Chapter Five

⚠️WARNING this has some cutting scenes⚠️ also not my song. It gave me some inspiration. Thanks Badflower!

~Jason POV~

I opened my eyes to a blinding light. Am I dead? Light laughter was coming from next to me. Soon my eyes adjusted in the light and I could make out a figure sitting below me. I moved my eyes around my surroundings. I was laying down on a couch, I looked down and two brown eyes were looking at me. Alexander?

"yeah, it's me. Are you alright? How do you feel?" I moved and tried to sit up. Pain shot through my skull. I whined as my vision blurred and a high pitched noise bounced in my ears. "hay easy there kid " his voice was soft and calm. He helped me sit up, and get a better view of my surroundings. I was in his living room, on his small brown couch under the window. The light I woke to was coming from the lamp next to the couch. On it where medical supplies that made me shutter. Alexander saw my looking, picked up the glass of water and handed it to me. Somehow he knows what I need, and I haven't even asked. He hands me a small red pill, telling me it will help my head. I take the pill, and guzzle the water. It tastes so good. Cold water passing through my cracked lips washing the inside of my mouth, coating my throat, and satisfying my burning body. "easy there's more water in the kitchen " I tried understanding why I was at his house, surrounded by medical supplies. I remembered last night how my father used my body. How the chains snapped around my neck. Around my ankles. Around my wrists. How easily my skin bruised. How the blood seeped from my slit wrists. How his face was twisted with pleasure. "hay don't cry" his thumb brushes my cheeks as I stare into nothingness. I remember the nightmares that came. Her face telling me how useless I am. Me falling. The men. The ones who pay my father. The ones who use me. I remember screaming and waking up, cold and sweating. Not sleeping. I remember getting ready for school. Coming out of my room. Then pain. He said it was my fault. He wasn't getting money because I was always out. The bottles. Pouring down my throat as I choked. Burning my insides. Spilling out. Glass shattering. I wasn't able to see. I wasn't able to feel. My legs wobbled as he pushed me out the door. My vision became swirling as the alcohol took its effect. Where was I to go? I walked to the school with all my effort. Limping, shaking, not even going straight. "it's OK Jason. Let it out I need to know" was I saying all this out loud? I saw him nod. His eyes full of worry. He rubbed his sleeve against my cheeks again wiping away the tears I didn't know were falling. "how long has he been doing this to you?" I turn my head facing him. 10 years. His face twisted in anger. "My gods, were getting him behind bars. I promise. " I panicked.

"n-no y-you c-c-can't" he looked shocked. "i- th-they'll put m-me in a-a h-home. I-i w-worked s-so h-hard-d. I-i'm s-so c-close. T-two m-more y-years. "

"I can't let you stay in that house for two more years Jay "

"p-please! I -i need t-to get accepted f-first!"

"accepted?"

"c-college, th-they h-have do-dorms, i-i'll be 18. I-i won't h-have th-that if i-i'm in a-a h-home." he curses under his breath.

"Well can't my mom, like adopt you or something. "

" i-i d-don't w-want t-to be y-your b-brother" pain etched on his face. He doesn't get what I'm saying.

"w-why not!" he's enraged. I lifted my arm, bandages soaked in blood were wrapped around my wrist. I reached towards his face, and pulled him close to mine. I pressed my cracked lips to his soft ones. The anger dissolves and he slowly kisses back. I pull away needing air. My throat itches, and my lungs scream, because of the lack of air. I wasn't breathing right the entire time. It came in short waves, and I started coughing. He runs to the kitchen with the empty cup, and is back with it filled. I take it. I try and calm myself down but it's hard. He wraps his arms around me, pushing my head to his chest. He mutters soft words while I hold on to his heart beating through his chest.

"OK, I get it" he whispers. "but I can't have you suffering for two more years! We'll figure something out. You won't ever have to go back to that bastard " I nod. My brain swirls.

"don't let them take me" I pleaded in his shirt. He shakes his head.

"No baby, I won't let them" I look up at him watching the light reflect off his determined face. He looks down, and presses his lips against mine. "You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen" my breath gets caught in my throat. I don't have my contact in, do I? He shook his head. "there breathtaking " I looked at my hands, which were wrapped at my wrists. My face heated up, and I was thankful for the dim lighting of the room. "You should rest" I sighed but nodded and he helped me lay back down. He stroked my hair looking in my eyes.

"I'll figure out a way to get you away from your father. I'll do anything to protect you" I didn't hear the rest of what he said, exhaustion kicked in, and my eyes fluttered shut.

The next time I woke I was alone. I slowly pulled myself up, a sharp pain flashed in my head making my vision blur. Once the room stopped moving, I grabbed my shoes shoving my feet inside. On the table are little red piles. I take a couple, shoving them in my pocket. I yank my phone from its charging station, shoving it into my bag, then I take the jacket that's on the top of the couch. Silently I open the door, catching a glimpse of the time. It read 2:30pm. I walk out the door and down the street.

As I walk up to my house door my breath catches in my throat.I stand there for what seems like hours just gripping the door handle. Finally I muster up the courage to turn the knob and walk in. And there he is. Bottles litter the floor around him, as well as syringes laying by his wrist, one in hand. I pick up the bottles and other trash cleaning up the house. When I'm done he's still out cold on the couch. I head to my room quietly so as to not to wake him.

Why did I come back? I'm so disgusting. I'm alone, I always will be. All I ever want was for someone to give a little fuck. Take the pain away. I'll try again. Last time I messed up. I struggled with the pain, and I guess I didn't bleed enough.

Blood seeps through my cuts, spilling down my wrists and into the journal I'm writing in. The bandages soak up what they can before the white has changed to red.

Take the pain away from me

I'm a freak

I am afraid

That all the blood escaping me won't end the pain.

I tried it like before this time I made a deep cut. I should have told my mother that I loved her like a good son, maybe she wouldn't have left. This life is overwhelming...

I'm ready for the next one.

I'll cut a little deeper and this time i might black out.

Should I write a letter?

There's nothing to write about.

Blood is all around me

I get dizzy when i stand up.

Take the pain away from me I am a freak I am afraid,

I did it once again.

Maybe I've gone to far? I cut a little deeper.

This life is overwhelming and i'm ready for the next one...