Her name

I closed my eyes and tried to savour the feeling .The feel of her very being trapped in my arms, the feel of her breath fanning my chest, the feel of her fingers drawing lousy patterns on my belly as she lay on it. At that very moment as she was sprawled upon me and we just lay there, not exchanging any words and letting the silence comfort us to the most......I knew this moment was gonna be a memory I'll be reminiscing for a long time. In my head, I went on about all the times I'd been this way, and all the other girls who'd been in her place....none of those moments were memorable. Well.....of course the events were, but they didn't strike to me as something that I'll live by. Something that I'll get used to..... something I'd crave every now and then.

My fingers played with her hair while one of my hand rounded her waist. Her tiny waist........she felt so small.

" Say Hayat, why are you with me ?" I finally voiced the question ringing in my head for a long time and which as though echoed in the serenity of the room. My voice loomed in the room, dense as the night sky outside. I probably anticipated her answer more than I'd anticipated my results. A guy like me, who got his ass drunk nearly everyday, who rarely attended the lectures (not that this shit mattered), who had no sense of responsibility and was a careless idiot. I didn't bring her gifts very often and didn't really mind spending my money on her. Our dates were on the C4 and our hangouts in my house. Why was she with me?

" What kind of a question is that?" She looked up, resting her chin on my chest. Her brown eyes twinkling with an unrecognisable emotion.

" A troublesome question"

"Hmmm ...." She wondered about and sat up, her naked form straddling my stomach. Her hands lay flat on my chest, her body open to be admired.

"Hayat, there might be some reason that you're with me, that you're staying with me. Or why you don't point anything out." Her hand raised and her fingers moved over my eyebrow.

" I never searched for reasons..." Her voice was low as she spoke " I don't try to find reasons to stay or reasons to leave. I just know that I want this" her eyes met mine and I don't know what happened but I know that I was up with her in my lap and my lips caressing hers. The kiss lasted for quite some time, her fingers lost in my hair and my arms pulling her ever so closer to me. The feel of her lips made moist by my tongue....her teeth lightly grazing mine...it all stayed in my mind. A lovely memory.... I wish she would've stayed.

' You can't live like this you know. ' she said, her voice brought me back to where I was. Back from the realm I was so willingly lost in.

Aasavari came in the way she always had, the question was, when did she come in? I'd been here the whole time and I didn't know when she'd arrived, not even her footsteps had made a sound.

"What are you, a shinobi? "

" Just a friend. " She uttered as she got up from my bed. Her waist length hair curtaining her face and her lips lacking their pink hue . Aasa had beautiful eyebrows, you could sit and admire them and you wouldn't get bored, her eyes were a shade of brown that almost seemed black, unlike Hayat's light brown eyes. Hayat's eyes were the colour of wood, welcoming and warm and now they were gone. Hayat didn't have defined features like Aasa but somehow her eyes made up for it, I would get lost in her eyes when we used to meet. Hayat's words rarely made sense but her eyes told stories.... Of lust and of love, and if you spared the time to read those stories in depth, they even spoke of longing and of forlorn glory.

" You want anything? Water ? " I kept the diary aside and got up from the corner I was sitting in. More like sulking in, I think it was high time I started getting over her.

" No, I'm fine. " She answered with a tight liped smile.

She came in for a hug that somehow lacked warmth. It reeked of mourning and sympathy. It wasn't welcomed.

" How are you? Haven't heard from you in ages. "

"I'm good, just a bit lazy."

"Last time I checked you were always lazy. "

" Nope, that is Hayat's forte. Mine is keeping her awake. " I felt the smile that stretched my lips and which died down in a few seconds. Maybe Gangan was right, I really did got a foot or two deep into her being.

"You need to get out of here. You can't always stay in here, you know."

I nodded, my eyes cast down and pointlessly staring at her black jeans. It had a little mud on it. Maybe it rained heavily..... mourning on my loss? Nah, I'm sure the Lord didn't fancy entertaining the likes of me.

The rest of her words fell on my deaf ears. I wasn't listening, I was just thinking of the mud on her jeans.

Her hands reached over and embraced me, this embrace was welcomed. Maybe I needed a shoulder to cry on and I'd be fine, maybe all I needed was a drink to calm my nerves and I'd be over her. And maybe I just needed someone to entertain my cries but I wasn't gonna admit it. I was yet to admit that I'd become so dependent on someone that now her absence was bothering me.

