I'LL GO TO SLEEP AND DREAM WITH YOU

The annoying sound of the telephone interrupted us again.

- Damn the fucking telephone. Eat your breakfast.

I lifted my upper lip showing my canine like a merciless wolf. He let out a mischievous smile and grabbed my nose till I shouted.

- Just pick up the phone.

- And you eat.

I didn't know what happened with us. It was something singular. Not always positive, sure. I must talk it over with Fooling. I could guess Freddie was complex only reading about him but once you met him and got stuck into his influence orbit, all the schemes which you got ready, tumbled down without fail. My mission's goal was having the chance to get Freddie trusting me and the operation "trust Eli" not always turned out rather well. Maybe if we share his unspeakable secret with men that could help positively to the mission.

But funnily enough I was surrounded by people and missing so much a relaxed conversation. I missed it. A good chat with Fooling, in depth and with glances and not this stuff of reports and whatsapps. I needed to embrace Alex and the way he raked my hair like when I got nervous. I needed my mother's smile and her lasagna of vegetables. I needed sitting to watch a movie with my father, the other film fan of the family.

- What's up now, darling?

I looked at Freddie confused as he wiped out restlessly the tears from my face with a gesture of upset in his thick lips. I wasn't aware of I was crying my heart out.

- I can't eat anymore. I have a lump on my throat -I resummed silly, hiccuping.

- Mousy -he drew apart the plate quickly and smiled at me-. This time I won't obligue you. But later don't tell me you're hungry.

I smiled clumsily while the tears kept rolling out of control.

- What a smile you have -Freddie mumbled embedding his notorious incisors on his lip.

Then the doorbell rang and Freddie grimaced me sadly and made me laugh openly now. It was an agitated morning. Freddie got down with quiet resignation from his stool to go and see who it was. Soon he returned with Brian at the kitchen.

The guitar man's glance was of surprise. I guess he thought I managed to be everywhere. Dressing room, bus, now Freddie's flat.

- Good morning, Brian -I tried to be polite.

- Hello -he waved, getting instantly his hand again into his pockets.

- Did you eat breakfast? Eli had cooked ham omelettes. They taste delicious.

- I don't doubt it. Some tea is fine to me, Fred. Thanks.

- Neither arsenic nor cyanide are my ingredients -I couldn't avoid saying.

There was no affinity with the curly hair one. So far he just threw at me distrust glances. I don't know if I was in a situation to being sarcastic with him. The sarcasm came to me very naturally, like an irrepressible geyser. The deathly silence for his part at my words corroborated me that we didn't arrive there yet.

- Eli, go and get ready, love. We gotta go to BBC...

- But...

It was the first news that I had. My plans today were find me a hotel, taking away my things and searching a flat. I was going to be very busy.

- Don't be too long. We gotta be on time.

And nevertheless I didn't dare to complain. I heard perfectly how Brian asked him, "Does she come?" however tempting it may be, I didn't hide to hear what they could speak about me.

I was a Queen expert but I didn't know their timeline like the back of my hand. I couldn't know that today they had an inescapable appointment at BBC Radio One to play several songs there, and then being broadcasted later on.

I took a bath and washed my hair pampering it with a good hair oil. The hair products in 1974 were infinitely better than 2020's products. When I dried my hair and combed it I could check on. My hair had become a velvet blanket and the blond orangey in it had a different glow. Marvellous.

Finally I took off the towell and started to put on my underwear. I needed to start thinking in visiting an ordinary lingerie shop and testing with 6 panties 50 pennies. This daring lingerie wasn't practical on a day-to-day-basis. I watched myself sideways checking once again how good my ass looked with these panties and then I took a glance to my model on the hanger.

- Ahhhhhhhh!

I screamed so loud that I could break the mirror with my voice. I swear. What did Freddie do standing at the door?

- Good heavens, just dressing like this they should leave you straight away to a police station.

- Can't you knocking at the door? -I rebuked him really furious covering quickly with the towel.

- Dear, it wasn't even closed -his lips showed a mischievous and shameless smile-. What would you want me to think?

