can change any given 'Yes' to a 'No'. In the case of her homework, her Talent believed that either it was done or it wasn't. Since Shirone Forgot that she didn't do it, she eliminated the 'or it wasn't' from the equation. Thus, the statement that reality followed was that 'Shirone's homework could not have been incomplete, so it must have been complete'."

I paused. "And what would the problem with that be?"

Sera hummed in thought. "She hadn't actually done her homework, did she?" She tapped a finger against her leg in thought. "So, how can reality say one thing and her Talent say another?"

I shrugged. "Since her Talent marginally affects the Physical World, it simply resolved the impossibility by creating a completed sheet of answers. I stopped trying to figure out where the hell the answers themselves came from once I realized that her Talent was classified under Knowledge, rather than the Physical World, like I initially thought."

Sera frowned. "Wait, where did the answers come from?"

I grimaced. "Again, I stopped asking. The more powerful a Talent is, the more it seems to be alive. Mine has enough autonomy to know how to randomize my location based on my perception of my surroundings. Asia's seems to have its' own goddamn consciousness."

Sera, wincing slightly at the name of the Almighty, turned to look at the cheerful blonde. She was doing homework with Gil on the bed, chatting about their gym uniforms. "…Okay, then."

I sighed. "Just wait. You'll notice eventually."

She turned back to me, glancing down at my paper. "Do you mind if I keep that?"

I shrugged. "Sure. I can give you the books on Reality Marbles as well, if you want. Anything else?"

She hesitated, barely perceptible to anyone who didn't know her. "And… is it possible for your Talents to kill anyone, if you really tried?"

I paused, considering. "Not directly. At least, not the Talents based on Reality Marbles. Marble Phantasms might be a different story."

She blinked. "What?"

Shirone interrupted me before I could answer. "Not you, Master. You've already managed to confuse her enough with your physics rant." She turned to the childlike Maou, smiling apologetically. "Sorry, Sera. He gets carried away sometimes. Marble Phantasms are a different kind of phenomenon than Reality Marbles are. It's not really known if one is a subtype of the other, but I don't think they are. As for the difference…"

She paused, thinking. "I suppose the terms 'Reality Marble' and 'Marble Phantasm' are misnomers. A more accurate translation for 'Reality Marble' would be 'Innate Bounded Field', and the translation for 'Marble Phantasm' would be 'Fantasy Manifestation'. They encompass two different domains, and can only be used by two different kinds of beings. Reality Marbles can be created by any being with intelligence, so long as they are sufficiently Distorted. Marble Phantasms are only caused by beings who connect their will to nature, and use it to warp the world itself."

She frowned, her tail waving in thought. "I suppose, if one were to consider a Reality Marble an absolute yes or no, then a Marble Phantasm is the ability to raise or lower the chances of a given outcome. For instance, if you were rolling two dice, then a Marble Phantasm can make the odds of a twelve absolute without affecting the dice themselves. In other words, they can do anything, as long as they follow the rules of the world. A Reality Marble would break the rules of the world by making all sides of the dice sixes, guaranteeing that you get a twelve no matter what. Both achieve the same result, but have different methods and restrictions."

I raised an eyebrow. "And, how is that less complicated than what I was going to say?"

She smirked at me. "I didn't once mention T2 space."

Ruby and Sera burst into giggles as I grumbled to myself. Gil glanced up from her spot on the bed. "What, are you finished with your explanations now?"

I nodded. "Should be. Why?"

Gil frowned. "We have Shadow Clones to do our homework, and you promised that it would be movie night tonight."

I blinked. "Oh, right. I'll get the popcorn, you choose the movie. Would you mind teaching Sera how to Gate into the Tree?"

Shirone yawned, stretching, and slipped off of my lap. "I'll do it."

Ruby sighed. "Does it bother anyone else that we're effectively using God's own treasury as a movie theatre?"

Asia raised her hand. "Me."

I shrugged, standing. "Well, if you can think of somewhere else we can watch movies, then I'm open to suggestions. I'm sure God wouldn't mind." 'I would know, I asked him. He just asked for permission to borrow a DVD every now and then.' "Besides, it's just one room, and it's completely blocked off from the rest of the Tree, soundproofed and everything."

Asia shook her head. "Oh, no, I have no problem with it, it's extremely comfortable. It just…bothers me slightly." She paused. "And, um, would you mind grabbing some cookies, as well?"

I chuckled. "Planning on stealing Ruby from me, are you?"

She smiled brightly. "Just for the night. We haven't had any time together for a while."

'Excluding random cuddle sessions, I suppose.' I mused, walking towards the door. 'But then again, random cuddle sessions are usually spontaneous and leave little time for actual conversation.'

Lost in thought as I was, I barely noticed Sera creating another Shadow Clone.

"…And that's about it." I finished.

Sirzechs frowned. "So, my son has a Reality Marble?" He sighed. "That… makes an unfortunate amount of sense."

I nodded. "It certainly explains some of his less… stable tendencies."

Ajuka frowned from his spot on the couch next to his wife. "You didn't know about his Marble? I thought you would've figured it out by now."

"You knew?" Sirzechs asked sharply.

Ajuka sighed. "Yes, actually. I was the one who got him those." He gestured to the stack of books next to my (Millicas-sama's) recliner.

Sirzechs nodded slowly. "So, did he ever mention any of these 'Talents' to you?"

Ajuka shook his head. "No, nothing."

Sirzechs raised an eyebrow. "Not even during your 'Evil Cackling Sessions'?"

