Worthy of You 2

"Why, Why do you still love me? I'm disgusting and selfish. I've not only tried to replace you with so many different men, but I've also been touched in indecent ways by every single one. Is it not disturbing?

I don't have a single redeeming quality that would be mildly attractive. I can't even put on the show of a bright, all smiles, happy girl like in the past. I'm a wet blanket on any occasion; I wouldn't know how to comfort you if you were feeling down. In fact, I'd probably just make it worse.

Despite witnessing everything I'd done, you should know best how cruel I am. Everything I did, I did it with an impure motive. Why did you still choose to not only stay but even love me despite that?

You should've left, find someone better—someone who's cute, or pretty, or pure. Anyone would've been better for you, so why are you telling me you love me? Why didn't you get sick of me? How are you able to stand being around me, much less see me. You should be disappointed in me, hate me, detest me!

Why?! Why couldn't you just crush my last remaining hope and leave me behind?! Why did you have to tell me you still love me?! Why did you have to say to me you loved me even after all that?! That we are a fated pair?! If we're truly a fated pair, then why did you still allow me to go around with so many other men?! Why didn't you stop me?! Why didn't you tell me anything before?! Even if you couldn't talk, surely you could've found some other way to inform me!

How dare you even tell me that it's okay to hate you! I could never hate you! Especially after how you're still willing to be with me! I'm the horrible one! I don't have the rights to even love you after trying to replace you! But you still tell me that it's okay, is it because we're a fated pair?! If we weren't, would you still have stayed so persistently by my side?! Why must you say things that make me love you even more!

I've already done so many cruel things to you. I don't want to be any more horrible than I already am! If you tell me you still love me, that you're willing to go this far for someone like me, I'll start getting even more greedy. I'll want more, I'll start expecting more, I won't be able to let you go anymore! If you leave me now, I'll get jealous of whoever you chose over me, and I'll want to break that fragile neck of hers! I'll kill as many as you find to take over my spot in your heart! I won't stop until you kill me with your own hands!

I don't want you to see me become a monster!"

Arias' hands covered her face and further buried into her knees, attempting to hide away from Basil after her uncontrollable and embarrassing outburst. It was mortifying to have all of her insecurities and ugliest sides exposed to the person she least wanted to let know. Aria had even vented out her frustrations and blamed him for ridiculous and unreasonable faults. She was no different from a madman, lashing out at anyone. She was right; someone like her doesn't deserve Basil. Aria knew that she was only lucky that she was Basils' other half, and for that reason, he would forgive her for the hurtful words she had just hurled at him. She knew it and had subconsciously abused that fact and used it against Basil, which bred an even more potent self-hatred within Aria.

Though Arias ranting stunned Basil silly, it also made it more evident just how deep she was stuck in her mire of hate. It prevented Aria from forgiving herself and obstructed her from believing in his love and devotion to her.

Being a fated pair indeed is what led them to be together. However, Basil could've chosen to leave if he so wished. It was never a rule that one had to stay with their fated pair. That would just be cruel if their partner was abusive, leading the victim with no means of escape or protection. It was Arias' core that made him addicted to her. No matter how her personality or character may change, her innate nature never will. Hence he was willing to cross the seas of fire if it meant to be together again.

Though it did hurt to hear Aria accusing him and discrediting his affections for her, Basil knew that it was because she was experiencing unimaginable pain. Aria suffered from the contradictions in her heart, contradictions that sprouted because of her self-loathing and overflowing love.

Aria loves Basil so much that she wanted him to find someone better, but also because she loves him this much, she couldn't accept him replacing her with someone else. Aria believed in Basils' love for her, but at the same time, she couldn't because she hates herself. Aria believed that Basil forgave her and accept everything about her, but she couldn't forgive or accept herself.

He could only hope that with time and constant reassurance from him, Aria can begin to forgive herself. However, he was confident that he could help her accept and love herself again within this lifetime.

