Captain page

Having been told by a friend to record his thoughts and feelings in audio logs to cope while on his journey. Captain Page leaves behind a story no one in Star Command would have believed other wise. You, dear reader are tasked with listening to find out what happened on this voyage gone wrong.

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Captains log,

As I am aboard this ship, finally having a moment alone.

*sigh*

I would say I have had a startling amount of times I have wanted to unalive myself today, but that's a lie. I am not surprised, or shocked by wanting to, or even imagining a bullet going through my head. No, I'm annoyed that the feeling keeps coming back with no closure. It comes and I nudge it away like a cat trying to sit on my keyboard. I've never had a cat but I do have a vivid imagination. Then barely anything or something specific brings it back with a vengeance. And again I pick it up by its fluffy body a warm, finalizing idea, and put it on my lap. Like as to say "okay I get it you want attention I acknowledge you but I have things to do". And for a time it's worse. Some days I don't understand where it comes from but it is angry at me and barely tolerant of my presence. Those days are close to bad but not quite there because it can still be placated, but relentless all the same until then. I don't know if I've had a truly bad day though I've had bad moments cats are nasty when they really bite.

It's at times like this when I get really tired. So very, very, tired. It's not always the same either, there are many ways to die. I think the best way to die is a fast acting poison, if I couldn't shoot myself. I feel like I want to go out on my own terms y'know. The idea of being killed is frightening. I don't wanna live but I don't wanna die, and I've gotta survive because... I've gotta survive.

Right?

End log

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Captains log March 7th, 2022

I have been abandoned on the island yet again. Though I am not the only one alone, they all have their own spaces I fear what will happen next. I am not prepared. Wish us luck on our journey we may not make it past the horizon. I will update further soon, that is if it's not too late.

End log