Ajuka frowned. "No. And I'll have you know that legitimate evil cackling—er, science happens during those sessions."

"…Of course." The red-haired Maou agreed drily. "I don't doubt it. That's the only reason that I allow him to go to your lab in the first place."

Ajuka looked slightly affronted. "What's wrong with my labs?"

Medea sighed. "Dear, your labs are death traps. If I didn't clean up after you, you would be leaving hazardous materials on every surface whenever you leave to eat. If you leave to eat."

Sirzechs nodded. "I know how dangerous they are, and if I had somewhere else I could send him, or if I could join in his enthusiasm for science, then I would find another way. Alas…" He drooped slightly. "As much as I adore my Mi-tan, his idle musings make my brain hurt."

I smiled sympathetically. "I think I can understand you. Earlier today, he tried to explain the mechanics of Shirone's Talent using abstract nonsense."

Ajuka perked up. "Really? Do tell."

I frowned at him. "I'm not repeating it. I recorded it in a…" I hesitated. "I'm not even sure what this is, but Millicas-sama gave it to me when I asked for something I could record with a while back."

I tossed him the shiny bauble. He caught it midair, tapping on the surface to play the recording. A few moments later, he was taking notes on his pocket notebook and paying rapt attention. Medea leaned over, watching curiously. I sighed. "So, now that the brainiacs are entertained, there's one more thing I'd like to mention."

Sirzechs raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

I looked him dead in the eye. "Millicas can say the name of the Almighty without repercussions."

He narrowed his eyes. "Interesting. I know he wasn't always able to do that. Ajuka? Does that have anything to do with your research?"

Ajuka glanced up. "Hm? No, not mine, at least. We mainly worked on a single project together, and it was nothing like that."

"So you're saying that it's the result of research, then it's strictly his own research." Sirzechs confirmed.

Ajuka nodded. "That's right."

Sirzechs sighed, rubbing his temples to stave off a headache. "Serafall, do you think you could ask him how it works?"

I nodded, sending out a spike of mana. "Yes, sir."

He hesitated slightly. "And… are you sure you're okay with this? Being my informant?"

I smiled. "Sir, I'll tell you everything relevant to his case, as long as he doesn't ask me to keep it a secret."

Sirzechs chuckled. "That's fair."

Ajuka gave me a knowing look. "I take it he's told you about his embarrassing little problem, then?"

I blinked. "Embarrassing?"

He nodded. "He treats it like a symptom of chunnibyou."

I blinked again. "He…what? Why?"

Ajuka smirked. "Well, when your biggest accomplishments include telling a Dragon King to faff off, punching a Satan in the face, and shouting a line that comes straight out of an anime, you'd be embarrassed, too."

"No, I wouldn't." I corrected. "I would probably make a show about it."

He coughed. "Well, yes, you would."

"Excuse me, but who are we talking about now?" Sirzechs interrupted.

I blinked. "Oh, we're talking about The Red Man."

Sirzechs sighed. "And what, exactly does that have to do with our current topic of conversation?"

Ajuka shrugged. "I thought the conversation was over, so I changed the subject."

"To The Red Man?" Sirzechs asked incredulously.

I nodded. "King Hassan recently worked with him."

"Ah." He smiled. "I take it that's where you got the name King Hassan from?"

I shrugged. "It fits, doesn't it?"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "And what happened to 'all good assassins are nameless, so they leave no trace'?"

I smiled sheepishly. "…Oops?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Oops? Not, 'I let my hero name me out of respect for him'?"

I shrugged. "Well, you already figured that part out as soon as I admitted he named me, so I figured I would skip straight to the 'Oops'."

"…This is another one of those 'Serafall' moments, isn't it?" Sirzechs asked rhetorically.

"Hehehe." I hit myself softly on the head with my fist, winked, and stuck my tongue out. "Tehepero!"

Ajuka just smiled. Medea sighed, shaking her head. "Serafall, if you're dating Millicas now, then shouldn't you be focusing more on him than your terrorist crush?"

I blinked, turning to look at her. '…She can't be serious.'

She winked at me, shaking her head slightly. I sighed in relief. 'Oh, good. That would've been awkward.'

I cleared my throat. "My love life aside, what's the news on the Leaders' Summit?"

Sirzechs seemed relieved to have a different topic to pursue. "Michael seems more than willing, and Azazel has always been one for peace. The problem is creating a situation in which the Factions themselves are willing to accept the idea of peace."

Ajuka smirked, crossing his legs and resting his chin on his fist. "If all else fails, Millicas and I have been working on a bargaining chip to use with the Fallen, and we already have all the leverage we need to deal with the Angels."

Sirzechs blinked. "How so?"

Ajuka gestured in the direction of the Sea of Red. "Oh, just the friendly neighborhood terrorist expressing his desire for peace. That tree in the middle of the Sea? It's the original Tree of Knowledge."

Sirzechs stood, his chair nearly falling over backwards. "What!?"

Ajuka nodded. "Indeed. It's the genuine article, I can guarantee it."

"So you're telling me…" Sirzechs asked slowly. "…that all this time…we've had the Almighty's own treasury not ten miles away from us… and we just haven't realized it?"

Ajuka chuckled. "Indeed. In hindsight, the God-Class defense mechanisms surrounding it should've been a big clue."

