Day 3 (Afternoon-Evening)

"What was that all about" I speak to myself and wander my feet to the garden.

The solid ground with healthy green grass tickled my feet as it welcomed my eyes with their beautiful white lily quietly blowing by the wind swaying near the cherry tree and lavender. I looked up to the sky and found a giant glass-like planetarium serving as my sky. The sun sets so high, brightly gleaming and blinding my eyes with a bundle of clear clouds near them. "The sky looks so amazing." A flash of familiar feeling struck me where I used to tell myself, "The sky is so high," which would remind me of how small we are in this world.

I inhaled the air as I sit on the chair in the middle of the garden. My mind began to slowly relax, as I unconsciously dived into the ocean of my soul. I can feel the wind breeze above my skin wanting me to fall into a deep slumber. I started to feel nostalgic about my relationship with the Almighty. He opened my thoughts to gratefulness in life.

I remembered, "No matter how big we are in the world, sometimes we forget that it was a blessing and a test from God." He will test us with His mysterious way either from class, material, or our own thoughts. "The sky is so high" that I used to utter was a reminder of my own arrogancies and my bipolar mood swing. When I was in my manic state, I started to feel superior to myself, which leads high expectations of my own performance.

I recalled one of the tasks where I had to be at the top of the class, where no one expected or wanted me to be. Yet, I did. My friends told me that I should lower my expectation and relax for a bit, but my perfection impulse could not accept relaxation. I guess now I understand their affection toward me. I am not a saint and religious person. However, I knew one thing when you tried to pursue perfection; 'The higher place you are, the pressure and burden also high.' That is the price we must have to pay upon our wishes.

As I am in this state, I can softly hear a piece of familiar music that I like "There's a world out there that we should see." It was a reminder of companionship and the emotion of adventure. I could not remember the title, but It is one of the fuels that used to remind me of my laugh, memories, and the lights that I carried shine brightly like a sparkling ocean.

My deep state started to collapse as a silhouette appeared in front of me, I tried to chase the shadow, but the more it was distant. I faintly heard a voice. It was inaudible as great darkness started to surround me. "Akira," the voice called. The darkness almost swallowed me until I was grabbed by someone that brought me to reality.

I slowly open my eyes. At first, a hazy face blinded by the sunlight resembled one person that I knew. He moved his mouth, but the word was inaudible to me. I come to my senses slowly, and this hazy person's appearance has come to clearance. It was Christian. His face is full of worries, and his chocolate eyes gleam with concern. But I was enchanted.

"Akira, wake up" while shackled me. It was Anna.

"Are you okay?" Anna asked

"Where's Christian?" I asked her and looked around this dim light garden.

She told me I had been in the garden for four hours. I looked up to the sky; it was already evening. I stand up from the chair with Anna's help since my leg seems not to function well. We both went back to my room. Anna suggests moving my leg carefully.

"I was only sightseeing," I told her while she massaged my leg slowly soon as we entered my room. Yet, She's not responding to my words but instead focused on massaging my leg.

"This silent treatment is surely new," I sarcastically raise my tone. She keeps on silently treating me, and surely it goes up my nerves.

"You have my back. Is that a lie now?" I move out my leg, and she stares at me. "I am good enough with those feeling" She stands up and sighs.

"I don't mean to be like that," she finally said a word, which made me feel like she was mute all this time.

"Then what's with this show?" I hid my hands.

I raise my eyebrow and stare at her maliciously. "When you were screaming yesterday, you told me not to say any word anymore," she said hesitantly.

"I am fine when you are not in the right state, but I have a heart too. You rejected me to heal you even silence me with a nasty comment," she continued.

I began to feel bad about my action, although I have no memories of saying that nasty stuff.

"That is why I hesitate to talk to you because it was a subject in the past, and I am afraid you might have another hysteria" she sat down near me.

Seems like I did something wrong, I somehow feel really bad about my unconscious behaviour. She doesn't deserve all of those wreaths. I am wrong.

"I'm sorry," I said to her slowly.

"I don't know what to say to you, Anna. I mean, you kept it by yourself. But you have also kept your job's policy" I take her hand. "One more time, I am sorry. I should have looked from your side too."

She looked at me with a sign of relief, and I also felt something, a long-lost emotion which is called 'compassion.'

