Chapter 6 - part 2: "Love talk"

"Her majesty, we are going to the nearby river, would her majesty like to join us?"Keira woke me from my thoughts, when she and another soldier approached me to invite me to follow them to the river. The water source was protected from the gaze of anyone passing by the main road, and the enemies would have struggled to overcome the defensive line of the camp. The only problem was the harsh climate, which made the current just as cold, but fortunately by investing in research, runes had been discovered capable of acquiring heat and transmitting it to the surrounding environment or to the people who came into contact with them.

Alex had explained to me that it would be really easy to develop the technology in Atenarte, since the territory was filled with magical essence, but the progress would not have been as fast without the skills of a witch. Also for this reason I was grateful to have brought her with me toAtenarte.

I watched the outside from my tent, seeing the sun go down, and decided to follow the soldiers to the river. The women took their places on the right side of the rocks that protruded from the river bed and obscured the view of anyone on the other side. We undressed and plunged into the water, enjoying the sensation of freshness that the water of the current gave us, after having attenuated the rigidity of its temperature thanks to the runes.

"Why don't they come near? " I asked Keira, observing two women that were a few meters away from us; somehow they almost seemed to avoid me.

"Her majesty, perhaps they are afraid of annoying an important woman like her."

I was relieved by Keira's honesty and smiled at my soldiers, inviting them to come closer to me. I understood that my role could be intimidating to many people, especially those who did not know how to behave correctly towards me, but in war I wanted to be treated simply as a war general and not an empress.

"You don't have to worry about my presence. In war we are equal."

I was confused when some of the women gave me embarrassed looks and blushed, but I didn't pay too much attention to it. Keira stayed by my side and we talked again about the coming conflicts, and then focused on topics related to something else... for example Alex.

"How's Alex doing? I couldn't see her before I left and she seems to be very busy with her research lately."

I thought about the answer I could give her: I didn't want to reveal too much about my relationship with Alex, besides I wasn't ready to trust her with these information, even if I had to admit that Mellarc had proved to be a truly loyal and reserved person.

"I really don't know."

I ran a hand through my wet hair and sighed in frustration at the time I was feeling. Anything I was trying to do to improve the situation between me and her didn't seem to work.

"Her majesty... will you allow me a question? I apologize in advance if this is inappropriate."

Keira turned her eyes to me, after making sure no one heard us. I found the way she addressed me pleasant, without feeling intimidated by my presence, conversing easily, just as she did with a friend. Usually I wouldn't let anyone ask me questions about my private affairs, but I thought I was doing the right thing by discussing it with her.

I nodded, inviting her to speak.

"With Alex ... it's not a facade, am I wrong? It's not just a political issue or a matter of power..."

I looked straight into her eyes, remaining silent and tried to figure out where she wanted to go. It was clear that she was implying that I had romantic feelings for Alex from Clevwood.

Our relationship wasn't a mystery: both the palace workers and the nobles who had been able to observe my interactions with the witch would have realized that I didn't keep her by my side only for imperial affairs. I wondered why Keira's request had seemed different in some way and especially how she had managed to hit me so deeply, making me shake instantly.

"She is my witch and I reserve her the best of treatments, she also has become an invaluable asset for the empire, but tell me Keira, do you imply there's something more to it?"

Keira watched me for a moment, before continuing her speech with caution: "If Alex decides to abandon her role for love or simply if she decides to... not fulfill her duties completely, what would her majesty feel like?"

The intensity of her gaze and the weight she had given to her words made me reflect for a long time: I had never considered the possibility that Alex would move away from me or stop joining me in my rooms, even if only to talk and not spend the night together.

I hadn't realized how necessary it was for me to feel her close and touch her, not until I talked about it openly with someone. In that conversation I didn't want to have more filters, I didn't want to hide what I felt as I did every day since I was born, even at the cost of revealing too much and not feeling in control.

"I wouldn't want... such a thing."

What did I want then? What was I missing so often that I thought so often about Alex and her lips, her body, her looks?

"Keira why can't I stop thinking about her? Is it her role... her importance at court? "

"Her majesty, I believe that it is something else and that it concerns her feelings. The reason I asked her that question is to make sure both her majesty and Alex are okay. I do not deny that I felt something for her at the beginning and I recognize a sexual attraction for what it is... but I must confide there is something more, something that perhaps Alex has not yet wanted to acknowledge, towards her majesty… this is all I will say on the subject. I would never dare to take advantage of her indulgence towards me."

Keira approached the river bank, with the intent to get out of her, but I grabbed her wrist, bringing her attention back to me: "Do you think this is wrong? To be free, to love someone even if it's not completely possible?"

I also surprised myself with my actions; I had never been impulsive, I always acted after careful consideration, calculating the best outcome to prevent it from hurting me in any way, to keep my image intact. I still remembered the little boy I spent time with as a child, secretly, so as not to be discovered by adults, but I had never felt such strong emotions as to make me tremble, afraid of making mistakes, of hurting myself. It was the first time I wanted to really get close to someone and it was scary, because I had no experience, it was totally new to me.

Not to mention I didn't even know how I wanted Alex.

"Her majesty, there aren't any wrong decisions in this case, so choose the one you want the most, without worrying about the outcome. She has people who would do anything for her, she is not alone, and it's time for her to give herself some freedom too..."