First Day

My eyes judged every corner of the building when I saw the Rose Mental Institution sign hanging ambiguously near a giant sunshine flower. As I was in front, presumably my room, I imagined the decoration of the walls painted in white color like a horrible horror movie. My mind prepared for the worst when they carried me on a bed like a dead patient in this hideous lighting.

I venture into the room like a child full of curiosity as I am suspicious of its neatness. I opened each cabinet and even checked the bathroom, which impressed me with its cleanness. Astoundingly, it was different than what I imagined; the walls are painted in blue sky color, and even the single bed looks very convincing. I have some expectations, but I know I cannot expect great hospitality like in a stars hotel. Nonetheless, it can convince me to stay without a complaint.

A few minutes later, the nurse came in to check my condition and gave me guidance from the asylum. She explained that I do not need an IV drop or worry about the meal as it is provided three times a day. Then I asked her the differences from the regular hospital, to which she replied: "The patient has the freedom to explore the facilities, join group activities, and have regular consultation with the doctor." She added that I have more advantages because I chose the VVIP class, which indeed will be handled with care. I am not quite sure what 'handle with care' means, but I hope it will help me feel better.

As the nurse left with a comforting smile. I changed my clothing into a patient wardrobe white set of pajamas, "Is this even, right?" I questioned myself. I lay down on the surprisingly fluffy bed and the pillow like a cloud. I narrowed my eyes when I tried to comprehend everything "suspicious..." I said quietly. As I lay deeper, my mind drowns in endless questions to the point that my family's abusive moment flashed into my mind: their nasty words and drastic action.

I still remember all the physical and mental pain they gave me. It took me twenty years to survive their abusive behavior when I decided to move out of the house. However, everything comes with a price. I thought I was fine, but I had to pay the price for the pain they inflicted on me.

Before I arrived at this institution, I had shattered my reality when my friend Jessica approached me at a café. She sat before me and asked how my days had been, but I was confused since we met each other every weekend this past three months.

"Akira, we never meet each other for about one year, even you do not answer anyone's phone or even Jason's phone." she said with concerned eyes.I kept insisting that she was joking, but she gave me undeniable proof that made my memories start to see a blank space in my past image.

Reality check, I have always been talking to myself, laughing, and visiting unknown places with myself. All those moments have been erased and replaced by how I have been alone for this past year.

"No wonder people stare at me when I am outside. I am crazy" I talked softly. Her approach made my head hurt like I was slammed with a big hammer, my vision was starting to get blurry, and everything was spinning around.

A moment later, I knew I had lost my consciousness. Somehow I managed to awake for a while, but I knew I was in a different place. Someone dressed in white tried to ask me a question.

"Who are you?" he asked

"I'm Akira " I replied

He was expressionless, and a person like a nurse injected me with an unknown liquid.

Apparently, I do not know how long I have been sleeping, but thank you, Lord, that I can comprehend my sense of my reality. My eyes fixed on a white ceiling, a smell like medicine, and the IV dropped beside me pointed out I was in the hospital. I also noticed some people were sleeping on the sofa. I tried to call them, and they eventually woke up after a few shouts. It turns out Jessica, Jason, and Renata.

"You guys are real right?" I asked for a confirmation.

Renata pinches my hand, and Jason slaps my leg to make me believe they are all-natural. "How did this happen?" asked Renata. My heart crawls with fear hearing that question. "I thought your condition was merely a stress, but I never thought that it is always that serious," said Jason, who's been my friend for five years and finally admitted my condition.

"Everyone always said that until the day where I cannot move anymore" they all fall into silence as they have witnessed my dangerous condition.

I also found out later on that I have not only suffered from bipolar disorder but also Schizophrenia and social phobia. The doctor said he would give me medicine for my hallucination phase and manic phase, but I told him to prescribe me to a mental institution. Obviously, he refused me due to a lack of analysis that required me to rehabilitate. However, after I convinced him of the abusive environment and tiredness I lived in, he had no choice but to resist.

That is why I ended up in this mental hospital room. I will stay here for about two weeks since my insurance covered only fourteen days of medication. I do not mind, though; at least I found a place where I could completely shelter away from humanity.

