Served up on a platter

It was no bed of roses that I woke up to. Rather, it was to find myself abed amongst fresh and moist salad leaves wherein I had been ensconced and artfully placed as the centre piece. The giant plate or tray itself felt like it was resting up on a bed of ice.

It was so cold that parts of me were numb. I was sure all my goosebumps and hairs were standing on end in order to try and retain as much heat as possible. The breaths of air brushing my skin all over told me that I was butt naked. The posture in which I was placed was curled up on my side with my heels touching my bare backside and wrists hugged against my chest. Both my wrists and ankles had been bound with some sort of thin rope or twine that dug into my skin.

Much as I wanted to move, I couldn't. I could only scream and struggle within my mind while my body made no response. My body had been paralyzed. I had no control over it. The only control I did have was to blink and be able to look around. It was hard to breathe while my heart fluttered like a bird trapped in a cage unable to get out. My lacrimal glands seemed to be working well, as panicked tears streamed down.

Attempting to get up, roll over, shout or scream was futile. Dark drops of despair and helplessness dripped down over me like sticky tar, threatening to suffocate and drown me. I couldn't make a sound. The only thing I could do was keep breathing and looking around while crying.

I was at the mercy of the team of chefs who were bustling about me in this industrial stainless steel kitchen. Every now and then, someone would come and rearrange the salad leaves around me into a slightly different pattern. Triangular baby cos lettuce was stood up and laid down in alternating layers with other types of salad vegetables and greens.

Some sort of huge fruit was stuffed inside my mouth and secured in place by two chefs finding a way to force my jaw to bite down into it. At least, I thought it was a fruit because the juice that trickled into my mouth had an excessively sweet taste. I just couldn't tell what kind of fruit it was. Definitely not an apple. Or so it tasted.

With the giant platter or tray being on big cart, I was sometimes pushed here and there as various chefs and kitchen hands brushed past the serving cart on which I was not relaxing on. I could hear and glimpse chefs arranging and placing small pieces of food upon my body. The salad leaves were arranged to cover up certain parts of my body and a jug of salad dressing was placed in the crook of my elbows. Another jug was placed cold against my abdomen, held in place by my knees and the back of my elbows.

"A beauty," someone murmured from behind me. "You have all surpassed yourselves this time, finding this beauty. I hope all your efforts and the high pay makes this worth it for all of us."

A cold hand stroked my cheek, while other more professional hands placed things between my breasts to presumably hold them up or level the skyward side of my uppermost breast in order to allow an icy serving of food to be placed there.

I was at once the centre of attention and being ignored. It felt like I was just a slab of meat at the butchers. I wasn't me, a human being with equal standing amongst the other humans, but rather I had been trivialized and shrunken into not even food. Just crockery. A decorative option that could be used to serve food and other consumables.

"And now, the masterpiece," said a voice behind me. "Her body temperature will keep it warm enough for the birthday boy to enjoy. Make sure you've cooled them down so she won't be burnt. Be careful putting them in, we don't want to break her hymen or hurt her."

Someone spread my buttocks apart with gloved fingers and some sort of icy, slimy gel was slathered on and pushed in. The icy fingers made me want to clench. Just their touch and being in this situation had me tightly wound and wanting to clenched myself into a protective roly poly ball like a slater bug. Needless to say, my body did nothing and instead allowed the gloved person wearing a face mask to lube me up and feel my up from the inside.Thier fingers were as frigid as the lubricating gel. Then something hot, firm and slippery was slipped first into my most sensitive hole. It was twisted and carefully thrust in, making want to writhe, squirm to stop the strange intruding sensation.

If I had been able to make a noise or move, I would have long gone running while cursing every person in this room. As it was, I was at the mercy of these cold, detached professionals who saw me as nothing more than decoration amongst salad leaves. I wanted no part in this. I didn't want to be here. Why was nobody saying anything or saving me? All the glazed eyes filled with nothing but their work flitted past my face as if they didn't or couldn't see me.

They stopped pushing it in when they came up against resistance. The thing inside was jiggled, making my breaths come a little faster from the sharp pain, while tears formed in my eyes.

"That should do it. Now the other one. Make sure it's wrapped up properly just in case her bowels weren't cleaned properly."

