22 Omelette? Scrambled eggs!

"I'm taking over, Ino-chan."

"Huh?" The blonde's gaze switched between her role model standing in front of Akatsuki and a perfect copy crouching next to her. "Oh, a shadow clone?"

"Good job so far. Tsunade taught you well." Kaname took over, using her chakra to keep the dark-haired woman alive.

"Can you save her? She seemed important to Asuma-sensei." Ino smiled at the compliment.

"Tōu is his and my old-time friend. I'll do everything I can to save her, but... I'm not a miracle worker. From the damage, I can deduce what has happened. Kakuzu tried to rip her heart out."

"A what?!" The Yamanaka princess shouted, "Why? There are simpler ways to kill someone!"

"Kakuzu isn't doing it for killing." Kaname explained, "It's one way of preserving his life - he steals powerful shinobi's hearts, and by using a forbidden jutsu, he assimilates them into his body, receiving all the techniques of the heart's owner. The first time I fought with Kakuzu, I killed him three times only for the fucker to come back up like some kind of zombie."

"Eh? Than what? You have to kill a Kage-level shinobi several times to finally be able to finish him off?"

"Yeah, it took me some time to figure that out."

"... That sucks."

"Not for much longer. A week ago, Kakuzu made a mistake and fought with Utakata. Looking at his reaction, I can safely assume he doesn't have more than two or three hearts remaining." The shadow clone smiled sadistically.

"But he got away!" Ino protested.

"Did he?"

------

"The blood is the medium he connects with his victims, right?"

"Huh? How did you-?" Shikamaru stared at Kaname.

"It's the scythe in his hand, Shikamaru. It's made for drawing as much blood as possible from its target."

"Yes, once he draws the blood, he needs to taste it and draw the ritual circle..." the young man explained, "Once this is over, I want to challenge you to a shōgi game again, Kaname-sensei."

"Tired of winning your games with Asuma already?" She teased Shikamaru.

"Ugh." The pineapple-hair-shaped young man groaned, "You're winning because of cheating! I just need to understand how you do that during a game presumed to exclude any possible cheats."

"Haha, your father knows how I do that. He caught me once - I didn't win a game with him since. Ask him for advice if you want to win with me."

"No thanks, I can do this on my own."

"STOP IGNORING ME!" a heavy three-pronged scythe dropped from the sky like a missile.

With a tap of Kaname's leg, a rock bullet shot out of the ground and deflected Hidan's attack to the side. "Do what you want, Shikamaru. But it's going to take you a long time to see through my trick. Your father spent several sleepless years droning on how I was whooping his ass so easily in his favorite game."

"... Troublesome."

"That's what he said too."

"... Figures."

"Jashin-sama will punish you -!"

"Shut up for a moment! Don't you see I'm having a chat here, you moron?!" Kaname shouted back, interrupting Hidan.

"You have it all under control, I see? Do you need help, Kaname-sensei?"

"Just take Asuma away and don't interfere, Shikamaru." She pointed behind her back at the worn-off jōnin.

Shikamaru nodded towards Chōji. Both young men walked to their team captain, pulled him upon their shoulders, and escorted him away from combat.

"We need to help her." the jōnin groaned.

"You stay silent, Asuma. Kaname-sensei is worth three of you. Just let her finish it."

"Ugh... You could have put it in another way."

"But it's true, Asuma-sensei." Chōji's words struck the Sarutobi.

"Exactly, what the hell was that, huh? Did you want to leave Kurenai-san a single mother, baaaaka~?" Shikamaru set Asuma next to the unconscious bald monk.

"... I'm sorry. I just- I had to prove it myself... That I'm able to protect my child from a strong enemy. Konoha was attacked multiple times already - I can't let my family be in danger."

"Yeah, Shikamaru is right. You're a big baka, you know that, Asuma-sensei?"

"Damn, you're as troublesome as Kaname-sensei. You know that Tsunade-san and her will protect Konoha from the biggest threats, right? We, and you, are the cannon fodder and are tasked to fight other cannon fodder. Don't just go charging at the biggest target hoping for the best."

"Hehe- uh! Don't make me laugh - I think I have a broken rib." Asuma wheezed out.

