A Way of Feeling

One of the biggest challenges that arose when wyverns started to assimilate with humans was keeping children from outing themselves by using their powers in public. It was one of the reasons schools like Conrad Prep started opening in the first place. It gave young wyverns a place to not only learn how to control their powers but also stay safe in case they slipped up. Most wyverns sent their kids to schools like these until they were about ten or eleven, regardless of if they were old family or not. After that, it was only common for old families to keep their kids separate from humans. Of course, there were always exceptions. Jack's old school in New York was founded by a pair of families, one old and one not. Both are still rich, though.

Wyverns' powers are connected to their emotions, and children aren't exactly known for keeping theirs in check. There's less risk of a kid being found out if they don't have powers that physically manifest. Empaths, like Baptiste, or even prophetic wyverns, like Utkarsh. Though obviously, it can cause distress to them if they can't control it. But it's a lot more noticeable if fire wyverns are using their powers, or electric wyverns like the Farrows. So, when they're young, in addition to the basic reading and arithmetic lessons any child would get, wyverns also take lessons to control their powers. They're not so different from the emotional development lessons human children go through. There's a lot of work on mental focus. Breathing exercises. By the time they get to their teen years, most wyverns don't need the lessons anymore, and they're phased out of the curriculum.

Of course, there will always be kids who don't fall into that "most" category. Kids who need more time. More help. That's why secondary Wyvern schools have at least one Wyvern youth specialist on staff to work with students like that. At Conrad Prep it was Dr. Bayer. She worked out of an office tucked away in the science building. It doubled as the school's general infirmary and looked like any old doctor's office you might find in a medical plaza. It had a main waiting area complete with uncomfortable plastic chairs, fake potted plants, and slightly outdated gossip magazines. The reception desk and a swinging gate separated the waiting area and the back half of the room. Behind the desk, there was a hallway with three doors. Two led to general examination rooms and the third opened to one that looked a bit like a therapist's office. That was where Dr Bayer would have her sessions.

Jack used to go, back when he first started attending Conrad. He had seen the specialist at Highlands Prep back in New York, too. They didn't talk a lot back in those days, but even still Alex knew how much Jack hated that guy. Dr. Rhodes, he was pretty sure was his name. When he found out he would have to see a new specialist at his new school, Jack complained about his old doctor for days because he thought Dr Bayer would be just like him. But he must have warmed up to Dr. Bayer pretty soon after meeting her because going to her sessions was the one thing he stopped complaining about.

The suppressants Jack used to take were originally prescribed by Dr Rhodes. They were a relatively new tool in combatting spontaneous power usage, developed by some American wyverns in the fifties. They were meant to be a last resort, something you only use when every other method failed. They didn't get rid of a wyvern's powers completely, just tamped them down a little. Enough for most wyverns to not use them accidentally. Most. They tried giving them to Utkarsh when he first started losing control. He was on them for about a year, but they made him sicker more often than they helped.

As Jack said, they mess with a wyvern's senses a lot. Made them more like humans than they were used to being. And then there were the side effects that could hit some wyverns pretty hard. Migraines and fatigue and vomiting. Despite their original intention as a last resort, it was becoming increasingly common for wyverns to take them, especially in old families. Not having control of your powers beyond a certain age was still a stigma. If you couldn't control yourself, you weren't mature enough. Weren't refined. Weren't strong. How are you supposed to convince other wyverns you're meant to reign above them when you don't even have yourself order?

So, a lot of young wyverns got prescribed them before they probably should have. Parents saw it as the easy way out, a solution they could just buy right away. Alex wondered if Dr. Rhodes had prescribed them to Jack because he wanted to, or because the Farrows had pressured him to. That wasn't uncommon. Dr Bayer had a reputation because she couldn't be intimidated like that. She treated the suppressants with caution like they were meant to be. Alex knew some parents complained about it, but her methods were something that even Thomas Conrad wouldn't mess with. Besides, the complaints usually stopped once Dr Bayer found other ways to help their kids.

Alex headed over to the science building right after his French class. As he left, he couldn't help but notice Matthew sitting alone on the steps outside. He had made a habit the past week of sitting there with Baptiste, who must have had his last class in the same building. But not today. And Baptiste hadn't been at breakfast either. Alex couldn't remember if he had seen him at lunch. Maybe he was ill? He had seemed fine the day before. Physically, at least. Alex was tempted to ask, but as he walked by Matthew suddenly sprang to his feet and walked off. Alex wasn't sure if it was because he had seen him coming or if the timing was just a coincidence.

Alex had spent all of the French class trying and failing to not read into the fact that Matthew had helped him up. It was just sportsmanship. Being a good teammate. Putting them back on even ground in case he felt indebted for Alex shutting up Samuel Argent. He didn't know that Alex hadn't meant to do that, after all. His lending a hand didn't mean anything was different between them now. It didn't mean things could be different. Didn't mean that Matthew had changed his mind about Alex since Saturday.