Then a hot and slippery thing was carefully pushed into my back hole, making my eyes roll at how far they were pushing the thing in. It was uncomfortable.

With the heat down there, it made me begin to sweat.

Something was smeared on various areas of my skin, particularly around the erogenous zones, making all those areas tingle and slightly burn as if someone had rubbed chilli there.

"Alright, the beauty platter is ready. Quickly send her in before she starts sweating too much and contaminates the food."

The trolley on which I was half buried in salad leaves moved. It left the unfeeling kitchen and entered a subdued and yet slightly rowdy room filled with both men and women in formal wear. Eyes followed me through the long hallway in which some sort of formal gathering or party was taking place, all the way to the other end where tables of food had been laid out. My trolley came to a stop in front of a couch of laid back young men. The man in the centre had an especially cold and indifferent face, looking bored. By his side was a man whose eyes gleamed with lust looked me up and down.

"Here, Bro! This is my birthday surprise for you," the laviscious man nudged the icy man with his elbow. "I found a beauty. And since you seem to have no interest in that area, I thought I'd dress her up and gift her to you when we're done eating. If you aren't interested, then the rest of us can at least have some fun. Look, she's even awake. Look at those crystalline tears. What a marvelous actress. As if she didn't already agree to all this. This one won't be able to run away. Praise me, Bro. Aren't I your best friend?"

The cold man looked at the laviscious guy at his side with some disgust, not saying a word. It didn't deter the passionately lewd man at all.

"Everyone! Come over and join in. This is a special salad I ordered for us to enjoy. Bro, do the honours and pour the salad dressing."

The cold man snorted, standing slowly at the eager urging of his friend and picked up the jug nestled against my abdomen. With it, he watered the salad leaves, avoiding pouring it on my body.

His friend seemed dissatisfied.

"Bro, that's not the way to do it. You're meant to pour it on the girl. Then we can wipe it off her with the salad leaves while we enjoy the food. I even ordered a special meat cake. The girl's probably keeping it warm."

The cold man looked at the people crowding around with even more disgust while they laughed.

"Ah. That's the expression we wanted to see," the laviscious man sniggered, pouring the other jug of cold salad dressing over my body, making me shiver.

I couldn't move, but my body could still shiver from the cold liquid.

"Please yourselves," the icy man snorted with a roll of his eyes, picking up the morsel that had been carefully balanced on my breast and sitting down to enjoy the finger food piece.

I felt hands reaching out to help themselves to the morsels of food my body had become the platter for. A pair of tongs nipped at me every now and then while people picked up some salad greens.

"Hey, the girl has two sticks stuck in her. Is that the meat cake you just mentioned, Rizao?" someone exclaimed.

"Yeah. It's the birthday boy's special meat cake."

The cold man was dragged up from his seat, pushed and shoved by his friends to where I couldn't see. They teased and badgered him until I felt someone place a hand on my hip. Slowly, the hot stick that had been placed in my backside was drawn out to raucous laughter.

I heard the sound of plastic wrapping rustling and then cheers when something was wiped against one of the burning areas of chilli spice on my body. Perhaps he took a bite. Who knew? I shut my eyes, trying to bear with the humiliation of the moment.

"Not bad," commented that cold voice, sounding slightly surprised. The stick of food was wiped on my body to gather more flavours again.

"See. Told you you'd like it, Feng. No need to be such an upright stickler for ancient values that no longer exist. Let your best bro introduce you to the pleasures of the world. There's one more stick. They're both all yours."

The second stick was finally withdrawn from my body, making me feel relieved and yet strangely empty at the absence of anything there. And then it was pushed back in by someone else, making my eyes open up wide.

"Look, you woke the beauty up," someone laughed.

"Here, give that a moment," Rizao's voice said. "Bro, let me teach you how to pleasure a beauty."

The stick was in a more unstable hand. The owner of the hand might have been slightly drunk. He certainly wasn't as steady or gentle as the person who had withdrawn the things from my body. He used the stick to tease my body and especially all the erogenous zones where the chilli sauce was still burning my skin.

"Like this, Bro," Rizao said while playing with my body.