Sirzechs groaned, sinking back into his chair. "Wonderful. I have one of the greatest collections of knowledge in the world just outside my window. And once word gets out, every faction from Heaven to the Vedic pantheon will be trying to break in. I'm not sure whether The Red Man was trying to be helpful or just messing with me,"

'…Knowing Millicas-sama, probably both.' I thought in amusement.

Medea blinked. "Wait, if Red made the Tree, then how do we know he can't get to it?"

We were all silent for a moment, watching Sirzechs turn several interesting colors. I took that time to mentally record my boss's many different expressions for later entertainment. Finally, he spoke. "Well, for better or worse, the Tree seems to be guarded for now." He sighed, rubbing his eyes. "And how did you even plan on selling the idea to Heaven, anyway? It's not like we can give them any proof that what we have is the real deal."

Ajuka smirked. "Oh? Who told you that, the media? No, all we have to do is prove that it fulfills all the requirements to be the Tree of Knowledge. We can do that simply by bringing a sample of the water that protects it, and offering them the chance to try and get into it themselves. We aren't selling the Tree, we're selling information about it. And should all else fail, I'll play my trump card."

He reached into his pocket, taking out a small velvet box about the size of his hand. "This is something I managed to find using a blind teleport spell targeted at a slight flaw in the wards. It was impossible to get inside the Tree, or even stay inside of the wards for more than a few seconds, but I still managed to grab this." He opened it, showing it to Sirzechs.

Sirzechs promptly choked on his own spit. "I-is that the Fruit of the Tree of Knowledge?"

Ajuka chuckled, closing the box. "It most certainly is. I've done quite a bit of research on it, and I've come to a startling discovery. This little Fruit? It's the source of mankind's conscience. Furthermore, eating another piece of Fruit will allow any son of Adam to regain his place in the Garden of Eden by erasing his Original Sin and returning him to the state in which Adam walked with Him… For better or for worse." He finished ominously.

My eyes narrowed. "And what would it do to us?"

He hesitated. "Since none of the Three Factions have ever sampled the Fruit, it could do practically anything to us. It gave mankind the ability to rebel against God. What could it do for us? Theoretically, it could allow for any Biblical being to change their state of being precisely once, mimicking the awakening of man to a higher state of being. But that's just conjecture."

My eyes widened. "It could allow a Devil to become an Angel?"

He chuckled darkly. "Yes, but not in any way that would be desirable to us. It changes you by either adding or subtracting inherent good or evil. To become an Angel, you would have to endure the Fruit burning away everything that makes you a Devil. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. And even if you survived, you would not be the same being you were. You would be a mockery of your original self, one who would happily slaughter us all 'in the name of God'."

I blinked, ignoring the small spike of pain. "That's…disturbing."

He nodded. "There's a good reason the Tree was destroyed in the first place. We aren't ready for this kind of power."

Sirzechs frowned. "So, Sera could become an Angel with no cost whatsoever? I somehow doubt that."

Ajuka shrugged. "Well, chances are that in order to avoid being burned up completely she'd have to pass some obscure set of tests or have a particular quality, like virginity."

'Well, no problems there. My virginity is only for Millicas-sama to take~!' I thought smugly, crossing my legs and relaxing into the recliner. I idly noted that it carried a hint of his smoky scent. 'I wonder if… no, bad Sera. Last time you did that, Sona called you creepy.'

Sirzechs narrowed his eyes, folded his hands and began to speak, prompting me to snap my mind back into assassin mode. "If you were able to get a Fruit in that way, would it be possible for someone else to?"

Ajuka's face tightened. "Yes. Absolutely."

I sat up. "Should I start making inquiries?"

Sirzechs nodded. "Please do. If the Black Market discovered these before we did, then they probably already have more information on them than we do."

I nodded seriously. "Yes, sir."

Sirzechs clapped his hands together. "All right, then! If we're all done with the serious stuff," He glanced at Ajuka and I for confirmation. We nodded our approval. "Then let's get to the real reason we're all here." He turned to Ajuka and Medea. "When's the wedding?"

Medea smiled. "Two weeks from now. We're having the wedding publicly in Beelzebub Manor, and I was thinking of making the theme 'magic'. What do you think?"

I completely dropped my assassin mask, squeeing. "Oh, that would be perfect! We could replace all the curtains with pieces of dark purple glitterdust fabric, and make it lit entirely by magical circles! Oh, oh, and if we wanted to go all-out, we could have all of the music made by one-note magical circles played in order!" said excitedly, bouncing in my seat.

Medea frowned. "Well, if we light it entirely by magic circles, what would the spells be?"

I smiled smugly. "Shielding spells. They glow whenever they're activated, and I know that Millicas has a few that he'd be willing to share."

Ajuka raised an eyebrow. "I take it they'd be the kind he thinks of as failed experiments?"

I nodded. He sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Honestly, that boy… he's far too careless with his 'failures'. He once taught me a 'failed' explosive configuration that could easily level half a continent with less energy than it takes to teleport ten feet."

I smiled awkwardly. "Um… is that all? 'Cause his girls have an entire list of 'failed' projects that could easily destroy the planet if destabilized. We love him to death, but he lacks common sense."

Ajuka tilted his head slightly. "Well, he doesn't lack common sense, he just has the Alien Common Sense of Demons. I'm sure there's plenty of things that we think of as commonplace that he finds baffling."

"Wait, wait, wait." Medea cut in. "What kind of Shielding spell are we talking, here? I've never worked with the boy before."