"Serves you right. Now let's watch - Kaname-sensei was fuming for some reason. This guy doesn't know what he has gotten into - he is soo~ screwed. Excluding my mom, she is the only other woman I wouldn't dare to anger."

"I'm offended I'm not in that ranking of yours, Shikamaru." his teammate walked from behind his back.

"Haah... You're well on your way there, Ino-chan."

Ino knelt next to Asuma and started healing him. "You really did a number on yourself, Asuma-sensei."

"Heh. I know, but now that I fought Hidan once, I know how to defeat him. I would just behead him and throw his head into the ocean or something."

"You're damn lucky that Shikamaru saved your life. Not many have a second chance fighting an Akatsuki." While the platinum blonde chided the team's captain, Shikamaru watched the beginning of the fight.

Kaname threw the kunai with all of her power. The blade flew arm's reach above Hidan's shoulder.

"Ha! You missed! Huh-?"

From afar, Shikamaru noticed the woman teleport to the blade and soaring in neck braking speeds cut of Hidan's palm.

"Damn... Did you see that, Shikamaru?" Chōji whistled.

"Yeah, only if barely. Sensei is fast... faster than I thought it's possible."

"Yoink." Kaname landed, skidding on the ground behind the Akatsuki.

"H-how?"

"Your eyes can't follow after me. You never fought a Sharingan user, huh?"

"My hand! Give it back!" Hidan demanded.

"Nope, mine! Wait, it won't grow back? Your immortality sucks big time. What will happen if I behead you? Which part will stay active? Or if I slice you up in half, will there be two of you?"

"Shut up!"

Kaname chuckled, "Pity. I thought your body would be a salvation for the medical world. But without regeneration, you're useless."

"Fuck you!"

"Hahaha!"

"Isn't she contradicting her teachings? You shouldn't anger your enemy. In their anger, they may throw unpredictable blows against you?"

"Yeah, Chōji. I believe she already knows how to defeat him - but is doing it with a reason in her mind."

"I will ki-" Hidan was stopped when an amputated palm smacked his cheek, "Di-did you just slap me with my own hand?"

"Haha! That's a new one!"

Merging back his hand, the Akatsuki exploded in a fury. He started with a hammer-like swing of his scythe. His strike caved the ground, but his target was long gone.

"Poor boy is angry now? Come on, make your attacks count! Aim at me, not at the ground. You and Kakuzu hurt the people I cared about. I think it's okay for me to dish some punishment for what you two have done, right?"

"FUUUUCCCKKK! DIE! DIE! DIE!" Hidan attacked Kaname over and over again, "STOP RUNNING BITCH!"

"*Yawn* Is that all you've got? No wonder Kakuzu legged it."

"DIEEE!" He charged, giving a wide swing of his scythe towards Kaname's head.

She ducked below three red blades, adding to the impetus of his charge Kaname kneed Hidan in his belly. The power of her counterattack shot him back into the woods, obliterating a pair of trees.

"She is playing around, isn't she?"

"Yeah, I think so too, Chōji."

Waiting for half a minute for Hidan to come back, Kaname got impatient. With a single hand seal, the Akatsuki dropped in front of her feet face down.

"*Cough*..." Hidan's mouth spewed out blood.

"Huh? So you have some kind of regeneration going! That hit should liquify your bowels into a mush. More tests are necessary! If I'm right, your organs could save thousands of lives!"

"Fuck... off..." breaking all the laws on how a human's body should move, Hidan's left broken arm holding the scythe swung at Kaname. She was completely caught off guard.

At the last moment, she drew her sword and blocked the three-pronged weapon from skewering her cheek. "Hoh? You still want to fight?" Kaname jumped back.

"Shikamaru!"

"Yeah, I see that. Stay calm and enjoy. Kaname-sensei asked us not to interfere. I think I understand what's her plan now."

"But!" Chōji pointed at a scratch on Kaname's face.

Hidan slowly stood back up. He also noticed a small wound on Kaname's cheek and a droplet of dark red blood on the tip of his scythe. With a sadistic grin, he jumped away, tasting the taken blood. "Yuck... Nasty."

"Yeah, I think so too." Kaname just stood in place.

"Hahaha! I win! I'll surely be rewarded by Jashin-sama for such vicious soul as yours!" he hurriedly drew the ritual circle with his feet.

"Oh, I'm sure he will reward you." Kaname chuckled.

