World 3.16

"Let's stop this,"

  Before he could ever make a word, the spoon in his hands fell to the floor. The clanging sound of it resounded in the enclosed room. His chest tightened like it's being squeezed. The more the spoon twirled, the more he felt anxious. 

The male on the bed turned his head to the other side. He didn't want to see the man's face. He literally said it because he needed to. "Soheun," Tae Jun called out.

Soheun, who froze for a second, bent down and picked up the utensil. His lips remained straight and expressionless. Scared that if he answers, it will lead to a heavy tragedy. He walked towards the sink and washed his hands. "Tae Jun, what do you want to eat?" 

The male on the bed didn't glance at him. He closed his fist tight under the blanket. "When will Taehyun come back?" 

Speaking of Taehyun. He's still in the middle of another photoshoot, so Soheun came here first. Tae Jun knew what would happen to him in the end. He didn't want his twin brother to suffer because of the painful past. If Taehyun can handle his position as the famous idol and model, he can rest assured. 

Days are passing by and he's getting weaker and weaker. The doctor also told him to remain in the hospital for now. Luckily, he spent a day with Taehyun while witnessing the sunset. A smile curved on his lips, 'I want to do it again' he thought.

Soheun approached him and unfold the small table. He pulled the stand and put it above Tae Jun's legs. He took the tray of food from the desk and put it there. "Eat your lunch, you are getting weird when you're hungry," he was about to give the male a head pat, but Tae Jun quickly avoided his hands.

Another needle of pain pricked Soheun's heart. He lowered his head for a second and clenched his lips. "Do you want me to feed you?" He smiled.

Hearing this, Tae Jun picked up the spoon and fed himself. He immediately munched on the soft food and said, "I can do this alone," his voice was mellow but cold. He couldn't bring himself to check the man's expression because he knows that it will turn him soft.

Silence fell on the atmosphere.

Tae Jun ate quietly. He chewed the food well and took his own medicine. He didn't ask for help from the male anymore. He also had this heavy feeling in him at first, but he needed to be strong. The male didn't want to fool himself anymore. Because he knows that even if he takes some more medicine and gets stronger for a few more days, everything will go to waste.

What's more hurting him was the fact that he fell into this state. He still wanted to have time with Taehyun. He wanted to experience eating in a cafe, going to some amusement parks. Going to their mother's grave to light up some incense sticks. 

Still ignoring the male's thoughts, Soheun pulled up Tae Jun's blanket. "You'll catch a cold, don't forge----" before he could finish his sentence, the other male pulled the blanket away from him. "Stop pitying me," Tae Jun said sternly.

"Pitying?" Soheun repeated. "What are you talking about? I'm not doing these because I pity you," he explained. 

"Then I don't like it," Tae Jun rolled onto the other side. "Leave me alone, I don't want to see you right now…" 

Hearing the unfamiliar words from Tae Jun's mouth, Soheun was stunned. His eyes widened. "Is there anything wrong?" he asked. "Do you need something?" 

Tae Jun gripped the blanket tighter. "Let's not fool each other, you already know what I want," he did all his best to hide his shaking voice.

The latter was speechless. He didn't want to talk about it, and he's scared. Scared of letting the male slip away. "Tae Jun, stop pranking me," there's a part of his voice that wanted to crack. 

"I said let's stop this, Soheun" 

Soheun immediately took a seat near the bed and scoffed a bitter laugh. "Tae Jun, stop joking around. You know that I don't want that" his eyes turned sore and heavy. He reached out his hand and tapped the back of the male. "Tae Jun, I love you very much," he mumbled.

Tae Jun wanted to hug him and told him that it's just a joke, but he couldn't. He didn't want to add another burden to him. He's already content with the time they spent together. It's enough for him. 'Yeah, that's enough already' he thought. From his clenched fist under the blanket, he bit his lower lip. Restraining himself. He knows that if he turns around, everything will shatter down.

He's already weak enough to cry in front of Soheun, so he will do everything to hold it until he disappears. If only he can say that he loves him, too. He needed to stop, stop the connection between them.

"Say something." Soheun looked down. He didn't know what he would feel right now. He knew the reason behind it, but he still wanted to push forward. He's been standing on the positive side for too long. Finding a miracle. Tae Jun already told him it's impossible. Who cares about if it's impossible or not? All he wanted was to stay by his side. 

"I don't have anything to say, please leave me alone"

"But Tae Jun," Soheun protested.

"Soheun, leave me alone...I want to rest.." This time, Tae Jun's soft and calm voice became sharp and stern. 

Soheun didn't push the topic anymore. He stood up and quietly exited the room.

When he felt that he's now alone. The urge to pull back made Tae Jun sprang from the bed, though he's late. He knows he can't take it back anymore. Tae Jun reached out his arm and called out. "S-Soheun?". He quickly retreated and hugged his knees. Burying his head. Finally, letting out the heavy emotions he's trying to hold on to. "I'm s-sorry," his voice cracked.