The stick was finally snatched away and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"No, Bro, we've barely begun to have any fun. Don't eat it so fast! Alright. Fine. Did you like it? We'll ask the staff to bring out the rest for everyone else to taste."

"Don't do such disgusting and degrading things anymore," the cold man frowned. "Leave the model alone. Let her do her job properly. No need to humiliate her."

"Bro, I especially arranged her for you. She's a virgin. All yours. When the party's over, she'll belong to you. I'll have her cleaned up and sent over to warm your bed. Hey. Bro. Don't look at me like that. The girl was willing. Perfectly willing. If you don't like her, keep her in that empty dog kennel. Anyway, there are no refunds on her."

"Whatever. Get your hands off me. You all enjoy the party. I've had enough. I'm leaving," said the cold voice.

"Bro, you're ruining my kind intensions. What sort of birthday party is this if you leave now? At least have a few drinks before you go? Come on."

"Fine. Just a few drinks."

People crowded around. More than a few drinks later, the cold man was sprawled out on the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose. The elegant people were all drunk and doing who-knew-what from all the noise behind me.

Not a few guys and even girls had taken the opportunity to feel up my body. Some had even wrapped up whatever hot food on a stick - those 'meat stick cakes' to humiliate me even more. Thankfully they were so drunk that they couldn't find the holes properly. Only that idiot, Rizao had managed to get his scalding hot stick inside my backside to make me cry. He'd been stopped by the cold birthday boy and from the sound of things, was now making out with a girl over by the dessert table.

From where I lay marinating in salad dressing, I could only stare pleadingly at the cold birthday man who was now rubbing his temples and staring back at me. He removed my gag and cut through the twine that had bound me.

"Get up and go home," he told me in a slightly slurred voice. "Don't do this type of demeaning work again. There is always a way to survive. You just have to keep believing in yourself and find the right opportunity."

It was kind of him to say but useless to me right now. I hadn't chosen to do this kind of work at all. At least, I didn't think I had.

When I didn't move, he frowned. After staring at me a little longer, he rubbed his forehead and put a warm hand to my cold skin. His frown deepening, he nudged me a few times. With no reaction from me, he left.

Drunken hands of partygoers stroked my body and squeezed or poked at certain parts out of curiosity. Various food were stuffed into my mouth or orifices by stupidly drunk people. I was suffocated by the cream of slice cake in my mouth and in my nostrils. I thought I was going to die until a furious voice roared and scared those tortuous drunks away.

A serviette hastily cleaned my mouth and nose out. The stuff in my ears and other parts were scraped out as best as possible.

"I can't believe they used my birthday party as an excuse to deal drugs," a furious cold voice said.

"Take them all down to the station," said an authoritative clipped voice. "Feng. How's the girl? She still alive? Does she need an ambulance?"

I closed my eyes feeling tears of relief stream down my face. I wasn't going to die tonight after all.

"Miss? Miss, are you able to get up? What's your name?"

When I didn't move and could only roll my eyes at the policewoman who had crouched down in front of me, she frowned.

"Can you move?"

I shook my eyes at her, looking side to side.

"Are you injured? Drugged? Can you move anything else at all? Can you feel my touch?"

The policewoman asked me a variety of binary questions after seeing that I couldn't communicate in any other way. I was picked up out of the salad, roughly wiped down in a towel, wrapped in a big silvery thermal blanket, and when the ambulance arrived, I was sent to the hospital. Along the way, I fell asleep.

In the hospital, I discovered I could move a little. The nurses helped me to take a shower and then helped me back to bed where the police were waiting. I was asked a bewildering number of questions while the icy birthday boy sat silently in a corner with a sombre face.

"In short, the last thing you remember was walking into the house of somebody you didn't know, but you don't remember who you are or why you were there?" the policeman summarised after questioning me while his partner took notes. A phone was recording our conversation.

I nodded.

"I can't seem to remember anything right now. Everything is blank," I croaked.

The police all sighed, rubbed their faces or hair.

"We're going to take the lady out to run more tests," a doctor who had been listening said. "You were quite heavily drugged. Overdosed even. I'm surprised you're already able to move this much and speak. Also, there are traces of other drugs that tell us you've possibly been on them for quite a while."