"... Ah! So this is why."

"Huh? What did you say, Shikamaru?"

"You still don't understand, Chōji? Kaname-sensei made him angry for a reason. Now that this idiot thinks he is winning, he won't think about what he is going to do."

"I'm not following?"

"Just watch. The way she planned and played it out, heh, it's perfect."

Kaname tapped her foot with impatience, "So? Do I've to wait long?"

"Wh-What are you?! I don't sense any fear in you!"

"Well?"

"It-It's a bluff! DIE!" Hidan speared his heart and smiled with satisfaction, "Ah! Yes, the pain of death!"

The sound of clapping pulled his attention back to the real world. Kaname just stood in front of him, applauding as if she was watching a magic trick show.

"H-how? No, it's impossible! Jashin-sama wouldn't spare your miserable life!" Hidan pulled his spear out of his chest and impaled through his neck.

"Wow... Would you repeat that for a Ryō?" She cheered him on.

"How? The ritual - you should be dead?"

"No encore? Pity. For amusing me, let me show you one of the Konoha's Secret Jutsus." Kaname walked towards him.

"No, stop! Don't come any closer." Hidan shouted out in fright.

"<Gate of Limit: Open>!" the air trembled from the amounts of red chakra expelling from Kaname's body.

"You can't hurt-" Before he finished, the black-haired woman disappeared from his sight.

"<Konohagakure's Secret Taijutsu Technique:..." Came Kaname's voice from behind him, her leg pulled back, ready for a powerful kick. The air resistance set her foot aflame, the speed of it broke the sound barrier, but her aim was perfect, "... Omelette Scrambler>!" She finished her kick right between Hidan's legs.

""Uhh..."" Both Chōji and Shikamaru felt Hidan's pain. It wasn't just a kick to the balls - the pure power behind it created a shockwave.

Hidan's body dropped to its knees. Kaname smirked, seeing a foam getting out of his mouth. "He should have run away. Okay, boys and girls, let's quickly pack it all up and finish our job here in Fire City, eh?" Kaname called out to them, taking the Akatsuki by his nape and dragging him with her.

"You just got promoted on my list, Kaname-sensei."

"Huh? What do you mean by that, Shikamaru."

"It's not important, Sensei! I won't deem it a just punishment. No man should suffer such a hit to that place. But I need to know, how did you survive? I'm very sure he got your blood." Chōji requested.

"You didn't tell him Shikamaru? Well, he never really did take my blood. I blocked his slash with the back of my sword, deliberately nicking my skin."

"Then whose blood did he-?"

"The last person, Kaname-sensei's sword was in contact with. Am I right?" Shikamaru explained.

"I said that I'm going to punish both of them, didn't I?"

"Eh? Wait, it was when you saved me! You almost cut off the arm of the second Akatsuki!"

"Yep! I hope that Tentacle is dead. He got killed three times today, twice by his own ally." Kaname flailed the silver-haired body, "The last hit was for me to unwind a little. Nothing works like eradicating an Akatsuki's Team, you know?"

"Kana-chan, what are you going to do now?"

"Now? There is one more thing to do in the Fire City, Asuma-kun. I may need your help."

"Okay, but Chiriku, Tōu, and the boy-"

"Kana-1 will take care of them." She reassured, "I don't want to wake Chiriku-san up - his honor and code wouldn't allow what I've done."

"... Done?"

Kaname winked, "Furido became a pain in the ass. I'm going to remove him from the city."

"But how? Daimyō is in his pocket, the bigger half of the nobility too. If this is who I think it is, it won't be that easy."

"I just want you to finish what you started, Asuma-kun. Don't worry about it."

-------

Someone knocked on his office doors, "What is it!? I'm busy!"

"Daimyō-sama is calling for you, Furido-sama." the voice of one of his incompetent guards came from behind the closed doors.

"I don't care. I'm busy!" Furido packed his belongings with haste. 'They were to draw him away! Not fight on the outskirts of the freaking city!' He felt the copious amounts of chakra flooding from the battle nearby stop ten minutes ago. 'It doesn't matter who won! Such beasts can rip me apart in seconds!'

The samurai must have thought out his response, calling once again, "It's about Honorable Chiriku of the Twelve Guardians. He was found dead a moment ago."

