1 1. Kissing

How I ended up here, I don't really know.

I was now sitting in Jared's basement, surrounded by Alana, Jared, Zoe Murphy and Connor Murphy.

We were playing some game. One asked you a question without anyone hearing, and you have to answer out loud. Then you flip a coin, and the side it lands on says if you have to tell the question or not.

I hadn't been asked yet.

"Evan!" Zoe suddenly said. I guess it's my turn.

"Y-yes?"

She went over to me and whispered: "How did you really break your arm?"

I sighed. "I let go of a branch." I answered, somehow without stuttering. Zoe's eyes widened.

She flipped the coin. "Not telling." She whispered.

"How bad could it be?!" Jared laughed. "He let go of a branch."

"I-I do-don't have to-to tell."

"No, you don't. But it's your turn." Zoe sat down in her spot again.

"Ehm... Alana?" I asked. I got up and whispered just a random thing. "I-If you could, if you could leave everything behind a-and-and start over, who would you take w-w-with you?"

I sat down again, only to see her still thinking.

"Zoe." She finally answered. I smiled. I knew she was into Zoe. I flipped the coin. "If I could leave everything behind and start over, I'd take Zoe with me." She answered, blushing slightly. "Connor." She whispered to him.

"FUCK YOU! ALANA! FUCK YOU!" he yelled, before he sat down again. We all waited for his answer, and he sighed. "Evan..."

Alana smirked, flipped the coin. "Not telling." She smirked. Connor breathed out heavily, he was really relieved.

"Zoe." Conner just mumbled. She got over to him so he could ask the question.

She blushed. "Alana..."

"I fucking knew it." He grinned, before he flipped the coin. "Telling." He smirked evilly.

"Who I like..." Zoe whispered. "I like Alana."

Suddenly, Alana stood up, marched over to the girl, forced her to her feet and kissed her roughly. "Finally, you bitch."

"Now I'm your bitch." Zoe smirked.

Oh, imagine if it was Conner... if Conner actually liked me back... If he just... kissed me.

Kissed me and pinned me up against the wall... and... fudge! Stop thinking about it! You'll get a boner...

"Evan." Zoe smile evilly.

"O-okay."

"Are you in love with anyone?" She whispered.

I blushed. "Yes..."

I flipped the coin. "Telling." She smirked the Murphy smirk.

"Yes, I-I-I'm in lo-love with some-someone..."

"Who?" Jared asked. This was one of the few things I hadn't told him. I just shook my head. "Now you have to tell."

"No I don't." I ended up whimpering. "That wasn't the question!"

"Fine." All of the mumbled.

"C-Connor?"

He just nodded. I got up to ask him.

"Same question... only who." I sat back down.

"I refuse." Connor said sternly.

"What? Why?" Zoe asked. Connor whispered to her. "Oh..." She turned to me. "Another question?"

"Su-sure." I got up again. "Why won't you answer?"

"Really?" Connor glared at me.

"Yeah." I tried to sound confident.

"Fine... because they're in the room." He said without looking at me.

I flipped the coin. "T-telling..."

"Why I wouldn't answer the first question." Connor said just as soulless.

Jared grinned. "And what was the first question?"

"Not telling!" Connor yelled. "Jared." He whispered something.

"Bath bombs."

"EW!" Connor yelled., before he flipped the coin. "Not telling. Now, I'm going home..." And he left.

"Home? Why?"

"He doesn't like to sleep anyplace other than his own bed." Zoe shrugged.

We played for a few hours. Everything from running away from home to weird fetishes.

Then, mom called. "Hello?" I asked.

"Hello, darling. Where are you?"

I checked the clock... I was supposed to be home half an hour ago. "I'm sorry, mom. I lost track of time. I'm coming now."

"Okay, sweetie." I hung up.

"I-I was sup-supposed to be-to be home half a-an hour ago" I explained to the rest. "I gotta go."

They yelled goodbye's after me, and I ran the short while to my home.

I got inside, greeted by a hug.

"Hello." Mom smiled. "I have to go now! I'm sorry. Work called."

"Okay..." I smiled back at her.

She left some money on the counter, like she always does, and headed out.

Did you know that ordering food to be delivered home online was a gift from whoever god you believe in? I can even write that I'm not good with talking, or that I have anxiety, and they just say the sum of money and bye.

And the pizza arrived.

I sat down on the couch and started eating. I turned on some random Disney movie and enjoyed the rest of my night.

When, at 11:53 pm, someone knocked on the door.

I opened to see, "C-Connor?"

"Can... can I come in?" He was soaked... it was raining.

"O-of-of course!" I opened the door.

He stayed by the door.

"Y-you-you're not co-coming in?" I asked.

"I thought I could dry a bit before I soaked your whole house..." He mumbled. "could I get a towel?"

"Yes... would you... would you li-like to shower? To wa-warm up a bit?"

"Could I?" He asked.

"Su-ure." I tried to smile. "Fo-follow me."

"I'm wet..." Connor looked down at the puddle that was already around him.

"It's al-alright. I can take i-it while yo-you shower." I assured him.

He nodded slowly and followed me to the bathroom. I opened the door, handed him a towel.

"Just pu-put your cl-c-c-clothes in the-in the drier. I'll get you something you can wear." I went over to my room.

Do I have anything oversized on me? Connor's taller than me, but thinner.

The super long cosy-pants? Well, super long on me. And just some shirt, I guess.

