3 Changes in Chapter 1 and Seeking Your Opinion

Following KaratePepe's suggestion, I've broken up the lengthy paragraphs in Chapter 1. Additionally, I've made some edits to enhance readability. Please check Chapter 1 and share your opinion with me. Do you spot any errors that need attention?

❗❗ IMPORTANT QUESTION: Should I break up long paragraphs in the second chapter as well? I value your opinion, as I want to create an exceptional fanfiction. ❗❗