Chapter 22: I Need to Stop Imagining Those Things

When I opened my eyes, I was disappointed that I only had one tail covering me. I knew it was wrong to hope for Doc to slip into bed with us, but I still couldn't help it. I sat up slowly as to not wat Alfie and I got new clothes on for the day as quietly as possible. The sun was not fully over the horizon yet, and the sky looked beautiful from inside the cave, but I wanted to get a full look at it; I also wanted to check and see if Doc was still sleeping outside and to make sure he was okay.

As I walked out of the cave exit, I could see the beautiful sky and all of its amazing colors. Towards the horizon, there was an orange ring around the sun that was creeping up. Around that, there was a pale pinkish orange line that spanned the entire landscape up until the middle of the choosing tournament hill. Above that, there was beautiful clouds that were a dark purplish blue color, and above that, there was a sapphire blue to navy blue gradient in the sky. I was completely mesmerized by the beautiful sky that I completely forgot to look towards Doc's sleeping area outside the door.

I heard Doc clear his throat, which snapped me back to reality and I turned around to look at him. He was sitting on the ground with his back leaning against the rock wall and his eyes were staring at the sky as well. This was the first time I wasn't scared of the way his eyes had looked. Instead of a red color, they were like little mirrors reflecting the beautiful sky back at me. He moved his eyes to look at me without moving his head as he said, "You're awake early, couldn't sleep?"

"I slept fairly well, actually. For some reason I just woke up, maybe it was my body telling me to come out here to look at the sky before the sun comes above the horizon and ruins it. How about you?"

"I normally wake up around this time to go back to my cave before you see me. I guess my body is so used to it."

I chuckled as I looked down at the ground. I walked towards him and sat next to him, so close that our shoulders and hips were touching. "Well, now that I know you are creeping outside of my house, I guess you won't have to do that anymore."

Doc turned his head to look at me. Our eyes met before he looked down at my lips and bit his own bottom lip. He looked back up at me as I shifted my body a few inches in the opposite direction. My stomach felt like I had eaten hundreds of live butterflies and they were flying around in there. I knew my body wanted to leap onto his lap, but my mind was telling me the complete opposite. I had promised Alfie that I would be mated to him and only him, and I already broke that promise once. I didn't want to break that promise again with someone I still was wary about.

I knew that Doc had feelings for me, if what he was saying was actually the truth, but could I really forgive him for the things he did to me when I first arrived, or could I really see myself being with both him and Alfie? I also knew that Alfie wasn't a fan of me being around Doc alone, and I was almost positive he wouldn't accept Doc as my mate even if I did mate with him. Alfie and Doc are best friends, but I am Alfie's true mate, and I don't know if Alfie could forgive Doc for what he did to me even if I did.

"What are you guys doing out here?" Alfie says as he walks out of the cave to see me and Doc sitting next to each other as we are watching the sun rise above the tree line.

I jerk my head to look at Alfie and start to get up as I respond, "Oh, we were just looking at how pretty the sky was this morning."

Alfie pulled my hand to embrace my body as I jerked toward him and planted a long, passionate kiss onto my lips. "It's not as pretty as you are, though."

I could feel my face turn red as I looked towards the ground, trying to hide my face. While looking down I noticed Alfie had on his hunting clothes – clothes that were worn and tattered so that it wouldn't matter if they were ripped when he turned – but he hadn't mentioned going hunting today. "Are you going hunting today? I thought we were going to have a relaxing day today?" I said as I looked up into his eyes.

He had an apologetic look on his face as he looked into my eyes. He knew I wanted to relax after all of the drama we have been dealing with lately. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were so low on meat, and I need to check on the townspeople to make sure they are all okay and don't need anything. I promise we will have a relaxing day soon; I just need to perform my alpha duties for a while."

"Okay… just try not to take long, please…" I said as I curled my eyebrows upwards as I begged.

"Okay, I'll try to be home as soon as possible. Doc will be here with you guys for the day to make sure you guys are safe, if that's okay with you?"

"Oh, okay, that's fine. I love you, be safe!" I said as Alfie turned towards the town, leaving me and Doc alone at the cave entrance. I was both sad that Alfie was leaving, but I was also excited that Doc was going to be here with me for the day; I would never admit that though.

"So, what did you want to do today?" he said as he winked at me and moved his face closer to mine until they were only inches apart.

My inner thighs started to heat up and throb, begging for me to accept him, but I kept my composure and shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. "I would like to have a relaxing day, even if Alfie isn't going to be here. Is that okay?" I asked to try to alleviate the warmth that was still growing hotter between my legs.

I was trying not to think about his pale, muscular body on top of mine or him taking control of my body as I lay there allowing him to do whatever he wanted to me. I tried not to imagine his cold hand gripped around my neck while he pounds me from behind and spanks me for making him wait. I tried blocking the visions of him tying my hands together above my head with vines as he ripped my clothes off of my body and dominated my every move. I never had those visions with Alfie, probably because he was much more gentle than Doc, but I was failing miserably at trying to keep those visions out of my head in this moment with Doc.

We walked inside slowly as Pauline pulled me back from in my head when she started to squirm in her bed. Those images in my head weren't okay, and I needed to get them out as soon as possible. I needed to figure out what I was going to or not going to do with Doc, and fast.

As I pulled Pauline out from her bed, I could see Doc's eyes fill with envy. He stared at me admiringly, almost making it seem like he had wanted to have a child one day, but I ignored him as I set her down on the ground and she started to try standing up against my leg. Once she got onto her feet, my face lit up as a smile spread across my face. She started to take a step before dropping down on her bottom. She grabbed Doc's leg this time and stepped all the way from his leg, to mine before falling down.

My little girl was only a few days old and she was already walking; this world is amazing, and the growth of the children here was unbelievable. The thought of my children growing so quickly worried me and my anxiety caused me to imagine many scenarios in my head where their speedy growth could hurt them. I tried to sit back as I watched Royce try to get Pauline to walk further and further distances.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As we were in the cave, we played with Royce and Pauline, mostly Pauline. Lately, Royce has not wanted to play and was starting to act much more grown up than he normal. I was looking at Royce from across the fire, concerned as I thought about when he would ask to move out and dig his own cave. I knew it would be soon, and I wasn't ready for it. "You know, it's normal for you to feel that way, but I know he is almost ready, and once he is you have to let him." Doc whispered in my ear. His lips were swiping across my earlobe softly as he spoke.

"I know, I'm just not ready. He was a baby not much bigger than Pauline when I came here, and now he is the size of a twelve year old in my world after just a few months."

"That's just how children grow in this world when they have a true form. He is a shifter; you have to be prepared for him to leave sooner or later." I turned to him with tears in my eyes. His expression instantly softened as he pulled me closer to him and tugged on my chin to close the gap between our faces. "Please don't make that face at me, it makes me want to do things that I shouldn't." he said as a tear unintentionally fell from my eye and down my cheek. He swiped the tear off of my face and looked me deep in my eyes.

His eyes had that excruciatingly sexy glimmer to it. He started to bite his bottom lip as I could tell he was imagining biting mine. I wanted him to do many things to me, but I knew I wasn't ready quite yet. He started to lean in towards me, but I backed up and turned my head back towards the fire. I could hear him start to sigh as I could see him look at the fire. In the corner of my eye, I could see Alfie's shadow coming into the cave, thankfully.