Alex reached the science building and entered the mostly empty reception area. The only person in there was Nurse Clara, at the front desk. She was a black woman in her late twenties who always looked like she was either just coming from or going to a punk concert. She had a couple of studs on her right eyebrow, one on her nose, and a line of studs and small hoops that curled up both her ears. She always wore dark makeup, and her scrubs were even black lined with maroon red. Her hair was in multicoloured braids that she always kept tied back into a thick ponytail. When Alex walked in, she was organizing some things in a filing cabinet, but she looked up at the sound of the door opening.

"Hello, Mr Conrad," she said, her voice tinged with her East London accent. "Been a while since I've seen you in here. Classes just ended, right? Or is Mr Farrow trying to get out of some disciplinary punishment now?"

Alex smiled and shook his head. The only times he had come in here before were when he followed after Jack, who was usually trying to fake an illness that would get him out of a class. The year before had been the worst, since they had biology when Sean had a free period, at the end of the day. Jack would always try to ditch so he could goof off with Sean one hour earlier.

"No, it's just me today," Alex said as he approached the desk. He noticed one of the back doors was closed and had a paper on it that read "Session in Progress" in neat writing.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah. I guess. I was... I was hoping I could schedule a session with Dr. Bayer. If she's not too busy."

"Of course. Let's see." Clara left the file cabinet and walked over to her side of the desk. She opened a large notebook and flipped through a series of calendar pages. "How urgent is your need?"

"Um... The normal urgency?"

Clara smiled at his uncertainty. "This is because of unintentional power usage," she clarified.

"Yeah."

"Well, how often does it occur? Once a week? Daily?"

"Uh, daily, technically. But, that's mostly just me not being able to regulate my body heat."

"Hm. Do you ever unintentionally manifest flames?"

"Not until recently. Last week my hair caught fire a couple of times. And then today... I burned something else. Something someone was holding."

"What emotion triggered that; do you remember?"

"Anger?"

"And have you noticed a pattern as to what triggers your body heat?"

"Embarrassment."

Clara's smile grew a little. "Your way of blushing, then."

"Unfortunately. I never did manage to tamper that one down."

"I have a feeling age will be your best friend when it comes to handling that one. Everything's embarrassing when you're a teenager. But Dr Bayer will certainly do what she can."

"It's the combustion that's worrying me. I just don't want to hurt anyone."

"Can I ask if the student who was holding what you burned was the same one you were angry at?"

"He was, yes."

Clara nodded. "This might sound strange, but that's a promising sign. At the very least you're maintaining some subconscious control. Directing your emotions rather than letting them-and in turn your powers run amok. Dr Bayer has a couple of open sessions Friday. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

"After school? Or is there a class you want us to get you out of?"

"PE would be nice."

Clara chuckled and shook her head. "Feel like as a healthcare professional I shouldn't encourage you slipping out on physical activity," she said. "But let's see what we can do."

Unfortunately, Dr Bayer's schedule did not let Alex get out of PE, but it could get him out of French. He figured he didn't need to be there anyways and agreed to the appointment time. As Clara was pencilling in the appointment on the calendar, the closed door opened and Dr Bayer's voice came trickling out.

"... hopefully we can at least keep the problem from escalating," she was saying to whoever was inside as she propped the door open. "And we'll take it one day at a time. Feel free to come in here if you get overwhelmed at any point in the day. I'll send a note to your teachers if you need to be excused from class. Maybe get you some work so you don't fall behind."

"Thank you," a familiar voice answered, and Alex tried not to stare as Baptiste walked out. He looked tired and then surprised when he saw Alex.

"Talk to your mother about what we discussed. I could try to give her a call as well, but my French is a bit rusty."

"I can call. Thank you."

Dr Bayer walked Baptiste down the hall and smiled when she saw Alex. "Hello, Mr Conrad," she said. "Good to see you. What brings you in?"

"Just scheduling an appointment," Alex said.

"You're good to go, Alexander," Clara said. "We'll see you Friday. Just come right after your fifth period, I'll ring Montgomery to let her know why you're not in."

"Thank you. See you Friday."

"Um, Alexander," Baptiste said in a small voice. "Could... Could you walk me back to my dorm?"

"Sure," Alex said, assuming Baptiste was still having trouble finding his way around. But then Dr Bayer nodded in thanks, and she put a comforting hand on Baptiste's shoulder that made him think there was something more to it.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning, Baptiste. See if we can get you set up for the day, alright?"

"Alright. Thank you."

Dr Bayer held open the swinging door for Baptiste, and he and Alex left together. Baptiste walked with his arms wrapped around himself like he was cold. Once they were outside, where more students were walking around, Baptiste scooted a little closer to Alex.

"Can I ask," Alex started before he could talk himself out of it, "if you're doing alright?"

Baptiste tightened his hold on himself as if a cold wind had just blown through. Alex was almost tempted to heat up on purpose, to give him some warmth.

"Remember yesterday, when you asked how I have been doing with my powers?" he said.

"Yes. You said you've slipped up a couple of times."

