LOOK WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO MY DREAM

- Tom, how are my beautiful babies? Jerry, tell me something. I'm not hearing him purring, Mary.

I stood staring at that powerful and sensual man, becoming melted butter at the phone with his cats. Among the Queen fans have been always a very sweet anecdote from Freddie although it seemed to me a little bit exaggerated spending hours with his cats on the phone. I was witnessing it wasn't out of proportion.

He hadn't had yet a properly conversation with Mary, just clingy words to his felines.

- Oh, now I'm hearing him, yeah. He's purring me. Awwww, I miss you too, my beautiful kitten. I'm buying you a lot of toys...

That conversation looked like being a long one but if I were a kitten, I would dissolve into purrs just for him.

At a certain point after a long conversation with Mary, Freddie, perfectly aware of me staring at him from every angle, he waved me to get closer.

- Yes, Mary. She's fine. Precisely she is with me right now.

I winced. It wasn't very smart telling her he was in his room with another woman, no matter how much she trusted me.

- I'll put her back on.

I tried to mimic him he could tell her I was taking a walk or something. Freddie covered the phone with his hand and tapped the bed motion me to sit there to talk to his girlfriend. Reluctantly I went dragging my feet and cursed him and after handing me the phone, he pinched my ass.

- Auuuuu! -I screamed without helping.

- Eli, are you fine? What's up?

The beautiful and deep voice of Mary got to me very far but clear. Come on, liar, say something.

- I just had a cramp in my big toe. Nothing serious.

Freddie stuck his tongue getting into the bath and I stuck it too while I scratched viciously my ass.

- Did Freddie and you agree to wake up at the same time today?

Oh, Mary. We use to agree to have orgasms at the same time too. Something amazing. Eliiiii, mind your language!

- I couldn't sleep and need some chatting.

- How is going with Roger?

- It's getting very hard bearing him in a tour. This experience is catastrophic. Every day we break up and make up. I guess it's normal among crazy musicians. Anyway... how are you? A lot of work?

- Luckily, yeah. Because I miss you so much. You should see the clothes that I have in the store, Eli. Amazing.

I was about to tell her to send me a picture of all the collection to my phone but luckily I refrained my silly anachronism.

- Take care, darling. This call is costing you a fortune. See you soon.

Freddie always called her collect and taking into account the many miles which separated us, that must taking away part of her wage.

- Put Freddie back. I want to hear his voice again.

- Hmmm, he's having a shower.

- Ok, don't bother him then.

I could hear her disappointed sigh and felt sorry for her and felt disgust for myself. I was becoming someone very insensitive to talk with so much cold blood. And that woman adored him so much.

- He'll be back again in your arms in a flash -I couldn't help to assure her.

- I hope so. Eli... could you take care of him and avoid he gets into trouble?

I swallowed hard. What she asked me for was just what I was doing, right now the reason in my life. Mary seemed just reinforce with her soothing voice what I must focus on.

- Freddie is behaving properly... -I started but she quickly cut me off.

- Oh, darling. Noone is behaving properly in such an intense tour like that. Far away from home, far away from us. I know what a groupie is and I know what is their job. I'm aware of all.

Of all, Mary? Do you know that this groupie with whom you are talking is dangerously in love with your boyfriend?

- Alright, Mary. I'll protect him.

- And protect you too. Don't lose your balance in that madness. Will you promise?

- I swear.

Oh, you couldn't be more idiot, Ash. Now are you swearing in vain? Poor Mary and poor me.

9th may 1974. My period is 6 days late. Third show at Uris Theatre. After two rainy days the sun came up and the temperature was summery. I was tired of this semi seclusion regime. So today my body was going to meet the sun rays.

I was about to say Freddie that I was taking a walk around the city and sightseeing but I hadn't enough courage. I knew how he got and his tantrums. Freddie was frightful when he was moody and it seemed a more intelligent decision to me do it without telling him. Luckily there was a local radio station which wanted to do an interview to the band so he would get out the hotel very soon and he wouldn't come back. From the radio they would go straight to the soundcheck.

Freddie insisted I would go with him but I adduced a headache which didn't exist and promised meeting him after the show.

Yipeee. I was free. Statue of Liberty, wait for me. Today I'm gonna climb you.

Times Square was just two minutes away walking but I avoided the temptation to cross the most iconic avenue of the city. At any time I could escape.

In just a few minutes I was in the subway in 50th Street. There I must get off at the stop of the former Twin Towers, now World Trade Centre. I stared bewildered those two unshakable colossus, so proud with its brilliants diamantine facades facing the sky. It was hard thinking within exactly 27 years time two tiny planes would turn them into ashes and it would be only death and destruction all around.

