1 Forcing Change - Chapter 1

I can't.

I stood a few feet away from the door, my heart already pounding in my chest."It's right outside the door. You've been waiting for this package for a month and a half. You can't leave it out there- somebody might take it. God knows you live in a shitty neighborhood."

But I can't.

I caught my bottom lip between my teeth, gnawing on it as I stared at the door before me.

"I can do this," I whispered to myself. Because I can, can't I? There's nothing stopping me from going out there.

Nothing, except people. People with hands that could touch me, and arms and legs that could brush against me when I tried to walk past. People like my next door neighbor, Mrs. Ewan, who always tried to pat my hand. And like Mr. Nelson, the building attendant, who always tried to rub the top of my head with a ‘hey there, kiddo'.

I shivered just thinking about it. I couldn't stand it, the brush of skin against skin. The brush of anything against anything; it sent cold shivers right down to my core. The very thought of somebody touching me terrified me so much that I took a step back from the door.

"Damn it, you can do this!" I said, balling my hands into fists and schooling my features into the determined expression of somebody who was going to go outside and fetch that package, phobia be damned!

My first few steps were confident. There was a bounce to my step and a smile on my face. But the closer I got to the door, to the outside, to the people… the more anxious I got, the faster my heart beat, and the more I wanted to run back to my bed and hide under the covers.

"No!" I snapped, frowning."You can do this. You have to do this. Don't be a wuss."

Despite my firm words, my hand shook as I reached out to the door knob. My fingers curled around it, feeling the cool metal. And I stopped. Shutting my eyes tightly, counting to five, I pushed myself. It took everything I had in me, but my hand moved, and the door came open.

I peeked out into the hallway slowly, one way and then the other.

"Clear," I muttered, stepping out the door. I didn't let it close behind me, even though I should have been scared somebody would barge into my sacred space. Far more terrifying was the idea that I would be trapped between a person and the door, and they would reach out, and they would touch me.

I slapped a hand over my mouth before the pathetic noise could make its way out."Come on, come on, you can do this. It's right there."

The package was, indeed, within arm's reach. I started to bend over, reaching out for it… and the door across the hall began to open up. Like a deer in the headlights, I froze, terrified. The door opened the rest of the way, revealing a dark-haired thing that could violate me with its hands.

"Hey, 3B, I don't think I've ever seen you out of the apartment. I was beginning to think you didn't exist at all." The thing smiled, and I guess it was supposed to be charming; but he paired it with a step towards me. I couldn't speak past my heart as it tried to get out of my throat before it, too, could be touched by those hands.

I kept going, until my back was at the door, my hand flailing sideways to try and find the open space where my door was.

"Are you alright, 3B? You look like you're gonna be sick." Concern creased the thing's forehead, but I didn't care. My hand finally went past the wall, meeting no resistance and swinging through thin air. I flung myself toward my hand, into my apartment, and slammed the door behind me.

There was silence, blessed silence that meant there was nobody who could touch me. And then:"Well, see you later 3B!"

I pressed my back against the door and listened to the thing leave. Only when I couldn't hear footsteps anymore did I let out the breath I was holding. My head thumped against the door as my knees gave out and I fell to the floor in a huddled, shivering mess.