Chapter 12

I found myself walking home for the night. "Stupid Adam! Wanting to control me. He can't tell me what to do. I'm his boss." I started speaking out loud, I reached a halfway mark on my walk. It's a convenience store. Instead of continuing my walk, I go into the convenience store. "Hello." The cashier says as he goes back to reading some book. Well at least he said hello. I look around to find anything that catches my interest. There are cookies, chips, candy, drinks, even sandwiches. I took a ham, lettuce, tomato, and cheese sandwich. I brought it up to the counter. "Do you really want to eat sandwiches from a convenience store?" The cashier looked at me then looked at the sandwich. I looked at the sandwich myself and checked the expiration date. "It's still good." I defended myself. The cashier had brown eyes and really long dark brown hair in which he tied in a ponytail. He looked young too. Was he in high school? "5 bucks." He said as he picked up his book again. "You're not gonna ring it up?" I said, forcing him to pay attention. "It cost 5 bucks. If you don't have it then don't get it." The cashier said as he read his book. I looked through my purse for 5 dollars. Then remembered I don't carry cash on me. "You're gonna have to ring me up. I don't carry cash." I smiled deviously. "There's an ATM at the back of the store." He pointed me in the direction. Seems like I'm not the first he's met that doesn't carry cash. "You know it's-" "Tommy?" A familiar voice interrupted. I looked to see who it was. Of course Adam. "Oh bro what are you doing here?" Tommy put down his book. "Hey, hey, hey! I will not be ignored, just ring the item up so I can pay you lazy ass." I didn't want to see Adam and was getting more and more frustrated with Tommy's nonchalant attitude. "Alright! Jeez you're annoying." He finally started ringing my one item up. "I'm here, cause I was chasing after my soon to be girlfriend. We just had a fight." Adam walked up to me. "No, did I agree to be your soon-to-be-girlfriend. Stop making plans for my life and get your own." I handed Tommy my credit card. "Haha, so even you can get rejected." Tommy laughed as he used my card to pay for the sandwich. "That's not funny. Stop paying attention to other people's drama. Read your book." Adam reprimanded him. Tommy walked out from the counter and walked closer to Adam. "I'll see you again at home." He said then left. I looked at Adam confused. "Yeah, that's my little brother. He's a bit much but he's easy to talk to." I was still confused. He, Adam's brother, was working right? Is it okay to just walk out? "Not that, he just walked out. Won't he get fired?" I was concerned with his lax attitude towards his work. "Oh that, no he won't. I own the store." Adam smiled as he leaned against the counter. "That doesn't make any sense. How when you work for me. There's no time for you to work here, let alone one it." I crossed my arms forgetting how hungry I was. "I hired a full time manager. Plus he's really cheap." Oh that makes more sense. "Listen, Lizzy….I think I need to explain myself." Adam stood up and corrected his posture. "I-" "No need. I don't want to hear your simple explanation. You basically want a girl you can control. I'm sorry to tell you, but I'm not that girl. I have my own job, that makes money, so it's not like I can't provide for myself. I made friends so I won't feel lonely. And it's not like I don't have options. Adam, here's how I see it. If you want to be my boyfriend, then you must accept the fact that you will never be able to claim me. I am not yours, I belong to myself and no else." I stopped talking to finally get into the sandwich I just bought. "Just a moment, so you don't want to claim me as well? Am I that undesirable to you? I thought we were going to a good stage." Adam puts his head down, dejected. "I don't want to claim you, and I don't want you to claim me. We are our own person, but we can enter a partnership." What was I saying? Just looking at Adam losing faith in the idea of us, filled me with pain. I don't want to see Adam like that ever again. Adam lifted his head up and looked straight at me. "What?" He started looking hopeful. "Adam, being with you….is….um….fun. I wouldn't exactly mind, but I don't want to be yours, it's more like….um how am I supposed to word this? Um….why don't we become partners. That way we can be our own person together." I finally mustered out the right words. I was nervous just thinking about it and didn't know what else to say. All I could do was wait for Adam to respond. "Pfft-" Adam started to laugh. I felt embarrassed with each passing second. Adam didn't stop laughing. I had enough. I walked past him and out the door. Adam walked right out to stop me. "I'm laughing cause I'm relieved. Dummy." He then pulled me closer and held me tight. I instantly felt relieved and safe in his arms. As if Adam transmitted his own feelings to me. "This partnership, I'll take it." He whispered so only I could hear. I was overwhelmed at that moment. What if I get hurt again? Will I be strong enough to take the pain? Should I really be doing this? "I will be there for you. That's the only thing I can promise." Adam laughed a bit. His laughter washed away any doubt that I had in my mind. "That's all I want." I said trying to hold in my tears. I believe taking this step will help me recover from my last relationship. It's going to be different this time. It's going to be honest. "Should we go back?" Adam unwrapped his arms