- Won't you go away and let me to dress myself?

- Fucking Honey Pie, you'll get my erection stays on all through the fucking performance.

- Ohhhh, get out -I closed the door at his nose.

- Stop looking yourself at the mirror and dress up. The vanity is a capital sin. Deaky has arrived too.

Brian was driving us in his car to the radio. Roger apparently would go on his own. I was frightened facing him. We both had acted like assholes last night and must accept it. Rog's jealousy was something so normal in a guy who was sending him over the edge. My attitude was also normal knowing my situation. I was forced to be a groupie by the characteristics of my landing in 1974. It was the role that I had to play against the clock, the same as the journalist role in 1984.

From the beginning I was considered as a tasty piece of meat who got into places to have sex with her idols. No matter how I tried to play that part, time and time again failed. As a matter of fact I was sick and tired of that role. That's why when Roger insulted me I broke out. We both had acted coherently with our situations eventually.

Roger had not a single ounce of pride or arrogance in his eyes, that was clear. But his glance didn't show either regret like when he came to beg me to Freddie's home. I didn't regret for having scratched his chin and now he wore a dried wound.

He didn't avoid me but not even greeted me and wanted to know what I was doing there. That was new to him. Roger was expressive, spontaneous, happy. There was nothing like it today. That made me sad. I missed his clownings, his smile, I missed the influence that apparently I had in him and now it wasn't there anymore.

- Good afternoon.

I turned to a somewhat child-like voice who spoke to me. It was a radio station's employee.

- Are you their escort? -she asked pointing out the band who walked into the recording room, followed by the recording engineer.

Her accent was weird though she spoke good english. She must be a foreign girl.

- Yes, I come with them.

- Good. Come with me.

She was about 3 inches shorter than I was. Short brown hair and frame black glasses. Her smile was pleasant and her teeth beautiful.

- That is the control room. From where you are you can watch the performance. Sit here, please.

The girl guided me to a corner in the room with a comfortable couch. At the bottom there was the mix table with its mess of levers and keys. And further away at the bottom a window glass behind which they were getting ready.

- Would you like a glass of water?

- Yes, thanks...

- My name is Marta.

- I call Elideth.

- What a beautiful name. I'm coming now.

I was starting to developing a complex with my own name. Ashlee sounded to me already ordinary. The room was small and intimate. So small that it felt claustrophobic. The boys were at the other side of the window glass talking to two men who seemed to be the producer and the sound engineer.

- I'm already here. There you have the water. If you need something, pull that red buttom behind you. Enjoy yourself.

- It's my first time in a control room.

- It's always exciting watching Queen playing live but you know, the recordings are a slow and cumbersome process. You might get bored a little. Although it sound like a sacrilege, doesn't it?

- I've noticed you have a special accent. You aren't english.

- No, I'm spanish. North of Spain.

After what it seemed a never ending chat, three men got into and sat themselves in front of the mix table without noticing my presence. Or noticing but avoiding it.

Yes, the truth is I thought it would be funnier. At the end watching closely how those four worked was fascinating but you felt in a universe alien to theirs, their universe couldn't even touch it. They spent such a long time paving a way to later spreading all their magic.

- Everything's fine? -Marta poked her head over the door again.

It's been a long time since I was sitting. Afterwards I decided lying down and shrinking. I made a nodded gesture with my thumb.

- Are you hungry?

I promised Freddie not telling I was hungry, I thought. But in fact it's been some hours since my meagre breakfast.

- A little.

- That problem is easy to sort out. Do you like cheese?

- I love cheese.

If she had told me if I fancied crickets with curry I would accept the offer. She brought a plate filled with freshly cut cheese and some nuts.

- The cheese is spanish, it comes from a cistercian abbey near I was born. It's exquisite. Taste it with nuts. Let me know.

I had still the delicious and satisfying taste of cheese in my taste buds when John Sparrow, the engineer, turned around and for the first time in hours seemed to notice there was a tenant watching everything. I was noiseless as a mousy. That's what I was.

- Come closer, darling. So you can watch better your friends -he stated with a gesture of his hand.

