1 Chapter 1: Is it Deja Vu?
A wise person told me once that if you like something or someone you take an interest on it but that's not the case for her, wait let me explain briefly. I am Ken and "her" is Althea she was my high-school classmate and my true love or so i thought she was...
April of 2021
• I thought it was a normal day i had breakfast, took a bath, did some chores, i played my video games and then something unusual happened. Althea messaged me saying she wants to play video games with me, of-course seeing someone invites me out to this boredom i quickly agreed. We were having fun and after we played we talked and talked until the brightness of the moon fully covers our roof we said goodnights. As a guy who easily can be attached to someone i realized that night why did i hide my feelings i knew she was the one. Next day as the sun lighten me up through the curtains we said our goodmornings. She said she didn't want to play but rather just talk and so we talked and shared the memories we had since we were in school, this feeling is gradually increasing my heart can't stop racing when she talks to me. I decided to I silently show my feelings to her by telling secrets i never once told, things i never once said, feelings i never once showed. I slept with a blush on my face hoping that she would feel the same too.
May of 2021
• The month that changes my thoughts forever, i finally had the courage to say my feelings weeks of preparing and hinting i finally had to do it or would feel the guilt i experienced 2 years ago.
Finally the day of the confession i was ready and before i even confessed i was in shocked on what i had to see, my preparations were nothing, my efforts were useless...
She confessed that she liked me of-course seeing this my heart was melted like butter, i replied saying i like you too. My mind was full of questions, i questioned her if this was a dare or a joke she replied with a sorry and said "it's not a dare nor a joke it is my heart that spoked", i quickly remembered what she told me 2 years ago that she hates lying especially to someone special i stood up with redness like roses in my cheeks. The guilt that is haunting me is finally gone, i am finally free from this torture...
June of 2021
• We were happy that we liked each other and started spending time and caring for each other we were inseparable we played and laughed feeling that there is no end of a day. But there is still one problem, i need to maintain this relationship i cant let this end, the feeling of someone finally cares and love me intimately, every time the sun finally disappears i wished and prayed that this relationship will last until we are old or so i thought...
July of 2021
• The month of terror the month of almost giving up. Things are good but we rarely talk and played, something was wrong and i needed to fix it but first i need to figure what is wrong, i took out my notebook and pen and started writing. Every day i said goodmorning but she'll end up saying goodnight instead, every time i engage a conversation she just ignores me, every time i try to understand that she is busy the more i am getting myself feel the guilt again. I thought the guilt was over but it just got worse, every night i question myself "is this a joke? Did i do something wrong?"
I've finally come up with a conclusion that after she confessed she is just uninterested and didn't cared at all, she would just talk to me when she needs and asks for something. I felt used as if i was a utility. The guilt i felt and the feeling she made me felt 2 years ago is back, i am once again alone in this journey...
Am i a utility?
