3 OUTDATED, OVERPLAYED AND UNFUNNY JOKE OVER 9000!!!

I woke up early the next day when most of the city is still asleep. I quietly made my way out of the palace. I passed by Tarble's old room on the way out. I really miss him but there's nothing I can really do about it. He was deemed weak, kept a secret from the populace, and then sent off to some random planet to 'conquer' if he wanted to come back. Then again I guess it is best since Frieza will blow up the planet today anyway. I pass by both my father's and Vegeta's room. I checked to make sure they were in their intended places. My father was out like a light and Vegeta was out for his mission like expected. I sighed in relief and left the royal palace and toward a mountain in the distance.

Today was the day that Frieza was supposed to blow up planet Vegeta. In preparation, I had been planning out my escape for months. I had stolen one of the older models that were heavily used but well maintained. I upgraded it and had taken out the tracking function. The tracking is ingenious. They had it mixed together with the vital functions of the pod as well as the connection to the Frieza Force database and if it were ever tampered with, it would send out a specific distress signal. Tampering with a space pod is incredibly illegal and would have you exposed to Death Wish 69, the most painful neurotoxin in the galaxy. It is so painful that you would rather die than experience one picosecond more of the stuff. That's where it gets its name. I don't know where the 69 part comes from.

Luckily for me, six months into being reincarnated I had actually found someone tinkering with a space pod out in a remote location. No one would have ever found him but with my ki sense, it was no issue. I saw that he had a series of notebooks that he was writing in while working. I looked up his info with my scouter and apparently, he was a wanted fugitive. I knocked him out, sent him to prison, and took his notes. I used them to finish his work and create my own trackless space pod with all the benefits of a normal one.

I arrive at my secret mountain base and checked out all of my supplies. I had stored clothes, training equipment, food, and Scouters. After checking on my escape stuff, made my way back to my room. I can't just up and leave right away my father will surely alert the whole planet(and Frieza) of my departure and it would cause a lot of problems it's best that I wait until Bardock comes into the throne room warning the elites.

And that's exactly what I did. I outwardly treated it like a normal day with nothing out of the ordinary. After several hours, Bardock demanded to have an audience with the king and barged into the throne room and proclaimed his prediction. The king brushed it off and ordered his guards to harshly escort him out of the place with as few bruises as souvenirs. Anyway, that's my warning sign to get the fuck out of here. After an hour of paranoid waiting, I saw a few explosions in the sky along with a few thousand Frieza force cannon fodder.

I quickly rushed back to my space pod and set in the coords for the earth. I looked back in sadness. While King Vegeta wasn't the best dad I knew deep down that he was proud and cared for us very much no matter how much his cold exterior tried to conceal it. I steeled my heart and pushed the button, taking off for earth. My pod accelerated out of the planet's atmosphere and into the coldness of space. After a few minutes, the stasis gas knocked me out, sending me into a dreamless sleep.

When I woke up out of stasis, I was a few minutes from the earth. I peered down at the pretty green-blue ball of dirt. It was in stark contrast to planet Vegeta whose skies were red and lands barren. While my pod entered the atmosphere, I concealed my ki as much as I could. After I crashed down to earth I opened the pod door and stepped out. My scouter informed me that I slept for around 3 months. I took the pod remote and closed the door. I grabbed the space pod and hid it in the mountains. I took a moment to take in the beauty of the earth's landscape and environment it truly was a sight to behold, Planet Vegeta couldn't hold a candle to earth.

I stopped looking around and headed toward the nearest city. A few gawked at me as I floated in the air. I ignored them and looked around the city. It was reminiscent of my old world yet more futuristic at the same time with stark white dome buildings and personalized capsule corp airplanes everywhere. While sightseeing my tummy growled at me, outraged at not eating for the few months it took for me to get to earth.

I quickly scarfed down some of my rations and headed for Master Roshi's after *ahem* borrowing a world map from a nice young couple. Don't worry I'll give it back. After locating his tiny island I flew and touched down. I peered through his window and saw him watching his show. He was a short bald old man with the bushiest beard imaginable he was wearing his signature sunglasses and purple weighted turtle shell.

"Yeah, that's it one-two, one-two, work it, girls!" he exclaimed as what seemed to be a river of blood flowed from his nose.

"Holy shit, how can his body generate that much blood, it looks so much more disturbing in real life than it did in the anime," I whispered to myself in astonishment. I shrugged and ignored the weird anime logic. He seemed very absorbed in the program so I quietly crept in through the open window. I carefully levitated around an inch or two off the ground and floated over to my target. His dragon ball necklace was just sitting there on the dining room table for all to see. I snatched it and made my way out.

After flying for a few minutes I reached mount Paozu and started searching for Gohan's hut. I found it and opened the window curtains to take a look inside. It opened revealing Gohan and his very bushy mustache. He was attending a relatively newly-found and very fussy Goku. I stuck my head in and quickly found the dragon ball lying on a shelf. I once again snuck in and stole it. There were a few times when leaving that I was nearly caught but I managed to keep hidden and leave. Goku in particular was annoyingly perceptive.

After I took the dragon ball, I consulted the map and flew into the Diablo Desert, and made a pit stop at Pilaf's castle pilfering his Dragonball. I then made my way over to the Ox Kings castle and pilfered his Dragonball too. Finally, I went to Capsule Corp and searched around for a bit before finding one dragon ball in a warehouse and the other in Bulma's closet. Then at my final pitstop, I found the village that Bulma and Goku found Oolong at, right now Oolong shouldn't be here since he wasn't born yet.

I snuck around and found that one old lady's house. I snuck inside once again and found the dragon ball in a hidden compartment under some floorboards. I took it and just like that, I collected all the dragon balls. No unnecessary hassle or anything. My aura burst around me and I flew away in excitement, uncaring about the noise I made. Wasting no time, I landed by the mountain where I parked my space pod. I put the dragon balls on the ground and they began to glow and whir ominously. I throw my hands in the air ceremoniously.

"Eternal Dragon, rise up and grant my wish!" I yell into the sky. The glowing on the dragon balls intensifies as sparks bounce between them and into the sky. After a few seconds, a blinding beam of golden energy bursts forth and pierces the heavens. The sky turns dark with flashes of lightning appearing every so often. The beam of energy loops and coils around itself before the glow subsides and Shenron appears. I marvel at the sight. I will definitely never forget this.

"I am the Eternal Dragon, speak your wish and I will grant it!" His booming voice snaps me out of my stupor and I grin.

"Eternal Dragon! I wish for the same all-knowing ability that the famous Zuno has and if possible I want you to upgrade it! Also, please make there be no side effects!" I ask pleadingly.

"A simple matter." The glow in the Dragon's eyes intensify. I feel a ticklish sensation all over my body, mostly concentrated on my head and brain, I wonder why that is? Immediately the answer appears in my head. That's cool, how does this ability work? The answer to that immediately appears as well. It seems that the knowledge streams into my mind any time I want an answer. The knowledge is then safely stored away for future use in my mind. My brain and mind are also enhanced making me an unprecedented genius with incredible processing ability and storage capability. I look back up and the dragon balls are already flying away. I can't have that so I fly up and catch them all.

Before making my wish I wrote a number on them showing how many stars there are on them because you can't see them when they are stone. I put all the dragon balls back in their proper places so that canon may happen.