" Looks like you gain something from this action" she wipes my eyes.

"What is this? this wetness come from my eyes?" I wipe some of it, but it doesn't stop.

"That's called tears," she explained.

As soon she said 'tears,' I could feel a hollow and cold emotion melt inside me. Slowly it is melting like from a volcano to a cold ocean. It tasted similar to anger, but this time you wanted to be on your knees and express your deepest pain. Most likely, it feels like your soul desperately crawling out with your burden on your own shoulder. In this case, I shared her damaged soul over my action too.

I cried for a long time and bawled everything out. My sadness over my family, the memories that I cannot remember, and other pain lead me to this mental hospital. However, I feel controlled when I am near Anna. It is like she is a safe place, a safe person to share with.

-- 20.00--

The clock struck eight when I woke up from a previous event. I looked around my room and found only myself covered in this blanket. I wash my face to grasp a sense of reality until my stomach growls for food. I walk out of my room and see Cain's group in the cafeteria.

"Oh! Look who's here," greets Baron with a sauce in his mouth.

I look at their plate, and I immediately recognize the kind of meats presented on their table.

"Is that Hamburg?" I asked while dyingly drooling inside.

"Yes, come and join us, Akira. You feel like a yearly resident now," Michael said and saved a seat for me.

"Okay," I dash myself to Mrs Clara, and she always greets me with her kind smile.

"Here is for you, our star child," she said and placed another bowl of Hamburg sauce.

"I'm sorry?" I asked her with disbelief about what she had just said.

"You are like a son to me and flowers that shine in the dark. This place now looks lively now, ever since you are here," she expressed calmly with open arms for me to look around this big hospital ward. This makes me realize something about this ward, "is it always this quiet? or this lonely?".

"I see. Thank you" I smiled, and I noticed Mrs Clara reminds me of my grandmother, who passed away on her 80th birthday. I cannot attend her funeral, due to final exams at my college. I don't even have any remorse over her, but looking at Mrs Clara with her grey hair made me think, "Was life always filled with grief?" I walked back to Cain's group table.

"I think you have been here for three days?" Michael asks as I sit beside him.

"I guess so. Seems like I have been here for a year" I cut the meat and savour its rich flavour. "Wahhh, this is the best dinner I have had since I arrived," I expressed

"Right?." Baron gives me his thumbs up. I guess we can get along after all. I realize our white hair boy Kevin is on the table. "Hey, Kevin" I greeted him. He smiled and replied to me in his tender voice "Hey, Akira.". He looks tired.

"So I hear you are at the garden for four hours?" ask Michael bluntly.

"I was daydreaming" I smirk

"Ayy, you practically sleeping, snoring loudly" he continued

"What! is that true?" I somewhat embarrassed

Everyone was laughing at me, but then I realize it was only a joke. We laughed together over my clumsiness, it was a relaxing ice breaker.

"Michael you are a joker," I said as he is mimicking me.

"Relax we are mad anyway" He laughed

"You are right" and we finished our dinner.

It comes to my sense when he mentions this matter.

"Michael, are you there?" I asked

"Akira, it was a joke. Don't take it seriously" I shake my head.

"I know. I'm okay. But, I was wondering if there is someone there"

Michael looked at me while brushing his black hair to the back. "Ahh, you mean that tall doctor?"

"Maybe?"

"I don't remember his name, but yeah that tall doctor and a nurse tried to wake you up" he explained

"I see...."

We walked to the pantries to return our finished dish.

"Why?" he asked me with his cheerful voice

"Nothing." he nudged me, but I won't tell him what I saw.

"Michael, I realized Cain wasn't here. Where is he?" as we walked almost reach our room. His room is one door different to the left or to be exact number 16. Me and Kevin's rooms are on the 18 and 19. Number 17th is vacant, but sometimes I feel like there is someone inside the room. Maybe it is just my feeling.

"I heard his health went down. I guess he was resting his serious face to sleep." he laugh a bit. "You can visit him in room 10 by going straight from the cafeteria."

"Maybe I will" and we went to our own room.

I lean back to my door and started to think over others' problems and reasons for being here. Maybe what they said is true after all, they seem like wealthy kids, especially to Kevin. He was an ex-idol and everyone here knew his story. I guess I am not the only one who lives in a cruel world after all.