I giggled, holding up a magic circle. "Oh, you poor thing." The circle began to glow, expanding to create an iridescent flower with four petals of light. It was easily twice my height, and glowed with a pink luminance. Four ripples of light appeared, each forming a concave, almost lens-like shield over the flower.

Medea blinked. "What on earth is that?"

I smiled at her through the semi-transparent petals. "A failed attempt to create a spell he called ))The Seven Rings that Cover the Fiery Heavens((. Each petal is as strong as a fortress, and If you think that this is impressive, you should see his completed version. He taught me this one because it, quote, 'Is an excellent defensive spell that doesn't kill you when it breaks'."

Medea blinked. "Should I be worried?"

I laughed. "No, you're fine. This one only shields. He has a few nastier spells that mimic Mirror Alice, or reflect objects back at their wielders. Not that he'd ever use them in battle, seeing as he considers them failures."

Medea smiled, ignoring the potentially terrifying implications of my words. "All right, then. I suppose that would definitely work as a light source. Could you imbue the spell into a crystal?"

I mentally recalled the ridiculous amounts of mana Millicas-sama keeps in his various gems. "How many do you need?"

"How many can you make?" Medea countered.

I sighed, dissipating the spell. "Millicas-sama can mass-produce over a thousand of these in less than an hour. Number isn't an issue."

Medea blinked. "Well… I suppose that a hundred would do. So let's say two hundred, then, just to be on the safe side."

I nodded, sending out a second spike of mana. "It should be done by the time you leave."

Sirzechs narrowed his eyes. "Oh? And how might you know that?"

I sighed, standing. "You remember how I told you it's nearly impossible to distinguish a Shadow Clone from a real person?"

He nodded slowly. I smiled cheerfully, striking a Magical Girl pose. "Surprise!"

And then I dispersed myself.

Sera jerked slightly, her eyes cloudy with foreign memories. It was a tell-tale sign of a Shadow Clone dispersing. The movie was just winding down, showing the last moments of Princess Bride. I snickered to myself as the actor dramatically proclaimed, "My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!"

No matter how many times I saw this movie, that part still cracked me up.

I glanced around, noting the array of sleeping beauties all around me. Asia and Gil were leaning against one another, each head resting on the others' shoulder. Shirone snoozed peacefully on my lap, her head resting on my chest. Ruby had claimed my right arm, leaning against my shoulder as she slept. A half-eaten cookie was still held in her free hand. Sera was the only one of my girls still awake, and was contentedly resting her head on my other shoulder. I sighed, realizing that I would have to disturb them in order to get them in bed.

I slowly moved my left arm, jolting Sera out of her reverie. Reaching into my side pouch, I pulled out teleport gem. I wordlessly handed it to Sera, knowing that if I activated a spell, it would wake Ruby and Shirone.

She took it, activating it, sending us back to the Gremory Mansion. We landed on the soft bed with a slight bump, thankfully not enough to wake any of them. Other Me was still in the room, working on homework. He glanced up from his spot on the couch next to a Sera Clone and waved.

I chuckled, waving back with my free hand. Reaching into my side pouch once more, I pulled out a handful of Requip gems. I carefully extracted my arm from Ruby's grip, picking Shirone up in a princess carry and moving to the other side of the bed. Sera took my place as Ruby's makeshift pillow as I tucked in my white Nekoshou and tapped her with the Requip gem. I repeated the process with all of my other girls, leaving Asia and Gil cuddling adorably on one side and Ruby using Shirone as her pillow on the other.

I smirked slightly as I noticed exactly what was being used as a pillow.

What? I'm chaste, not blind. Shirone has some very soft breasts.

I turned back to Sera, gesturing towards the door. She nodded, and we quietly left the room. As the door swung shut behind us, we both breathed a sigh of relief. I glanced at her. "I'd like to talk with you for a bit, if you wouldn't mind. I just need to go back to clean up and grab the movie."

She smiled. "Okie-dokie, then. I'm feeling hungry, so I'll be in the kitchen grabbing a snack."

I nodded. "I'll see you in a bit."

I activated my ))Gate((, stepping through and closing it behind me. Flicking on the lights, I ejected the disk and turned off the TV. I collected the array of blankets and assorted snacks, tucking them and the disk away in a Storage gem for later use. I gave the room a once-over, and after checking once more that there was nothing that needed to be removed, I cast another Gate and exited into the Gremory Mansion's kitchen.

I found Sera humming to herself as she bent over and looked through the fridge. Thankfully, the parka of her cosplay outfit covered her rear, hiding her panties from view. I breathed a small sigh of relief at that. I prefer not to see any parts of a girl I'm not deliberately shown—it's less awkward that way, and I'm less likely to get slapped.

Sera seemed to find what she was searching for, and pulled out a bowl of custard pudding.

I blinked.

Nope, still pudding.

'Damn it Neptune.'

I followed Sera into the dining room, casting ))Silence(( on the room around us. I finally spoke. "When did you get the time to make the pudding?"

She smirked. "Secret~! Now sit down, I want to sit on your lap."

I winced slightly. "If Shirone finds out…"

Her smirk became increasingly self-satisfied. "But she won't."

I still hesitated. "I don't know, I don't like keeping secrets from any of my girls."

The smirk softened, turning into a kind smile. "I know. Don't worry, if she asks, I didn't give you a choice."

I finally sighed, moving over to one of the plush chairs and sitting down. Sera happily plopped down on my lap, wiggling around until her back pressed against my chest. I wrapped one arm around her waist, holding her secure against me. "Oh, yes. I like this." She decided, tapping her spoon against her chin. "But it's missing something…" She pretended to think for a moment, before smiling widely. "I know!"

