THE TRAVAIL OF A PIOUS GIRL
CHAPTER ONE
The Tingling Fantasy
It wasn't a coincidence, I thought, being a religious fanatic is not a problem. The problem lies within us because we have failed to understand what it means to follow and adopt a particular religious lifestyle.
The African culture value religion more than any other thing in the society. Religion has always been the basis of judgment for an African person especially the millennials. But he underestimate that in spite of his religious beliefs and inclinations there are other factors that could control how one perceives when it comes to relationship . It appears the millennials live in an era of disconnection between their fantasy of ideal situation and the reality as it is. Again, does it mean that our religious beliefs sometimes make us stuck in the ideal without confronting the reality as it confronts us?
This dilemma in relationship is illustrated in the story of Amara, a beautiful maiden in her mid-twenties couldn't understand what she was thinking, is it too late?-1 know what I want, I know the feelings but the hole in me can't let me be. The more I ruminate about it, the greater the feeling of holding, loving and caring for someone whom I truly love and cherish become intense.
Could it be that my mum contributed to my predicaments? She made me understand that I can stay without a man. But how possible is that in the era of sustained sexual revolution? Cindy said it actually worked for her but today she is having marital issues. Is this related to her abstinence as a young girl? She has been a good girl, humble and generous, then why is she having marital issues? Is there an inadvertent curse of virginity in this era?
The moment of soliloquy ensues and my imaginations going wild. Too many thoughts clashing in my head as well as so many critical questions about human sexuality bursting my imagination, demanding for answers and unfortunately none was available. Partly, we were taught or meant to repress sexual urges, otherwise it becomes aru! In fact, it appears that as a girl, the manifestation or expression of our sexual desires makes us look filthy as sluts and suppressing it makes one a victim of uncontrollable wild thoughts. In fact, our mothers are too quick to teach us how to be religious, abstain from pre-marital sex and other things associated with it. There seem to be a dissonance between our Christian piety and the irrepressible natural inclinations. What could have created this gap that it has continued to be a torment for a young child in the era of highly charged sexual revolution. Besides, the perennial questions the Bible asks in Psalm 119:9 that "how can the young remain sinless?" becomes an enduring challenge for a young inexperienced full-blown adult.
Suddenly, my mum called -Amara! I left the sitting room for the kitchen, the food has burnt already. What is wrong with you lately? She demands with astonishing face without expecting any answer. In quick succession, she further asks "you are losing a lot of weight, are you sick?'' I really need to talk to you about what am going through ,I said" that should be after we have had dinner'' she answered.
At dinner, mum couldn't help it. She kept looking at me suspiciously with an investigating spirit searching into the depth of my heart looking for spiritual answers. These actually made me uncomfortable. I have not discussed anything with my mum since I was a child. As a female, it is expected that the mother and daughter are meant to bond easily given the similarity of feminine experiences they have in common. The ideal mother-daughter relationship is always existing sometimes in the fantasy world.
In a sort of a bossy-type voice my mother asked me "Amara come to my room immediately!",With the same respect I have as a child towards my mother I immediately obeyed and I left the dinning to my mum's room. At the same time, I needed to rest, I had a busy day with house chores coupled with the fact that I returned home for the weekend after a long journey. - My mum has always been like this. She still believes I am a small girl. It is not surprising that no matter how old one is, before his or her mother he or she is still a child. Honestly, all my mother had ever wanted is for us to have a good life but never cared about our feelings. This is an apparent error in the child formation system many parents commit. I wish I would not do the same as a parent. Who knows, my mother might have made the same promise as a young woman but might have unconsciously drifted away into a mother who tries to over care for her children.
She makes sure that we have all that we want. She provides for us and makes us comfortable, coming from a family of six is a funny one. I know the load is much on her and she works extra-time to feed us. This is exactly, the life of a mother. At face value, it is like a cross mothers are condemned to bear. On another level, it appears to be a responsibility embedded in motherhood. I know my turn for this experience is loading. – I had always wanted to help out but my education is so important to me that I hardly think of any other thing than how to graduate with good grades. I have tried to take up a part-time job but it wasn't so favorable considering my school calendar.
My mum is a woman of faith who believes in strictly keeping the commandments of God and an ultra-conservative in traditional values. She taught us that way too, most times friends will always complain about how I attend to church activities, l would always laugh because that is the training I received from home.
One of the strongest convictions I inherited from my mother is that virginity is the pride of a woman. This means that a girl should preserved it at all cost, her virginity should be a precious gift given to the right person who asks for her hand in marriage. The dilemma in this type of formation is that young girls see virginity as an end itself and not just as a discipline. By discipline, I mean to say it is a voluntary choice. As an end I mean, young girls consider virginity as the ultimate thing in their lives.
As I entered my mum's room, I was enveloped by a spirit of reverential fear unlike before; as if I am under the scrutiny of the Council of the Sanhedrin. When she offered me a sit, looking at me, it was a judgement day for me. In a maternal voice and disposed as never before, she said "you can tell me anything''. I could sense the assuring words from the tone of her voice when she added,"you know I love you so much, all I have done is for your own good and for your interest. You can always confide in me". It was like, this is the moment to cash in to bare my mind and prove to my mother that I am an adult now. I maintained a pent-up excitement. Suddenly, I asked myself, "wait a moment, is she serious? How can I open up now since I have not done that before? I have tried to live before her as a pious inexperienced nun about relationship with men."I paused again, took a deep breath and decided to bare my mind to her. I tried to imagine how vulnerable to open up to my mother would be. I was a bit worried she might be concerned that perhaps I have been abused or that I have eaten of the forbidden fruit.
Courageously, I spoke in a firm soft voice, "mummy, I'm not a child anymore. I have this irresistible drive for a male figure in my life. I feel I want to show love and I want to be loved. In fact, I need a man in my life". Recognizing what my mother has been to me and has been doing for me, I continued reeling in words of appreciation" as much as you've given me everything I want in life; clothes, shelter, education, yet a part of me wants to hold a man". My mum was passively shocked at my audacity and statements. Her eyes fixed on me. It was really a moment of mental and spiritual war. It was like as a child my mother's gaze speaks volume. She does not need to touch you nor bark at you to have her wish done but this time, it is a different ball game. I sensed she felt the strong resistance from me. It seems to her that I have been learning all these years a rebuttal to her authoritative gaze. In a flash, it appears she was beginning to lose that power of her gaze. For me, I didn't want to back down because my mind is already made up to tell her how I truly feel. I continued to stamp my authority with respect saying, "I'm really concerned because I don't know how to go about it''.