I have no protest. Early morning on my first day, I was startled by the sudden intrusion of the nurse that tried to wake me up slowly from my deep slumber. I was never like someone who disturbed my sleep, but as I gained sight of where I lived in.

"How are you feeling?" asked nurse Anna, a psychology student that showed on her nametag. She is eccentric, with blond highlighted red hair colour and a small cross tattoo on her forearms.

"I am not quite sure," I answered.

She looked at me with concern. "What's wrong?" as she tried to check my vitals.

"Maybe, it is new to me. I need to adapt, although it is only for two weeks."

"I see. Mr. Akira, we are going to help you to adapt here. Please let us know if you need anything." she said wonderfully.

In my mind, all I need is you to leave me alone while I am in the moment of sleep and adapt to this sanctuary.

"Can I sleep some more? I think I deserve that right?"

"Unfortunately, we will let you sleep if you want after the morning routine." she cleans up my bed and put down her stuff.

"What kind of morning routine?"

"Since you are new to this place, we will show you around the facilities. Although, we need you to take a shower first."

Shortly, she explained that I would have breakfast with the other four mates on this floor. I am glad I chose VVIP Class because if I am not, I would have to take a public bath instead. Clearly, I do not want to comment.

After I set my appearance, we proceed to the food lounge. I looked around this big lounge, which only me and the other four patients and their representative nurse. I was a little confused about the food system, so she instructed me to take the plate and ask the worker for food.

"Here you go, you are so cute," she told me, pouring me rice, vegetables, and meat.

"Thank you," I smiled.

'What's your name? We have never met someone pretty like you."

'Pretty?' I do not even think of myself as a pretty person.

"I'm Akira "

"What a beautiful name, I am Clara, and this is Roger, the chef assistant." I can only smile and leave them immediately.

"What's wrong?" asked Anna

"I don't feel like talking." I place my food on the table harshly.

We sit a distance away from other patients. They looked normal, and it seemed four of them were hanging out too well. I also noticed they had looked at me since I entered this lounge.

"Do you want to talk with them?"

"Are you crazy? I feel scared just to look at boys." I smirk and click my tongue.

"Why do you feel scared?"

" I don't know. I feel scared every time I see a pack of boys sitting together."

I was occupied with the introduction conversation; I did not pay much attention to the food on my plate. However, it is surprisingly very appealing and edible.

"Isn't this teriyaki?" I asked Anna and savor the sauce very well

"That's right. Apparently, VVIP food is the best one."

"I thought I would only eat porridge and fruits."

"No that is silly, even the non-VVIP class also gets a proper meal." she laughs a bit

"I thought hospital so political to people like us."

We talked a little bit more when we ate. I do enjoy Annas' company, but I wish for once today to leave me alone. After breakfast, we walked in the hallway, and she led me into a room called a practice room. It is an odd name for a room, indeed. But as soon I entered, it instantly became my favorite spot in these facilities.

This room is like a very spacious playroom, with many suitable objects; A grand piano, a giant bookshelf, a teddy bear collection, and an oversized transparent window showing the Neo city.

"Does this place reminds you of something?"

"This piano. It always makes me happy by the sight of it" I walked towards it and looked at every part of it.

"Can you play it? it seems you are very interested in piano."

I touch some of the notes and make random beautiful noises.

"I cannot play the piano. No, I never get a chance of it."

"Why?" she moved closer to the piano.

"My parent has never bought me one, but if I bought it one, I am afraid I would fall deeper into the world that I love."

"What is the thing you love?" she asked curiously.

I sat down and played a little tune, at first it was a random melody. But my hand seemed to remember something and began to restructure that abstract melody into a well-known my favorite classic song.

"That is 'River Flows in You' right?"

"I think so. I am not quite sure what happened. But my hand is unable to stop." I stepped out from the piano's chair. Something inside of me tried to tell me things I forgot.

After a few talks, I was escorted back to my room, where I finally can take a rest. I have never taken a complete rest without worry before. I used to wonder what would happen tomorrow. Still, somehow, I cannot capture my true feelings except that I am afraid I will never make it anywhere or the voice of my parent or people in my past in the back of my head; whispering and playing a trick on both of my eyes and ears.

Their harsh words and shadow sometimes exist in the corner or in my dream. They never leave me alone, even when I am here. I guess they are forever becoming a ghost in my life. What a funny life I have been.