"Give us a call if you remember anything else," the police officers left a card at the bedside. "We'll be back to visit another time. We will see if we can discover your identity while we're at it, now that you've signed the consent form."

I was wheeled away for scans and tests. A doctor asked me a variety of perplexingly simple questions that I couldn't answer, like what time it was, where I was and who I was. All we managed to discover was that I had been put off salad and sashimi - likely for life. The doctor bluntly told the cold man that he didn't think I was faking my memory loss and then left the room.

Had the birthday boy thought I was faking it?

The cold man sitting in the corner listened and stared out at nothing in silence. He didn't even look at me. Most likely, he was just staying here out of a sense of responsibility. He received a lot of messages on his phone and a dozen angry phone calls from angry parents asking why their children who had attended his party had ended up at the police station in the possession of or under the influence of illicit drugs.

After yet another angry phone call where I heard the roaring bull of a voice on the other side cursing the man out, the cold man glanced at me in my hospital bed.

"I'm sorry," I apologised. "If I could remember anything..."

"Don't be," the man cut me off and closed his eyes for a moment. "It's not your fault. You're a victim. My stupid friend and I were set up. I heard the police and medical staff talking earlier. They think you're a victim of human trafficking. My friend who bought you in a black market auction is going to be in very big trouble and I can't help him. If anything, I should apologise for what you had to go through earlier this evening. You were clearly conscious and awake, able to feel everything when it happened. Don't worry. I'll be responsible for your well-being and safety until we find out your identity."

"Th-thank you," I said, not sure what else to say to this relatively stoic man.

His eyes met mine and his face softened.

"Just relax," he gave me a tired and faint smile. "Hopefully your memories will return sooner rather than later."

"For what it's worth," I said after a long moment of silence, "happy birthday."

There was another long silence.

"Thank you," was the quiet reply and the man put his head back onto the back rest of the chair he was sitting in, facing the ceiling and closing his eyes again.

We fell asleep amidst the bustle of the hospital, awaiting test results. Blood was drawn from me another two times, as the doctors had been confused about some blood test results.

Come morning, I had been put on a drip and was feeling very hungry. I had been moved to the short stay ward. The cold man had left for a while and when he returned, he brought me a bag of clothes.

"Put these on. The hospital staff are discharging you. You'll have to be slowly weaned off some drugs, they said, but other than signs of an old brain injury, amnesia and other signs of abuse or trauma a long time ago, they feel you should be alright to go home. My GP will do the follow up for you."

I did as I was told, and as I was still weak, I was pushed to the car in a wheelchair. The icy man helped me into the car and then sat in the driver's seat.

"My name is Deng Feng. You can call me Feng. What would you like me to call you?" he paused after starting the car and looking at me to ensure I had put on my seatbelt.

I blinked and thought about it but my mind was blank.

"I don't know," I told him after a while. "Do you have any suggestions?"

"Hmm," he hummed tapping the steering wheel in thought. "Let's just call you A-Mei for now. Calling you 'little sister' should be alright until you can remember your own name."

"Alright," I agreed and nodded. "Should I call you big brother than?"

"If you want," the man lifted one shoulder.

I fell asleep on the way back. It was a long car ride and the cold silence around the man had made me feel wary of trying to talk to him.

"Wake up. We're back," the man shook me awake when the car had stopped.

As there was no wheelchair, the cold man supported most of my weight while I walked unsteadily with him into the big apartment building. He introduced me to the security team and concierge at the base of the building and then took me up in the lift.

One of the security guards came along to help unlock the door so that Deng Feng wouldn't have to drop or put me down. Once inside the apartment, the security guard left us alone and Deng Feng helped me over to the dining table where there were some covered dishes. I looked around after sitting and spotted a few feminine bags of clothes.

"Aunty Ji who helps me out with cooking and cleaning has cleaned up the other bedroom for you," Deng Feng pointed. "The toilet and bathroom is just outside your door. The master bedroom over there is mine. She also made dinner for us and bought you a few clothes. After eating, we'll go to bed - as in, we will sleep in our own separate beds and I won't touch or harm you. I have to go into the office tomorrow, so I hope you'll be alright on your own for a day. Do you think you'll be fine?"

I nodded.

"Good."