She smiled at me. I was able to catch that smile with my eyes secretly probing towards her. The smile on her face gave me the impression that I have won this contest, now is the negotiation time. In an understanding tone of voice, holding my hands, looking intently at me, she called and began to admonish me. "Amara you are in your mid-twenties and there are certain things you need to figure out yourself, I met and got married to your dad at your age now. In this contemporary time, things have changed. In the past, men were categorically bread winners and women, homemakers. I cannot tell you why and how this reality swiftly changed. These days women are beginning to take over the key role of a bread winner. But all I can tell you is, don't ever be desperate for a man. 'You are a student and still have a long way to go. However, you are not too old nor too young for marriage, It will be better if you can add a degree to your academic profile, go for service, have something doing so as to be a fulfill woman. You don't need to depend on your would-be man to provide everything for you. You become an Okpataaku and not just an Oriaku. It gives you an advantage to plan well for your future children in order to support your husband. Of course, the man should be the bread winner, but that does not mean the woman should remain idle. In fact, you become also an Odoziaku". These words were consoling to me in that I came to understand what my role should be in my home is best as Odoziaku and Okpatakwuaku. Again, my mother's admonitions made me to think of what I should bring into the house of any man to make it a home. Evidently, she shaped my thinking that I am not stepping into the house of any man as an Oriaku. Honestly, mothers don't need certificate for this sublime teaching because the best teachers do not teach solely from a book but from the heart. On the other hand, a part of me thought that her words were like a license for me to explode and explore the world, to discern and courageously bring a man for her to see
Looking at my mum, I smiled. At last, it was like a victory for me. In doubt, is this not the same woman that has been disturbing me to bring a man home now she is the same person telling me to wait till I graduate. In as much as I loved her words I had some reservations. I left her room to the sitting room. I was so confused. The instinct to pray just came to my mind. It used to be that we remember to pray to God when we are in need or in confusion. It is not the ideal understanding of prayer which should be our constant communication with God in good or bad. Prayer should not be utility oriented only when in need. In humble acknowledgement, I asked God to understand my situation, that I felt overwhelmed. So, I prayed silently to God saying Lord Jesus, I believe and trust in your judgments., I know you truly exist please come to my aid, guide the plan of my life for me that I may not be a source of sadness to my family but rather let me be the light that shines forth in your grace. Amen! Short prayers indeed are always satisfactory for me. It was like the prayer of a child who lacks words, but allows the deep side of the soul to communicate to the supreme Being in profound manner.
At 5am, the alarm rang. It has always been my duty to wake everyone up for morning devotions. I called out to everyone for prayers. Within me, I silently prayed to God for a husband. That is all that matters to me. The thought and the desire have consumed me to the extent that I can't think of anything else.
Imagine, all my friends are married even Lillian who is so ugly now has 2 kids and here I am still single and seriously searching. In my fantasy, I want to know what and how it feels like to have a man around me, hang out with friends, get drunk and forget my fears. Unfortunately, it appears all my prayer and fasting for this intention were nothing but day dreaming.
After the weekend, I got back to school at university of Calabar, were I was doing a degree programme in nursing sciences.
On a Saturday, I decided to register at the gym close to school so as to keep fit. I got to the gym house at 7am, I met with the director who gave me all the information about gym and the type of exercise I will be participating in. From the way he looked at me, it was clear to even a blind person that I am a novice in the gym house. Gyming is becoming a new trend among young people who sometimes want to show-off and take numerous selfies at the gym. Selfies dominate the exercises people do than the actual physical workout. I was not different. Sometimes people come to the gym house for a hunt of either a cute guy or a sexy girl. Gym house so to speak appears to be a nice meeting place for prospective friends. It is always a neutral ground. I think it's gonna be fun for me. And who knows I might be lucky for that imaginary guy of my choice.
After my first day at the gym, I felt so exhausted about the whole exercise. Suddenly, as if my dream is coming to a reality, I heard a macho voice, "hello pretty! How are you doing", he said., I quickly turned towards the direction of the voice. It was magnetic to my body and the impulse to response was so sharp.,"Am Obinna", he introduced himself. With a subtle voice, I said to him "am Amara,".It seems this is your first day at the gym? He asked? Yes!"I joined the gym today. Besides am on my way home, am so exhausted for the day". He looked at me intently into my eyes, I got melted within me. It looks like already in my heart I have invited him to follow me to my garden. I was waiting for his action, but instead, he gave me his card. He confidently said to me "call me when you are free". I took the card from him ceremoniously as if I was not interested.
I couldn't stop smiling secretly to myself. Imagine, Obinna has all the physical qualities I want in a man. He is tall, light skinned with broad shoulders and lips that are totally irresistible. Few hours later, I got to my apartment. I refused to dilly-dally, picked up my phone and dialed his digits, I reintroduced myself to him with a voice that is so seductive and capable of making even a monk to rethink. He said to me, "Amara, I have been expecting a call from you, I hope your day is going well". What answer could anyone expect than an affirmative yes, when one is in the bliss of the love of one's life. I am beginning to see how love can be blind and instant in full force.
The image of Obinna has already enthused my thought and mind. It is all about Obinna or nobody. In fact, anytime I think of him, I imagine him standing naked before me. Instantly, I get wet down my pussy. This period of infatuation is overwhelming. Is this for real? I have never felt infatuated to a man like this. In any case, whatever it is, I 'm enjoying the moment and willing to compromise whatever it takes to be with Obinna.
CHAPTER TWO
The First Date
As I walked through the school gate towards my department, I ran into Sylvia."Hello Amara," Sylvia called, that greeting was really inviting and in excitement, I turned to her and hugged her passionately,"Sylvia it's been a while, where have you been?""I went to visit a friend" she answered,"but am back to business". Sylvia has been a very good old friend of mine. She combines three admirable qualities such as being; passionate, intelligent and calm, but she has issues with being in a relationship, She tries so hard to give all that she has but at the end she will always walk away from it. Some side talks were that it was an issue in their lineage that her great grandmother betrayed a trust from one of her suitors who was so heartbroken that he placed a curse on her and her offspring. Other theory has it that she has high taste and expectation from men which makes it difficult for her to bond with any guy. Some even alleged that it might be connected to the mermaid spirit phenomenon. In spite of her piety and good manners she always experience unplanned breakups and she is adapting to it. Sometimes life can be mysterious and unfair to the simple hearted. I wish Christianity has answer to this.
In a mood of an excitement waiting to burst out I told Sylvia everything about Obinna She was amazed that I have decided to talk about a man in that manner, She has always known me be introverted and acutely unsociable but academically zealous, I could guess what was going on in her mind. In an unreserved confidence I said to Sylvia, "babe! You know, this is my final year in school, I'm already beginning to feel on top to venture into the world to face my challenges and conquer. My enthusiasm resonates with the thought of an anonymous thinker who says that "show me a person who has never made a mistake, and I will show you one who has never tried anything." Girl, I am ready and ripe for this adventure. I am willing to give a trial. I do not want to be remembered for nothing. I remember what James Hardly Chase once said, "if you are not known for anything, you are no body". These were the inspirational statements nudging me to step boldly into the world and make my mark.
As a very close friend, I used the opportunity to invite Sylvia. "I have a dinner date with Obinna this evening, I would love you to be part of it" She looked at me starring with a smile that gaze from her was an affirmation, She promised to be there if only I can let her choose a dinner wear for me, If that was the condition, it was a thumb up YES!, I agreed completely, I used to watch 'America got talent' and the way the judges say their yes was the way I imitated it. YES, FOR ME!
It was the D-Day for my first date. On a Friday by 3pm, I set out to Sylvia's apartment, she had already bought a gown with matching accessories, among other qualities of Sylvia is her sense of aesthetics, It must be to match for her or just plain or simple, I couldn't help not being emotional, I hugged her,"they are beautiful, I love them" she smiled at me and said "Amara you are the best and you deserve the best" I wore the dress, it was above my knee. Honestly, I just wanted to be seductive, that is why I love this provocative dress; My message is forthright, I wanted to be attractive from outside to inside. Sylvia dressed up too and we took a cab to Casanor hotel where Obinna booked for the dinner. I felt it is a journey worth waiting for.
On arrival to Casanor, we walked in through the entrance gate ,It was really a beautiful place to behold. The hotel was like a sky scraper designed with a beautiful love shaped golden ornament in front, painted with a white and golden colour, It has a car park, a guest house, and a basement where people relax and drink, It's compound is large with beautiful flowers round it, Sylvia and I were so amazed with the beauty of the Casanor hotel.
