16 Chapter 15
I woke up when I was coughing continuously and because of my coughs, my ribcage was moving along with my body causing me to whimper and grunt in pain.
I was still in the same hospital room and same hospital bed in which I had slept in. I stared at the thick splintering door, the light peeking through like a ray of hope. My body urges me to rip the door open and dash out but my body was saying otherwise. I was hooked to couple of machines. I was weak and feeble enough to even move and here I was planning for an escape.
Really? Few hours ago I was planning on facing fears and here I'm thinking of running away. I did the want to run away but to stand like a strong independent woman who can rule her life by facing her fears.
My trembling hand flexed as I reached out to grab the glass of water which was at side table of my bed but I lost the balance and my wounded hand was about to make contact with a sharp metal object which was placed on table, but a hand reached out and grabbed my hand in his.
He firmly grabbed my hand and then intertwined it with his. I looked up to see him and when I saw who he was, air was knocked out of my lungs and my eyes widened in shock.
There stood the person who made my life miserable and dejected. Moreover all of sudden he had become my saviour who brought me here in hospital, took care of me while I was gone. There stood Mr. James Ashton.
I instantly removed my hand from his grip and the warmth of his hand was quickly vanished. I placed my hand on my lap and down casted my eye. I didn't want to have contact with any person especially him. I was jumbled with my own life. I wanted no one to mock me and made me remind that I was coward enough to commit suicide.
"Uh, Alice?" He tried to talk to me. What he wanted to talk to me? To mock me that he had completely destroyed me to the extent that I was ready to give up my life?
I didn't reply to him. He took few steps back and I took a sigh of relief because he was standing way too close to my comfort zone.
"Can we talk?" He whispered and I knew that he was trying a lot of efforts. To ask this, he must have gathered a lot courage.
"What you want to talk?" I replied after a few seconds. My voice was hoarse because my throat still hurt.
I was comprehending whether I should talk to him or not. I still didn't look at him properly. I could only see his hands which he was opening and closing. He was clearly having a storm within him.
"About us." He replied.
After hearing Us, I instantly looked at him and when I looked at him, he took a sharp breath.
But I should have been the one who would have been shocked. He was looking like a mess. He was unshaven and his hair were unkept like he had been running his hand in hair lately. There were dark circles under his eyes and he was looking very thin like he had not been eating for days.
I sucked a breathe and looked at him with emotionless eyes. What he had done to himself?
I saw that he was waiting for my reply. I composed myself and looked at him with emotionless stare.
"There's morning about us, but about us what?" I replied with monotone voice.
"Alice!" He exclaimed with sorrow. My heart skipped a beat when he took my name and my heart started bleeding. I have been broken enough. I started fiddling my fingers.
"I'm— I'm sorry, Alice." He whispered. My head immediately looked up at him and my breathe stopped.
What did he say!? Had he apologised to me? My eyes popped out of my socket and my breathe got unusual.
"What!?" I sharply replied.
"I said that I'm sorry, Alice. I have done wrong with you. I'm sorry for everything." He said with pleading eyes. His eyes were welled with tears and his condition was exactly Mirroring what I was before a few days.
I didn't reply to him and kept quiet.
"I know my forgiveness will not bring back you happiness and joy, Alice. I was blinded with the rage of revenge. I had no idea what was I doing." He said with a broken voice.
"This is the problem, James." I looked at him with broken heart. "People here in this world have no idea what they do to others." I spoke the truth while my eyes remain firm against his eyes.
He was sad to hear my reply. I knew I sounded like a rude person but did anyone leave a reason for me to be kind and polite?
"I was accusing you of killing, Eliza." He said and I sucker a breathes. It was a sore spot. "But I should have understood that it was a pure accident and no one wants to do accident." He tried to reason.
How ironic that he was saying the same thing that I was trying to explain to him for a long time. Alas! We never understood things on time.
"When you were hit by my car, I got very anxious. I was acting like a psycho. All I wanted was to save you, Alice. You must be feeling the same when Eliza was lying lifeless with pool of blood." His voice broke at the end of his statement. How terrible it must be for him to talk about his beloved Eliza.
He geared up his emotions and looked at me with pleading eyes. He wanted from me what? I have nothing to give you.
"I'm here to seek forgiveness from you. I know what I have done is completely insane. Eliza, she was love of my life. My only source of happiness. I was orphan and lead my life at orphanage. I became a lawyer with so many hardships that I can even count them." He said.
My heart was beating very fast because the person who considered me as his enemy was telling me his story.
"When I met Eliza, she quickly became the love of my life. She was there to enlighten my dark life. She was everything to me." He said and there was hint of sad smile on his face which was masking so many emotions that he was keeping on bay.
"I'm sorry, James." I whispered. I knew that I had asked him many times to forgive me but my life became barren because of me.
"You don't need to ask forgiveness for again and again. Rather I should be the one to ask it from you." He said with pleading smile.
"I never hated anyone in my life but all I got in return was hate from everyone, even from my mother." I exclaimed with sad smile.
He didn't reply to me. I didn't want him to pity me and my condition. I was all okay with myself. I'd fight with my demons by myself.
"Thank you, James." I said after few moments of silence. Silence was so thick that it was causing suffocation.
"Uh- for what?" He questioned. There was confusion swirling in his brown eyes.
"For saving me." I said and tried to smile but failed. I forgot how to smile.
"I should be the one to thank you, Alice. Thank you, Alice. I would have committed many sins if I had not realised the reality." He gave a muffled whisper.
He started moving back and forth in my room trying to gain control on his emotions. He stopped and looked at me with soft and teary eyes.
"Eliza would hate me if something would have happened to you. You saved me from earning her hatred. So thank you, Alice." He said with soft tone.
I nodded and turned away my eyes from him.
There was nothing that his forgiveness would bring back to me. I was totally a mess now. My life was messed up. His revenge took everything from me. My fame, my money, my mother, my respect and my pride. He broke my self esteem. He tore me apart till I was in vulnerable condition. He turned me in Ash.
He promised to extract his revenge and he did. But there was one thing that I was happy about that I come to see real face of every person.
Those people for whom I used to think that they loved me, in actual they loved my money and status. Everyone is selfish out in this world.
"Because of the thirst of my revenge, I turned into complete ash. I burned everything and everyone in it." He exclaimed with sorrow.
"I forgive you, James." I said. I knew I said very bold thing. I shouldn't have forgiven him for what he did. But I expected him to forgive me, right? So shouldn't I practice the same thing I preach?
"Really?" He asked with widened eyes. He was definitely shocked. He expected me to never forgive him.
"Yes." I said with a brave voice and turned my back on him and lied on bed. I knew it was paining but I refused to take his help. I didn't want to be in contact with anyone.
"Goodbye, Alice and take care." I heard him saying this after a few seconds. He must have understood that the conversation was over. After a few seconds, I heard the shutting of door.
Every Goodbye becomes a line between memories and life. And in my case, it was both.
Finally I was off the burden of guilt. I also did a great job by forgiving him. Forgiveness always gives peace to the one who forgives. I didn't want to keep grudges for anyone. I closed my eyes and welcome the deep slumber.
