Chapter 23. Where Doubt Arises

The expedition continued after the researchers had done collecting the data. They went as far as intentionally driving a beast toward the safe zone to test the barrier, and testing the water for drinkability, with the poor tank as a test subject.

Fortunately, and amazingly, Balduz seemed to be alright and they decided to continue going further, walking along the body of water. The further they go, the brook went deeper and larger, forming a considerable stream that gave life to the surrounding terrain.

If it could be called that.

True to Ron's description, the further they went, the more bizarre the plants were. Instead of blackish, dying leaves, the plants further seemed to be more vibrant and alive, with thick leaves and robust figures. But they also looked more sinister; barbed vines, thorny leaves, pulsing red stalks as if they were made of beating hearts...

It pulled the researchers' curiosity, but also the espers' vigilance. They tried not to come close to those eerie vegetations, although it being a jungle didn't help, obviously.

That being said, the journey itself could be considered smooth. The terrain wasn't so hard since they went along the riverside. The only elevation was a mere two meters steep hill that they easily overcome. Except for the water creatures, the other beasts had been eliminated by Bassena before they could approach them, and the leftover water creatures were being taken care of by Sierra and Ron.

And with that, they soon arrived at the end of the charted area.

Here, the stream split into two directions—a small stream going down, and a bigger one going up the hill. The small one wasn't going far, however, and disappeared underground a few hundred meters away. So the real path leading further would be by following the bigger stream.

The problem lay with the fact that they were standing on the side of the smaller stream, and the other side of the small stream was a cliff full of barbed and poisonous vines. So they would have to cross the river first to be able to proceed.

"This is it," Ron looked ahead with a hard face. "We hadn't managed to get further..." his voice was trailing and bitter.

It was easy to understand why. They had lost a few espers trying to go further, in which two of them were members of Ron's mercenary group.

The other side of the river which they needed to cross was a narrow path flanked by a ravine. The problem lay with the beasts hiding within the bush and the trees that ambushed the team before, and the water creatures that cut their retreat. Those that were sent to cross the river had been gravely injured when they got back and two died on the way.

Zein was there too, but as a guide, he was obviously not in the front. But one of the gravely injured espers was also near eruption, and he had to guide the man just so the esper could die as a human, at the very least.

It was the second time for Zein, to receive a thank you from a dying man.

He hated that. He had no idea why someone who would die would send gratitude for someone who stayed alive.

Like his younger brother.

"So we just have to cross this point, right?" Bassena narrowed his eyes, spotting hidden red eyes between shrubs and leaves. "Sierra,"

With a short command, he ordered the sharpshooter to eliminate the hiding beasts across the river. Perhaps because they had been continuously dispatching the water creatures, there was none to be spotted here. And the rest of the beasts who were on their side of the river and a few who dared to fly close in the sky, all vanished from the countless stakes made of darkness.

And just like that, all the variables that had made the Unit surrender in the past were taken care of. It seemed so easy that Ron almost wanted to burst out laughing and crying at the same time.

"Ron..." Zein whispered from behind, seeing the shaking eyes of the scout.

But the older man quickly regained his composure by taking a deep breath. "I'm okay," he cracked a smile, and added after a slight pause. "Well...those two were the ones who wanted to chart the area even more than me, so, doing it in their stead would honor their death, don't you think?"

Ron walked toward Bassena then, leaving Zein stiffened, staring blankly into the stream.

Honor their death...

The words swirled around inside his mind like hovering bees, cracking something inside his heart; a defensive vault he'd been built all this time.

Meanwhile, Ron had jumped over the stream together with Sierra to make sure all the beasts had been taken care of. They cleared a rather spacious area for Balduz to land while carrying the two researchers, the sound of his force made ripples along the black water.

"What about you?" Bassena asked Han Shin with a smirk, obviously challenging the healer.

"Hmph!" with a scoff, Han Shin jumped over the ledge, using a stone in the middle of the stream to land before making another jump across.

The healer landed on the other side while flipping his friend, as Bassena chuckled and turned around to face Zein. "And what of our mister guide?"

They were the last ones to cross the water, but Zein was still standing still without any response. Bassena lowered his head, peering into the goggle covering the guide's eyes.

