38 Farewell to my lover

.......

Three hours....

It lasted three hours, it ended three hours. I laid down hopeless, useless, troubled, flat on the floor, for three hours...

Three hours...

Everything ended.

Just like magic, my soul left me, everything came crashing, everything fell apart, I did nothing.

The blue eyes man that I had somehow came to love, was gone, as well as the illusions of him, the imaginations, it was all gone.

He took it all, he took my soul with him, with no part of my heart, he left me with, he took it all, all my the heart away..

The remaining of me, he left to the beast, to the devil himself, I was destroyed....I am left with nothing!, Ashes!....

Sorry, rephrase....

I was the one who left him, abandoned him, and crushed him till he became ashes....

Thinking of it, I was the one who fall preyed, I killed myself.

I am no master of love, I know that now, I am no master of anything.

My imperfect life, it got worst, the demon made it worst, some are unfortunate, indeed I was one of the some, indeed it became hell on earth.

He hunts me, I am bond with the satan, I am never free, he won't let me be, I'd never rest, not until I die would he leave me, not until am three feet under the ground, would I finally be free, until then...

I'd never rest!.

...

Days pass by, Weeks, Months, A year is gone.

The nightmare... it approaching, it will soon come yet again, I will soon die again.

How the thought alone gives me shivers, it makes my head spin, it makes me lose it, it makes me run mad...

18 would be gone soon, 18 would soon leave me, 19 will come, just a day away and I would be a year older...

The new age would come, it would hunt me, it would creep my soul away....

I would be reminded of her, my life... I would be reminded of my misery, yet again...

18 years ago, everything felled apart, just a day away, everything would fall apart once again, it would fall before my very eyes and I'd watch it happen, do nothing, I'll run mad...

My eyes trailed up, my lips, I watch it, it tries, eventually it forms a smile. I smiled, after all this months, it was a smile, my lips formed again

.....

It was the day I had longed waited for, I dreamt of it and here it is, it has finally arrived, At last!..

I would leave this place for good, forever, this hell, I would leave...

Everything behind, the memories of him, the memories of love, it would hunt me less, I'd be gone, and everything would slowly fade away...

Everything except of him, that mad beast...

It shivers, my body did, but still I let out my hand, it spread wide open, my eyes slowly drifting up again, it finally caught his brown ones, that hid behind the glasses, it finally stared into his...

The smile on my lips, it was back again...

The one who had never had faith in me for once, was right in front of me, standing here, he was with my certificate, the certificate I thought I'd never earn in this life...

He was going to hand it over, he was going give my wide spread hands...

I had smiled over the months, but nothing was more genuine than this one, indeed my lips finally smiled a real one, there was no doubts.

My eyes staring into his brown ones, his lips I watch, it parted, the moment I've longed been waiting for all this while, he finally open his mouth to speak, at last...

"I never knew this day would come Miss Ivy, Well I actually knew that, what I mean is, me standing here handing you your certificate, I never knew it would happen"...

He smiles, my lips spread, I watch him...

"I mean, if anyone would ever tell me that you, Ivy Hathway, would ever graduate from this school, I'd rather eat hair soup for a whole month, I'll never believe that"...

His voice echoed round the hall room, everybody's laughing, he was humorous, his humor was back again and for the first time in ages, I had no complain in that...

Instead the smile on my lips, it grew..

I am leaving, but my heart doesn't want to leave this man...

How ironic indeed!....

No matter how many trouble I had caused, no matter how many times I had made this cool headed man blood boil, no matter the zillion and one times he had punished me for it all...

In the end, I realized finally, my heart would miss him, there was no doubt in that

My eyes trailing back to him, his lips part again...

"Congratulations!" He whispers, as I watch his hand, he hands me my certificate, at last.. Finally!...

Clapping, cheering, it all came from different angles, the ceremony has finally came to it quick end...

My legs, I watch it, as it turns back, it moves, it walk out of the grand hall room....

Everything has ended now.

....

"I couldn't be more proud of you" My eyes drifted up, it stared into her bright eyes, it speaks all the joy in her heart...

The smile on her face radiated, her brown messy hair, covering the part of her eyes, still she looks gorgeous, still she was just like an angel, Beautiful indeed!

I felt my lips, it slowly parted away, finally...

"Enough for the lovey dovey am proud of you stuff, it's making me sick" I tell her, as I watch her expression carefully..

I watch her, as she let out a cheerful laugh, watching her laugh, my lips formed a smile at last, but that...

The smile slowly faded away, it didn't last for a minute, it was all gone...

My mind, it finally clicked...

My eyes widening open, it stares at her, her eyebrows arching up, she looks at me back...

"What's wrong" Her lips speak, she asks me, I could see the worry in her eyes, I tried calming myself down...

"My bag" My lips finally uttered, looking at her, her eyebrows arched even more, she understands nothing I am saying...

The frustrated frown was back on my lips again, as I stared into her confused eyes....

