1 Life

While I was growing up, my life revolved around different counties. Mombasa county because my father owned a tourist hotel just along the cost and Machakos county because we had a lunch there, from time to time over, moving in between the two countries. So i'm just trying to draw attention Like yes, things are happening. All over the world, we really talk about them because we are afraid of what people will think about us. What our family will say once we speak about the things they are doing that are negative . That is when I safely landed.

I think that, of that of course. I grew up in a complete family ,by complete, I mean, I had my father, mother and siblings as well, let me say it was a dysfunction of family because, my parents were never in good trunk. It's like they had never been ill good times even before I was born there was constant friction between the two of them. I remember that Like almost every now and then my mother they would have issues and my mother would move out so I should just go to stay with my grandmother or sometimes she chose to go out and do her life healthcare far from my father and I started making choose at that package when this happened.

I think it's about four years is when I was to choose who to stay with. At that young age I liked my father because of certain things,to clarify Let me take you back when I was born about 9 months. I heard LP shoes. I was admitted to hospital and the doctor said I needed urgent blood transmission.

This time I don't ahead to be sort and this man. Jacob, he sacrificed to donate blood for my transmission and after that I was not well, I ended up landing in multiple illnesses every now and then different symptoms, different illnesses. My father was there to support me every time. After some time the doctor said they could not get any particular illness that I was suffering from and they said" the best thing was to treat the symptoms."

They realized that my immunity was low. I would not fight even the small illnesses, so what they did is to put me under special medication. I mean just to treat every symptom that came up and then diet. Just to copy it was like managing the condition that I had that I never got to discuss the the real disease. So my father was there to encourage me. In fact, at some point the hotel at course was sold out to raise money for my medication but money was not enough and then we had to sell the land and that is how our lifestyle from good to worse started,but my father was a good man.

He had never showed me any bad side. He was a good man. My mother on the end has never appreciated me anything. First of all she thought I am there was an issue where the family was that poor. The hotel was not there. The land was not there. Things are not working completely and she said, I am thereto make make them more poorer, it's better I was dead. She hated me from that young age.

At this young age where I hate to make such choices like whom to stay with. Most of the time I chose to stay with my father because I liked him just naturally I like my father but considering that I was very young. My mother chose to stay with me by first, not because she wanted me no,she wanted to take me so that she could force my father to give her money for my upkeep. Not only me alone, she's most of the time she took all of us, the five of us should take us to a rental house and then she'd go to the chief and then tell that this man I have is a dead beat. He's not taking good care of us and then force him to give us money to support us. Now my father would not agree to this. He would tell if you really want me to support the kids, let me stay with them. Let me provide for them while they are in my presence but you don't have to check them out , these are the kind of fights we are constantly involved in it.

Incase you are not aware the rights of children in most cases don't give a chance fathers to take care of them but rather they conside with mothers , that's a story for another day. I remember even simple items I really had to beg and she was telling me " go to streets to go meet men and get money!", that easy when I was young when I was growing up. Whenever I needed something from her she would tell me " know you are so lazy!, you know!"

Due to my constant illness, I could not perform the usual duties like my age mates could do. She refers to as someone who is so lazy, someone who just wants to do to have everything without making an effort. So whenever I need anything, she told me to go to streets, meet men and let them use me and give me money instead of doing this type of work,of course, after all, i'm just a prostitute. So at around 10 years at this point, I could really understand what she really meant by that and I really wanted to know "why does my mother call me a prostitute?" "How come she doesn't want me at all?" "is true that my family is poor because of me?we have nothing literally nothing because of my medication? but I do not know, Why am I a prostitute? what have I done to deserve this title?" So at this point, I sought to know the truth and I started seeking answers from these questions that I had. So many times I remember asking her" Surely why do you call me a prostitute?"but she had no answer.

I know she had recruited my siblings to call me the same and one of my sisters now is much older than me she would tell me "must you know from where you came from? You look everything that resembles that of a prostitute?"