"Zein?" The guide flinched, and they stared at each other for a few seconds. "Let's go cross the river now—"

Bassena was about to offer his hand, but the guide wordlessly walked past him. Magic energy coursed through his legs and in a swift, trained movement, he made the same jump as Han Shin, using the stone as a transition.

Bassena could only look at the guide, flabbergasted not by the movement, but by getting blatantly ignored. "Ha!" he almost laughed, and in the next second, already appeared beside Zein on the other side of the river.

"That's disappointing," he muttered behind the guide.

"What is?"

"I had hoped I can carry you across," Bassena said with a smile. "Make it seems romantic..." he shamelessly whispered to the guide as they walked further from the edge of the river.

"Deathzone is not supposed to be romantic," Zein frowned.

Perhaps because he was just remembering unpleasant things, perhaps because his defense had been crumbling, or perhaps because of all of these suffocating miasma and eerie darkness, but Zein felt he was in a bad mood right now.

And perhaps because of that, he spat out coldly. "There's no such thing as love in a place like this."

* * *

They continued the expedition with the previous formation, except that now Bassena stood in the forefront. Since it was an uncharted area, they moved into a more quiet, solemn atmosphere.

For a while, the team walked through the narrow pathway between the stream and the ravine, and this time, their enemies came from the sky rather than the ground. But they came with a sharpshooter and a magician, so their journey was as smooth as it could be.

At one point, the pathway opened up to a small clearing filled with black grass, and they decided to stop there and rest for the day. They had come into uncharted territory, and while the danger of the beasts was being quelled quite easily, the tension of unknown danger finally seeped into their mind and bones, especially the two researchers.

The two researchers had never come to places like this before, since they hadn't even stepped inside a dungeon. Although their clothes provided them with energy to propel their stamina and speed, they still took a toll on their muscle.

But the bigger problem was people's mental state. Deathzone was dangerous not just because it was teeming with beasts, but also because the miasma was everywhere. It was a substance that corrupted the environment, but most of all, it corrupted the mind.

They didn't feel it right away, but after hours of walking, it became apparent. The suffocating air, the sticky feeling hovering around them, the darkness that blurred their concept of time...

Along the way, the team became quiet. Not even Han Shin uttered anything, and there were frowns on every face. Scowl. It was a feeling that was bound to surface when people were put in a prolonged uncomfortable situation.

And the suffocating air of the Deathzone was definitely an uncomfortable situation.

So when they saw a clearing, Bassena asked if they wanted to call it a rest for the day, and Han Shin replied enthusiastically, with severe nods from the researchers, and a more reserved one from the rest.

So their first day of the expedition ended there, and Zein lay witness to the convenience of modern technology once again.

Rather than manually built tents, these people came with compact tents compressed to a palm size capsule. With just a button, the ordinary-looking capsule expanded to form a sturdy, comfortable-looking tent, complete with bedding, blankets, and pillows. It was basically an instant house more than a tent, made with a material that could withstand the beast's attack to some degree.

They erected three tents, and while the three attackers got rid of nearby beasts, the researchers got the terminal working again, and Zein helped Balduz establish an impromptu kitchen in the middle.

Zein had come to every Deathzone expedition that required the presence of a guide in the four years he spent on the borderland. Most of them never last overnight, since even the crazies of the Unit weren't 'that' crazy to spend the night in this treacherous land. But even on the occasion that they needed to rest and spend the night there, it mainly consisted of taking turns in sleeping and eating dried provisions in a hurry, with eyes opened wide and tension cranked up.

There was no such thing as building a tent to sleep on, because who would have the time to do that with miasmic beasts around them? Just finding a secluded place to lay their bodies and sleep for a bit was already considered a luxury.

So this was the first for Zein, leisurely preparing a fire and chopping up ingredients, listening to people chatting while doing so. Truly, it felt like they were on a camping trip rather than traversing a dangerous field.

But it was good to relieve the tension that had been building up. The pulsing device that absorbed the miasma around them was like a beacon of warmth, giving out heat even more than the fire they used for cooking. The mundane stuff of chatting and preparing a meal shoved the eerie, negative thoughts away. Even Zein's bad mood which made him act colder than usual seemed to be melted down with each slice of the ingredient he cut.