She swiveled, grabbing my free hand and placing the spoon in it. "Feed me!"

I sighed, taking the spoon. "All right. But once we're done, you have to answer any question I want."

She hesitated, but eventually nodded. "Okay, deal."

I smiled, and began to feed her the pudding. I quickly discovered why she insisted I feed her as she began to make erotic moaning noises after every bite. I sighed, feeding her another spoonful. "You do realize that's one of Shirone's favorite tricks, right?"

She blinked, swallowing the pudding. "What, really? Damn it, Shirone…" She grumbled irritably.

I raised an eyebrow. "What did you hope to accomplish, anyway? Did you expect me to try and have my evil way with you, right here and now?"

She flushed. "W-what? No! I just wanted to see you flustered!"

I chuckled, resting my chin on her head. "I see. Well, until you find something that Ruby and Shirone haven't already done to embarrass me, you're fresh out of luck."

I took another spoonful of pudding, raising it to her mouth. Still flushed, she ate it. Thankfully, she stopped moaning for the rest of the bowl of pudding. As she ate the last bite, she smiled, allowing me to push aside the empty bowl. "All right, I'm full now. Now, what's your question?"

I sighed, wrapping my other arm around her waist. "This afternoon, when you zoned out… what happened?"

She stilled, and I could hear her pulse speed up. "W-why do you need to know that?"

I frowned. "Because I might have hurt you."

She giggled, the sound less cheer and more hysteria. "N-no, it was nothing you did. It was more my fault than anything. Just… forget about it."

I snorted. "Sera, in the little time that you've known me, have I ever just ignored something that might hurt one of my girls?"

She sighed, shaking her head. "No." She giggled again, this time sounding more normal. "Remember that one time when you punched that kid for ogling me?"

"Which time?" I asked drily. "I'm pretty sure that I've done it enough to get expelled from a normal school."

She hummed in thought. "The first time, the guy with the spiky hair and the nose piercing."

"The one with the dyed hair and the cigarette." I recalled. "He tried to pin you to the wall."

She nodded. "That's the one. See, I could've easily taken care of him in less than an instant. You knew that, I knew that. But you still made a point to knock the guy into next week, just because he might have hurt me."

She paused. "I've never had anyone do that for me before. It felt wonderful. Having someone care about me enough to…to be my knight in shining armor, to fight all of my enemies so I never have to."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really? 'Cause I could've sworn you got pissed that I fought your battle for you, and scolded me for the next ten minutes before making me promise not to do it again."

I could feel her amusement at my words. "Which you did anyway." She pointed out.

I sighed. "What does this have to do with whatever was bothering you earlier today?" I asked, veering the conversation back on track.

"You know, I was just thinking 'earlier today' about how grateful I was that you don't push." She huffed.

I shrugged. "That was when we were in public, and you needed time to get your thoughts back together. If I pushed you, it would make it feel like I was putting you on the spot. So I waited until we were alone to ask."

We sat in silence for a few moments as she pondered my words. "How do you know I didn't just have a daydream?" She finally asked.

"If it was just a daydream, then you wouldn't be avoiding the question." I countered easily.

Sera shifted slightly, and I could hear the smirk in her voice. "And how do you know I didn't just have an elaborate sexual fantasy about you?"

I chuckled. "If you did, you would've shamelessly told Shirone and Ruby about it as we were walking back to the mansion."

She twitched. "I…can't argue with that." She sighed in irritation, tugging at one of her twintails. "Well, what do you think it is? You apparently know everything it's not."

I raised an eyebrow. "Hostility and negative changes in mood when the subject is brought up, showing irritability with little to no provocation." I listed. "Avoidance towards the thoughts or memories experienced. Hypervigilance and exaggerated startle response. Problems concentrating and sleeping after flashback. Sound familiar?"

"Yes, it's PTSD. I know, I did the research." She snapped. "But if you already knew, then why did you ask me about it?"

I sighed, resting my chin on her head and tightening my embrace. 'I was afraid of that. Now she's hurt and offended, so I have to be very careful what I say. "Calm down" only comes off as aggressive, and if I say nothing she'll just get more irritated. Dammit, I'm too used to being able to comfort my girls with my emotions.' "Sera, I need you to take a deep breath. I'm not your enemy, I'm your boyfriend." I told her gently. 'Good. Calm, collected, and soothing. Remind her that I'm on her side.'

She took a deep breath, and some of the tension left her. "R-right. I'm sorry." She took another breath. "Right. Calm."

I said nothing, simply continuing to take deep breaths of my own and allowing my even pulse to help her relax. 'Rhythmic Synchronization. Allows our breathing and heartbeat to sync, and should help her calm down faster.'

Sure enough, in a few minutes, all the tension had left her body. She sighed, leaning her head back and against my chest. "Thanks, Millicas." She murmured. "But, um, can we please not talk about this anymore?"

I shook my head. "Sorry, Sera. Not quite yet." I replied softly. "But I'll try to be more gentle. And I promise I won't ask any direct questions. Is that all right?"

She hesitated, but still nodded. "O-okay."

I smiled in relief. "Good. Now, I just need to ask a few questions in order to check a theory of mine."

She nodded once more. I took a deep breath. "All right, then. True or false, you've been fighting in the Great War for the past nine hundred years."

"True. But how did you—?"