Obinna saw me from where he was sitting and waved at me to come forward, As I approached him, he embraced me with a kiss on the forehead. Immediately, I had a momentary ecstasy of bliss. I irresistibly slipped in his arms I felt his breath.,Like a baby he always smile his adorable toothless beam wide across his face, . I remembered one of the lyrics of Madonna released in 1984, "like a virgin touched for the very first time when your heart beats next to mine".In realization of the glamour I adorned myself with, he softly uttered,"you look beautiful". That was a genuine compliment I have ever received from a man. Girls love compliments especially from the man they admire a lot. It boosts one's ego and self-confidence and moreover, makes one feel nice about self.
We sat down and had a nice chat, I introduced Sylvia to him, though I didn't inform him that I was coming with Sylvia, he received both of us with an open arm and we had a peaceful chat all through the evening.
Looking at me, he said, "my intention for you are good and honest" I will not do anything to harm you, I really like and admire you if only you are willing to give me a chance to know you more that was damn straight forward and courageous like the legendary Spartacus in voice and determination of purpose,this is the man. I thought within me. I know it, I feel it. My mind cannot deceive me, this is true from all indication for me, I did not want to involve my head into this ecstatic moment It was like a bliss of the afterlife I can feel the taste of the beauty of love."
You are really handsome and irresistible am willing to have a relationship with you I giggled, am I too desperate? She said to herself.
Obinna is a son of Bilton, one of the richest businessmen in sub- Saharan Africa; Born with a golden spoon in his mouth, He grew up without knowing pain, no stress, he is very influential, intelligent has a very nice accent that makes people to marvel whenever he speaks.
I have learnt about the fame of the father from newspapers, adverts in various magazines, on radio and watched his programs on televisions. I never associate all these with Him, fortunately for him, he is currently the director of Bilton's hospital in Nigeria.
All of a sudden, doubts and questions started popping up in my head. Am so lucky to find favor in your sight Obinna, I have never dream't of this feeling and opportunity, out of all the ladies you encounter every day, you've chosen me to be your partner, I sincerely accept to be a part of your life.
I had a fun–filled day, there were so many activities, dancers, musicians, artists were all present and we all were laughing at all the crazy activities that were going on at Casanor. Its movie time, I really want to see the movie, Obinna insisted that is either I go home now or I stay in the hotel if I insist on seeing the movie, Sylvia looked at me and gave me a nodding sign, l looked at Him and said we are going to see the movie together.
The movie was all about a group of girls who earn their living through prostitution. On one occasion, one of the girls hooked up with a young man, and they really had a rough make out. The girl was naked in front of the man dancing to a music, while the man laid on the bed watching the lady dance. It was an assertion of fact that to make a man happy, a girl has to do this funny stuff. He couldn't resist it anymore, he held the girl giving her a bite on the nipple, he kissed her so passionately, he browsed her body with his tongue. Sucked her like he was really into it, the lady held his dick and with her tongue she licked the glans penis like were a child is licking a lollipop, I was so shy that I removed my face from the movie, Sylvia was engrossed in the movie and was smiling all through.
Obinna looked at me seeing how uncomfortable I was about the movie, he decided to take me out of the place and we went to the guest house where he paid for me to stay for the night, he left to continue the movie. I laid on the bed thinking about all I saw at the movie.
Sylvia came in few hours later, Amara why did you leave, am not comfortable with it, you don't know that these are the things you need to know about so as to give your husband a satisfying sex, I'm not interested I said to her, "keep forming good girl and don't do what others are doing". She admonished me mockingly.
I had left the cinema and the movie was off, yet within my head the romantic scene of the movie streams endlessly. I slept with the explicit sex scene of the movie coming to my head. This is really disgusting, but while do people find pleasure in such. No answer could come to my head.
There was a knock on the door, It's already morning, Obinna had already told me that he would be leaving that morning for a board meeting but will keep in touch with me. Meanwhile, Sylvia and I packed our bags and checked out from the guest house.
CHAPTER THREE
Entering my Personal Space and Closer to His Arms
I love the feeling, I have never been in a relationship, is a very nice feeling, getting to her room she pulled her dress, looking at the mirror, I have gained a lot of weight, my breast has gotten bigger and my stomach a little bit protruding.
Amara has always been conscious of her physique though average in height, light skinned, with small eyes that tends to close whenever she smiles, she went to the bathroom took a bath and went to relax on her bed.
Ringing Obinna, he said to her dear am really busy now talk to you once am through with my presentation.
Is this a dream come true? I couldn't have asked for more, God has really blessed me, I don't believe in miracle but today God's miracle has located me.
Amara is a beautiful maiden, gorgeous, intelligent, smart and God fearing, she has tried several times to love and care for a man, yet she was scared that she would get hurt. Obinna seems to be quite different, throughout the period I was with him he was just looking at me and smiling, he admired and respected me, he is not boastful rather humble, sensitive and cares so much about people around him, he is a person who does his daily activities with meekness and kindness while trying to meet the need of the people around him.
The weekend is over and school activities has always been my priority, it was just 7am in the morning, I turned to my favorite channel, behold, it was Obinna Bilton educating the public on the outbreak of Rotavirus, it is a virus that infects the bowel, it is the most common cause of severe diarrhea among infants and children throughout the world, and causes the death of about 600,000 children worldwide annually, children are the predominant victims of Rotavirus infection while adults or parents of those children may experience symptoms of fever, vomiting and non-bloody diarrhea.
My crush for Obinna was reaching it's optimum, he is just a promising young man who is not only intelligently blessed but also physically attracting with good leadership skills. My sense of his leadership aroused from the way he has handled my meeting with him. This does not mean domineering but he was showing the art of confidence of an Alpha man. In a passive soliloquy, I kept ruminating "
Understanding and pleasing Obinna was all that pre-occupied my mind, I can hardly think of anything, as a student, I was really confused if it is the right time I will say yes or wait till I graduate I don't want to lose Obinna, he is a man I have always dreamt of, he has all it takes to take care of any family and choosing him is not a bad idea but would he still love me if he finds out about my family background, being a poor innocent girl who has always prayed silently for a man like Obinna, do such thing exist I likened it to a tortoise who would want to dine with a lion, all the same am willing to give it a trial.
"Hello, who is that? Come in," Sylvia came into the room with so much excitement, I was really confused, you had one of the best results she said I wasn't amazed because I wasn't expecting anything less. Thank you Silvia I said, I wanted to break the news to her about everything, but I don't know how she would react, I decided not to say anything. "How is your Prince charming doing?," she asked ,"His doing great" I calmly responded, Considering the difference in your family background, don't you think he is going to react? These days the poor marry the poor while the rich marry the rich – I don't know what to say or do about it but I have prayed over it and I know that the God whom I serve will make a way for me, don't forget , the heart of kings are in the hands of the Lord. She smiled and in a prayerful wish she says, - "I really admire your outstanding courage, persistency and fear of God. I pray that your good heart desires be granted unto you".
The first semester exams were almost over, I have always spent my holiday with my parents at Owerri.
Owerri is a beautiful city filled with so many activities, Hotels are one of the major businesses that thrives in Owerri. Clubhouses are everywhere, I never cared about all that because as an individual, I know what am aiming to achieve. One fact remains that even though social life in the club houses do not attract me as such, however, I had been in one of the hotels in Owerri for a birthday party of a friend, I didn't enjoy the activities there, because all the things that happened there were contrary to my spiritual convictions, Therefore, I was not enthusiastic to attend parties at hotels.