"I'm fine " a gasp escaped my mouth and I suddenly realised that tears were streaming down my eyes.

"I know you are. ..."

We spent the next hour talking about how my college assignments were pending and my attendance was almost zero. Well the teachers were understanding and so it was forgiven. You need to come at least once, you'll fail the damn semester, she said. I promised I would and then she spoke of how Pawan got drunk and started dancing like a freak in the middle of a lecture.

She was gone in an hour and I finally spared a glance at the state of my room. It was a mess. A mess which if I didn't clean I'd get in an argument with my dad. But then why did it matter ? No one was gonna be here...no Hayat sneaking in at midnight with beer bottles in her hand.... I needed to get out of the room. It'd been a long time since I was out, not that it made a difference. After all, there were a lot of ghouls trapped in my room and I knew those ghouls would haunt me again anyways.

I don't know how to describe Hayat. I don't know how she became so important to me. All I know is that it started with lust and was soon lost in love.

"Ludo ? " I asked her, extending my cellphone. We sat in the last row, that would count as our first encounter. Bored of what the professor was going on about, I had nothing to do but to notice and look for something I could appreciate. Girls to appreciate.

"I'm the red one "she replied with the eyes still stuck on the board. Then she looked at me as the professor turned his back on us. Her light brown eyes had a tiny of gold and she had a few freckles sprawled on her sun kissed skin. Her full lips painted in a light shade of pink and her curly hair tied up in a bun. She looked good. A cherry among the apples, a seasonal delicacy among the regular deserts.

And we started playing....Ludo.

"You coming for the Freshers?" I asked her. I wondered how she would look in party clothes, with her legs exposed and her hair open.

"Nope. I have a tournament. "

I noticed her hand as she played. Her nails neatly cut unlike other girls' long and painted ones.

"Tournament? "

"Yup. Taekwondo. "

Well that pretty much explained her hands. They even looked rough, as if she's been doing chores of her household all by herself.

"Oh. All the best for that " not I could've said anything else.

"Thanks. Is the professor trying to mess with her heads ? " she asked out of the blue.

" what ?"

She turned to me, and I could see a light bruise on jaw. It was fading but it was there, guess she did take her sport seriously. But I also noticed the tendrils if her hair that hung near her ears, and how her long eyelashes curled up and not to forget her lips, those full plump lips. She was a sight to behold.

"He just said that we can call India a state. "

Her lips moved and pursed together.

"Huh? Who did ? "

"The professor,who else ? He said we can say the India is a state and socially speaking it won't be wrong. Come to think of it, if we went by the social definition of a state then he's right. We can call India a state. "

"Oh. Yeah...so you were paying attention to him ? "

"Not really, his words just fell on my ears and then I just couldn't ignore them. Anyways, it's your turn. " She pointed to my cell which displayed the still ongoing game of ludo.

Then it was the professor who just had to end the lecture right when we were actually might've started a conversation. Once he was out of the classroom she got up and took her bag.

"What's your name? " I asked just as she was about to leave.

" Hayat" She smiled and extended her hand for a shake, and I did the same and guess what, my hand felt smoother than hers. Her hand was rough, strong.

"I have my practice session, have to leave, see you soon." She said and was out of my sight in a few seconds as I stood there staring at the doorway. So she didn't feel like knowing who I was ? Great. Motherfucking great. Too bad, I thought I might've been able to get her.

" What are you looking at ?" Gangans heavy voice sounded behind me. I turned and looked up at him, his six foot tall frame towering over me.

"Nothing. " I sighed. What a waste of time. Gangan, well that was his surname, but no-one actually called him by his first name. He was probably the tallest in the whole college, with broad shoulders and wide eyes.

" Come, everyone's in the canteen." He moved a hand through his hair.

"Everyone ? " I arched an eyebrow.

"Yeah, our classmates, doesn't hurt to make new friends. "

" I don't think I'm coming, I need a smoke, I'm heading back, and you're coming today ? " I asked as I took my bag. I'd known that huge man for around two years.

"Yeah, I'll bring Pratik with me and we'll be a bit late. "

" Fine by me"

And with that I headed out.