"The Bible and basic math." I interrupted. "Assuming that Creation was 4020 BC, and knowing that it's 2015 now, 6035 years have passed since Creation. There have been roughly five generations of Devils since then. Assuming that every generation has lasted about the same amount of time before siring the next, each generation was born every 1005 years. That places you somewhere between 950 and 1050 years old, right?"

"I'm 1019 years old, and I joined the war when I was fifteen." She replied in a surly tone. "But it's not polite to guess a lady's age, you know."

I shrugged. "Ruby's over three thousand. You don't see me treating her any different for it."

Sera blinked. "Wait, she's what?"

I ignored her attempt to change the subject. "So, since the large majority of your life consisted of fighting some form of war, I would assume that your views on life and your personality itself shaped by it."

She nodded. "Pretty much."

I took a deep breath. "And, I would wager that your system of meanings has been affected by it, as well." I paused. "You don't believe that there's good in the world, do you?"

She flinched. "H-how did you…"

"Complex PTSD." I replied tiredly. "It's a nastier form of PTSD that mainly effects people who are victims of child abuse, human trafficking, war, or long-term domestic violence." I paused. "Obviously war, in this case."

I raised one of my hands, idly playing with her midnight-black hair as I continued. "PTSD is typically caused by a short-term traumatic event—a car crash, an extremely bloody battle, things that happen once but cause lasting scars. C-PTSD comes from frequent, long-term exposure to trauma that the victim can't see an end to." I shrugged. "It's not very well-known, and I only know about it because I once thought Ruby might have it."

She smiled wryly. "Well, you certainly got the 'never see an end to it' part down. I still can't believe the war is over." She paused. "And to your first question, I do actually see good in the world." She placed her hand over mine. "I see it every day. You, Sona, Asia, you're all extremely pure when it comes to your ideals and motivations. Sona wants to teach, you want to protect, and Asia wants to heal." Her face darkened. "It's everyone else who's selfish."

I sighed. 'How is my desire to protect not selfish?' I wondered absently. 'Well, whatever, it doesn't matter right now.' "Fair enough. I promised to only ask questions, so I won't say anything tonight."

"Good." She replied irritably. "Because I'm not talking about it."

I said nothing, allowing her to calm down once more. Tracing the lines of the table with her finger, Sera eventually spoke. "Complex PTSD, or whatever… does it have any treatment?"

I nodded, silently relieved. "Yes. It's going to take a lot of time, though. In humans, it takes about ten years to fully rehabilitate people. In Devils, who have hundreds of years more experience, I don't know. It would help if you were part of our Soul-Bond, though. Having people there who can comfort you, keep you grounded, should help immensely."

She sighed, her shoulders slumping. "Not… not yet. I need a bit more time to tell you all what I need to."

I smiled, stroking her hair. "All right, I can wait."

She sighed once more, turning to look up at me. "Do you… would you mind if I shared your bed tonight?"

In response, I leaned down and kissed her. She stiffened in surprise, but quickly began to lean into the kiss. She hummed happily, the tension leaving her body. I pulled away, straightening. Sera pouted at me, tapping one fist against my chest. "That's not very nice, Millicas-sama. I was just starting to have fun~!"

I shook my head, relieved that she had returned to her normal personality. "If I do any more, my girls will notice through the Bond."

Sera frowned, but accepted my words. "You never answered my question."

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm always okay with you sharing my bed. That's never been the issue. But be prepared to be used as a pillow. Or get groped. Either is possible."

She smirked. "How do you know that I won't be doing the groping?"

I chuckled. "I don't. But if you try to grope me, you're probably going to get the evil eye from several of the others."

She gave me a mischievous look. "But anyone else is fair game?"

I shrugged. "Well, Gil might slap you, but I doubt any of them would really dislike it."

She blinked, realization flashing across her face. "So… they're all bi?"

"Soul-Bond." I reminded her. "They enjoy everything I do, and vice-versa. Not to mention that we all grew up together, all of us constantly aware of how much the others care for us. We share nearly all of our preferences. Why do you think I can stand to watch as many sappy romance movies as I do?"

Sera giggled. "Well, if that's the case, then adding me to the Bond is probably going to give you all a taste for odd anime and cool poses."

I snickered, imagining Gil in a Magical Girl costume. "We'll see."

Standing and setting Sera on her feet, I picked up the empty bowl of custard. "Let's go, then."

We headed back through the kitchen, and I set the bowl and spoon inside the dishwasher. I allowed Sera to lead the way back to our room, pausing briefly at the room next door to ours to let Sera get changed inside her original room.

As I waited, I absently used ))Requip(( to change into a light pair of shorts and a thin shirt, my normal sleepware. I idly eyed the hall decorations, making a mental note to avoid the spiky plants that sat by every window.

I do have childhood trauma from those kinds of plants trying to eat me, after all.

They rank just under emus and Diodora on my shit list.

'Fucking emus.'

When the door finally opened, I turned and stared as Sera walked out, her pale skin flushed a bright red. She was wearing a white, see-through negligee that reached to her mid-thighs and hid absolutely nothing. I absently noted how it quite nicely showcased the sex appeal of her white bra and panties as it hugged her curves and accentuated her innocent features.

"S-so, um, d-do you l-like i-it?" She whispered, glancing down shyly.

I sighed, walking over and wrapping my arms around her. "Yes, I do." I replied, "But you didn't have to wear that for me, you know."

She perked up. "If it's for Millicas-sama, then it's worth it!" She replied vehemently.