Deng Feng went into the kitchen and served two bowls of rice. One for me and one for himself. He uncovered two vegetable dishes and a meat dish on the table, and also brought over bowls of hot soup.

Although I hadn't been feeling that hungry, I suddenly felt so hungry that my entire body trembled. The chopsticks and spoon in my hand were unable to stay still. In fact, my hands went weak.

Shocked, Deng Feng stared at me for a moment and then hurried behind the kitchen bench once more. Pouring me a cup of juice from the fridge, he brought the cup to my mouth and controlled it.

"Drink a few sips," he commanded and I obeyed. After a few mouthfuls, the trembling shakes calmed down and I was able to control myself again. Seeing that, he heaved a sigh of relief and out the cup of juice down on the table in front of me.

"Eat slowly," he said in a gentle voice. "Take your time. Do you remember when the last time you ate or drank something was?"

I shook my head and was surprised to find him point at the bowl of hot soup.

"Drink that first and then slowly start to eat other things. Don't eat too fast and make sure you chew properly."

He used the serving chopsticks to put a few vegetables and a piece of meat into my bowl of rice. Then he sat back down at his own seat, leaving me alone while I started eating, glancing at me every now and then.

Halfway through the meal, my stomach started cramping, making sweat bead and slide down my face. As if he had been expecting it, the man got up and took a packet of medication out of the cupboard, popping two pills into my hand.

"Eat these," he told me. "No need to force yourself if you can't finish the food."

"But it's a waste," I stared at the delicious food. I wasn't sure why, but I was certain it was more delicious than restaurant food.

"Then you can continue tomorrow," he told me while watching me swallow the pills with juice. "Eat only what you can."

I swallowed and gritted my teeth, trying to force myself to keep eating but the man took everything away from me, wiping my mouth with a serviette. A large hand rested on my lowered head when the food was taken from me.

"Be good, A-Mei."

He dabbed at my trickling sweat and rubbed my back.

"Stay here a moment. I'll put a stool in the shower and then you can get cleaned up and ready for bed."

While I clutched my tummy and watched, he took a metal bar stool from behind the kitchen counter and placed it inside the shower. Then he rummaged in the cupboard for a toothbrush, a plastic tumbler, towel and shower gel for me.

"I'm sorry," he told me. "We'll have to get you more shower products tomorrow. I'll buy them on the way back from work. I'll get one of the girls in the office to help me so I don't miss anything."

After that, he helped me into the shower, sitting me on the bar stool cum shower chair. Putting the shower rose into my hands, he hesitated.

"Will you be alright on your own in here?" he asked.

Nodding, I looked to the side at the toilet.

"Just give me a shout if you need my help then," he told me. "Don't lock the door just in case you slip and fall or need help. I won't barge in unless you call. Alright?"

I hesitated but nodded.

He rested his big hand on my head for a moment.

"Take your time. No need to rush" he said and then left the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

I had to admit that I felt warmed and slightly touched by his relatively gentlemanly demeanour toward me. I had a feeling that not so many others would be so respectful or caring toward an unnamed person with amnesia like me.

I went to the toilet first and then washed all the sweat off me. Although the shower gel dried my hair out a bit too much, I used it anyway. After my shower, I wrapped myself in the big towel that smelled of laundry detergent and then froze, looking around the bathroom.

No clothes. I had forgotten to ask and to bring in any clothes. At a loss for what to do, I sat there, huddled in the big towel for a long moment and then decided to wear the clothes from earlier. Unfortunately, when I got to them, they were all wet.

Now what?

I sat in the bathroom for so long that there was eventually a knock on the door.

"A-Mei, is everything ok in there?" Deng Feng asked.

"Clothes," I croaked. "No clothes."

"Ah," said his voice from behind the door. "Wait a moment. I didn't think things through. The new clothes we bought haven't been washed yet and might make you itchy. Make do with some of my old clothes for now, ok? I'll put your new clothes into the washing machine now."

Moments later, there was a knocking on the door. The door opened a crack and a hand holding a pile of clothes entered through the crack. Carefully, I limped over to the door but slipped on the wet floor on the way, landing with a thud.

Immediately, the door opened and the Deng Feng rushed in to check on me.

"You ok?" he asked, adjusting the towel I was wrapped in so that I was properly covered.

