Joy

Months had passed and I've been accepted in the basketball varsity team. My mom was so happy she don't have to pay my tuition anymore. Seniorhigh was cool, I made friends with some guys in my team and I had a crush on someone in junior high. I saw her in the library twice, the first time I saw her, she was so peaceful in her white dress, it was Wednesday morning and Wednesday means wash day. She was sitting in a couch near the librarian and I am here in a cubicle watching her from a far. I could say that she looks so beautiful in white, she has a brunetter hair, a dazzling eyes, and a brown skin. She is indeed a Filipina. The second time I saw her, she was wearing the junior high uniform, she looks neat and tidy on it. I can't get off my eyes at her and the next thing I knew, she was sitting in the cubicle next to me. I was startled.

* * *

"Rahim, have you check your email?"

"Why mom? Did something came up?

"No . . . I just wonder . . . maybe your dad, but nevermind." My mom turned her back and went to the kitchen. She said last night that she will be making some pancakes in the morning. It was Saturday, I just woke up from a dead sleep. I get up from bed and check on the other room, my sisters were already awake and they were playing paper dolls, a gift from Tito Ellie last Christmas. When I was young, I used to envy my younger sisters because they have a father on their side. Tito Ellie was a busy bee but he always finds time to be with his "Tres Marias" (as what he called them). He was a good man, I won't argue with that. He accepted my mom with open arms despite the fact that she already had me when they got married. Tito Ellie was a father to me, he treated me as his own, he even told me to call him dad too but I didn't get used to it.

After breakfast, I went back to my room and surf the net all day. I tried to search that library girl in Facebook, Instagram and even in Twitter but I ended up feeling dismayed. Saturdays were the worst for me, I have to stay home all day and watching my sisters playing girly stuff was suffocating. On Sundays, the whole family went to church and we usually had our lunch in the restaurant where Tito Ellie works, when we have enough money left, Tito Ellie would drive us to the mall to buy some grocery and today is one of those days.

As I walked past in the National Books Store, I saw a familiar image searching for books in the shelves. Without wasting much time, I went inside and introduced myself to her. I don't know what I'm thinking that time, I admit that was the most embarrasing moment ever.

Ligaya . . . Ligaya . . . Ligaya . . . Her voice still lingers in my ears. All the way home, I was smiling like an idiot. So that was her name. Ligaya is a Filipino term for Joy, and from that day on, she became my joy.

* * *

Few weeks had passed since we've known each other's name. During school days, I am one of the constant visitors of the library and it's because of her. She didn't sit in the couch near the librarian anymore, just like she used to, she sits in the cubicle next to me and in every Chapter break in the book she's reading, she talks to me. It was minimal but that was my favorite of all minimal.

"Why are you always here?"she finally talked after reading one chapter.

"I . . . I just . . . just wanted to see you. " I don't know why I stuttered everytime I talked to her.

"Why?" Before I can reply she's not facing me anymore, she is back to reading again. "It's because I feel something for you, I want to get to know you more. I want to be friends with you and I want to spend my years here in the University with you," that's what I wanted to tell her but I don't have the guts. After 5 minutes, she stared at me blankly. I guess she finished one chapter again. "Did I disturb you?"

"No, not actually. But I have to go Rajim."Before I can correct her with my name, she already left. She vanished into thin air. So fast, like a bolt of lightning.

* * *

The sun has already set when I arrived home, it was almost dark and my mom was in the living room, watching TV.

"Hi mom", I kissed her and went straight to my room to change clothes, we have our practice earlier and I forgot to bring extra shirt, I smell bad. "You're late!", mom shouted. I left the door ajar, I heard her. After I tossed my dirty clothes in the laundry basket, I run back to the living room.

"We had our practice, I forgot to tell you."

"Are you really good in playing basketball, honey?"

"Of course mom, if you will just see me, you'll be proud of me."

"Even if I haven't saw you playing, I'm always proud of you. Before, you are my little sunshine , now look at you, you've grown as a wonderful man. And you really look like your father."

"I don't think so, I didn't even get to see him."

"I know he is working his way to finally get in touch with you. You just have to wait. Patiently."

I want to drop the subject because I hate to admit that I'm still longing for my father. How come he can't keep his promise to my mom? Did he even care about us? Why does he didn't keep in touch? Does he still wants to see me? Questions that needed answers. Questions left unsaid.

"Did you received an email from him?", my mom asked me.

"I will just get hurt if I check my email and found nothing."

"It's okay to get hurt, it's okay to feel dismay,it's okay to be disappointed. What's not okay is when you lose the reward of trying because in the first place you failed to try."

Here we go again, her words of wisdom was echoing in the four corners of the living room. Sometimes my mom is a mess, but most of the times we considered her as the mother of all wisdom, first because she was our mother and second because everytime she scolds us, she really had statements that will left us thinking and after weighing what she said, we will then end up agreeing with her. She has this magic in her and I could really say that she was our Supermom.

After arguing with her, I had finally decided to check whether he had written for me or not.