While in school I was also planning for my holidays and where to spend it. Spending time with Obinna came as an irresistible option, during the day, Him and I had a very long conversation; I told him about my holiday, He requested that I come to Calabar and stay with him for at least a week then I can spend the remainder of my holiday with my parents at Owerri. I agreed to his terms and promised him I will try to make myself available for the first week of my holiday at his place.
After my last paper, I took few of my dresses to Obinna's place at Calabar, I never communicated with my parents about it but Sylvia was my only confidant at this time- Birds of the same feather flocks together, It seems like a partner in crime with me; It seems to be normal among peers to have a confidant who knows your every step and desire. I told herwhere I was going. In a cold mood all she could warn me was that I should be careful. My excitement had a momentary power outbreak. Was she jealous? Or was she trying to be overprotective? In any case, I feel like am the queen in this situation. It is all about me and what makes me happy.
Obinna's apartment was indeed a small one. He stays there with his best friend Kingsley who is also a medical doctor and few other men whom I identified as his bodyguards, though they were all casually dressed.
I was warmly welcomed by Kingsley. He is just as tall as Obinna but dark skinned almost like chocolate in complexion with a nicely carved moustache with a godly smile on his face, Kingsley held the palm of my hand and courteously says, "Obinna has never stopped talking about you since he met you at the gym, there must be something charming about you". Obinna had mentioned him to me earlier, telling me how he grew up with him and how he loves him so dearly. Infact, he stressed that Kingsley is like a brother to him. Kingsley and Obinna are like the Biblical David and Jonathan. They are friends to the extent that they see themself in each other. The life of the other shapes the other person. They crack expensive joke, mock each other and at the same time flow in a plausible frequency of understanding without feeling hurt by the other. I see respect for each other and what a friend should be to the other.One thing I noticed about them is the value of being present to each other.Their relationship affirms the fact that when there is a friendship between persons of mutual understanding, that friendship has progressed into a status of a family with a quizzical expression on my face I asked "where is Obinna?" He gently replied, "he left few hours ago to attend to an emergency.","He will soon be here, make yourself comfortable". He jokingly utters"Obinna will prosecute me if I don't attend to you properly".In fact, Kingsley appears to be funny.
He took me to the guest room and left. The room is well decorated and colorful. Wow! I found myself in Alice wonderland. I have never been to a room pimped as this. The colour reflection of the room is exactly my taste, that is blue. I had my shower and stayed in the room; partly shy, partly waiting for my king. Kingsley came in to serve me food, I was really astonished.,"Don't you cook here," I asked.,In response, Kingsley said "We don't know how to cook, We usually buy food at the vendor close to the house".,Because I was hungry, I collected the food from him and calmed the heat of the hunger in me. After the meal I inquired if there was a market nearby which he directed me to. I used the little money left with me and bought food items from the market and prepared an egusi soup with enough fresh vegetables.
In the course of our chat, Kingsley opened up to me and said ,"Amara am just an orphan Obinna had loved me so much since we were kids, he made his parents to take care of me, I have grown to love and care for him so much that I wouldn't want anything to happen to him".,I added to his prayerful wish for Obinna, "nothing will happen to him". You know, one of the qualities of a strong and beautiful heart is their ability to raise someone up to a success. Obinna shows this heart of an angel.
Why would Obinna choose this type of apartment? I thought within me., He could be a very simple man who believes that his father's wealth is not his. He prefers to work hard on his own and create fame for himself.
"Obinna is back," one of the men in the house announced. I came out full of delight to welcome him. We hugged. Suddenly, I realize that maybe emotion is beginning to take over me or maybe I am becoming over nice. The bottom line is that I am feeling not in control of myself any longer. I am partially giving myself in too much.Perhaps, this is the strong feeling of a girl in love. But is this love matured? Is it the right step towards building a lasting relationship? I think I lack the basic answer to this feeling., He smiled and said Amara welcome to my home.,Unconsciously cutting the ecstatic moment short, Kingsley said smiling"She prepared a meal for all of us" . "Wow!that is nice let us start from there". Obinna was more impressed to hear that I used my money to buy the food stuff and he later reimbursed me. From the look on his face, he wondered why I should do that or skeptically whether such a girl still exist in our time. It seems there are reservations in his mind about me which I could not interpret and which he is yet to disclose to me. My gut tells me it might be positive, but who knows. Little wonder did Shakespeare says that there is no art to know the mind construction on the face. Invariably psychologist believe in the truth of the body language. This art of reading signs about a man is vaue to me. And I wonder.
This gesture of supporting and being part of the system is what I cherish to do. I remember the perennial advice my mother once mentioned to me, "that the highway to a man's heart is usually through his stomach". This was a confirmation of that theory. In fact, I felt like am a mother., I hurriedly went to the kitchen and dished out the meal.,While we were eating, Kingsley asked Obinna, "boss you 've never brought a woman home; I can see what attracted you to this girl"., Obinna said nothing.,He just smiled and continued his meal because this homely attitude was also new and appealing to him. I have not shown him this side of me.,We all ate to our satisfaction, Obinna never said a word to me till he was done eating.,In appreciation for the sumptuous meal, Obinna thanked everyone. And softly patting my back he said, I enjoyed your delicious meal. It has been a while since I ate home prepared food. I smiled in acknowledgment of the compliment.
I cleaned up the dinning and went back to my room.,From my room, I eavesdropped on the conversation Obinna telling his bestfriend what he thinks about Amara.,"For the few hours I have been with her," Kingsley observes,"she seems to be a very cheerful person, observant and timid girl"."Time will tell, what is your plan with her"? In a follow up to Kingsley's observation, Obinna utters"my intention for Amara is good, I like her not just because she is pretty, I have made inquiries about her, she is intelligent and taking the lead in her department, she is God fearing and has a very simple lifestyle; My problem is Amanda, she would do anything to get me marry her considering that Amanda and I are from the same social class, my parents will readily accept her unlike Amara who is from a lower class. On hearing about Amanda, I felt threatened. Is this envy or jealousy? I asked myself, am I on a competition to snatch what belongs to another girl or to protect what I cherish? In fact, envy and jealousy can be confusing, but this is clear. I told myself, I am not a husband snatcher.
