A mentor in a leather wrapper

The books in the closet that stood in the corner of the room near the desk where Cal had spent the last hour and a half or so, carefully putting the pages back in their proper places with duct tape and a keen eye, welcomed a new neighbor who took the most honorable place among all the books, even though he wasn't a book. Usually only those books that had been read went into the bookcase, not to say that it was an unspoken law, but the previous 93 manuscripts were on the shelves only after they had been read.

What made Cal, who had read only a few pages, and not much was written on them, go against his own rule? After all, Cal was a man who did not deviate from his beliefs, principles and rules. Except for the unprecedented, the dangerous, or the cases in which his previous notions were not so true or erroneous.

Resting his hands on top of each other and using them to support his chin, Cal pondered the entry on page 3. It didn't say much, and as much as he wanted a detailed explanation with examples, it wasn't there, and he had read the first instruction many times before. Reading it all at once seemed like a bad move to Cal, since the instructions said to proceed according to what he had read and to read in order.

- I don't know how many hands these notes have been through, although the leather binding looks unusual for a modern notebook of this type, perhaps one of the previous owners, due to circumstances or otherwise, threw the copy away, given that I found it lying on the ground. The question is, what approach to reading was taken by the previous holders of the notebook? Although perhaps it doesn't matter. So, I'll do as I originally planned! I'll grab a bite to eat and get on with it.

In anticipation of further reading, the snack passed in a flash and now the notebook was in front of him, and he felt like a child impatiently waiting for the next episode of his favorite cartoon series. Opening the notebook, Cal quickly ran through the first three pages and finally flipped to the fourth.

Page #4

Ask and then answer one question to yourself.

Answer out loud so that you can hear your answer clearly.

Who are you at this moment? Characterize yourself, put yourself together piece by piece, describing your qualities. It doesn't matter what qualities you have now, so don't try to embellish some of your qualities and don't try to minimize others. In case of difficulties, do not seek help from others, no matter who they are or how well they know you. This is of the utmost importance, for he who does not know himself has no goal and no way to achieve it, but only dwells in the darkness of illusions in which he does not recognize deception. Look for yourself in yourself, because you are your own obstacle, you are your own deceiver, you are the failure that happens to you. Answering my question, remember that I cannot hear you, but you can hear yourself.

From a height of ten to fifteen centimeters, the notebook landed on the table, accompanied by an appropriate sound. Cal looked up with a start, and then read the fourth page again, so as not to miss the thought that had occurred to him. I've been asking myself so much about where I belong in this world, looking for a certain social circle, a place where I feel at ease. And it turned out I started my search in the wrong place, I had to ask myself the right question.

- So who am I?

My name is Cal.

I'm 21.

Raised in a full family, oldest child.

I have a diploma of higher education, though it's gathering dust somewhere on the shelf. Work is not burdened.

As for my qualities well I think I am kind, honest, strict in some cases, aaa... I'm also...

Strange. I never realized it could be so complicated, I'm at a complete loss. But when it comes to desires there is no such problem, what I want, how I would spend a certain amount of money, where I would fly, what cars I would drive, what clothes I would buy, what food I would order in a restaurant, with whom I would go on a trip and so on, all this is instantly reproduced in my head, and I see the picture as clearly as this table. And I can't really say anything about myself.

Apparently I don't know myself that well.

At this thought Cal decided to stop reading and went for a walk along his usual route to refresh his head and try to answer his question.

The smell of grass and trees, the cool breeze, the murmuring of water and the singing of birds accompanied the boy walking slowly down along the river, looking around, but mostly gazing thoughtfully into the deep blue sky. There wasn't a single cloud in sight, Cal gazed deeper and deeper, trying to appreciate the scale of the sky and realize who he was. On the way back, looking at the place where he had found a notebook not so long ago, which instead of ending up in a trash can ended up on a shelf among books, Cal suddenly realized that he was no one in particular. That's why he couldn't say who he was, and among the many qualities he possessed, none stood out among the others, except his inability to follow through. "That's it! I have found the answer to my question! I am a man incapable of completing things properly, because behind it is the emotion of getting what I want quickly and without much effort." - Concluding this Cal hurried home to continue his fascinating and useful reading.

Page #5

Your life, whatever it may be, is the result of your actions. I'm sure you have a lot of excuses right now, but believe me, I know what I'm talking about. So the first thing to do is to accept yourself and then try to become a better person. Accepting yourself is not loving yourself, not defending yourself, but looking at yourself without praise or judgment. A person almost always looks at this or that situation under a magnifying glass of negative or positive. And the conclusions he draws are limited only by his own understanding. When you were trying to figure out who you are, you probably looked at yourself from a positive or negative perspective, identifying your strengths and weaknesses. But the bottom line is that a person is who they choose to be. And this is not a one-time choice made sometime in the past, but a series of decisions that are made every day. A person is centered in many qualities, at some times dominating some and at other times dominating others. Now it's your turn to make a decision, who do you prefer to be?

- Of course I prefer to be happy, but I don't feel unhappy either. I'm more happy than unhappy, but I'm still missing something, and 100% I don't understand a lot of things.

That's great! That was the word on Cal's face after reading page five. The notebook had become his mentor, which he never had, but which was necessary, and the necessity of it was reflected in the endless and unrealized desires. Deciding that that was enough reading for today, Cal returned the notebook to the shelf and thought about calling an old friend.