four

The events of the following day played out rather strangely, what with Nozomi suddenly deciding not to show up at school and all. I couldn't quite understand. Up until now, he'd been coming to class—or, brought to class, rather, by his younger sister—promptly, on time, every day, always here well before the bell rang. It took longer than it should have for me to recall some rather significant words Nozomi had uttered yesterday, namely the part about him 'suffering from a severe headache'. Still, it concerned me—just a little bit in the start, but upon discovering that the darling first year wasn't here either, suspicion became rooted in with my interests.

"You're acting weird today, Asahi."

I didn't snap out of my daze till the moment Atsushi began poking my cheek with the back side of his chopsticks, a curious eyebrow arched and aimed at me. Sato scooted closer to Atsushi and joined in the chopstick poking. Tomoru scooted closer to me and grinned snidely.

"It's not often you zone out like this," he purred in my ear, casually slinging an arm around my shoulder just to shorten the gap. "C'mon, spill. Got a crush?"

I frowned indignantly. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Don't tell me, it's that cute underclassmen that's been comin' by our room every day, isn't it?" Tomoru chuckled in spite of me. "Gotta say, man, I'm a little surprised. Could've sworn you told us you were ga-"

I thrust my fingers into Tomoru's side, causing him to reflexively retract himself from me to cover up his newly acquired bruise. I allowed myself a bitter smile.

Sato made a quiet, thoughtful noise. "So you're bisexual then."

"Sato, don't encourage him…"

"I'm not," the brunet insisted innocently, returning his attention to the half-eaten lunch in front of him. "I'm just saying, we support you no matter what."

"He's right, Asahi," Atsushi said with a nod. "We just want to know if there's something on your mind you want to talk about-"

"There isn't."

I understood I was being rudely terse just then, but the words fell out before I could catch and reconfigure them. I didn't intend to worry my friends with the matter, especially since it wasn't something I had meant for myself to get involved in. But now they were sure to know. Being consciously aware of that, I put on my best smile and made it my mission to reassure them—however many times necessary—that there wasn't, in fact, anything on my mind that hadn't been there before.

But unfortunately, I wasn't able to carry on this act of mine forever.

Today, for a reason our teacher did not provide, we were given a free class, left with the requirement that we were to use our time productively, such as to study for upcoming tests and whatnot. But of course, as one could only expect from a handful of unsupervised teenagers, the majority of the otherwise empty air was filled with sounds of gossip and ridicule, most of which…was targeted at a certain absentee.

And as absurd and concerning as many those comments were, not a one mentioned of Nozomi's eyesight.

"I heard he's got a sister whose terminally ill. She attends this school."

"Do you think it's a contagious disease or something? Maybe that's why he's not here. Scary…"

I made earnest effort…to block out their voices, the gossip, the rumors, all the ill-favored negativity. None of them seemed to know about his eyes. At first, I felt a little special, that I was the only one he told—even if doing so hadn't been quite on his own will. But then I took the time to ponder the possibility of what a sad truth this could've been in reality.

Visual impairment. No peripheral vision. Blurry faces, blurry objects, an incapability to move from place to place with ease. This was all the information I had gathered from Nozomi from just one day of speaking with him. Such a battle he seemed to be fighting, and with no one there to help him, nonetheless, save that girl, who appeared to be fighting a battle of her own.

Little did I know that with everything I learned…I sank deeper. And this was only the beginning.

The next day, Nozomi was absent again, as was his sister. But on the following morning, I caught sight of him, and on the way to school, no less. What tore at me though wasn't merely the fact that he was walking alone, but the undeniably forlorn look stretched across that pretty pale face of his. Eyes on the ground at his feet, Nozomi didn't notice me gaining on him from across the street, and I took it upon myself to be cautious in my approach. The last thing I wanted was for him to dislike me any more than he already did.

"Nozomi?"

I tried calling out tenderly to him, hesitant to touch his shoulder even after I had him within arm's reach. I was certain he'd detected my presence by now, but closing the gap was still something fear accompanied.

"Good morning, Nozomi."

I opted for a friendly side-by-side walking position, feeling obligated to train my gaze on his eyes, despite being aware I was most likely not in his line of sight at the moment. He could hear me. I figured that was enough.

"Has your headache gone away?"

Once again, he didn't respond. I knew he could hear me. It wasn't as though his ears were plugged with earphones or speakers of any kind; they were wide open to receive my voice, and yet Nozomi didn't do so much as part his lips. There was something on his mind, and whatever it was possessed enough power to seal his tongue…or at least, it seemed that way.

"You're starting to wobble a bit there, I can hold your wrist again if you want-"

"Leave me alone."

I'd upset him. And, like before, it was completely unintentional. This wasn't prying, I told myself, it was but harmless concern. This wasn't pity, I said over and over again, this was an innocent desire to make someone's life easier.

This wasn't pity.

"Has it gotten worse?" I lifted my arm slowly and started to move it subtly towards Nozomi's wrist. "How blurry are things now? Here, look this way and tell me how clear my face is-"

It was as though the slightest movement had triggered a motion sensor within the boy's mind, urging him to tear his arm away from its near contact with my hand…which remained suspended for some time, even as Nozomi's feet carried him away from me. I couldn't explain why this little action of his formed inside of me somewhat of an empty, discontented feeling, but it ate at me, little by little.

"How about your sister?"

That was when the bomb dropped. Truly, there was no one to blame but me; this time I was sure I'd stepped over the line. The way Nozomi so abruptly stopped in his tracks, the ever so slight tremor in his hands as he tried to bury the apparent desire to wring my neck. That alone was enough to ensure me that my question did not sit well with him…that matters concerning his sister were not to be touched on.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"She's being warded."

He must have merely wanted to shut me up, and I had to admit, he did a good job. For just a moment he froze in place, suspended in an air of uncertainty, but also clear-cut pain. Nozomi didn't need any more than a few simple words to convey the deepest feelings of his heart, the voice of shameless truth that wanted to be heard, but simultaneously feared judgment. All I could do was watch him, my eyes peeled for the slightest alteration in his movements, the direction of his gaze, even his hands. They appeared limp now-no longer twitching, as though they'd given up on the idea that they would be held again.

It was disheartening. And to this day I regret not running after him.