"My bag is missing" I managed to say, after confirming what I was actually saying...

After all, there was not really any confirming to do, I held my bag earlier and now it's gone, all that was let on my hand was the certificate, nothing else...

"Where did you last dropped it" Her voice creeped into my soul, it brought me back to life, my eyes drifted back to hers once again...

"I don't know where it is "... My lips speaks, as I tried racking my head...

All the little valuable stuff that I could call my own was in it...

Money, all the clues that me and him managed to gather for the revenge, in order to find those bastards, all the little clues I had was in there, without it, everything would flop...

I haven't given up my thirst for revenge, I would be mad if I actually did that, if I actually let it slide and let them go scot free, Never!...

I would get my vengeance no matter what...

But still that wasn't all that was in there...

Even if I tragically lost all those things, that was awfully okay...

I would never survive, I would never forgive myself if I lose the one thing that I cherish the most, I'll kill myself if I don't find that bag back...

All I lived for was in there, her picture was in the bag, my mother's....

The only picture I had manage to get from the warehouse that dark night, it was the only picture I have of her, the only picture that I had finally got to see how she looked like...

That only picture was in that damn bag. I swear, even if it means I'll sell my soul to get the bag back, I'll do it...

Without that picture, the remaining life inside me will be gone forever, I would be left with nothing completely, No!

"No-no-no, I need to get that bag back, I have to, I can't lose it, no I can't" I yell, as I watch my eyes becoming shaky again after all this while...

The smile that was finally back on my lips, was gone, yet again...

At last, I was born to have this shitty fate, at last, I was born to suffer...

I was breaking yet again, I knew it and this time, in front of her, right in front of her eyes, she would see my unstable insanity.

My eyes, swelling up with tears, it was shaky, it wanders, but she caught it with hers...

Tears falls out, it stared into hers, her hand resting on my dark hair, it pats it, her lips, slowly parted...

"You can't break down now, after all it's not lost completely" Her voice echoes into my ears, her eyes maintaining the eye contact with mine, she tells me...

My racing heart for the first time tries to calm down, my shaky eyes, it pierced into her own...

"We will find it together, if we search now" Her voice whispers out, I watch her, as her hand slowly held up mine, she tried pulling me along, but my leg didn't move an inch, it decided not to...

"I would search alone, you go home" My lips finally speaks, my eyes slowly wandering away, yet it somehow manage to catch up with hers once again...

Her worried eyebrows arching up, she was clearly confused, but still I knew what I was doing...

Still I won't ever dare let her pass through all this stress, just cause a clumsy fool like me lost her bag somewhere in this gigantic school...

Never would I make her exhaust all the life in her body, just because of me...

No, she was middle age, clearly shouldn't be passing through all this, when my legs are perfectly fine, I'd be mad, if I ever let that happen...

My eyes wanders, it stares into hers, her lips slowly parting, but I know what she was going to say, I knew she would plead for me allow her to help...

I knew she would do that, but never would I allow her to, never would I allow her to go through all this stress for me, she has already clearly done too much...

Not in this life, will I ever be able to repay all she has done, never!...

My eyes glues, it stares into her worried ones, her lips slowly parted, but I would never let her speak...

"I already know what you'll say, and my answer will remain no, you have to go home" My eyes still fix on hers, I tell her...

But still, she kept on giving me that pathetic worried expression, but no, would I fall for that anymore...

My gaze drifting back into her eyes again, I let out a frustrated sigh...

"Have you seen this school, there are like a zillion stairs in there, I would never let you do this, Never!" I protested, but still her expression remained the same, it didn't change, not one bit, not at all...

Frustration clouding inside me, I stare into her worried eyes again....

"Please let me...

"No you please listen to me" My voice yells again, my eyebrows frowning in anger, I stare into her eyes, as I watch guilt flushing through me the second after...

I shouldn't have yelled, her been worried, it was justified.. My mind tells the the obvious, what I already realized...

I let out a deep sigh again...

"I'm...

"It's alright" Her calm voice cuts me off completely, it echoes, it tells me, as I watch her glueing into my eyes, with a little smile on her lips...

My eyebrows, I felt it, as it arched up, I understood nothing....

"Am just..

"it's alright" She repeated, as she drown me with her caring eyes...

My hands, it slowly moves, and all I could do was watch, as it slowly grabs unto her hand, my eyes drifted back to hers, yet again.

"All I want is for you to be alright, I don't want you to pass through all this for me" I finally open up, letting out everything that had been in my heart all this while...

If there was anything, anything at all, I had learnt from all this shitty thing that had happened to me, is that I would never keep what's in my heart to myself, ever again, not anymore...

If only I had confessed my love to him sooner, then maybe we could have actually been together, before the beast shows up to tear us apart...

Maybe, we would have been, but yet again, it was all an assumption, I would never know for sure, I'll never know again...

Our story has ended months ago, it's all too late now, it all too late ...

Farewell to my lover!, I would forever love you...