The barrier got established at the same time the three espers came back. The pale face of Sierra, and her trembling fingers told the rest that she probably had just gone through a rigorous training session. This guess was strengthened by the awkward smile on Ron's face.

The poor sharpshooter almost slumped down in front of her meal, devouring it with abandon while Han Shin healed her with a grin. She didn't try to keep her image or her politeness anymore, and no one told her to anyway. It was clear that she used a lot of energy today, so Zein guided her right after she finished her dinner before she passed out in one of the tents.

Since he was already guiding anyway, Zein did one for Ron too, and went to look for the one who expended the most energy today.

Bassena had gone right away after eating his meal and set up a sitting area on the riverbank right at the edge of their camp. People would think he was there to fish or something. But his amber eyes were gleaming like a pair of spotlights, giving no creatures a leeway to come close.

There was an empty chair beside the esper, probably meant to have two people on watch duty, but Zein took it upon himself to sit there. "Give me your hand,"

Wordlessly, the esper put his hand on Zein's palm, and they sat silently for a long time, just staring at the darkness around the black water.

In some way, it reminded Zein of Bassena's mana core, that vast darkness. 'But it felt different,' he closed his eyes, and felt the sea of darkness inside the esper's core. He couldn't pinpoint the difference, but...if he had to describe one...

'Isn't it scary?'

Ah, right...as he remembered Han Shin's question, he realized it then. Unlike the darkness of the Deathzone that made him tense, Bassena's darkness didn't give that scary, eerie impression.

'Is it because I've been protected by that darkness thus far?' Zein tilted his head in wonder.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Zein opened his eyes at an unexpected question. When he turned his head, Bassena was looking at him, staring hard, an unusual frown slightly formed on his face.

"Huh?" Zein blinked, staring back with questions inside his eyes that had been simmering in light blue.

The esper leaned back, slightly pulling on their hand. "I feel like I'm making a progress, but you suddenly getting cold again..."

Ah...Zein raised his brow. He wasn't sure but...

"...are you sulking?" it was hard to believe but, those slightly dimmed eyes and pressed lips reminded Zein of how the twins acted when Zein couldn't come home as he promised.

"Can't I?" Bassena sunk into the chair, eyes back to watch the darkness. But the slightly lowered corner of his mouth gave the impression of a disappointed child.

Ha! Zein almost chuckled, but he remembered that he was the one who blurted out cold words out of nowhere. "Sorry," he said, and the glowing eyes turned so fast at him. "I was in a bad mood," he explained. Well, it sounded like an excuse, but it was true that his temper was getting flared by a barrage of forgotten memories.

"Hmm..." the esper tilted his head, but his frown was already gone. "Are you no longer in a bad mood, now?"

"Probably," Zein shrugged. Well, the tension he felt had unraveled by setting up the camp and eating the warm meal, but it would be a lie if he said the things plaguing his mind had completely gone.

"Well, that's goo—"

"But," Zein turned his head, the seriousness of his gaze stunned the esper a little bit. "I meant what I said."

There was no such thing as love in this kind of place, where they could drop dead anytime, where they could vanish as easily as they had met.

And there was no such thing as a personal relationship in Zein's life. He couldn't afford such luxury.

It was the esper's own business if he wanted to make advances toward him, but Zein wanted Bassena to know that he had no intention to reciprocate those advances. And since he had said it—albeit rather coarsely—Zein decided to just spell it out and make it clear.

As expected, the esper stiffened. It only persisted for a second, however, as his body relaxed again. He just stared at Zein with an inquisitive look then. "Why?"

"What?"

"Why do you think like that?"

The esper was sitting casually, but the glint in his eyes showed that he wouldn't rest until Zein gave a satisfactory answer.

The guide was quiet for a while, but Bassena didn't push him. They just sat still on their chairs, looking into the darkness again, until Zein parted his lips.

"There's something I'm looking for," the cleansing water inside Bassena's system felt stagnated for a second. "I can't afford to think about anything else before I find it."

The stagnated water flew slower after that, chasing the corrosion in a rigid manner. Bassena tightened his hold on the guide's hand, and asked carefully. "What are you looking for?"