'…Aaand I just now remembered that she's a Cloudcuckoolander. Damn. And thanks to the Universal Law of Ecchi, someone is probably going to open the door tomorrow morning to see us in the most suggestive pose possible.' I pulled away from the embrace, kissing her on the forehead. "As long as you know that you don't need to dress like this for me to care about you, then I'm fine with it." I paused. "You do know that, right?"

She smiled brilliantly at me, her blue eyes sparkling in the dim moonlight. "I know, Millicas-sama." She grabbed my hand, pulling me towards our door. "Now let's go!"

I chuckled, allowing her to pull me along.

Even if things aren't perfect, they're getting better every day.

----------------------------------------------------------------

OMAKE: Where did Gaspar go, anyway?

I slowly blinked. "You want me to what."

There was no question in my tone, just deadpan snark. The teen standing behind me sighed. "I want you to watch this anime with me." He paused. "Actually, it's not really the original anime, it's the Abridged series, but you get the idea."

I sighed, turning off the water and wiping my face with a towel. I turned to look at my conversation partner. "Look, leech. I'm a werewolf. You're a half-blooded vampire. Why would I do anything with you?"

Gaspar smiled, baring sharp teeth. "Look, Rugal, I can call you Rugal, right? Anyways, Rugal, I have been dying to have some nice guy time this entire trip. And as much as I like Kiba, he's not quite the right audience for this sort of thing. Too much blood and gore, or something. So I was wondering if you'd like to watch it with me, instead!"

I grunted, glancing at the clock. "An anime, huh?" He sighed, folding the towel and setting it on the edge of the sink. "I'm game. We've got the rest of the night off, after all."

Gaspar smiled widely. "Great! Now, let me just grab my laptop…" He disappeared into the shadows, appearing a moment later with a chrome-plated pc in tow. He sat down in one of my room's luxurious couches, and gestured for me to do the same.

I sighed, vaulting over the back of the couch to sit beside the bloodsucker. A moment later, a video began to play on the screen.

"This, is the story of a WORLD, of adventure. A sea, FULL, of excitement. And a man, full of dreams, and a passion that seeks to drive him to the top!"

I blinked. "…Yeah, really bloody and violent. I can see why you can't show this to small children."

Gaspar said nothing.

"My name is Monkey D. Luffy, and I'm going to be the king of the—"

The image broke, static filling the screen. When it cleared, it showed a room full of bloody, mutilated corpses. The walls of the room were cracked and chipped, and moonlight shone through the windows. Two figures embraced each other, their silhouettes visible in the darkness.

"Oh…yes…I love you Edward…"

"And I love you, Bella."

I stared for a second. "What…the fuck…did I just see?"

Gaspar smirked. "Just wait, it gets better."

A knock at the door echoed through the house. The male voice sighed. "Hold on." He walked into the entryway, holding his gun aloft. "Who is it?" He called, eyeing the doorway suspiciously.

"Oh, you know," A deep, velvety voice called back.

A moment later, a spray of gunfire exploded through the closed door, turning 'Edward' into mincemeat and shredding every one of his major organs. As his corpse hit the floor, a menacing figure with a pair of orange sunglasses and a large red hat returned his gun to his red frock coat. "A REAL Fucking Vampire."

Catchy music played in the background as the entrance sequence played. "Party, party party, we're gonna have a party…"

I grinned, crossing my legs and making myself comfortable. "Well, what do you know. When you're right you're right, leech. Now I'm hooked."

"…There! I took the fucking shot! She's dead, there's blood everywhere!" Seras snapped.

"I like her." I chuckled.

"Yep." Gaspar agreed. "She has nice tits."

"…Not exactly what I was going for." I muttered, returning his attention to the screen.

Two hours later, the last episode reached its' end.

I blinked. "…That's it?"

Gaspar shrugged, closing his laptop and setting it beside his large hat. "Pretty much. Well, it technically has one more episode left, but TFS hasn't 'gotten around to it', yet."

I growled, rising to my feet and heading for my room's minifridge. "That's dumb. Why would they do something like that? It seems kind of… ridiculous to leave a project unfinished before starting a new one. It seems like too big of a job for just one group. They should just stick to one thing at a time."

Gaspar snickered, following at my heels. "One, that's what she said. Two, that's pretty much what TFS does. They haven't updated Drag So-Ball Abridged in I don't even know how long."

I opened the fridge door, sighing. "Well, whatever."

Gaspar began to smile. "I don't suppose you're thinking what I'm thinking, are you?"

I smirked faintly, pulling out a cold beer. "I have no idea what'cha mean, ya bloody Protestant bastard."

Gaspar's grin sharpened. "I see. Well, I might have someone who can hook you up, if you're interested."

I nodded seriously. "Much obliged."

The thin, waifish blonde blinked, leaning against the doorframe in her pale nightdress. "U-um…you need me to get you what?"

"A large white cassock, about the size of my friend, here. Oh, and a pair of white gloves and a silver Ankh amulet, if you can find them. Ideally, I'd ask for a cross, but, well…" Gaspar shrugged. "You take what you can get."

She hesitated, glancing between us. "And…why would you need those things?"

I grinned, showing my sharp teeth. She seemed to be the type I could easily spook. "For fun."

She frowned up at me, ignoring my menacing tone. "That's not a reason."

I blinked in surprise. 'Damn, she certainly has more steel than she seems to.'