Kingsley went on to advise him "the choice is yours to make, your parents may suggest for you, but they can't make a choice for you because you will live with whoever you choose, I trust and believe that you will make a good choice, have a good night brother". Kinglsey understandably concludes and bid him good night to allow him to have a special time with his guest. It was like he knew what was going on in my mind to give us space for a memorable moment. I smiled secretly and waited for the Obinna to make the move.,
Coincidentally, I heard his footsteps approaching the guest room. Suddenly, I became nervous and thought of hiding. I felt I am acting like a kid. It is understandably that this is my first time in this kind of situation. My heartbeat quickened in uncountable staccato of sounds which can regulate a bell. Wait a minute, this is the moment I longed for and am shaking uncontrollably. Lo and behold, he gently knocks on my door. Certainly, I cannot afford to avoid this occasion. I answered and he came in apologetically as if this part of his house is outside the domain of his care. Meanwhile, I was somehow ready for a game. I had already taken my bath, wore a mild sexy perfume and wearing a seductive and tempting pale pink night wear which can even make a celibate to change his mind. In fact, the nipples of my breasts were strongly protruding through the light transparent night wear and the contours of my body were so revealing that he fixed his gaze permanently on me and I could feel it like a laser piercing my flesh. The laws of attraction were at its full force. Little wonder did Sigmund Freud once attests that the force of libido is stronger than the gravitational force. Obinna fell for it. He was overwhelmed from the look on his face. He came closer and I turned gradually facing him. At this moment without uttering any words, his eyes entered into my soul. I surrender to him., I hugged him and kissed him so passionately. My tongue rolling over his. I remember once being asked,what grade will I get if I should engage in a kissing competition. With some couching, I think I will be an awesome kisser. He gradually closed the door and return the kiss without any hesitation. The situation in a flash escalated that he, pulled off his singlet, loosen his belt and flung them into the air as if he had invisible keepers to catch his cloths flying around in the room., I gave him a kiss on his nipples. On touching the hairs on his chest, I was further catapulted into the seventh heaven. I didn't stop at that; I rather allowed my hands to wander below to his manhood. His dick was already thick like firewood, hanging and ready for action like a hammer to heat a nail. So, this is what I have been missing for not being into men, I thought."Do you know how long I have waited for these touches" I muttered in a seductive voice to him.He reciprocated by pulling my night wear, plugging my breasts into his mouth, he threw me to the bed, he caressed my areolas, nipples and the breasts with his tongues. I had a sensation I never felt before. No wonder they say sex is the most pleasurable thing, It was like I just got him in the mood for this.
All of a sudden, I was like "Amara, what has come over you?", I abruptly pulled away from him, wore my night wear and covered my face with pillow. ,He was agitated to see me like that. He immediately apologized and felt some guilt as if he had wronged the heavens. "Is everything okay with you Amara? He quietly asked. It was a surprise how the intensity went from hundred degrees to zero. I urged him to dress up."Do you have anything to say to me," he asked. I can see it all over him, he was really worried, "I know you're nervous, but relax. Okay! He felt deprived of his power and ego. He tried to calm me down, but I was already somehow turned off. From this moment of withdrawal, I could still feel the gentle breeze caressing the tips of my naked body.
I was so timid to speak to him.,"I have not done this before" He looked at me in utter astonishment and said, "then where did you learn how to kiss because you are really good at that?". I learnt that from movies and sometimes from friends."
This is interesting" he nodded in smile. He probed further asking,"you should be in your mid-twenties and you are still a virgin, so tell me how did you do it? Don't you have a boyfriend or what?"
I grew up in a family that values virginity, My mum would never stop preaching to me about it. Secondly, I usually find myself in a position where I have to tell people to turn away from immorality and be committed to Christ. Again, I, have once been the president of an organization known as the pro-lifers; we believe that life is sacred and precious, and we should accord respect to the process towards the procreation of life. Therefore, life should be protected at all cost, I choose these paths not because I do not have lots of admirers and suitors, but I sense lustful desire for sex towards me, One recurring argument of these guys is that intimacy without sex is like drinking a tea without milk and sugar.
In this situation in which Amara is at the fore front, she acknowledged something unique about Obinna and she confessed, "you are different Obinna; You chose to admire me and make me smile, without demanding anything from me." I quietly muttered "I love you Obinna". And leaning on his chest, he kissed me on the forehead, I slept in his arms, He cuddled and gently stroked my hairs while he watched me sleep.,This was a pleasurable moment and action. "I love you Amara", he whispered gently into my ears. The tone of his voice rumbled into my subconscious like the sonorous and piercing voice of Florence nightingale. Oh! What a moment of equanimity of the soul.
CHAPTER FOUR
Knowing the Families
Doctor Chika is the second wife of Bilton and the mother of Obinna. She has always admired her son. Kingsley knocked at the door, "Obinna your mum wants to speak with you", Upon picking the call in a voice out, she said "Obinna your Dad is at the hospital your attention is needed"."
My Dad is a very strong person"Obinna said, "whatever that has made him to accept admission must be serious and urgent".
Obinna decided to leave for Abuja that same day. He calmly apologized to me and promised to make it up to me next time, I helped him arrange his things and we went to the airport together, I wished I could go with him, but it wasn't the right time to do such.
On getting to Owerri after my holidays, my sisters welcomed me so dearly, I gave them some of the goodies I came home with, I rushed to my mum's room and greeted her. She said to me "Ada ibatala (welcome).","thanks mum" I replied., I dropped my bag in the room and ran to the chapel. It has always been my routine to pay a visit to God in the chapel anytime I come home; to thank Him for safety and for His protection over my family, friends and well-wishers and to ask Him to see me through in all my endeavours.
After few hours I arrived home from the chapel, Obinna called and said to me "Amara my Dad's condition is too bad, the professionals have decided that we should take him to Britain for expert management, I will be going with him, Just take good care of yourself, I hope he gets well soon" he said. I, tried replying, but the line has already been cut off, I was restless, I wanted to know his diagnosis and the treatments he was receiving; yet Obinna didn't give me the chance to ask him all that.
As the day passed by, I waited for obinna, I longed for him; wanting to see his face again. All I could think about was Obinna. My love for Obinna made me loose concentration, I became concerned about how is he coping with the father's illness? I wanted to know, yet I couldn't reach him.
My relationship with Obinna is a thing I don't want to lose, not just because of his intelligence, but also he is simply amazing, caring, God-fearing and above all sensitive to the needs of others around him. I had wanted to talk to my mum about him but I don't know how she would perceive it. I decided to just keep everything to myself, cross my fingers and wait for him.
It was in the evening, everyone gathered and at the sitting room to listen to the Channels news hour, My mum encourages us to be up to date on current affairs. Information they say leads to transformation. So, we are trained not to be afraid of information, but to be open minded about what we hear and sieve out truth from ideology.
That very evening was really a sober one for me as I sat to watch the television. Behold! the breaking news all over the channels was the death of Mr. Bilton. An iroko tree has fallen, an illustrious man, a great business tycoon has fallen. What a great loss to the family and nation.
I felt so sad, thinking about Obinna and how he would be feeling at the moment. I thought of speaking with him, but I lack the courage. Since, I couldn't reach him, I called his friend Kingsley, He assured me that Charles is a strong person and would handle it. On the other hand, the strike of death weakens the strong minds.
The burial of Mr. Bilton was indeed fixed. I arrived at Obinna's hometown a week before the burial as he had requested. I had to leave school to be with him. At this moment I lack the experience on how to console a bereaved person, but I feel that presence speaks volume.
On arrival at Bilton's compound, I was totally amazed; the compound was really overwhelming. It is a large one indeed. The first house was designed with golden ornaments all round it. At the center of the compound was a carving of a human dressed in royal robes, holding a staff, there were so many servants, flaunts of cars. They have an eye catching of a beautiful flower garden.
I got into the house and was warmly welcomed by a servant called Reuben. He urged me to sit and wait for Obinna to come around. A hugetall dark skinned man walked into the house with a coarse voice, he screamed at the servant, "don't you know am back?""Get me a cup of water" he asked. Reuben excused himself and left. The young man looked at me with a stern eyes. I thought he was really drunk so I didn't have the urge to greet him. I kept mute while I distracted myself from him still admiring the house.
Looking at me again, he said to me "who are you and what are you doing in these house?" In an unexpressed panic, I couldn't say a word to him. He repeated it again, and I didn't say anything. The servant interfered and said to him sir, "Obinna asked her to stay here till he comes back from the representative meeting". He laughed so hard, that I became so afraid. He kept laughing till he left the sitting room. Reuben apologized to me and said he is always like that that, I should not bother myself about anything.