What appear before the answer was a slightly dim gaze. It was easy to picture a bitter smile underneath the mask. But the answer was a surprise for Bassena.

"A way to live,"

It wasn't an answer that the esper thought would come out from someone with the word 'suicidal' attached as their moniker. Certainly, it wasn't someone who diligently went into the Deathzone from time to time would likely say.

"A way to...live?" Bassena muttered subconsciously. "Not death?"

Zein let out a chuckling sound, a melodious ring of a bell inside the dreary place. But the thing he said wasn't as pretty. "I want that too," he leaned his head into the chair, looking at the sinister-looking thorny leaves of the trees around them. "But someone told me that I have to live, so I can't do that,"

The blue orbs disappeared beneath tired eyelids. It was such a curse for someone who had nothing left in this world. He was someone without an anchor, and yet, he wasn't allowed to sink. Like a lost boat, sailing without any meaning inside the sea of darkness.

"Ah, I'm glad," Zein opened his eyes at Bassena's remark. "If you were to die, I wouldn't be able to survive too," the esper smiled, amber eyes narrowed and looking far, to a memory that seemed distant.

Zein raised his brow, and fell into thought. Was his words had anything to do with the way they met? Was the esper probably on the brink of eruption when they met?

The puzzle seemed to gather one by one, but there was still a fog hanging over Zein's buried memory.

"But if you want to live, why are you standing so close to death?" the esper tilted his head and looked at Zein with palpable confusion. Before Zein could provide any answer, however, he already formed one. "Ah, is it that thing where people say they felt the most alive on the verge of death?"

Zein was silent for a few seconds before replying with hesitation; "...sure...?"

"But this is where it's weird," the esper looked at Zein with twinkling in his eyes and a smirk. "In places where danger abounds and death is imminent, don't you think it'll be easier for people to fall in love?"

Zein pulled his face away and frowned. "How so?"

"Well, for instance, there's this thing called the suspension bridge effect," Bassena pulled out one of his fingers. "Where the bodily response to adrenaline rush during dangerous situation makes it feels like you are being attracted to someone,"

"Is that what you feel? Then you should know it's a mistaken feeling then," Zein raised his brow.

"In my case, I don't really care if it's the result of that effect," the esper smiled deeply, pulling Zein's hand even more to his side. He pulled out another finger and continued. "There are also instances when people built a relationship from feeling closer after sharing life and death situations, no?"

Before Zein could make another comment, he had pulled another finger. "I heard there are also cases when living beings feel the need to prolong their species' survival by doing reproductive activities,"

"What nonsense..." Zein narrowed his eyes at the blatant suggestion of such statement. "What reproductive activity has anything to do with two males?"

"Hmm?" Bassena's teasing smirk turned into an inquisitive one. "But you're a guide, aren't you?"

Zein pressed his lips behind the mask, and replied easily. "I don't have one," he looked down for a bit, before adding for clearance, "a womb."

Male guides have a probability to develop one, apparently because 'cleansing' is an inherent trait—a guide could only be born when the birthing parent is a guide. But most of the male guides that had womb were people like Yath—the petite one whose physiology was closer to female.

Not someone like Zein, obviously, who could be mistakenly taken as an esper.

"Well, I guessed as much,"

Bassena's response, however, threw Zein back a bit. He had thought by mentioning that, it would deter the esper's fascination with him and perhaps stop his advances. But this nonchalant attitude told him that the esper didn't really care about that matter in the first place.

"It's not why I'm pursuing you," the deep smile that he gave was a testament to an unbreakable will.

Zein received the stare with an equally persistent one. "So why are you talking about reproduction or whatever?"

The esper grinned, and laughed softly. "No reason," he loosened the tight hold he'd been maintaining all this while. "I guess I just want to make a point..."

With the loosening hold, Zein pulled his hand off—or at least he tried to. But the moment his fingers started to slip by, the esper took it in an even tighter hold.

"That I don't believe it,"

Zein looked at their hand, once again tangled in a more intimate way than he used to. He let out a sigh, and asked. "You don't believe what?"

The gleam inside the amber eyes was as persistent as the deep smile carved beneath. "That there's no such thing as love in this place."