letting me breathe. "No, I want to clear my head." Adam nodded as we began walking around. The night air was cold and crisp. In a soft refreshing breeze I was able to finally come to terms that not everyone was a good person. But that's okay, it just means to treasure the good ones you find. Adam, Janice, Sarah, Jake, Julie, even the sketchy Grace. They showed me all the good in the world is not gone. I can grow from the pain, and be a good person as well. I should give myself a happy ending and not wait for someone else to hand it to me. "Adam, thank you." I whispered trying not to speak too loudly. "For what?" Adam looked at me waiting for clarification. "Nothing." I laughed. It feels like I just overcame my pain. I feel lighter and even stronger. "Let's go back now. I bet the rest would love to hear our announcement." Adam took my hand. I'll call my brother to come back to the store first. Then we can go." He smiled "No need, I'm going back right now. Apparently, I can't even go for a walk without seeing your face." We looked back to see where the voice was coming from. Tommy was reading his book in the dark. "Um….can you see?" I asked, a little scared at his sudden appearance. "No, but it sure does look like I can." Tommy smiled at me. I didn't feel disgusted. No slimy feeling rushing down my back. I felt normal. Was I cured from that feeling? I looked to Adam a little surprised at this. "Well, shall we go." I nodded my head ready to take a step. In my peripheral vision to the right of me. I saw my ex, sure enough it looked like he was selling drugs. I turned my head slightly to reassure myself that it wasn't him. But then, we made eye contact. I was sure of it now. It was him. That's Anthony, my ex. At that moment I felt time stop. Adam grabbed my hand and pulled me along so that I could walk. My heart raced faster and faster with each slow passing minute. Time seemed to slow down. I walked alongside Adam till we got to his car. Even in a moving car time didn't speed up. We got to the night bar and went inside. I should be embarrassed to even step foot in here on the same night I stormed out. But I feel nothing, just patiently waiting for time to speed up and return to normal. I felt a nudge on my arm and looked to see who nudged me. It was Janice. She was saying something or at least trying to. Was I the only one who noticed how time is slowing down? Or could it be that I am faster? Am I moving too fast? Janice walked away to get Sarah to try to talk to me. Sarah shook me and opened her mouth really wide. She began mouthing words in which I didn't have enough training to understand. I just stared at the both of them. Sarah then dragged me to the bathroom. Janice followed along. Time was still slow, it was getting tiring just not saying anything about it. But what would I say? Time slowed down and I don't know how to make it normal again? That sounds crazy. I want to go home. It's getting harder and harder to breathe. What was I even doing in a bathroom with these two girls? "Hey she's not looking too good. Did you find out what to do during panic attacks?" "Wait, god damn it! For now fan her." I heard them talk finally, but I could no longer tell them apart. I was too focused on how the walls were slowly closing in on us. I don't want them to be trapped in here or squashed to death, I need to get them out. I moved my arms and tried to speak. However, the air in here was getting thinner and thinner. They were breathing normally, are they pretending to be calm? I should try to do the same thing. I need to pace my breathing, I need to steady my voice. "Out." I finally spoke. I looked at them and how strong willed they were. "What did she say?" Sarah said as she stopped fanning me. "Oh here it is! We need to bring her outside for air and try to relax her. She needs to feel safe and secure in the surrounding area." Janice said reading from her phone. "Okay let's leave through the back. I'm sure she wouldn't want other people to see her like this." Sarah grabbed my hand and pulled me out the bathroom. I felt a little light headed but at least there's more air out here. The walls started moving fast. As if to say it wanted to kill me. Sarah dragged me out through the back and turned to Janice who was following from behind. "What do we do now?" "Um….I don't know. We're supposed to make her feel safe and secure." I blocked out their voices and tried staring at the beautiful night sky. "I knew it was you." A deafening voice broke my silence. I looked down to see a 6 foot 2 tall Hispanic man dressed in casual clothing, looking at me. "Anthony." Time got slower and the air got thinner. "You look good. How are you doing?" he smiled and walked closer to me. That smile, I remember it. It was the very smile that told me it was okay to trust him. That smile, that same smile that had rapped me then asked if I wanted a drink after. The very smile that stole everything from me. "Excuse sir, but our friend here has had a little too much to drink. Can you have your reunion some other time." Sarah cut in. I, on the other hand, couldn't think. I couldn't breathe either….do I even remember how to breathe. Oh no, there's no more air. "Drunk? Heh, she's not drunk. It looks more like she's out of breath." Anthony chuckled. Ugh, I can feel tiny little bugs crawl on my skin. Everything slowly became dark. I couldn't hear anymore, but what's the use of trying to hear, I'll be dead soon. I couldn't see, hear, breathe, or even feel anything. I'm probably dead now.