Obinna walked in with a group of people, ten in number. I kept staring at him as he approached me. He, hugged me passionately as if my presence will resurrect his dead father. He sincerely appreciated my presence. He ordered his servant Reuben to direct me to the guest house, just make yourself comfortable and feel at home". Honestly one feels at home where the heart is.
I heard some group of people shouting at one another and coming towards Obinna and on Seeing them approach aggressively I was terrified Obinna asked me to leave to the guest house immediately.
Bilton had five wives, Obinna's mother, Dr. Chika is the second, Obinna has been his father's favorite child but his elder brothers disliked him for that. It is just like the Biblical story of Joseph the dreamer and his eleven brothers. Obinna is the last child of Bilton; He never had interest in his father's wealth, This singular act endeared him to his father . There is always the beloved in every family. The most times incur the wrath of others.
What could have gone wrong between them and Obinna, I wondered. Coming from a middle life family, we have never had this kind of scenario. Whatever it is, I believe they will be able to sort out the problem. About the death of a loved one should also be an occasion for reconciliation.
Later, Obinna walked into my room, "Amara, you would be seeing more of these, but don't panic everything is under control at least none of them will lay a hand on you".,"What happened, why that chaotic scenario?"He explained that the lawyer refused to read the will of his father, nor release any money for the burial arrangements, He insists that it will be read after my father's burial, We were all uncomfortable about it, by these pick holes with them and I seem to be the victim of the circumstance. "
How Would this problem be solved" I asked anxiously.,"Well", he said, "I can pay for all the arrangements to make sure my father gets a befitting burial.,"All I want is for everyone to be at peace".,"You are really kind" I said to Him "you possess a beautiful heart worthy of admiration". I went on reeling on words,"I will always be at your side.,Whatever you do just know that someone really care for you".,Thanks he shyly replied.
We are going to see my mum now, so just get ready. I wore a jean trouser and a polo, as we walked from the guest house to the main building, He held my hands, looking at me,he kept smiling, thanks for everything I replied. The smile is very invitational. It is also contagious.
Dr. Chika is an oncologist, working in the Alabama in the United States. She is a very beautiful lady, tall and light skinned. If she is pretty in her fifties, imagine how pretty she was in her teens. She is a beauty to behold. I have seen her on pictures in Obinna's room, but had never encountered her.
We got to her apartment and her chief maid welcomed us. She walked in smiling,"who is this lady you are holding hands with?" she inquired ,"Mum this is Amara my friend". "She has come to sympathize with us". He introduced me to her"this is my mum Amara"., I greeted her, but she didn't respond. The snub sent a chill cold in my spin., What is my offence? question were striking my head like a machine gun.A,.,but as for the mother I am yet to settle
Perhaps she might have accessed me socially and guessed my background which may not be to her standard. "I will be on my way to the family meeting" she said to Obinna "make sure you are there too" she commanded.
On the day of the burial, many dignitaries, Politicians, business tycoons across the globe attended. Mr Bilton was laid to rest in peace. I decided to leave after the burial so as to go back to school. Partly the attitude of the mother quickens my desire to depart early., Obinna pleaded that I stay with him for an extra week.– Two days after Bilton's burial, his lawyer congratulated them and said to them, "indeed all of you had made your husband and father proud. I believe that he is resting in the bosom of the Lord".– His will for the first year after his death says that, all my wives and children shall maintain whatever position they have already; be it in the family or business for one year,My lawyer shall oversee to all my businesses for that same year. Any of my wives who wishes to marry again is very free to do so, I have an heir to my fortunes and properties and he shall be announced after one year and he will be announced according to the terms I had given my lawyer.
Obinnas'mum, is just the opposite of him. It appears she is so much interested in accumulating wealth and riches, Obinna had mentioned to me that the reason the mum didn't welcome me so well was because she had suggested that He marries Amanda; Amanda is quite an intelligent lady, beautiful and gorgeous. If you could say all these good things about Amanda why did you refuse her? I asked. Although Amanda might have so many physical attractions, she is not really the kind of woman I want for myself. She is sassy, lacks emotions, arrogant in nature and allows pride to control her instead of controlling it. All I want in life is someone simple."I am the one who will marry a wife not my mother" sounds reassuring for me. It was a like a pillow talk of couples in the dark. "
Since the week is over, I would be going back to school. I just want you to take good care of yourself" I said to him. "When you come back to Calabar let me know so that I could visit and be with you, He accepted my offer, wrapped in his arms, he watched me sleep, Thanks Amara for coming around, your company has been of great value to me."Good night and sweet dreams" as he softly bites my left ear.
CHAPTER FIVE
From HeartBreak to Break Through
School became so boring without Obinna Bilton. I thought of him so much that nothing else comes to my mind. Few days after the burial, Obinna never picked my calls nor called back. This development was very difficult for me to bear. It's like I have become a slave to love his love. Is Obinna and Amanda getting to each other again? The fear of that was really troubling. The thought of visiting Him in Abuja to know if everything was good with him was all that pre-occupied my mind.
I travelled to Abuja on the eve of Obinna's birthday to pay him a surprise visit, to my greatest surprise He wasn't in Abuja nor within the country. The mum has never been fair to me. She asked me to leave the house and go back to Calabar or lodge in any hotel available. I couldn't stand it, My heart was aching. Is this a heartbreak? What am I feeling? It was totally unexplainable, I have given everything to Him. I truly love him. He always make me feel relaxed and secure in his arm. Indeed, is this real or am I dreaming? The thought of all the feelings, happiness and joy I shared with Him kept on coming to my head. He can't do this to me! I kept on saying to myself, if he tries to betray me what will I do? I felt that am nobody and coming from a poor home, how will I cope with this feeling. Indeed, I was scared to death.
The next day I left Abuja to Calabar, getting to school I told my friend Sylvia everything that happened. She consoled me and advised me to be courageous. "Amara" she said "you know how intelligent and beautiful you are. It's true that you and Obinna have shared a lot of things in common and the chemistry of love has been built to some extent,, you need to put yourself together. This is not the end of life. At some point, Sylvia's words were like welcome to the club of those who fell in love and land crashed. She continues to admonish me, "I believe the future holds something better, you will make it in life. I believe in your ability and capability". On the other hand, Sylvia's words were comforting, I decided to be strong for myself, my Mum and siblings. I won't give up otherwise quitting will become easier and easier for me. Sometimes the best advice is the one given by the self. I said to myself, if my heart was certain of success why should I back down? However, I will concentrate in my academics and make my parents proud. To this end, I should never fear this momentary disappointment. And like the saying that, what one wants truely exists, so one should not settle until one attains it.
Days passed to weeks, weeks to months, my final year exams were approaching I was so eager to leave school and start a new life for myself, though I have gotten over Obinna, but the memory of our blissful experience never left my sub-consciousness. Anytime I think about him, I secretly smile to myself and pray that he would come back to me.
After my degree exams, I had to look for a place to do my internship program which would last for a year. I don't want to serve in Owerri nor a private hospital. I decided to apply at the Federal Medical Centers; Calabar and Kwara State. Luckily for me that of Calabar favoured me. I started doing my internship program there., I met a lot of friends and admirers but never took interest in any. I was hoping that Obinna Bilton would come back to me and I will accept him with open arms.