"Yeah," I replied in a glum voice, feeling all my joints beginning to complain after the initial numbness caused by shock. "Sorry."

"Don't be," he replied, putting the clean clothes down for a moment. "We all have our weak moments. When I need help next time, I'm sure you will help me too. Right?"

I nodded.

"So don't be upset," he soothed me, helping loop a big T-shirt over my head and then turning his head away. "Put on the clothes first and then I'll help you up."

I wore the big T-shirt. It reminded me of a child trying to wear her father's clothes. It was so long that the bottom edge went halfway down my thighs. Next were a pair of tracksuit pants. Deng Feng stayed crouched on the ground while I used him as leverage to pull myself up into standing so that I could finish pulling the trousers up. They were too big and threatened to come off. The trouser legs were so long that they threatened to trip me with every step I took.

"Done?" Deng Feng asked me.

"Done," I said, holding up the trousers as best as I could.

The man stood up and then glanced down at me. He raised his eyebrows with amusement and his eyes twinkled when he saw how I had my hands full. Thankfully, he was able to control himself and not laugh out loud but I saw the corners of his lips slightly curve upwards.

"Stay there a moment," he told me, picking up the wet clothes from the floor and taking them to the washing machine. He started the machine while I struggled to walk out of the bathroom on my limp and unsteady legs to get to the bedroom next door.

"Wait. Don't move. I'm coming," he said when he saw me almost trip and crash into the wall. Before he got to me, the trousers dropped and I tripped on them, falling to the ground. I scrabbled to pull the pants back up, hoping he hadn't seen anything, although he probably had. He had already seen me completely naked earlier but I still didn't want a stranger I didn't really know to see my bare skin.

Ah. How I wished to hide in a hole in the ground.

While I held onto the trousers, Deng Feng helped me back up and helped me into the bedroom, sitting me on the bed. Then with my permission, he checked my knees to make sure I hadn't scraped them too badly. Seeing as the skin was only scraped white but not bleeding, he still got some ointment and put it on for me. It stung. He didn't look at my red face. He could probably already see how embarrassed I was from the colour of my blushing legs.

I covered my face with my hands and didn't reply when he told me he was done. Although he had already seen my entire body when I had been served up to him on a giant salad platter, having one's pants fall down was still extremely embarrassing.

"Does your stomach still hurt?" he asked instead.

"A little," I mumbled, "but it's a lot better."

"Good. Did you brush your teeth earlier? Yes? Ok," his hand rested on my head again for a long moment. "I won't disturb you anymore. You sleep early. Hopefully more of the drug will have worked its way out of your system in the morning. I'll turn on the bedside lamp. You can reach it to turn off yourself when you're ready to sleep. I'll turn off the room light for you, ok? If you need me, just shout."

He closed the door gently and turned off the room light, leaving the beside lamp glowing.

Once I was sure he was gone, I hoisted up the pants with my legs together under the covers so that I could curl up and lay there for a while, staring at the wardrobe door. My amnesia was worrying and concerning. I wondered who I was. Where had I been? What had I done? What sort of a person was I and how had I ended up being given away like a plate of food? I was sure the police would be investigating but without my memories I wasn't sure how far they would get. Perhaps Rizao, the man who had obtained me from somewhere would be able to give them the answers they wanted.

I wondered if Deng Feng was upset with me. After all, it was partially because of me that so many of his friends had were currently at the police station explaining themselves. Wherever I came from was likely also where the drugs had come from. After all, surely underworld bosses never only stuck to one type of business.

Who had called the police anyway? Was it the cold man himself? If he had... that was really tough. Tough of him. To call the police on his own friends. Then again, perhaps the whole party had gone completely out of control and he had to prevent any more atrocities from happening. It wasn't just because of me.

He had tried to save me, not realizing that I had been drugged.

The entire night had been like a crazy dream.

Somehow I fell asleep, only to dream of being in that paralyzed state, watching but helpless as people messed with my body. I could only try to fight it and cry, attempting to break free from the invisible chains. The horror that had filled me during the night grew more intense and horrifying. Earlier in the night, although I had been awake, it was as if there had been a fog over me, keeping me relatively calm, but now I felt everything in its disgusting intensity.