Gaspar chuckled, shaking his head. "Nice try, Ruru. But the girl isn't likely to get spooked by the likes of you. Her man is a monster of his own right, and he's smart enough to have taught her how to defend herself. She might look weak, but I'd put my money on her over both our Peerages combined." He turned to the green-eyed blonde, removing his hat and taking on a respectful tone. Holding his hat to his chest, he bowed slightly. "My apologies, Lady Asia. We merely wished to appropriate materials for recreational activities. He wishes to cosplay as one 'Alexander Anderson', if it helps."

Her eyes widened. "Ah, I see. The one from the Hellsing manga, the original Hellsing anime, Hellsing Ultimate, or Hellsing Abridged?"

I smiled awkwardly. '…I'm not sure how to talk to this girl. She looks like a porcelain doll, but can apparently kick my ass, command Gaspar's respect, and likes gory anime.' "Ah… the Abridged version. Why?"

She gave me a serious look. "Because it changes the color of the outfit, of course. In the manga his cassock is pure white, in the original anime it has purple trim, and in the Abridged series and the OVA it has blue trim and lining. The color of the cross changes between the anime and the OVA, being silver in the original and glowing gold in the OVA. Plus, in the manga, he has a clerical collar that neither anime has."

Gaspar blinked. "…Are you sure you're taken? Because I really want to kiss you right now." He told her seriously.

She smiled awkwardly at him. "Um, I'm extremely sure. And I prefer it if my relationships aren't based on my obscure knowledge of violent anime." She turned back to me. "Now, the Abridged version, you said? All right, give me a moment."

She turned, closing the door behind her. I glanced over at Gaspar. "Didn't you just say that she could kick our asses?" I asked bemusedly. "Because I'm pretty sure that was an invitation to get your ass kicked."

He shrugged. "Eh, it's fine. My #Lifehack should let me survive the attempt."

I blinked, turning to face him. "Wait, what?"

He blinked. "Oh, did I not mention that? Ah, yes. I've made it my life's goal to replicate as many of TheCrimsonFuckr's powers as possible. This includes his #Lifehack. I have like, sixty Stray Devil souls just waiting to be used as cannon fodder whenever I get too bored."

I chuckled. "You even sound like him."

He grinned. "Why, thank you! That's probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

I snorted. "Don't mention it, bloodsucker."

He sighed. "Aaaand, we're back at square one. Great."

The door re-opened, allowing the thin blonde to exit the bedroom with a stack of various items. She was holding a neatly folded coat, a pair of white gloves with black text on them, a large golden Ankh necklace, and a pair of glasses with circular lenses. "Here you are, Werewolf-san. Do you need anything else?"

I blinked, taking the stack of clothes. "Ah, no. Thank you…"

"Asia." She supplied. She flushed slightly. "Asia G-Gremory."

My eyes widened. "Ah. You must be one of Millicas-sama's fiancés. My apologies."

She shook her head, a bashful smile on her face. "N-no, it's fine. I'm happy to help."

"…If I may, Gremory-sama," I began respectfully, "might I ask where you got these?"

She blinked, before stuttering out, "A-ah, Cas likes a lot of anime, um, that's actually how I know about Hellsing—" She ground to a halt, flushing. "M-my apologies. I had my fiancé make it for me a while ago. I just asked him to resize it really quick. A-and, um, the holster folded inside the cassock replicates an almost infinite supply of bayonets, so, um, no worries there."

'…I really can't figure this girl out.' I grumbled to myself. 'One moment she's a shrinking violet, the next she's casually telling me that she just gave me an infinite supply of knives. And how the hell would a girl like her even be able to watch an anime like Hellsing without getting horrified and sick to her stomach?'

I cleared my throat. "Well, thank you, then, Gremory-sama. I appreciate it. Is there any way I can repay you?"

She smiled brilliantly at me, a sight that would've melted my heart had she not just handed me an infinite supply of knives. "Just give me your best Anderson impersonation, and we'll call it even."

I coughed. "E-excuse me?"

She nodded. "Your Anderson impersonation. You know." She cleared her throat, humming for a moment, then spoke once more. "How in the blood-soaked Protestant hell did ye do that?" She demanded in a perfect Scottish brogue.

I nodded slowly. "Um… all right, then." I cleared my throat. "Sinners will be allowed no quarter. Kill them all, and let God sort them out!" I quoted in a...passable Scottish accent.

Gaspar and I winced slightly at the name of the Almighty, but Asia seemed unaffected. "Pretty good for a first try." She praised cheerfully. "Don't worry, you'll get better at it!"

I smiled slightly. "Thank you, Gremory-sama."

She frowned. "Gremory-sama makes me sound old. Just call me Asia."

I nodded hesitantly. "Thank you, er, Asia."

She smiled, her face lighting up. "Good! Now, have fun cosplaying!"

She turned and left, humming softly. The door swung shut behind her.

I turned to Gaspar. "…Do I want to know?"

He shrugged. "I don't know myself. All I know is that she's Millicas's girl, and she's head over heels for him. Beyond that, I've got nothing."

I chuckled softly, slipping on the large cassock. "Well then, what should we do first?"

He eyed me. "Well, you'll probably want to find yourself a Little Timmy to complete the costume."

I blinked. "…Did you just?"

He grinned. "Whopobobobop!"

And with that, he dissolved into the shadows. I chuckled quietly to myself, making my way back to my room. 'Well, I guess I have a rival, now. Huh.'

I paused, checking my suddenly light pocket. I blinked. 'That silver bastard! He stole my wallet!'