I tried contacting him through social media but all attempts were unsuccessful. I decided to follow his company on Instagram and behold I saw Obinna had been married to Amanda for the past 6 months. I couldn't believe it. I cried uncontrollably all through the night. I wanted to talk to Sylvia but she wasn't there to console me. I always admire her for her resilience spirit even though most times it never favours her. She is not a kind of person that is willing to give up on anything she keeps trying till she gets a positive result. I tried calling her on phone but it wasn't reachable. Later that same day, she called me, I told her about everything she decided to come to Calabar to see me.
I couldn't sleep that night. Why would Obinna do this to me? He promised love, a home and a family together with me, I trusted him. How could he betray that trust? This was totally unexplainable. I remembered everything we shared together and cried. My pillows were soaked with tears as I sobbed all through the night.
Sylvia visited my apartment in the morning and seeing my face, she was perturbed. She kissed me on the fore-head and whispered into my ears, "you should have been expecting these". "I understand all that you are going through. I know that you love Obinna so much, but since he has decided to move on, you should pull yourself together and move on. You have enjoyed with him when he was still around for now he is a married man and there is nothing you can do about it. Sylvia decided to take me to Casanor Hotel, the first place Obinna took me to. She said to me,'' Amara, I want you to reflect and remember all the good times you had with Him, after today just nail those feelings and move on". This was symbolic for me and we had lot of fun in Casanor as a way to bid goodbye to the memory of Obinna.
My internship period was coming to an end and I would be going for service after that. I filled Abuja as my choice and luckily I was posted there for my Youth Service. The service lasted for a year. I didn't want to go back to my mum in Owerri and most hospitals in Owerri do not pay their workers well, so I decided to search for a job in Abuja to work in any hospital while waiting for the Federal Medical Centers to advertise for recruitment.
I got a job at St. Charles hospital Abuja. It is a very big hospital, having so many units such as the maternity unit, the oncology unit, pediatrics unit, the neonatal unit, cardiothoracic unit, and other units.
Among the thousands of people that applied for the job, I was among those who were recruited after the written and oral exams. Throughout the period of my internship and service years, I never took interest in any man., I was still recovering from the shock and heartbreak I suffered and promised myself to be more careful when it comes to relationship and love affairs.
I was posted to work at the theatre unit after our recruitment. The first day of work was very exciting. I wore my theatre gown eagerly waiting for a surgery to be done., I had the matron calling on the name of the new recruiters to assemble in the nurses common room. I came in smiling, she looked at me not knowing what to say to me, she asked all of us to introduce ourselves to each other. Being the talkative type, I dominated the whole conversation. The matron asked us so many questions about what we know concerning the theatre rules guiding it and some basic instruments used in the theatre. She gave us a proper orientation and showed us all the units in the theatre, where instruments, drugs, are kept.She asked us to be up and doing and ask questions if need be.
Indeed, I love my new job. I really think I have entered into the next chapter of my life. This is a chapter of life after experiencing heartbreak and moving on., I got to meet a lot of interesting people, the matron was so nice to all of us, and we worked together and watched each other's back. The matron is quite an elderly woman who has retired from active service. She is a woman filled with knowledge and understanding in the medical field. She knows what to do at a particular time. In fact, I admire her and prayed silently to be like her in the profession. Every child has an idol. She is my model in the medical field.
As I was about washing the instruments we used for a surgery, suddenly I heard "emergency! emergency!!" A young man with a fracture of the spine and cranium was rushed to the theatre the matron contacted the chief medical director of the hospital who is also a neuron-surgeon about the case. She asked me to prepare the kit for the surgery. I did all that she asked, though my shift was over I couldn't leave because of the situation at hand I decided to assist for the surgery after scrubbing. I entered the theatre room. The Neuron-surgeon was already there about to start the surgery; a general anesthesia was given to the patient by the anesthetic doctor. I got in, prepared the surgical blade and gave it to the doctor. The face was very familiar, but I don't want to believe what I was thinking. Could this be Obinna? I was really getting nervous about the whole thing. It was obvious, Obinna is the Neurosurgeon that was actually doing the surgery, I had no choice than to be strong and act like I didn't recognize him. After two hours, he closed up the tissues and asked us to monitor the patient and report back to him if any problem should arise.
The patient was handed over to the nurse on the next shift and I left the theatre room, Obinna has always occupied my mind and I have always wanted to tell him about how I felt after his disappointment. I promised myself to forget everything about him, but his image keeps coming to my head.
CHAPTER SIX
Unforeseen Reunion and Lessons
The thought of working in a hospital owned and managed by Obinna was s devastating, since I didn't plan to work there for a long time it shouldn't be a problem. Obinna is married now and there is nothing between us again that is a fact I can't deny.
Working at St. Charles hospital is quite engaging and interesting. The relationship among the workers is really worthy of heavenly regard. Learning and acquiring new skills wasn't difficult because the new recruiters were willing to learn and the older ones were willing to teach. "
Amara", the matron called."I want you to take record of all inventories and submit to the office of the medical director". At the occasion of something that will bring me closer to Obinna instantly made me angry. There was a revolt on my face. "Why would it be me? I don't want to do it" I protested within myself but given that this is the first order am receiving from her, I had no choice than to accept the offer.
I took the records of inventories as I walked down towards the director's office, I met the secretary who is a very young lady, She smiled at me and went through the records, stamped it while asking me to sit at the waiting room. "You can take this to him" she approved. "Do I need to meet him" I asked curiously and protesting, "Of course, you have to", she said to me while smiling. The workers in this hospital are trained to be very courteous and polite. Sometimes, some visitors remark that the smiles of the secretaries and receptionists are enough to cure somebody. It tells us the power of smile. Sometimes, some people need smile to brighten their lives. Smile as I see it enlivens the heart. Indeed the tension was really high, how will I do it, should I be so informal or formal? I was caught in a dilemma, I didn't know what to do, I heard the secretary calling on me to enter the office, I went in, standing in front of Obinna, I greeted him. Upon hearing my voice, he lifted his face and looked straight into my eyes. The first time Obinna looked at me into the eyes that way was the day he occupied a special place in my soul. It is always irresistible. Indeed, I felt like I was drowning his face has not changed at all after these years. His moustache and beards really suited his face, I had always loved touching those beards. I heard him say to me, "Amara have a sit". Aww okay. I sat opposite to him. In official tone of voice, he asked "are these all the records you have?" "Yes" I replied.,"Is there anything required in your unit that I need to know about" he inquired. "No" was my response which was also official in tone. I added " if need be the matron will inform you properly". He smiled, and returning to the informal interaction he says, "that sounds like the Amara I know." "Now am becoming comfortable. "Why has he been smiling since I entered the office?" I asked myself, I haven't said anything funny yet, Obinna couldn't hold it any longer he confessed "I'm sorry for what happened between you and I". "It's something I had to do, I know you are really angry with me, J want you to see it as one of the many mistakes we make in life, I had always wished you well in everything.", I couldn't say anything, instead tears rolled down from my eyes to my checks. I stood in front of Obinna feeling betrayed. While I was looking at him I saw someone who just toyed with my heart and dumped me. I need to unload the worries in my heart and I spoke forthrightly to him "why would you do this to me? I loved you Obinna., I gave you everything; I mean every single thing. Why betray me? You could n't even call me. You were just happy with your life without me". In a sterner voice I said "you are mean and wicked". With the tears in my eyes I rushed out of his office. Going back to the theatre, my matron saw me, she knew that something was actually wrong with me. She walked close to me and like a mother with her arms around my shoulder she asked, "Amara is everything okay?, Is there any problem with the records?","No," I replied."Then what is the problem? Quickly I replied"it's a personal issue". I She looked at me not knowing what to say, she left.
