16 Chapter 16: The queen and the crown princess III

After queen Loretta figured that Serena was not agreeable to follow her subtle demands, she wanted to take matters into her own hands. However, she was soon to discover that she could not simply do that, if at all.

First, Geoffrey loved Serena too much. She tried mentioning the possibility to him once, but not only was she strongly rejected, he even said that he would never accept another wife nor touch another woman in this life. Well, to be honest, she did not take Geoffrey's word to heart. She knew time changes everyone, and even if the time doesn't come soon enough, she could find ways to remedy that.

Second, not to mention Geoffrey, but no noble family in the kingdom wanted to send their daughter to vie for the position second wife. She tried to casually drop Geoffrey's name and the possibility during some of the tea parties she hosted, but not once did anyone take the bait.

Though she already knew it, it only became more apparent that though she was the queen, Serena was the real de facto leader of all the noble ladies in their kingdom. No one wanted to go against her. As said by one her of most loyal aides, Serena was too capable that everyone must be afraid to pit themselves against her because to do so would be akin to sending their selves to the slaughterhouse.

Third, Serena was too well loved by the masses that to slight her would be considered a crime. Serena has already been married to Geoffrey for more than 3 years, but they were still childless. Just for that, even if Geoffrey did not want to, she, as queen and his mother, could petition that they get a divorce. However, she couldn't even do that because if she did, she would only paint herself as the evil mother-in-law and even Geoffrey's reputation could be damaged.

So, what can she really do to Serena then? She could only frustratingly grit her teeth and continue playing nice-nice. In the process, their relationship warped to what it was today.

Queen Loretta took a deep breath trying to calm herself. It would not do if she were to tear her and Serena's mask of cordiality apart.

"Well of course, Serena. I know that about Geoffrey, he is my son after all. But even so, you should try harder. I understand that it must be difficult for you too. However, you should not forget that the only reason we're in this predicament in the first place is because of your… disability."

Serena swallowed as she tried to keep her bearing. This was not the first time queen Loretta mentioned it, but it doesn't make the effect any less heart-wrenching.

When she first lost her child in stillbirth, she was so devastated that she frequently would ask the one above why didn't they take her instead? She was the sinful one so why take the child who was completely innocent?

From the very beginning, no matter how much she denied it to herself, she was never under the delusion that the child she was carrying was Geoffrey's because even before something happened between them, she already had her symptoms. She was certain that the child she was carrying was Charlton's.

Under the stressful situation which she never encountered in the whole of her two lives, she let her fear consume her which led her to take selfish actions she never should had. When the chance presented itself, she let something happen between her and Geoffrey for insurance. She did not even give enough credit to Charlton because she was in fear, for herself, for her family, and for their child.

She knew that she hurt Charlton with her words and actions, and though she initially did not know what he was going through at that time (Charlton's father about to face a case that would land him in prison), it doesn't make her any less guilty. Aside from that, even after he was sent to exile, she could have waited more, she could have chosen to trust him, she could have contacted him when he didn't contact her first because she knew that what she told him was not something he could get over with easily. But she didn't.

Instead, she told herself that it was he who abandoned her first so whatever action she took afterwards were justified. Aside from that, she reasoned to herself that her situation was more desperate than his and if there was anyone to blame it was fate.

Meanwhile, though she fell in love with Geoffrey eventually, it didn't change the fact that not only did she cheat on him, but she also used him. To be fair, she did not intend for everything to play the way it did, but it just happened that way.

When she first woke up and figured that she transmigrated as an 18-year-old fictional character in a victorian-esque era novel, she took everything for granted. She took everyone as simple fictional characters and she can simply live the way she wanted to.

Knowing that Geoffrey, the male lead, was seeing Emily, the female lead, she purposely ignored that she was an engaged woman and even lured Charlton, the second male lead and cousin of Geoffrey, into an adulterous relationship with her.

However, as time passed, she began to understand that everyone there were not simply 2D characters but real, living, breathing, and bleeding, people. This was more cemented by the fact that after the first year, which was the end of the original novel, the world she's in began to move in a trajectory parallel to history.

Despite this, stubbornly, because she already loved Charlton, she kept on with their madness and ignored not only the possible consequences of their actions, but also the reality that she was making a fool of Geoffrey.

She wronged Geoffrey in every sense of the word, but at the end of the day, she took advantage of his love just so she could save herself and everyone she held dear.

There were times when she's confused if she truly transmigrated, or that she has always been Serena Maxwell just with another memory from another life. (Because a year after she arrived, memories of Serena from before she took over began resurfacing.)

But after everything that transpired, if there were any doubts that she wasn't then that would have already vanished. For not only did she feel like she and Serena Maxwell were one and the same, but the villainess tag was just as well deserved. She, despite not meaning to, was a true to life villainess.

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TBC