"A-Mei. Wake up. Wake up! It's just a dream!" someone shook my shoulder hard, while I fought to break free. "Wake up! You're safe. You're safe now."

Someone hugged me, pulling me upright into sitting and although momentarily confused, I threw my arms around the man by my bedside, crying into his shoulder.

"It's alright. You're safe now. It's ok. It's ok. You're ok."

My entire body shook with my muffled sobs and the sobs were so hard it made both my chest and abdomen ache.

"You're ok. You're safe now. No one's going to hurt you."

Calm and warm arms held me tight and patted my back until I calmed down enough and inexplicably fell asleep again.

Warm sunshine woke me and I opened my eyes to swollen eyes, blurry vision, a sore throat and a throbbing headache. There was a noise from beside my bed and I turned my head to see an older lady folding clothes there.

"Ah, you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Terrible," I croaked, slowly sitting up. The room spun and I lay back down for a moment. "Who are you? Where am I?"

"You're in Little Feng's apartment. He brought you home from the hospital last night. He told me all about everything."

"Hospital?" my memories were fuzzy. I didn't remember anything about a hospital. "Who's little Feng?"

"Deng Feng. He rescued you during his birthday party that went wrong," the lady faltered and her smile wavered. "I'm his housekeeper. You can call me Aunty Ji. I made you some porridge. Little Feng said your tummy wasn't feeling so good last night."

"Birthday party?"

I hadn't attended any birthday party.

"Young lady, how should I call you? What's your name?" the older woman put the clothes nearly onto the pile.

I held my throbbing head.

"Lin Xina," I said. "Call me Xixi."

"Then Xixi, would you like to get up now? I'll warm up the porridge for you," Aunty Ji rested a warm head on my forehead. "Do you have a headache? Would you like some painkillers?"

"Please," I croaked. "And then if you don't mind, I think I'll go back to sleep. I feel horrible."

"Have the pain killer and a little porridge to protect your stomach. Then you can go back to sleep," Aunty Ji persuaded. "Go to the toilet and wash your face. Change into some more comfortable clothes. Perhaps you'll feel better then."

I covered my eyes with my arm for a moment and then struggled back up into sitting. The world spun for a moment before it settled.

"Ok."

Half an hour later, I had changed into clean clothes, and then stumbled to the dining table, feeling as if my legs weren't quite my own. There, I drank down some painkillers with a warm glass of red date tea and ate a small bowl of porridge. My stomach cramped, but it wasn't too bad.

The elder lady dabbed the sweat from my face and then helped me stumble back to the bed, tucking me back in. Before I drifted off, I heard the woman make a phone call.

"Little Feng, A-Mei woke up. She told me her name was Lin Xina. She wasn't feeling well, had a headache and couldn't walk straight. She was clumsy and stumbling all over the place. I've helped her change into the new clothes and gave her some painkillers and porridge. I've just tucked her back into bed. Xiao Feng, it seems like she can't remember anything that happened the last few days..."

In the evening, I woke fighting my blankets. A man rushed in.

"A-Mei, Xixi," he called, waking me from my nightmare a bit more. He hesitated and then sat beside me and gave me an awkward hug. "You're alright. You're safe. It's ok."

I pushed him away, panicking.

"Who are you? Where am I?"

It took the man a while to calm my panicking, and then he explained to me what had happened and how I had ended up in his apartment. I rubbed my face.

"The police left their phone number," he told me. "We can call them if you like. If you can remember who you are and your home address, I can take you home afterwards."

"Please," I made a gesture. "Can we call the police?"

Deng Feng made a phone call, and then the police verified what he had told me. They asked me a lot of questions and got my name, date of birth and address. After confirming my identity, they discovered I had been reported missing for at least two years. The last I had been seen was when I had left my class in university.

The last thing I remembered was a swimming pool at a private property that belonged to the friend of a friend. Even then, those memories were very fuzzy. It felt very distant.

Which meant that the two years I had been missing were a complete blank. I remembered and knew nothing about it besides the fact that I had been abused and drugged.

I clutched my head and hugged my knees, not knowing how to process all his information. Deng Feng talked with the police a little longer and sat on the floor beside me, patting my back and allowing me to lean in toward him.

