19 Recruitment

[Content Warning]

[The following conversation may include discussions about suicidal thoughts, actions, or related topics.]

***

It was late at night. Violet was sitting on the trails of an academy building's roof. She had always enjoyed being in high and quiet places. She often thought, 'It's the only place where the lies of humans can't reach.'

As she gazed at the night sky and listened to the tranquil winds, her reverie was abruptly interrupted by a voice.

"In just one step, Alex, this pain will cease. Just one step."

Violet turned her attention towards the source of the voice and saw a young boy hanging on the edge of the rooftop, with one foot suspended in the air. He was talking to himself, tears streaming down his face, and clutching his heart.

"Even if you continue living, you will never be able to overcome this pain," he lamented.

"This suffering is your punishment for being a worthless and untalented man."

Violet listened attentively, drawing closer to Alex. She was taken aback to realize that, up until now, everything Alex had said was true.

"If you were as strong as Damien and as talented as him, you could stand by her side instead of Damien,"

Violet winced from the throbbing pain in her head and thought, 'He lied.'

Impulsively, Violet blurted out, "Don't deceive yourself. Even if you were as strong and talented as Damien, you still wouldn't be able to be with her."

"Uh," Alex let out a bewildered sound, turning around to find a girl standing behind him, arms crossed over her chest, wearing an expression of anger and anguish.

Alex didn't particularly care who she was or why she was there. He was simply grateful to have someone to talk to.

"You are right, damn right," Alex shouted while pointing his finger at her.

"And do you know what the most agonizing part is?" Alex sniffled.

"Realizing that the issue wasn't external factors like power or talent, but..." Alex sobbed.

"It's being the problem itself. You start to think that maybe you weren't sincere enough or attentive enough to her, or perhaps you weren't attractive enough for her. Maybe, just maybe..." Alex blubbered.

Alex turned his head forward, gazing at the ground, and added with a sniffle, "And this is the most excruciating part—to drown in this sea of endless 'maybes' and 'might-bes.'"

"Every day, every second, you live with the hope of finding a good enough reason to explain everything, believing that if you could just fix that, everything would miraculously be alright."

Alex turned his head slightly, meeting Violet's gaze, and added with a half-smile, "But it's all just an illusion crafted by pain—a defense mechanism that keeps us from discovering the true remedy for our suffering."

Alex turned to face the front, closing his eyes and preparing himself to break free from the pain. However, just as he was about to take that step, a puzzled voice came from behind.

"Do you truly love her so much that you're willing to end your own life?" Violet asked, her confusion evident as she struggled to understand the anguish Alex spoke of.

"It's difficult to explain. Love isn't the reason or cause behind my actions," Alex replied, his voice heavy with emotion.

"How can I put it?" Alex turned towards Violet, his thoughts racing.

"Are you familiar with programming?" Alex inquired.

Violet nodded in response.

"In programming, there are moments when a bug arises. It's not due to faulty coding or the coder's mistakes; it simply happens," Alex stated.

"In such instances, you do everything in your power to fix that bug. You meticulously debug the entire code, removing or updating certain sections, and even adding new lines of code."

"You try every possible solution, hoping to bring the application back to a working condition," Alex explained.

He sighed and continued, "But even after all of this effort, if you still can't fix that bug, there's only one option left."

"Some may choose to accept that option and move on, while others persist, clinging to the faintest glimmer of hope, becoming consumed by obsession," he reflected.

"And that option is to wipe out the entire project and start anew, from scratch."

Alex confessed, "I don't know if there is a chance to start over, but at least I can erase this pain."

After listening to Alex, Violet realized that he genuinely believed every word he had spoke. There wasn't even a hint of deception or uncertainty in his actions and expressions.

Violet felt a surge of anger and jealousy, recognizing that someone had discovered their own means of escaping pain. Unlike Alex, she couldn't find a way to alleviate the immense pain she was experiencing.

For a long time, she was enduring the excruciating agony that accompanied her innate ability. The thought of ending her own life had crossed her mind, yet she had never acted upon it.

Violet lacked the courage that Alex possessed, and this fueled her fury as she witnessed someone who was braver than herself.

That's why Violet couldn't accept this and thought, 'I won't allow you to escape your suffering. If I am destined to live in anguish, you shall endure it alongside me.'

Violet began her performance and spoke sincerely, "What if I told you there's a method you haven't tried before, one that could help you forget your pains?"

Although skeptical of Violet's words, Alex had noticed how she had listened to his mumblings without objection, so he inquired, "What method are you talking about?"

Violet leaned in and whispered, cautiously scanning her surroundings, "Have you heard of corruption?"

Alex, sensing Violet's caution, grew tense and nodded.

"Then have you heard about how corruption can cloud people's minds over time, making them forget the memories that trouble them the most?" Violet exclaimed.

Intrigued, Alex hesitated and asked, "But wouldn't that cause them to lose their humanity?"

Seizing Alex's interest, Violet grinned slightly and reassured him, "That would only happen if you advance too quickly without establishing a solid foundation."

Despite lingering doubts, Alex felt a strange allure to Violet's proposition. He was aware that corruption was illegal, and those who practiced it were hunted worldwide.

Nevertheless, he rejected the idea, stating, "It goes against the rules."

Violet, realizing Alex needed one final push, conceded, "You're probably right." She nodded and let out a sigh. "I just hope there wouldn't be anyone saddened by your absence."

At the mention of his loved ones, Alex paused abruptly. 'What would my parents feel if they found out their son had taken his own life?' Contemplating this, he found the concept of corruption increasingly appealing.

Alex asked helplessly, "Even if I wanted to become corrupted, where would I find the drug for it?"

Violet, after checking her surroundings sneakily, took out a black cube, saying, "I found this in a black market. The vendor said there is a corruption drug inside."

Upon seeing the dubious-looking cube, Alex looked at Violet with a questioning gaze and asked suspiciously, "Why did you even buy something like this?"

Violet hastily attempted to rectify the misunderstanding, assuming a sincere demeanor. "Don't misunderstand," Violet clarified, adding, "I was merely curious and wanted to see what a corruption drug was like."

Noticing that Alex didn't find her explanation odd, she smirked and lightened the mood with a playful wink. "I suppose I'll have to give up on this drug, considering you're in need of one."

Alex witnessed Violet's lightheartedness, momentarily forgetting his suspicions, and responded, "Would you really give this to me?"

Amused, Violet replied, "Why not? It's better than watching you end your life," and handed the cube to Alex before departing.

Just as she was about to leave the rooftop, Violet paused and added, "I don't know what choice you will make, but I hope you will seriously consider your options and accept the consequences."

Alex watched as Violet departed, then shifted his gaze from the ground to the cube in his hand, contemplating, 'Die as a human or live as a monster for others.'

***