Eighteen

Nathan

We climb into my truck she slides into the middle, I put the guitar on the passenger side. I want her as close as I can have her. Pulling her in close under my free arm as soon as I start the truck. She's been with me so long today that she smells like me mixed with her familiar honey perfume. I can't lie I love the way she smells right now like she belongs to me. That ultimate though of her being mine makes me hard. We pull onto a secluded dirt road and I drive off onto a marked path. My dad bought this land months ago and we never use it.

I get out of the truck, she comes right out behind me as I grab the guitar. I shut the truck off pulling her around to the tailgate. Dropping it down, gesturing for her to sit. In the glow of the moonlight, her lips are puffy from all of our kissing, her freckles are showing through the little makeup she had on earlier. She sits humoring me, I sit close beside her, she slides in close. I center myself and strum the guitar. I can tell she is waiting patiently for me to play her a song or piece of one. Her legs crossed at her ankles, swaying them back and forth. She looks so young right now so carefree. "What would you like to hear? Nothing to complicated keep in mind I'm learning." I say teasingly I can actually play almost anything by ear. She smiles tenderly and says  "Well then why don't you play me your favorite. I would love to hear anything. You know I love acoustic music." She is revealing herself to me today layer by layer and I love it. I would love to have her like this all the time not just in secret. The only amazing thing about no one knowing is it's our own little safe haven. I strum a few chords of John Mayer's Free Falling looking over at her and suddenly the tune sticks and she is smiling so brightly "Nathan I love this song! Are you gonna sing to me too!" She's teasing me, I can't sing. As soon as I think I will have to she picks up right with notes singing along. This woman amazes me more every time I'm in her presence. I swear she was made for me, handcrafted by God himself labeled For Nathan Hail. I realize I'm humming along with her once the song comes to an end. I knew she like John Mayer her social media is a giveaway.

I place the guitar on the back of the truck and turn to her taking her hands in mine. "Kat, can we talk? Like seriously not about anything with Alex. I need to be honest with you and explain me to you." She's looking dead at me her eyes full of questions she says "Absolutely and I will tell you anything you want to know about me as well." Squeezing my hands gently. So I begin "Kathryn before all of this happened, I was living for the moment for the next beer, girl, or party that was coming my way. I am always fighting myself over how I want things to be and how they actually are. I have a inner chaos that is constantly storming inside of my mind. I weigh every opportunity and option.I know how people see me and usually, I used that to my advantage. I didn't care what anyone thought and I always had my boys. It's been the same shit for as long as I can remember. We always do the same things just sometimes with different scenery or people. I remember the night it all changed. Honestly,  it is buried in my mind it's the first night I saw you at the Mill house. You and Alex had just broken up it was after spring break. You were glowing and vibrant as always. You came in with Sarah and instantly I felt drawn to you. Phillip had you in his sights since he heard about what happened at school the week before. Tallon and Jaxson too they were all making bets at spring break. Just wanted you to waste a little of your time on them. But you never did. That night you had your hair in a low ponytail maintaining your curls, jeans, and a green shirt it was frilly or something. But you blew Phillip off and came and stood beside me at the kitchen bar. And that's when you spoke your first words directly to me "Nathan, it's good to see at least one person not trying to pick me apart. I feel so out of place here." I turned to you and smiled and said "Kathryn I'm just so surprised to see you here. Green looks good on you." I sigh remembering but still continuing to explain myself further  "Literally because I was so nervous and that was all I could think to say to you. You gave me the most gorgeous smile and walked away. Right after Alex walked up drunk on vodka he had seen the whole thing and he said to me... "Hail don't you even fucking think about it. She shouldn't even be here these aren't her friends." And I said "I wasn't thinking shit dude, I can be nice to her. And I'm pretty sure she's known everyone here as long as you have if not longer." And I walked off so pissed. How was he going to dictate who I talk to? I didn't care if you were his ex or not right then I decided that at whatever cost, I would have you. Just to prove I could and that was five years ago." The light in her eyes drains I knew it would be the end if I told her the truth. Yet I keep talking still holding onto her hands "Kat I didn't know you then. In high school, you were the center of everyone's universe when you transferred in. Every girl wanted to be you and every guy wanted to be with you. Even knowing you belonged to Alex. I always noticed you in a room first. I could pick your voice out of a room full of other people, I still can. I would watch you at the football games cheering, and at lunch or in the library wrapped up in a book. You always had something effortless. You have always drawn me to you without even knowing it. But honestly when I saw you that day at the fair then again at your house that night. It changed every single thought I had about you, I wanted it all. All of you. I didn't know how much you would come to mean to me. How the sound of your laughter would change my whole day. Your bare naked body against mine, that skin to skin contact with you is the most real experience I have ever had. I haven't had anything close to this with anyone. Ever! Our connection is undeniable but I know I can't actually act on it or progress it further. I'm constantly pulling you back because it will ruin me completely if I lost you." Her eyes searching mine, she looks down at her hands for what feels like a lifetime. Finally, I can't take the silence anymore "Kat, please say something.. Anything. Scream, yell I need something." She looks back up at me her eyes full of tears she says "Nathan, I'm not upset I just don't know what to say. You are telling me you wanted to sleep with me to prove a point not only to yourself but to Alex?" I stop her before she can continue I know what I said hurt her I just wanted her to understand. I put my hands on her cheek. "At first yes. But once this started no not at all. That's why I don't want him to know. He will turn it around and we won't make it out of it. All the boys know he is relentless when it comes to you that's why they shoot their shot but never act on it. When you reached out to me, Tallon and Jax said if I didn't take the chance it wouldn't come around again. That I couldn't risk." She holds my same gaze and places her hand over mine " I understand, but realize I want you now more than ever. I want to be yours. In all the ways possible Nathan. I love it when you claim my whole body. Make me yours." Without another word, my lips crash against hers.