Even though it was distressing to see Arias' figure curled into a round ball, Basil couldn't help but find the sight of it look adorable, and warmth rippled through his core.

"Aria."

Basil shuffled closer to her, close enough that they were almost touching.

"Aria, I love you. I love you, so much, much more than, you can imagine. It is true, that we were, brought together by, fate. But Aria, I chose to, stay. I wasn't forced, or stayed out, of obligation. I stayed because, I fell in, love with you. And I want, you to know, that I will, always love you, no matter what. Even if you, are different in, personality and character, your innate nature, never changes, and that is, exactly what I, fell in love, with.

Aria, I love you, because you're you.

It is also, true that I, could've communicated, with you through, some other means. But that had, never crossed my, mind. I was so, fixated on talking, with words that, I had forgotten, about using other, methods to achieve, the same results. For this I, am sorry.

As for the, choices you made, in the past, it doesn't matter. It was a, moment of youthful, rashness. Everyone, has those moments, including me, you just can't, remember them, but, I promise you, that even I, have committed, such foolishness before. You were the, one who told, me it was, okay. That you still, accepted and loved, me in spite, of everything I, had done. Nobody is perfect, even me. We make mistakes, but we can, learn from them, correct ourselves, and improve for, the better.

Aria, you love me, right? So, it's okay. Aria, you've hated yourself, for so long, and so profoundly, that you're now, lost and frustrated. I'll help you, to see the, you that I, see. I'll help you, believe that you're, the only one, that can be, my little queen. Wonderful and spectacular, beautiful and adorable. I want you, to feel better, about yourself, and be able, to love the, person that I, love too. You can take, your time, you don't need, to rush to, improve. I promise you, I will always, be there, no matter how, long it takes, as long as, you allow me, to be by, your side. We can take, things slowly, and go through, this together.

So please don't, push me away. I know now, that you're, afraid that, I'll hate you, for your excessive, possessiveness and greed, for my love. But Aria, I'm the same, possibly worse, than you.

You feeling this, way only for, me, actually makes me, happy. I never showed, how much I, wanted to kill, everyone who stood, between us. I hated that, they mistreated you, in such disgusting, ways. I imagined, multiple times, of digging out, their eyes, for looking at, you. Cutting off their, tongues for mocking, your dignity. Skinning them alive, and chopping off, their fingers for, touching you. But it would, only trouble you, so I didn't.

I only care, about you. The only one, I can see, is you. Aria, you're my everything, and if possible, I wanted for, you to want, and see only, me too. I live for, you, and die for, you. If you, rejected me and, pushed me away, I wouldn't, be able to, stand it. I would've locked, you and chained, you to my, side. So that you, can never ever, leave my side. Is that scary?"

Arias' head snapped up, and bewilderment coloured her face. Aria never imagined that Basil had just as much possessiveness over her as she did for him. The reassurance of not being the only one to feel this extreme comforted her, especially if the one who felt the same way was Basil. She wouldn't have to hold back or hide from Basil, and the requests she knew would sound unreasonable; she wouldn't feel troubled voicing them out anymore. Because Basil would understand without Aria explaining anything.

With a trembling voice, Aria whispered, "no."

Though Aria couldn't see in the darkness, she could feel that Basil was overjoyed and relieved with her answer.

"That's how I, feel too. You're not scary, or ugly, and you're definitely, not a monster. Even if you're, a monster, then I would, be your demon king. Whatever you want, to be, I'll support you, and always love, you. As long as, you're Aria, I'll forever be, here to stay.

There'll never be, a time when, I'll not want, and love you."

Fresh tears fell drop by drop, as Aria felt her body burn up from Basils' searing love, scaring Basil. Though Basil tried to catch every drop that fell from her chin, it only passed through the shadows that were his hands. Leaving him even more frustrated and dissatisfied with his current body.

