5. I Like You As A Friend

-Memory 5-

-FRIENDS-

-Marshmello feat. Anne-Marie-

Stress is a merciless antagonist. A lot of shit in your head can turn it against you. And it makes sense. My life in high school has always been full of stress, both academically and emotionally. And that last one is the worst of them.

There's something else we had to talk about before closing the 2016 and save it somewhere between my memories until it decides to torment me again. During those twelve months, the only two things in my mind were my grades and Sea. However, there was a time in which I lost interest in the second mention —both because of the first one and tiredness—. I got tired of chasing somebody. I hated to give a lot and receiving nothing in exchange, and now —almost 4 years after all of this, in case you were curious—, I still do the same foolishness. And there are several examples of it, just as the characters with whom I would've like to do things differently. Some of them are Roy, Rebecca, The Messy Haired Friend With Glasses, The Girl With Short Hair and Beautiful Eyes, The Guy Who Stabbed Me in the Back, Tyler —that's right, I include myself too—, and many others.

Back to 2016, exactly on December 24. I spent Christmas with my family —not without helping as an acolyte in church, just as I had done during the 4 previous years and the next 4—, and I texted Sea exactly at 00:00, just like with Roy and Rebecca. I remember that I didn't say anything remarkable, I just said "Merry Christmas" with two rosed hearts —we used to text a couple of them often, even though it used to confuse me a lot—. This is what she answered:

*From now on, the dialogs that had taken place as messages through phone or another platform will be identified with this (~), while the rest of the dialogs will stay represented just as they've been so far (—).

~Merry Christmas, Tyler! ILYSM <3

Obviously, this did confuse me a lot. A lot. In the beginning, I didn't know what "ILYSM" meant. And if you don't know either, I won't send you to Google this time. The acronym ILYSM means "I Love You So Much". There's nothing left to say. I know I overthink situations very often, but even for someone who doesn't, this kind of message can be quite confusing. In addition, the human mind can be quite ruthless, even with its owner. And, in my case, I can't deny that mine is a place that I'm obliged to fear.

And I, dumb at the most extreme of the word, answered:

~Me Too <3

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

During the last week of that tragically beautiful year, I wrote my love declaration to Sea, innocently. I sent it to Roy, Rebecca, and to another girl to ask them what they thought. Roy, with his strong but accurate personality, said that it was better to say it directly and no through a text message. I, like a stubborn idiot, denied to do so, but not because I was scared, it was because I wanted it to be in New Year. And clearly, I didn't have any excuse to meet her that day. So I decided to send a message:

~Happy New Year! Just wanted to thank you for everything. Honestly, this year would've never been as good as it was if it wasn't for you. You were always my main reason to wake up every morning and go to school. You're also the reason why I hated Tuesdays and Thursdays in which we didn't have classes together. This is because honestly, I like you a lot (and I think it was pretty obvious the whole year). And even though I know that, because of a guy who hurt you, you think that all guys are the same; and though I know that I'm not the most handsome or athletic or smartest guy in school, I'm sure about two things. The first one is that I'm loyal, no matter the circumstances, and if there's something that you can be sure about is that if the world ever turns your back, I'll be there to look at you and support you no matter what. I would never betray you, least knowing how much does it hurt. And the second thing that I'm sure about is that I love you <3

Cheesy, right? Well. I don't want to enlarge this painful experience or neither make it seem like a cliche. But remember that, even though I said that life is no shit close to cliche, it doesn't mean those common things won't happen. Not to maintain the expectation, she rejected me.

That's how I started my wonderful 2017. If I had known what would happen after this, I would've taken other choices.