What will I do now that, I will be meeting Obinna every day? It is like confronting your hurt on daily occasions. Should I tender a resignation letter? How would I get a new job? It was really uncomfortable for me to continue working in this place though Obinna pretends most times not to know who I am but I have a hunch that he knows what is really going on in my mind and all he could do was to avoid me totally. He is being professional, perhaps not to associate his image with abuse or causing a pain to somebody in the past. Evidently, things need to be explained to either clear a guilty conscience or a confused heart.
A letter arrived my unit from the office of the administrator requesting that I should be in kings palace fast food at 4:00pm that same day. At first I wanted to resist the urge of going to king's palace. Who knows what he has to say. May be he has a reason for leaving, I'm going to listen to all of that today so as to have a peace of mind.
Immediately after my morning shift, I left for my apartment. Without doubt, I have lost interest in my physical appearance. That I didn't suffer from depression was an understatement, thanks to my friend Sylvia.
At 4:00pm I left for king's palace, Obinna was already seated, I greeted him and sat down. In his usual look and smile, he said to me "Amara, a lot about you is still same. How have you been?", I said nothing. He called for the waitress and asked me to make my request, I couldn't make any order, I was not just in the mood. It became clear to me that the enthusiasm of meeting Him has just vanished like vapour. No wonder it is believed that when a woman looses interest in a man she is gone forever. All I wanted to hear from Him was why he left without saying a word. He made me trust him, why betray me?.
" Amara" he said "my choice about a wife was indeed an experiment". At first when I saw you, it was like I was charmed with your beauty, I wanted to be sure of what I was feeling, I wanted to know you better. Indeed this has nothing to do with your family background. You are very naïve and inconsistent, most times I actually wonder what is it that you truly want. For you, it seems like you know what you want but for an external person you seems to be very confused. You didn't give me an opportunity to understand you. It seemed to me to be all pretence.""Amara," my friends truly admired you too. I'm sorry I left without saying a word. You will be a better person if you are able to outgrow your immaturity, my kind of job and lifestyle needs someone who is experienced and matured to stand by me not just someone who is ready to preach and always claim to be good." It was hard to bear such that, tears rolled down to my cheeks. Is this how Obinna had classified me all these times. I thought I was being helpful but to him I was a load of pretence.,"Do you have anything to say" he asked? Looking at his face I said to him, Obinna Bilton you are the first boyfriend I had. I truly loved you in as much as you have said it was all pretence to you but to me that is all I have to offer, I can't give what I don't have and since you knew all these why didn't you try to talk it over with me knowing that I would always listen. You left without saying a word. Even Amanda you said that she wasn't your type, is now a wife to you. Where did I go wrong? Seeing that am becoming embittered, he smiled at me saying, "Amara sometimes there are more to things that is totally invisible to the physical eyes. There are things more to a relationship that you need to understand. You may be so good in other aspect of your life, but coming to that of understanding a man, you need a proper tutoring at it, I came here to clear all feelings we have shared together and to help you understand yourself better. "You are a good person no doubt about that. I believe someone good will still come around, open your heart and accept the person while trying hard to correct your mistakes am done and should be on my way".
It felt so hard, all these while I was being deceived, and experimented upon. Now I can't cope again. I need to leave that job and relocate to a new place, I need to start a new life again, I will build my own home and I will be very strong.
I tendered a resignation letter to St. Charles hospital. It was approved and I left to Owerri to visit my mother. I opened up to my mother and told her everything. I blamed her for not teaching me all I need to know. You have always emphasized on God but you forgot that I am a lady who will be living with a man. I don't have a father. "Mum how would I know what a man wants and how to take care of a man? Am 28 mum, I have a degree now but in experience about relationship.
Seeing the tears in my eyes, she consoled me saying "my daughter, why do you give up on yourself so easily, I trained you to be confident while do you forget that too. You tried once and failed that doesn't mean you can't try again. At least you have learnt from your past experience. It is up to you to apply all that you have learnt while trading with wisdom. You are knowledgeable and I believe you will make a great wife and a good mother., Listen to your heart and your guts and always remember that mummy has never stopped praying for you".
I have known God all through my 28 years of life, I know there is something more I need to know about the other aspect of life but my mum hasn't said anything about it. It is the fault of parents to be silent on the critical aspect of our formation. Could it be that forming a girl to be pious without adequate sex education can be a parental error? I have learnt my lesson. Sometimes a child does not learn everything from his or her parents, others contribute but the credibility of the other is another issue. Life is complex. When one learns from one's peers, one begins to dare everything. If one doesn't, one is seen as a naïve person.,All I have to do is to figure it out myself and fix my life for a better tomorrow at least Obinna has made me realize that. Again, every experience has a message for us.
In as much as we are created by a supreme being and we believe in that supreme being, he has given us everything we need to survive in this earth, it is left for us to figure out what it is and apply it to our daily life.
Amara realized that even though she claims to know God, yet she had a poor relationship with Obinna and that really troubled her. Now she is willing to fix it and move on. It also applies to every one of us. Do not let the other aspect of your life to suffer while you are trying so hard to satisfy another, be balanced in life, balance all aspect of your life: the spiritual, physical, sexual, social and academics you will not have much regrets, African mothers should try as much as possible to teach their children especially the girls how to build a relationship with the opposite gender and to build a home. There is no presumption neither does the skill comes automatic, There is more in building mature and balance relationship, than what is seen as daily routine of one sided pious formation. This will go a long way to curb divorce while improving intimacy. It will also help in calming the over curiosity of young girls to enter into relationship without proper information about the opposite gender. The reason is that girls of this generation enters into relationship with the intention to be treated like a queen. In this era of slay-queenism, girls need to be properly reoriented that as they expect and test men, men are also testing and making their selections too.Finally, one has to be cautious because when one sees paths laid out in front of one step by step, it is definitely not the person's path. A person's path is made by the person with every step one takes so as to make it one's pathways. And holistic formation makes one confident to tread on in the right direction.
BACK COVER
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
The author Miss Unawunwa Cynthia Chiamaka hails from Mbaitoli L.G.A in Imo State currently a student of Abia State University
ABOUT THE BOOK
After so many encounters with teenage girls in the course of my profession, I realized that most of our mothers have failed to teach their daughters relationship tips is either they are shy to talk about it or deems it unimportant, in a world were sexuality has become the other of the day, young people are always eager to understand their female sexuality , in the case of Amara as depicted by this novel she is a pious girl who was so faithful to her mum, when the time came for her to have a good marital life she missed the opportunity because she didn't actually understand what to do, Obinna who claimed to love her, betrayed her and left, she had no choice than to console herself, learn from it and plan her life.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
My special thanks goes to God Almighty who has given me the insight and knowledge to be able to Write this book, THE TRAVAIL OF PIOUS GIRLS. My parents Chief and Lolo Bernard Ojiaku for being very supportive, my siblings and to my extended family thank you.
My special thanks goes to my spiritual director and friend Rev. Fr. Kenneth Ameke for always seeing the best in me and for all his aid to make this work successful, to my friends Ruby and Doris for helping me build my confidence, to my irreplaceable, Chidubem Okafor, thanks for always being there for me, to all my colleagues, Precious, Sis Vicky, Victoria and others I appreciate, my very own choristers the HTYV family, Feco, Obioma, Kendo,Chima thanks for responding positively to my interviews, I must say I drew my inspiration to write this book from you all, thanks for contributing to the success of my work and to my friend Rev. FR. Vincent Ononiwu thanks for being helpful may God bless you all.