Aria knew that every time she cried, it left Basil anxious and flustered. However, the reassurance that she would always be loved no matter how she changes and Basil's unconditional love and support in those changes, regardless of whether it was good or bad, touched her deeply and successfully won the war against the last of her resistance. With the shackles Aria had used to tie down her smashed heart, her body felt lighter and her mind clearer. Basils' words were like a spark that set off a raging fire, coursing through her blood, urging her to immediately take action in becoming someone worthy of Basil.

Basil had called her his little queen, and Aria very well intended to live up to that title and his expectations. Aria didn't want to disappoint or hurt Basil anymore. So for everything that he believed in her, she'll fight against the side of her that doesn't. She would no longer give excuses for her actions and take responsibility for them; to not do so is something only a child would do. She would no longer give chances to anyone else, allowing them to steal her position. Even though Basil had always kept it reserved for her solely, she still intended to fight for it, with her strongest opponent being herself.

As Aria was swept away with her emotions, her lack of sight brought her an ominous feeling. The feeling that Basil couldn't come back with her yet. Aria began to feel anxious and felt a desperate need to clarify with Basil.

"You...can't come back yet...right?"

Fighting against her growing anxiety and fear, Aria kept her hoarse voice calm and steady.

"Yes. I'm not sure, for how long. I'm sorry I, can't stay by, your side immediately."

Aria's gaze lowered, staring at nothing in particular with her brows furrowed and lips flattened in a straight line.

Before long, Arias' head snapped back up, and the mist and uncertainty in her gaze dispersed now replaced with firm conviction. Her eyes looked as clear as crystals, shining with a brilliance that came from within. The previous uncontrollable fire that was lit inside of Aria now burned steadily.

Aria took a deep breath, stabilising her mood and emotions, and proclaimed, "I'll wait for you; it doesn't matter how long you take. While you're away, I'll work on myself and look after myself, so you don't have to worry about me. I promise you that while you're gone, I'll protect the position that belongs to only you. In exchange, you have to promise me something."

Aria stood up, and Basil stood up together with her.

Looking at where Aria assumed Basil's eyes to be, she continued in a solemn tone as if she was pledging her vows.

"Promise me that you'll come back for me no matter how long you take. If not in this lifetime, then the next. No matter what, you have to come back and find me again."

Though Aria knew they didn't need a spoken promise for something already determined, Aria still felt that she needed it. As her anchor for her conviction. And her spiritual support to wait for Basil in the coming years, possibly till the end of her life.

Facing an uncertain future, Aria felt uneasy. Though she had requested for Basil to find her in her next life if he could not in this, she didn't know if she'll be able to remember to keep waiting for Basil. She was afraid that with the start of a new life, her memories would be refreshed along with it, once again forgetting everything.

Her lips pursed, and her brows wrinkled as Aria tried to keep her tears in. She couldn't cry now. If she cried again, Basil would really think she was a crybaby.

Basil looked tenderly at Aria, watching as she tried to keep her tears in. He was worried if Arias' eye will hurt a lot later after crying this much in a single night.

"I promise. I'll protect your, position by my, side too. And I won't, keep you waiting, for long. I'll definitely find, you within this, lifetime."

With Basils' promise, a sunny and charming smile bloomed on Arias' face. Though small, it was her first genuine smile since four years ago. Like blowing away the cold that took root in her heart, her smile seemed to illuminate the darkness around them little by little.

"Then, I'll wait. I'll wait for as long as you need to take to come back. I'll wait for as long as I can. I'll always be waiting for you to come back and find me again till my last breath."

As daylight began to break through the dense shadows that enclosed them, Aria heard Basils' chuckle. A chuckle that would've made people break out in cold sweat only melted Arias' heart.

"I would never, allow myself to, let you wait, for that long.

When you go, back, remember to warm, up your body. Otherwise, you might catch, a cold."

With Basil's reminder, the darkness completely receded. Leaving Aria to bask in the rays of the rising sun, wrapping her in a warmth that she had once long forgotten. As a breeze caressed her tear-stained cheeks, Aria felt that the world's colours looked a little more vibrant than she remembered.