They were about to record Modern Times Rock and Roll. Roger's song. The truth is it sounded amazing with the earphones they lent me. The version was slightly slower than the original song in record but his husky voice sounded spectacular as well the fantastic chorus of Freddie at the end and Brian's hypnotic guitar. I liked hearing Roger's slower voice in this song, the original was frantic and crazy. His blond hair shook while he played the drums and his face was focused.

The whole band got out to hear the recording and to see if they were satisfied. They agreed doing it again in spite of the performance seemed to me faultless. But I was only a mousy who could get into a hole to watch, I'd do it gladly. There was just one and only Yoko Ono and it was hard to imitate.

The next song which they worked on to play it later was White Queen. This cover resembled closely to the one that they played live yesterday and their 1 minute 20 seconds piano and guitar solo was superb. But they repeated it several times till they were satisfied. And even so I think Brian, the most perfectionist of all, didn't think was right to be considered the master copy.

The time was running out. We've been there since half past two in the afternoon and it was almost eleven. I didn't do anything and I was exhausted. I could imagine how they would be.

All of a sudden it sounded Freddie's unmistakingly piano with that melody which made my heart shrink. They were playing Nevermore. My favourite song and the one that they never played live.

He played a little with his fingers before starting off the recording.

- Are you ready? -Pete the producer asked.

Nevermore only had one take and was so angelically perfect that they agreed it was the good take. It was the minute and a half most beautiful in that day for me and my tears started to flow without restraint. Freddie's voice was fresh as though he didn't spend hours of hard work and his tinkling and melancholic piano grabbed my throat fiercely. Nevermore was my soft spot, a piece of sensitivity so strong and elusive that I was shattered unfailingly.

The working day in studio 1 Langham was almost 12 hours and they were all exhausted. I couldn't wait to talk to Roger and make things clear. I was an absolute selfish, I know. The drummer was useful to my mission but I had to admit I had felt new things seeing him today. His complete indifferent attitude to me had sparked my interest, my pride bent without fail.

There was no such chance to talk. Roger went out with his car and we, with Brian, who drove us home.

I was knackered and I just had stuck to chatting with Marta, tasting her delicious cheese and watch and listen to them. And nevertheless Freddie seemed so fresh like a lettuce just watered.

We arrived home past midnight. Mary was asleep on the sofa waiting for us and Freddie woke her up with kisses. He hoistered her up and carried her in his arms upstairs to their bedroom. I took my chance to clear all my things out of there and lowered them downstairs to where I would sleep. I watched with gentle eyes and at the same time envious how Freddie tucked her in. I almost needed to tell him, would you come to tuck me in too?

Freddie kissed her forehead and looked at me curious while I was buried down my bags. He helped me to go downstairs and I laid down quickly on the sofa, I didn't want to take off my clothes.

- I don't know how you could be so awake. You must be exhausted.

- You've been good, mousy.

- Mary has left a warm spot on the sofa. I will be asleep in two seconds.

- Not so quick.

Freddie squatted in front of me and staring at me from north to south, I felt inmediately goosebumps. Maybe he remembered suddenly what I wear underneath my clothes because his eyes shone mysteriously dragging over my face again.

- I hope you've been good and haven't eaten anything like you promised me -he whispered playfully pulling closer to me.

I didn't know why suddenly this whimsical persian felt the need to play at half past twelve in the night with his girlfriend upstairs sleeping. The truth is I had his lips stuck to mine. Just a tiny half inch to touch me. I didn't dare to move myself and then Freddie without further ado, he opened it with his. He slid into his tongue just a second, I don't think it lasted two seconds. Then he drew apart smiling me while I had my mouth like he had left it, half open.

- Oh, you've eaten something. Why did I know that you disobeyed me?

My God, I felt an unsufferable heat all through my damn body. I wanted him going to sleep now.

- Sleep fast. Tomorrow I want you to cook my breakfast again.

And with a little jump he stood up. After blowing me a theatrical kiss, he climbed up the stairs slowly moving that spectacular ass of him and I took a bite to my hand till it bleeded.