'Wait... Does this mean I can finally start a war with Konoha? I can spin this! Kaname sicked the Kyūbi on Chiriku, one of the Daimyō's most notable retainers! This white-faced eunuch would believe my word. The situation with Konoha is already strained - he hates Tsunade's guts! Hahaha!' Thinking it through, he decided to open the doors.

"I'm sorry, Furido-sama. Your presence is necessary."

"Hmph. Lead me to him!" The old man commanded.

A minute later, they stood in front of the audience chamber, "Wha-? Why here? I need to talk with Daimyō-sama first!" The gates opened, revealing a full audience of the nobles staring at him.

"Furido, you're under arrest!" a dozen samurai swords were instantly aimed at him.

"What is the meaning-!" Furido stopped shouting, feeling the blade shoved under his neck. He was quickly pushed to the front of the chamber and set in front of the country leader's throne hidden behind a veil.

Next to the veil stood a tall, brown-haired man. Clothed in a comfortable blue kimono.

"I'm not sure who you are. But you're standing in my place. After this farce finishes, I'll come and get you!"

"Silence!" The hilt of a sword hit Furido's head, "There is a reason you're here, Kazuma."

'My name? How?!' Pronouncing his true name was the worst thing that could happen in this chamber, "I-I'm not sure who you're talking about. It must be a mistake!"

"Daimyō-sama's spies got hold of two of the letters you sent out last-"

"Forged proofs? Guards, take that idiot out of here and release those shackles!" This comment earned him another hit to the back of the head.

"Both letters were signed by you, Kazuma. They were addressed to the Akatsuki and the Root. Both are known criminal organizations. That alone would send you to the scaffold."

"As I said, you don't have any proofs it was me." Furido shot back.

The kimono-clad man leaned towards the throne and listened to Daimyō's words. After a moment, he nodded his head, "Two of the Akatsuki members were found in the ruined Fire Temple. The fight with the late Chiriku of Twelve Guardians left them tired, allowing our guards to identify the rogue shinobis."

"Coincidence. And you, the nobles, my friends, will you allow a nobody like him to accuse people like us with false proofs? Think, if someone like me gets charged, what will happen to you?" His words send a wave of murmurs in the gathered crowd.

"We got almost twenty statements of the nobles, proving all the bribes you took, also frauds, unethical experiments, embezzlement, to name a few."

Furido's head snapped to a group of nobles standing at the side, but they strived to avert their eyes from him.

"It was all them! They try to slander-"

"Twenty people, with overlapping statements, interrogated at the same time? So many coincidences." The man pointed his crooked pipe at him.

"... I demand a proper trial! This is a farce! I'm not sure who you are. But no one stands in my way in this city. No one. Especially a tiny man without an ounce of chakra in his body."

"This is the trial you get." the man put the pipe in his mouth, but instead of smoke, only soap bubbles floated into the air, "How many people asked for a fair trial with you behind the helm. How many did get one?"

"... Daimyō-sama. Please, we need to speak privately. It's all a big mistake!"

The brown-haired man once again listened to the country leader's words. Ten seconds later, he stood back up, barely holding back his smile, "Daimyō asked me to rip you a new one."

"... What?"

"Sorry, a slip of my tongue. No, this is what you get. Do you have anything to say for your defense?"

'Excluding Kaname, I'm the strongest person in this city!' With quick thinking, Furido decided, "It's an old tradition, but I demand a trial by combat!"

"... As expected. Enter!" the man shouted out.

The chains holding Furido didn't allow much movement, but he heard a pair of feet walk up to him. His lungs and nose were instantly filled with the odor of cigarettes.

"Hey there, Kazuma."

'... Fuck.' He instantly recognized his voice.

"As you wished, guards take him away. The trial will start in the old training ground!" the brown-haired man ordered, "Asuma stay with the accused."

"Oh, I'm not going to let him run away this time." The jōnin blew a cloud of stifling smoke at his presumed dead teammate.

The old man was dragged out of the chamber by the guards. "Daimyō-sama, you don't understand! It's Konoha's ploy! You need to help me!" his plea was met only with eyes of pity from the nobles.

At the last moment, before the doors to the chamber closed, he noticed Daimyō's veil delicately moving to the side, exposing a female hand, sending him off with a middle finger, "K-KANAME!!!"