1 Can't fear when already dead

Logistically, it just didn't make much sense.

Dying, That is. I don't know, maybe I just expected more from the afterlife you know? Heaven, hell, maybe even whatever Scientologists believe in, certainly not a table, a chair and some paperwork.

No That sounded more like I was on a job interview, which I am too dead to give a shit for.

"So, heard you're just the guy," I jumped, Turning around in neck breaking speed to see an old yet obviously jovial gentleman, and I say gentleman because of the chic way he is dressed.

"Where am l? ... Is This purgatory?" I asked as the man laughed.

"Of course not, we are more lottery than anything really, young man," The older gentleman said as he walked towards the table and I, not wanting to look rude, sat down with him.

"What exactly are we doing here then?" I asked him.

"We select people and give them a second chance, to say the least. We count Things like Karma, deeds, achievements, then we use some accounting here and there to find how much points you will have obtained for your next life," The Gentleman that I still don't know the name of, told me as I simply sighed. I probably no points at all, I wasn't really an overachiever, or even an achiever of any sorts to be honest.

"I must say, " He said as he looked over the file with my name.

"You're probably the first person with so little points chosen by this intiative. You know," He said alter he gave a look over it.

"Does this mean I get nothing?" I decided to ask since There wasn't much to do in This paradoxical plane of existence.

"Just limits your choices of reincarnation by a whole lot actually. You get used to mediocrity," He then said as I nodded, if that meant I still had another chance, then it might not be that bad.

"What are these options then?" I asked as he showed me a few.

"Personally, I recommend the Total Drama incarnation, since no one else ever does," He said as I raised an eyebrow.

"We're both Talking about the Canadian cartoon That's a parody of show like survivor, right?" My answer was a nod.

"With the Karma that you have, this is one of the better possibilities," He told me, a bit more seriously now.

"Well, if I can choose who I reincarnate as, this might not be as bad," I told myself as he shook his head.

"Unfortunately for you, your choices are actually very limited, with your choices being between Owen, Sam, Dave and Cody," He said as I felt like deflating.

Owen, while jovial and nice guy, was fat, and the difference between the first part and the rest of the sentence, is that jovial and being nice are all personality quirks, nothing to do with his appearance.

Sam was another case, but he also had the issue that he kinda looked like Seth Rogen, but at least he got a girlfriend.

Dave was a goofy ass dude who went from simp to one of those 'nice guys' and then he got left for dead to that bear. 

And then there's Cody, who's one of the ultimate simps within the show and he has that huge stupid looking head. Can't forget about the crazy obsessive yandere chick he has going for him, now that's fucked.

"Can't I be like, Topher, or Justin, heck, I even accept Harold!" At least Harold is a parody of Napoleon...

"No can do, these would require more Karmic points than you could afford, however, if you could help me out by reincarnating as Cody in the middle of 'World Tour', I could help you out by giving you a System," Wait, that changes everything, since everyone knows there isn't one System that isn't absolutely busted as hell.

But then I would have to get through Sierra, and I don't know about that man. How likely it would be for me to be able to run away?

Yeah, I just need to get the hell out of the show, or maybe I win the money prize and straight up disappear from the face of the Earth, and hope that my system inevitably takes me to another world. Yes, that's what every system does after a certain level, they just allow us to move through the multiverse.

"Fuck it! Send me there!"