"A 'couple' may have been an understatement. I have always had trouble suppressing my powers. I did not go to a wyvern school when I was young. My hometown is small and rural. The closest was too far for my mother to afford it. So, I only saw a specialist once a month. Since my powers have no physical manifestation, he thought it less important if I slip up from time to time. I have gotten better since I was a child, but I am not quite as in control as I should be now. As I made it seem I am. I am sorry, for being dishonest."

"Don't be. Especially since it seems like you had to figure out a lot on your own. Was your specialist even an empath?"

"No. He was a shapeshifter. And my mother is a flora wyvern, so she did not quite know how to help either. I got empathy from my father. He left when I was a baby."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. Thank you."

"It's good that you can work with Dr Bayer now."

"Yes..."

"Baptiste?"

"Hm?"

"How... how much worse is it than just 'a couple' slip-ups?"

Baptiste sighed and held himself tighter again. Alex worried for a second that he might snap himself in half. He was about to apologize for overstepping with that question when Baptiste loosened his hold a little and spoke.

"It was never anything I could not handle," he muttered. "But then yesterday... When I learned those boys would face no consequences... I do not think I have ever felt anger like before. And then I used my powers on you, and... Well, since then I have not been able to turn them off."

Alex's heart dropped. "Really?"

Baptiste shut his eyes tight and nodded. As they approached a more crowded part of the campus, Baptiste got even closer to Alex. Alex thought it was so he could speak a little more quietly, but what he said next explained the real reason.

"I keep feeling the emotions of whoever is closest to me. I cannot focus on anything. Just trying to get to the dining hall this morning... I was walking with Eloise and Matthew, and almost everyone's emotions turned sour when they saw us. Hatred. Resentment. Even well-meaning ones like pity. It was too much. I could not feel myself anymore. I had to go back. Matthew came to visit me during lunch. He told me about Dr. Bayer. Convinced me to come talk with her. She seems good."

"She's the best."

"Her sessions are free?"

"For students, yes."

"Would... would medication be too?"

"You mean the suppressants."

"Yes."

"You would have to pay for those on your own if Dr. Bayer prescribed them."

"I see."

"She usually only does in emergency cases though. If her sessions don't work. Give her time. I'm sure she can help you."

"I will try."

"Should I... Should I be trying to... I don't know, feel more neutral?"

Baptiste chuckled and somehow managed to get even closer, his arm now brushing up against Alex's. "No, I like your emotions. You have a way of feeling that is... comforting."

Alex immediately felt embarrassed, by the contact and the strange compliment. Then he remembered Baptiste could feel his embarrassment and got even more embarrassed. Baptiste laughed again; a laugh much closer to the one Alex had heard when they first met.

"They are sincere," he elaborated. "Honest."

"People have insincere feelings?"

"They can be... mixed up. They have- what is the word? Baggage. Even their emotions have this baggage. In addition to how they feel there is something else. Like they feel conflicted about how they feel. Not you. Your feelings know how they feel. They do not feel bad about how they feel."

Alex blinked at Baptiste in confusion while AJ poked fun at him in bewilderment. He's saying you don't have baggage? He said. His sensor must be more broken than he realizes.

"I am just confusing you," Baptiste observed. "Sorry, I do not know how else to explain it."

"I think it's just one of those things I can't understand," Alex guessed. "Either way, whatever it is about me... Well, I'm glad you say it helps."

"And I am not making you too uncomfortable? I know you said you did not mind yesterday, but..."

"It's still fine. Besides, I'd say it wouldn't be a priority if I did feel uncomfortable."

"You are kind, Alexander."

"It's nothing."

"No, it is something. And it means very much to me. So, thank you."

Alex paused when he felt like that sentence was familiar, then almost laughed when he realized it was because he had said almost the same thing to Warren.

"Then you're welcome," he decided to say.

Baptiste stayed close as they finished the walk from the science building to McAvoy. Alex hesitated when they reached the dorm's front lawn, and memories of Saturday came creeping back in. Baptiste put a hand on Alex's shoulder like suddenly he was the one who needed comforting.

"I can go on my own from here," he said.

"Are you sure?" Alex asked at the same time AJ breathed out Thank god, let's get the hell out of here.

Baptiste chuckled, almost as if he could hear AJ. Maybe he could, in a way. Maybe AJ was that sincere feeling Baptiste was picking up on. Though Alex had a hard time imagining the little shit could be a comfort to anyone.

"Yes, I am. The home territory is easier to contend with than the wilds out there. And I know this place brings you anxiety. I wish I could do or say something to alleviate it."

"Don't worry about me."

"I will say the same to you, then. À bientôt, Alexander."

" À bientôt , Baptiste."

Alex stayed and watched after Baptiste as he crossed the lawn and went into the dorm. Alex's gaze lingered on the empty lawn as his memory of Saturday projected itself like a film. He saw Malcolm as he changed. Matthew and the brave face he had tried to put on. He, standing frozen in front of a terrified crowd. There was more he should have done that night, and he couldn't help but feel like there was more he should be doing for Baptiste now. Only now he couldn't guess what that something more was.

Get yourself sorted out first, mate, AJ said to him as he turned to leave. Maybe then you can start making plans to save damsels, alright?