From there I took two buses bound Newark to get Battery Park. And when I arrived there almost faint for the long queue waiting to take the ticket to the ferry. I waited in line a total two hours and took the chance to eat, of course. Luckily there was all kind of food vendors. I was tempted to put out my phone and start to take shots all the time. That was beautiful and the morning so bright. Once my hunger sated and getting closer the box office, among the several stalls I saw one dedicated to pets. I get closer curious and checked they sold a lot of funny toys for animals.

I thought instantly of Freddie and his promises to his kittens and I felt free to buy them a lot of toys. I was imagining my love's happy smile when he would see me with all this. I was imagining my prize. God, Ash. What have they done with you and your decorum?

I felt a lump on my stomach when at last I stood in front of Liberty Island. In spite of everything went amazingly slow owed to loads of people we were and my feet threatened to explode from so many hours standing up, nothing could spoil my silly childish illusion of being able to get into the statue. I missed not having here nobody to share it. I missed Freddie and I missed my parents. And it was a strange feeling missing both at the same time.

To climb up till the pedestal and enjoy the amazing views you must climbing up ten floors. After the opportunity of visiting a little museum I had the privilege after many hours waiting to get into the crown.

The spiral staircases which leading to it were a little bit sinuous, 162 steps, but I didn't mind. There I stood high above with ten more people because it had no more room in the unbelievably tiny space. It was claustrophobic and the windows we had access to the views, real tiny. The heat in there was dreadful and sometimes you felt there was no air to breathe.

Disappointed? It was hard to be, really. I denied to tell myself my child dream was rather a nightmare and I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. Dad, mum, it might be a good idea postpone the journey.

When I came back by the ferry to Battery Park I found out it was already eight in the evening. Did I really was so many hours out? Bloody hell, they were playing right now, at least half an hour ago and I was still in the lower Manhattan. It was still time to arrive but I might be enough lucky and being able to get in time to Uris Theatre.

I arrived breathless but logically it was impossible. Mott the Hoople show was almost finished and there was no trace of Queen anywhere.

I thought they would gone to having fun somewhere. I was deeply sorry having missed the show but I felt it more for Freddie, we couldn't meet as I promised. He could be quite immovable when you argue him. And although I tried to ignore it all day long, the truth is I had disobeyed his warning of not walking the city on my own.

I returned the room trusting to appease his anger when I came back with the gifts to his cats. But I didn't count Freddie had retired so soon.

- Hi, darling. What about your headache?

We started strong. I swallowed hard closing the door. I stood there with my hair messed, sweaty, my All Star sneakers were killing me already and just wanted to put my feet into cold ice water.

- Better -I mumbled.

Freddie was lying on bed face down swinging his long and naked legs and staring at me relentless. His gaze was marking me. The punishment had already started.

- I bet you're better because you've decided doing whatever you like, whenever you like...

- Freddie, please...

- At last you went to see your fucking statue, sure.

- What is so serious about it? I'm here, safe and sound. The city is not so dangerous...

- You knew perfectly I didn't want you move out of here, fucking hell. You knew it and you didn't care a fucking thing!

- I'm not your bloody doll, do you hear me?! I can't dedicate myself to please you every minute of the day. Forget it.

- Are you complaining of your life in this tour? You are only submitting to pleasure, dear. Alcohol, drugs, good music, sex. Could you tell me which is your terrible suffering to disobey me?

- Because I can, Freddie Mercury. I can disobey you and I will do whenever I like. Fuck off!

- Get out right now of my room.

- What?

- I said get the fuck out your bitchy ass of here!

I cringed at the very sound of Freddie's voice right now. When his grand voice was screaming was impressive, you felt your throat rigid and couldn't swallow.

I stared at him with painful and surrendered gesture and walked out. I slid down the wall to the floor and I stood there crying in vain, waiting he would change his mind and let me in. And I would make up for everything. I would gladly forgive all his words one by one, really.

But it didn't happen and I was curling up over the carpet. When I felt I was sleeping, exhausted, one hand touched my shoulder.

- Eli? What are you doing curled up there like an armadillo?

Brian looked at me mockingly but a little bit worried too. I looked up at him with my eyes parched by the tears. I squinted at him.

- I'm an armadillo, as little -I sniffed looking around, disorientated.

- What happened? Did you argue?

I nodded trying not to cry again.

- Would you like going to my room?

I shook my head several times.

- Don't be silly. I have no intention to cross the line with you... And I hope the same from you.

I ended up forcing a tiny smile while my unavoidable tears flew again. Shitty hormones. I felt inside of me totally in tumult. If this is not a pregnancy, may God strike me dead.

I looked at Brian's large hand in front of me reaching out to help me getting up. I felt free to grab his fingers.

- Good girl.

But while I was entering that room I thought I was making things worse and everything would start to stir up without the opportunity of calm it down.