1 pain.

keep calm and write something. how am i supposed to keep calm and write about the struggles i'm going through while they're ripping me apart???

do you think i chose to be like this??? to be born in the wrong body????

to have to deal with 10x more suicidal thoughts, the looks and stares of people trying to label me as a gender but can't decide and are too afraid to ask???

the dysphoria, the disdain of seeing my breasts in the mirror and wanting to rip them out with my bare hands?

IT HURTS.

it hurts so bad.

you think i want to be like this. you think it's a trend. it's pain and it's suffering. but it's who i am.

and you treat me different. i'm the same person i just found my identity. i found out that i was one of the warriors that were chosen to live the life that only few were strong enough to live. god made you this way for a reason.

open your mind. maybe he made me so i could help others to come out and not suffer within the barriers of their fears. maybe god made me this way because it shapes my mind and soul into the person i'm destined to be. this isn't easy. it was never easy. and it will never be easy. i'm not trying to be cool, dad. this doesn't make me cool. this makes me more vulnerable to **** and beatings and murders and bullying and i could go on.. and on. i thought you knew me. knew the kind of person i was on the inside. but turned out the problem wasn't that you didn't know me, it was the fact that you never wanted to know me. so take your anger out on me. say you pray i'll come to my senses. say i'm a disappointment. whatever dad. i love you.

because love doesn't just come and go. i loves you as the little girl i was, and i love you as the young man i've become. this is the kind of person i am. i can't make you accept me, and i've stopped trying. all i can do is shower the love on you that i wish you showered on me. get to know me dad. i'm a pretty cool person.