Guilt And Grief Filled His Chest

The news she received today was heartbreaking. Ludwina sobbed in the hospital lobby for half an hour until her tears dried.

She didn't know what to do. What her two doctors told her was very shocking.

After her tears dried, she opened her phone and typed in Andrea's number, but she couldn't press the call button. She didn't know how to tell him about her condition.

She needed rest...

Ludwina finally asked the receptionist to order a taxi for her and go back to the apartment. She had to calm down first before sharing this bad news with Andrea.

Along the way home, her mind was dizzy. She seemed oblivious to her surroundings.

As she got out of the taxi, Ludwina moved like a robot, making automatic steps toward their apartment. When she arrived at the front of their unit building, she accidentally saw Andrea sitting on the balcony. Ludwina hurriedly cleaned her face from tears and tried to calm herself down.

She didn't know why Andrea came home so early from work, but she couldn't surprise him. Ludwina decided that she would find the right time to share her diagnosis after she had accepted the news and calmed down. She could not make Andrea shocked and worried. She just couldn't bear it.

She couldn't imagine how heartbroken Andrea would be to find out that not only would Ludwina not be able to give him a child– but his beloved wife would not live for too long either.

Ludwina opened their apartment door and immediately headed to the balcony. She saw Andrea sat on the lounge chair, facing out. She immediately hugged her husband's neck from behind and landed a kiss on his hair.

"Are you coming home early?" Ludwina asked softly.

She didn't expect that Andrea would turn to face her with a sad face and a look of despair.

"Honey..."

"What's the matter, Andrea? Why is your face like that...?"

Ludwina instantly felt uneasy.

Andrea got up and hugged Ludwina tightly. His heart was pounding, and his voice was very hoarse as he answered Ludwina.

"Honey... I'm so sorry..." He stroked Ludwina's hair and closed his eyes, holding back the pain in his heart. "I have a son. I already have a child in London. I just found out today."

"Wh-what?" Ludwina hurriedly broke away from Andrea's embrace. She glared at her husband, trying to find any signs that Andrea was joking or teasing her. However, in those brown eyes, there was only pain and shame.

"What child??? How– how could it be?"

Andrea then slowly shared the email he received from Adeline this afternoon and showed Ludwina some of Ronan's photos.

When the girl saw the boy with curly brown hair and a face like Andrea's spitting image, she suddenly realized that Ronan was indeed her husband's son.

"I didn't know you slept with Adeline..." Ludwina hissed in a cold tone. She tried not to explode with anger in front of Andrea.

She felt hurt. It was as if her husband cheated on her, even though she knew the relationship happened long before she met the man. Andrea never told her the extent of his relationship with his ex-girlfriend.

She knew Adeline was Andrea's first love, and they almost got married– but she did not know that the two of them already slept together.*

She felt both pain and anger.

Tears flowed profusely from Ludwina's pair of eyes. She looked very hurt.

Her schoolmates thought of her as 'the girl who had everything,' but why was it that today, she felt like she was the most unfortunate girl in the world?

Of all days, why now? Today was her birthday.

She had just been sentenced to stage 4 uterine cancer.

Not only was she unable to bear children for her husband who really longed for offspring... but now she also found that the husband, whom she loved so much, the only man in her life, had actually slept with another woman and even had a child with her.

"Honey, I didn't know Adelina was pregnant when she left..." Andrea held Ludwina's hands, trying to calm her down, "We slept together to force her parents to let us get married... We didn't expect them to force Adel to go to London..."

"Let go of me!" Ludwina suddenly screamed and gripped her temples. Her head suddenly felt extremely heavy. "I... don't want to see you. It really hurts..."

She stumbled into their room and locked the door.

Andrea lowered his face sadly. He walked slowly to the door of their room and sat on the floor, patiently waiting for Ludwina to come out.

"Honey, I didn't know," he said in a pained voice, "I don't know what I did wrong in the past for me to be punished like this. I vowed not to be like my father... but it turns out that I'm no different from him. I've abandoned Ronan and let Adel suffer everything alone..."

Andrea had already shed so many tears in the office this afternoon while reading Adeline's email, so his eyes were now dry. He could only sit weakly and wait for Ludwina to forgive him.

Ludwina didn't leave the room until the next day, so Andrea had to sleep on the sofa.

***

After thinking all night and trying to calm her anger, Ludwina finally decided to leave the room. She found Andrea sleeping on the sofa without a blanket, and she couldn't bear it. She took the pillow and blanket from the room and covered it over Andrea's body.

When the blanket touched him, Andrea woke up. He hurriedly grabbed Ludwina's hand. He pulled her closer and hugged her.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered to Ludwina, "I will do whatever you ask. I only love you, Wina, Honey. Don't be so angry. I can't bear to see you sad."

Ludwina closed her eyes and hissed, "You must never see that kid. You can be financially responsible and send them money, or gifts, or whatever, but you can't go to London to meet them."

She did not expect Andrea would nod and agree.

"Okay, I understand."

At that time, Ludwina felt like a very selfish woman, but she felt very hurt. How could she let Andrea meet his first love and their child?

While she had to face the fact that she didn't have much time left...

She didn't want Andrea to leave her at a time like this.

That's why she asked Andrea not to meet his son.

Even though her face looked cold when she made this request, inside, Ludwina was actually feeling torn.

"You don't look well," Andrea hugged Ludwina very tightly. "We'll see the doctor later, okay?"

Ludwina shook her head. The last thing she wanted to do was take Andrea with her to the doctor. She didn't want Andrea to know that she was sick.

Not at a time like this.

"I'm just dizzy. Don't think about it," Ludwina replied nonchalantly and tried to break free from Andrea's arms.

The man understood that Ludwina was still hurt. He let his wife vent her pain by ignoring him.

Because it was still dawn, they returned to the room and tried to continue sleeping. When Andrea tried to hug her, Ludwina slid away to the edge of the bed and covered herself with the blanket. She did not want to be hugged as usual.

Andrea just sighed dejectedly.

***

The next day, Andrea asked permission to work from home. He wanted to accompany Ludwina, who looked unwell, but the girl went out of the house at noon and only returned in the evening.

The reason she gave was that she wanted to shop and cool off, but when she got home, Andrea didn't see her with her usual shopping bags.

He suspected that Ludwina was only going to Chijmes to drink and vent her frustration. The thought made Andrea's heart very sad.

He knew that he had hurt Ludwina, but he really hoped that Ludwina would be understanding.

After all, Andrea slept with Adelina when they were still in a relationship, and they only did it so they could get married.

The incident took place years before he even met Ludwina. Guilt and grief filled Andrea's chest him because he unknowingly abandoned Ronan for seven years, and he had also hurt Ludwina, his wife.

Andrea felt like he was between a rock and a hard place. The conflict was raging inside. On the one hand, he wanted to be a good father to Ronan, but on the other hand, he did not want to hurt Ludwina anymore...

Andrea's inner conflict was very clear even though he didn't say anything. He never talked about Adel or Ronan to Ludwina again, but the girl could see that his eyes always looked sad and depressed after he found out about Ronan.

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1] In many parts of Asia, premarital sex is frowned upon. That's why Ludwina was disappointed that her husband had slept with Adeline and didn't tell her. It's different from the West where sexual history is considered normal.