Chapter five

Rejiana stared at the ceiling.

'It was today'.

She hadn't yet looked at her phone nor the calendar, but the sheer stinging pain in her heart ensured her of it.

The roof spun several times but she just kept staring at it like the never ending circles would just swallow her

whole.

'She wished that'.

Rejiana shut her eyes tight 'it was today'.

Richard hadn't come to her door demanding that she woke up for school, he was probably in his room doing the exact same

thing Rejiana was doing, staring at absolutely nothing.

Rejiana's hand prowled to her phone notionaly she tapped the fingerprint

ID at the back and swiped at it mindlessly once she saw the date.

July 10

The longer she stared at the screen the more it goaded her.

Rejiana threw her phone across the room and yanked at her hair "Today", she screamed.

'It was today'.

Today was her mother's birthday.

Usually this day would be the best day of the year but for six years July 10 was the most notoriously painful day of the her life.

Her nightmares brought pain every single night but atleast she could wake up and breathe, but July 10 always suffocated her, she tried to take it as a dream but there was nothing as vivid as the pictures that would flood her mind.

That ear to ear grin as she watched them sing happy birthday to her.

That laugh when Richard would sweep her off her feet and kiss her.

That smile whilst she fed Rejiana cake with her hands.

Those tears when Rejiana would kneel down and give her a present and a kiss on the cheek.

And mostly the 'I love you's'.

Rejiana continued to stare at the roof whilst tears rained from her eyes. She always used to fight the memories away, but on July 10 she would let them cloud her mind and wreck havoc.

Rejiana spent the whole afternoon staring at the ceiling, she only got off the bed to drink water.

She took it from the dispenser and took the elevator to Richard's room.

She applied three soft knocks on the door, then opened it after no response.

Richard was staring out the window, like he had always done in the past.

She walked over to him and they both stared out of it silently.

"I wish I had amnesia", he finally said.

"Me too",she silently replied.

"Is it bad that I want to forget, to forget it all, to forget I even had a mother, to forget all the love, maybe just maybe I wouldn't be this empty".

Richard leaned over and hugged her "that's how I feel", he spoke truly.

"I wish I could forget", Rejiana continued.

Richard looked at her "Sweetheart if wishes were horses then everyone would ride".

Rejiana sniffed "I hate that saying, it's not fair", she teared up.

"There's nothing fair in life baby it's just shit, shit and some more shit".

"Do you really believe in God", She asked suddenly remembering their last conversation about mom.

Richard took a moment to think "I did, well I used to but now I don't even know, your mother believed in him so I believed in him too but when she died that faith died too. There's no one to make me say the Lord's prayer or anyone to force me to pray, I shouldn't believe in him, she always went on and on about how much he loved her and she him, but he still got her killed, he still made us poor when we needed the money the most, look at all the money we have now what are we even going to do with it".

Rejiana nodded and wiped at her tears "I don't either, I also gave up six years ago".

Richard looked outside "if God loved her like she thought he did, he wouldn't watch her get shot, if I was God I would have jumped off my throne and personally stop that shit, but no he watched it and did absolutely nothing, he probably even smiled."

"We can only call this life", Rejiana stared outside.

"Well I can't wait till it ends".

"Me neither".

°°°°°

"I loved her", Richard said from across the table.

He had suggested they went out for coffee something Rejiana's mom always did no matter the weather she was the kind of person who drank coffee a million times a day whether it was blazing hot or cold.

"I admire that", Rejiana stirred her straw in

her coke.

Richard threaded his free hand through his hair "Why would you say that?".

"Well I admire the fact that you managed to love someone, I'm in capable of love".

Richard smiled "Trust me love is nice during but pain is inevitable and I promise you, love is coupled with hurt, ironic how two exact opposite things manage to just combine themselves you can't have a part of it you have to take the pain and the pleasure, but at the end of the day the pain is more memorable than the love. It leaves void and emptiness and slowly the good times tend to fade away but the pain doesn't it sits over you like a cloud".

"Wow that's scary", Rejiana sipped "and sad".

Richard nodded and chuckled.

Rejiana looked at him "I'm not sure whether I'm incapable of love or I'm just scared of it".

"Well what overpowers the other, the fear or the incapability".

Rejiana thought for a moment "The trepidation".

"There is your answer you're scared of love".

Richard reached across the round table and grabbed Rejiana's hand in his "if I could lock up your heart and put it in a safe then put that safe in a bigger safe I'd do it in a heartbeat because the pain I live with is unbearable and I'd wish it on anyone but definitely not you, you are my everything now Rejiana".

Rejiana gave his hand a squeeze "My hearts already locked up daddy and I don't think the right key is out there in the world, it'll just never open up".

Smiling Richard finished off his coffee "I wouldn't stand you getting hurt".

Rejiana pushed the glass forward and stood up "and I you.

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💜AIO💜