Chapter 8: A Name and A Pair Of Jewels

The world had a sick sense of humor at times. At least that was what I thought.

"You ok?" I asked, hesitantly looking at the blue penguin sitting next to my feet. Well, he wasn't really "blue," so much as a toasty brown. There were still bits of dust and smoke clinging to his sleek fur. I could even see that his stubby peg legs were still charred from the explosion.

"Am ok, dood!" he exclaimed and gave a small salute. "I guess I blow up when I'm thrown? Try not to do that again, dood!"

Yeah. That was an idea. He'd practically burned off that teacher's eyebrows with that explosion. How he didn't take off his head was beyond me. Maybe it was just a thing with demons? They were a lot more durable than normal people for sure. Thankfully most of them weren't super fast.

"Can you come back every time?" I asked, passing a wet cloth across his beak. The black grime and soot were washed away, revealing his golden beak again. Even I could tell coming back after exploding wasn't exactly a "normal" ability.

"I think so, dood!" he answered. "Just takes a while!"

So I had an immortal penguin? Or did that only happen when he blew himself up? I wasn't in much of a hurry to see if he could revive after being gutted or something.

"And I thought demons were weird," I whispered and finished cleaning the rest of him. At least I thought this thing was male.

"I've got no idea, dood," it answered. "But I think I'd like to be one. Sounds cool, you know!"

Wait… could it read my mind?

"Huh! Looks like it, dood! That's super cool!!"

I didn't think so. Could it turn that off?

"Don't be so stingy, dood! You've got all sorts of cool stuff in there!"

Yeah. No.

"I'd suggest you stop it soon before my foot gets intimately connected with your ass."

I reached out and gave his head a gentle, playful smack. There was a bit of aggression there, though. I didn't like anyone digging around in my head. Either it stopped or I'd send it back wherever it came from.

"Ok, dood... Why do you have to be such a killjoy?"

…

Right. Whatever. I had more important things to worry about now.

"What's all that noise about?" I grumbled and stood back up. Come to think of it, where was that damned teacher?

"Holy shit!"

"Did he seriously summon Kaoego-sensei!"

"How the hell does that work?!"

The teacher? What the heck were they talking about?

I walked closer and saw Iruma holding some sort of flying pigeon. No, it looked more like a fat, fluffy owl? Actually, I had no idea what it was.

The students did, though.

"That's never happened before!"

"He forced our teacher into a contract and turned him into something small and cute!"

"He's so badass!"

…

God damn it, Iruma. How did that even work?!

"Dood… that's pretty nuts, don't ya think?" my "familiar," said. "I mean, I have no idea bout this summoning stuff, but I'm sure summoning your own teacher isn't normal anywhere."

I shook my head. This whole place wasn't normal. Hopefully, this wouldn't bring more trouble down on our heads.

——————————

As it turned out, familiar contracts couldn't be canceled until a year after they'd been forged.

"You'll die!" That bastard, Sullivan said with a grin. A part of me wondered if it was just bullshit he'd made up to mess with Iruma and that crusty teacher. Frankly, none of us were willing to test it out.

Rumors quickly spread around the school about a "student who dominated a teacher into being his familiar." I'd be laughing if it wasn't so damned sad. All this did was put more and more expectations on Iruma. When the time came for him to actually show off his "strength," he'd be up shit's creek without a damned paddle. Not even shoveling the shit with his hands would work.

"A-Are you sure I have to do this?" he asked me as the two of us stood in front of Sullivan's mansion. The grass was green, prickly, and perfect for some exercise.

"Yeah, unless you want to get your face kicked in by some stupid demon," I sighed. "I'm not exactly an expert on martial arts or anything, but I can at least give you a refresher on how to throw a punch."

He'd never been too enthusiastic to learn before. I doubted he'd even remembered what little I did try to teach him back then. But to be fair, that was probably for the best. I was a pretty big dumb-ass as a kid. Nothing like I am now.

"Ok, I get that, but I don't think I can punch a boulder in half…"

What?

"Of course, you can!" I huffed. "Look, just keep punching until your fists are strong enough to start cracking the roc-"

"…"

"Ah. I see your point."

That wasn't normal. Iruma wasn't me. He'd probably break his hand before so much as chipping the rock!

"Dood… I thought that was a joke!" the damned penguin said. I snapped my head around to him. The bugger was sitting in one of those fold-up chairs people found on the beach. He had a drink in one hand and an orange in the other.

"He's a human, right? Human's break super easy!" Then there was that. He'd only read my mind for a little bit but that had been more than enough to reveal that little secret.

"It's fine," I waved off. "Even if you can't punch rocks apart it'll still be a good idea to learn how to fight."

To be honest, I wasn't expecting Iruma to win anything. As long as he could distract them for a second or two then I could try and get to him.

"I'm still going to be the one protecting you, but that'll be easier if you can use those crazy dodging skills of yours a bit better. Maybe throw in a punch or two."

He gulped and gave me a nod.

"Alright, Lee. I trust you."

Gah! It felt like a knife had just stabbed me in the heart. Maybe I could make things a little bit easier for him?

…

No. This was something more important than my feelings or Iruma's respect. He had to at least try to improve himself now. That little scuffle with his groupie showed that I couldn't be around him all the time.

"You can do it, dood!" the penguin cheered. "Go Irma! You can do it, Irma!"

"U-Umm, my name's Iruma!" Iruma shot back.

"Oh! Sorry, dood! Go, go, Iruna!"

