To Be

I am not sure what to do anymore, I've tried it all, Writing, reading, music, drawing, sports, games. What do I do now? How do I find what to do next, what do I want? What do I strive for? What can I call mine? I cant find the next step to take. I should just do it alone, I can figure somthing out. However there is this… emptiness, a lack of direction. I cant escape it, i have no where to escape to, no direction to get away with. Few things keep me being me, But i dont want to be me. I dont want to be. The doctors wont tell me why this is, some people just tell me to stop being a baby, but im not a baby, far from it at this point. I just dont want to be anyone, not to die, its to… messy to much sadness. I wish to cease to be. Crave it like some crave wealth, power and sex. Maybe i can cease to be, only time will tell.