It was even black! Well, the pants. The t-shirt was blue. Quite light blue...

I knocked on the door. "I'm not-not sure if this wo-would fit... but I have-I have some clothes for you." I said as fast as I could so I wouldn't stutter.

"You can come inside..." He mumbled.

I opened the bathroom door slowly. The room was filled with fog. He was showering with very warm water... I would've burnt myself! The mirror, the doors on the shower, everything was covered in damp water.

I sat the clothes down on the sink.

"W-would you li-li-like some t-tea?" I asked.

"Coffee?"

"Sure." And I rushed out.

He's a coffee drinker.

After around 10 minutes, he came to view.

His hair was still quite wet, and the pants were just a little too short on him. The t-shirt seemed to fit though.

"Coffee?" He asked again.

"K-kitchen." I answered.

He nodded and went towards the kitchen. The pants may have been a little too small, but oh Damped pudding, it fit well on his ass.

No. I did not just think that.

"Brother bear?" He suddenly said, and sat down beside me.

"I guess." I took another slice of the pizza. "You want one?" I gestured to the pizza.

"Thanks..."

We sat in silence.

"Where's your mother? Zoe said she called and said you had to go home." Connor asked.

"Yeah. Curfew at 11pm, was home a little late..." I checked the clock on my phone. 7 minutes past midnight. "Co-Connor?"

"Yes?" He ate the last piece of his slice.

"Can-can I a-a-ask why... why you're here?" I looked at him. "Y-you came in the rain... I didn't see a car in-in the drive w-w-way."

It was silent for a while. Okay... he didn't want to answer.

The song, 'On my way' I think, came on. How can you refuse the absolute best song in the movie? I smiled and hummed along the bear.

"Zoe called me a druggie..." Connor whispered.

I looked at him. He... he looked so hurt.

"Why?" I asked, my voice a mere whisper.

"Because I am." He laughed. It wasn't a happy laugh, nor a nervous, more of a... desperate and needy laugh. Needy for... something. "Everyone knows that! Your friend Jared knows it, my parents knows it... Zoe was the only one who had never said it..."

Zoe said he was high, and an idiot. She said he was on drugs, but never a druggie.

"I haven't called you that either." I tried to defend. "I don't think I've thought it either."

"I know..." He looked down again.

We watched the whole movie. Me humming along to every tune and song, him just staring at the screen.

"Evan..."

"Yes?"

"Would you ever date me?"

I felt my face become completely red. "W-w-wha-what do y-you- what do you m-mea-mean?"

"Would you ever date a broken druggie...?" he looked up at me sadly. "Would I ever have a chance on getting someone to love me?" I saw tears forming, and rolling down his cheeks, but no sobs.

"Why are you asking me?" I sat closer. He looked like he needed a hug, so I tried to hug him. Didn't go too well, so I sat back again.

"Because you're nice... and when you try to lie you stutter impossibly much." He moved, and leaned his head on my shoulder.

A hug was okay then.

"I think so." I finally whispered.

"Think so?" He sat up and looked at me.

"Yeah." I nodded.

He looked down again. "What would I have to change?"

"Well, in my eyes, you're quite perfect the way you are." I said without thinking. FUDGE! Continue talking like it's casual. Continue talking like it's casual. "The drugs are quite bad... so maybe at least try to stop that... and leave the razors..."

"You know about that?" He looked at me sadly. I nodded slowly. "How?"

"I was at your house with Zoe, and you came out of the bathroom with only a towel on." I explained.

"You saw all of it..." He stared ahead in disbelief. "How can you say I'm perfect...? I tried to kill myself... I cut... I'm on drugs at least once a week! How can you even let me in here...?"

He leaned his head back on my shoulder.

"You have this smile... when you're happy. It's wide, and real. It's not very often anyone sees it, but it's there when it can. It's warming, knowing you can feel that happy. I even see it more when we hang out, and it's kind of a boost, knowing I can make you happy like that. A-and you draw so beautifully. Always so concentrated, yet you look like you don't care at all. And then, your amazing hair. How long did that take to grow out? You have the confidence to actually have it that long, too. The curls..." I ended up drawing my hand through it. "Sorry..."

"Don't be... it feels nice..." he mumbled. "Anything else on the list you've so thoughtfully gone through?"

"Well, that day in the park? Remember? End of May, or early June, I think?"

"When you fell out of the tree?"

"Yeah... After you left... I... I climbed up again..."

"That's how you broke your arm?" He looked up at me. "You fell down again?"

I shook my head. "You're not the only one who hates their life."

He stared at me with wide eyes. Just stared.

"Anyway... that day..." I continued. "That day was fantastic..."

"Well, apparently bad too." Connor's muffed voice said from my shoulder.

"No... just amazing..."

"Then why?" He looked up at me again.

I sighed. "We were there as friends..." I tried to explain. Not that I wanted to, I just... maybe he should know?

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"We were just friends... true friends, I guess... but still only friends..." I looked away.

Connor finally added two and two.

"Evan?"

"No..." I sobbed. I didn't know the tears ran before my voice cracked.

I felt his hand under my chin. "Evan..." he said again. "I asked you because I wanted to know what I had to do to get you."

"Get me?" I finally let his hand guide my head.

"Get you..." He whispered, and captured my lips. "I've wanted you for so long..."

"You've had me for longer." I whispered.

And we kissed again.