Sometimes I wondered if we were in some sort of sitcom.

It felt like our lives were the kind of things others would laugh at.

———————————

"Good morning, Iruma-sama," Alice greeted us the next day. He was by our front gate just waiting for us to leave.

"Is this going to become a thing?" I asked him with a yawn. "You going to come to meet us every morning?"

A brilliant smile split the pretty boy's face.

"Good morning to you too, Lee-Sama," he said and took a bow. I shuddered.

"Seriously, stop calling me that. Lee's fine." That formal stuff was plain weird. Made me sick to my stomach if I was honest.

"Very well," he said with a nod and practically teleported next to Iruma.

"He's a real weirdo, dood…" the penguin whispered as he stuck to my shadow. Right. I was going to have to carry him everywhere now, wasn't I?

"Tell me about it," I said with a sigh and followed the two into our carriage. Wasn't there some sort of spell to teleport my familiar to me? I had to go check up on that. Magic was bitching.

I didn't pay too much attention to Iruma and Alice's conversation as we headed to school. The rolling hills, mountains, and cliffs were more interesting. Sometimes I'd even find two giant bird monsters fighting each other. That was always a fun treat. The life of a giant monster bird was unforgiving here. I could respect that.

"Say, have you named your familiar yet?" Alice asked, pulling my attention away from the sky.

A name? Hmm. No, I hadn't thought of that.

"Doesn't feel like I should give him one unless he asks," I answered with a shrug. "Feels a bit pompous, you know?"

The blue penguin blinked.

"Dood… I have the best boss ever!" he cheered and tackled me to the back of my seat. "Not sure why, but I feel like I seriously dodge a bullet being summed here! You're the coolest, boss!"

Son of a-

"Fine, fine! Just get off me!"

—————————

"Why not, dood!"

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose.

"Cause, 'ass-kicker,' is a shitty name. Pick something less stupid, ok?"

He hummed.

"What about kickass? Kickasser?"

Seriously?

"You know what. Call yourself whatever you want, but if it's something stupid then I'm going to keep calling you, 'penguin' or 'blue.'"

His eyes snapped open.

"That's it! Penguin! I think I want to be called Prinny! Or Hans, both work!"

They didn't even have anything to do with one another!

"Hans it is," I said as fast as I could. "Now let's drop this topic and catch up with the others."

We'd spent way too long on this crap. Iruma and Alice had already disappeared into the school.

"Gotcha, dood!"

—————————

"Umm… are we lost? I think we're lost, dood!"

No.

"We're not lost," I huffed. "We're just not where we want to be."

Why did the school have to be such a damned maze?

"Maybe we can ask that girl over there, dood?" Hans said. I followed his stubby appendage toward a shade of green hair. I could swear that I'd seen her before.

"She looks like the perfect sort of girl the protagonist picks up as a sidekick, dood! And you know what that means? She probably knows the way to him!"

…

What?

Stupid bullshit aside, she was the only one here. I could jump into one of the random classes, but that would probably get me in trouble.

She was standing behind one of the buildings, fiddling with something in her pockets.

"Might as well," I said with a grumble and approached her, stopping right behind her. It was surprising that she didn't notice me. Actually, she looked like she was in a pretty sour mood. Maybe it was a bad idea to talk to her at all.

I never got the chance to change my mind. She spun around and smashed into my chest, falling on her ass a moment later.

"Oweee…" she squeaked and then looked up at me and I at her. Those wide, green eyes of here were full of surprise and a bit of panic. They were innocent and pure, not unlike Iruma's.

Either way, I was like, twice her size. Scaring her silly probably wasn't a good start to the conversation.

"Sorry," I said and backed up, raising my hands in surrender. Demons were different, but I didn't know if the girls here acted the same. They'd scream really loud back home and that had to be the most annoying sound I'd ever heard in my short life.

She blinked and then slowly stood up, wiping her face.

"No problem!" the girl exclaimed and rushed up to me. "Hey, do you need something?!"

Huh.

"Actually-"

"Cause I have a bunch of games! Like, do you want a drink? Maybe I can get you something to eat after we play? Huh? Huh?!"

…

Another weirdo.

"See, I have all this cool stuff! Like this sword that shoots magic balls, we can bounce around with these electric rackets! If that's too much, how about this rope that slaps you if you don't tell it a funny joke? It spits out treats if you make it laugh!"

The little gremlin just wouldn't shut up. She was like a boundless ball of energy and sound. I'd normally get sick of excited chipmunks like these in a second, but something about her just didn't feel right.

She was staring at me, but her eyes had this glazed-over look to them. They weren't the same, innocent sheen of green I'd seen a moment ago. Right now they were the eyes of someone hungrily seeking another's attention. They were the same eyes I had back when I barely knew Iruma.

It was just plain pitiful.

"Look, can you be quiet for a second?" I said and held a hand in front of her face. That shut her up real quick.

"I'm looking for my class, so I don't have time to play." Her bright smile froze and lost what little luster it did have. She still kept a stupid grin on her face, though.

"Oh, ok! That's fine!"

No, it wasn't. I wanted to punch myself for even thinking of giving a demon a helping hand. But what would he do? Sometimes all it took was giving someone the time of day to cheer them up.

…

"Look, I don't have time to play but you can hang out with me if you have nothing better to do. Just help me find-"

"Kay!" she snapped and grabbed by hand. "I'll take you there no problemo!"

And then she started dragging me away.

I hadn't even told her where my class was.

This was a mistake, wasn't it?