"The police are trying to contact your family," Deng Feng told me. "When they've found them, they'll send someone over to pick you up and bring you home. They want to make sure you go back to people who love you and will care for you. It's strange though that it was your classmate who reported you missing and not your family."

"People who love me?" I rubbed my nose and looked down.

I couldn't admit that my family loved me. I wasn't sure if they cared about me. None of us were close. Home was a cold place. We all kept to ourselves. My brother had gone overseas to study and stayed there to work. My parents were aloof, both having one affair after the other without really caring what the other person was doing. My half-sister was the only one I really saw much of and the only times she talked to me was to make me do things for her. In fact, the only time my family ever talked to me was to boss me around or to tell me what chores I had neglected.

"I don't think my parents would care whether I'm back or not," I said into my knees.

A warm hand landed on my head and I looked up at the seemingly cold on the outside but warm on the inside man sitting beside me.

"You don't want to go home?" he asked me.

I shook my head.

"How about your classmate? Are you close with her?"

I shook my head again. I had no close friends. I only hung out with a few classmates but we never really got close.

"Then where are you going to go? What will you do?" the man asked me softly while his hand remained on my head.

"I don't know," I wiped my leaky eyes. I didn't know what was wrong with them. Why did I have to keep crying? Crying was not going to solve any of my problems right now. He was right. I was going to have to think about my future and what I was going to do.

I was eventually helped onto the couch and given a glass of water. I was persuaded to eat a few bites of dinner but I just couldn't bring myself to eat much.

The police called Deng Feng to report that my family had moved and that the phone number I gave them seemed to be the wrong number. They hadn't been able to find any of my family members.

Deng Feng talked to them about what I had told him about my family and not wanting to return home. The police had then said that it was my decision. They wouldn't search for my family for me if I didn't want to reunite with them.

"There's no need to find them," I said into the mobile phone that had been put on loudspeaker. "It's better for me to not go back to them."

"Alright. Let us know if you need any help or remember any more things," the police said. "If you need help looking for accommodation or getting your identity documents in order again, please let us know. We'll point you in the right direction."

After the phone call, I leaned back in the couch to stare up at the ceiling, feeling at a loss for what to do.

After a long silence while the man was quietly cleaning up the dinner table and washing the dishes, he came to sit nearby me.

"Xixi, if you need," he cleared his throat, "you can stay here with me for now. When you feel better, you can go out and get all your personal business organised. Let me know if you need help with anything or with finding work. I don't mind you staying here with me for now. The room you are in is empty anyway."

"Let me know how much I owe you," I told him. "I'll pay you back."

"You don't owe me anything," he said in a heavy voice, raising his hand to reach toward my head and then retracting it when I moved away. "Take it as my apology that you ended up at my birthday party in such a situation. It's only right that I help you find your own feet again."

"Then when I've found a job, I'll pay you rent," I told him. "Please put up with me until I've found a place of my own."

"There's no hurry," he said with a slight frown. "No rush. You rest and get better first. When you're all better again, then you can talk about moving out. Until then, you can stay here."

What could I say? What else should I do?

"Thank you."

"I've booked an appointment for you with the GP tomorrow. I'll take you there. Afterwards, I'll give you my card and you can go buy a few more necessities. Please try to keep your purchases to under a thousand dollars for now until I can free up some cash to transfer to that account. I brought some things back but I don't know if that's what you want."

"A thousand dollars?" I was taken aback.

That was a lot of money. Enough to pay room for rent for a few weeks and keep me fed at the same time.

"Why are you giving me money? I should be giving you money. Don't give me money."

"Do you remember your bank account number? Can you login to your online banking account? If you don't know, without any identification documents, you can't prove who you are and so wouldn't be able to access your bank account."

I rubbed my face and looked at the practical, down-to-earth man beside me.

Hesitantly, he put a hand to my cheek, cupping it and rubbing it twice with his thumb. And then he pulled me in for a hug.

"You're ok," he told me firmly. "You're going to be ok. I'm here. I'll help you and back you up. Give me a few days and I'll make time to help you go organise your identification documents. The police are also going to be still investigating what happened to you the past two years."

I hesitated to lean on the man but after a moment, I couldn't hold back my dammed up emotions. They flooded out.