My mother was buried at that time when I was seeking answers. Someone whom I come as reliable source of us to tell me the truth her name was Ruth who was my mother best friend and of course she lived close to where my father and mother lived .

Ruth told me at a point when my parents had highly disagreements,they wanted to separate but did not separate.They started staying in the same room but living different lives . Everybody has his or her emotions and because they lived separately ,my mother had to have someone who would have affection with her feelings so she decided to seek peace to seek companionship from someone else just a neighbor.The name of the man was Jacob .

Their relationship matured while he was still with her favourite Jacob and within no time I was consived out of their love .That was when my problems started ,inside my mother's womb till today .I think your mother considered you as accident because you came when you were not expected .When I was consived at this time. It's like things were working out now with my father and Jacob. it's at this time my mother had decided to maintain both men.

She never told my father and Jacob who the child came from and neither Jacob or my father knew who was the father because my mother told them both of them that the child was theirs separately. So you can see them when I was about to be born. My mother disagreed with this other man. He was a shopkeeper in that environment. They disagreed because my mother was promised car and Jacob did not keep to his promise. "My mother said it to end the particular day when I was born,that sounded irononical but yeah.

When the relationship ended, my mother decided to concentrate on her husband . when I was born, I was being referred to as a prostitute because my biological father was not the same father of my other sisters.If it was to think things right ,my mother was the prostitute and not me. So all these hatred is because my mother suffered with these other men did not materialize.

That anger she had throughout this month. She was focusing leads to me, like she would see me in this man, like when she looks at me she would find like she would feel like, that man. So she'd not have another way to control this anchor to hate me to show me that i'm useless because that manages useless as well and something else i'm told that I completely look like my biological father,but my mother cheated my father .

I really felt sorry for my father and to conceal this facts when I was born, my mother said that I looked like her grandmother who had died long time ago.This prevented my father from thinking outside the books. He thought that I looked a like as his wife's grandmother who died a long time ago. My father did not have any reason to doubt whether he was my father until that time he died.

I think it not to know that i'm not her biological sometimes. I really think that I should get that truth from her concerning this affair. The problem is she has never created the safe environment for me to ask these questions and get answers . Yes, we do talk. I forgive her but this is an issue. It's like she can never encourage me to talk about it. She doesn't want me to talk about it.

My relationship between my mother was sleeping away , it was only my father who seemed to side with me. I ended up being drawn so much to my father than the rest of the family. At one point they felt like he was favoring me. They felt like he was giving me special attention . These was growing hatred from them. At some point I lost so much weight snd now I got stigma. It was seen from across the neighborhood. Everyone thought I was such a big positive because when my athletes are going to school, i'm not going to school.

When others are out there playing, i'm sleeping all the time. I'm checking medications. Then at one point my body was getting emaciation all over. I was suspected to be HIV positive. I really need to get peace and attack young edge. The only place I found peace, solace and comfort was in my books.

I read them so well actually I could even read using a torch at night and I think that's how my eyes got affected. I cannot do without specs. So I used to study so hard. I was performingvery well in my class all the time but I was not at peace because my parents were my concern.

Battles were fetching me every time i'm trying to concentrate,they were eager fighting that I could not rememberall what I was reading, like these people are fighting last night and now that was another disruption. I was ever lonely if not studying . I spent summer crying, somewhere in a corner alarm. I had that life.

I never wanted to associate with anybody because I felt no one likes me apart from my father. I attended so many schools because due to my illness, I could not be consistently in score. I didn't really did not want to talk about my family anywhere. I was like existing alone. I never wanted to associate with you. My family members at some point I could say i'm the only child. I don't have siblings. I remember seeing my mother as if she was dead. I felt like in my life she was dead, she was not there. She was not contributing anything towards my development. Mind you when I was in class seven I was elected as deputy head girl. The teachers liked me and again, now I went from books. I was finding another piece for my teacher's. From that certain environment from my father's and mother's rights from the hatred from the stigma in that environment I grew. So i'll find peace now and comfort in these scores in these teachers in these books and all was well. I will learn school, a school that used to take their pupils to national school.