Acceptance

If a person doesn't take time to deal with what they went through in the past and doesn't let go of all the pain they had to endure it may push them into making irrational decisions. I hate how I wasted so much of my life in watering things that added no value to my life. I hate that I allowed my anger to make irrational decisions. I have no regrets, just lessons learned. I am a whole lot wiser now and a whole lot stronger now.

I won't change the person I am because of the bitter individuals I have met in my life for I know this battle was never mine to begin with. It was time to let go of the past and to move on with our lives. So much has occurred in such a short space of time sometimes it all feels like a dream that someone would wake me from the only thing I have been praying for all night is that Ezile and I would be blessed with many more years. 

I will never forget everything we had been through. I just needed sanity in my life so I had to face him and I had to tell him how I felt about his business partner. Life has its detours but it's only a matter of getting up from situations that were to destroy you. I was a fool to think that everyone thought like me. 

I was a fool to think that this terrible world would think like I did and had the heart that I had. I wish I had given myself enough time to process everything. I was a fool to doubt my worth for I now know I wish I knew then what I know now I may not have to power to turn back the hands of time but I will make it my everyday assignment to be the best that I can be for myself and my family it was not my place to pay an eye for an eye for I know my Creator sees it all I know that my efforts do not go unnoticed I was only about time that he gave me the strength I needed to deal with all the obstacles placed in front of me.

 The only great thing I got from my previous failures was the ability to remain strong time and time again. I had waited for what belonged to me because no one deserves to go through what I went through and I know my tears did not go unnoticed. Love is a beautiful thing but hatred and anger almost took that away from me.

It was time to let go of the past and to move on with our lives. The only thing I have been praying all night is that Ezile's partner would come to his senses. I haven't told Ezile about our conversation what he said was really out of line but I kept it to myself because I did not what to mess things up between Ezile and him.

 In a matter of moments, I heard his car and my heart was pounding. Ezile let him in and it was only a matter of time before he exploded when Ezile told him about the lobola negotiations that took place. He waited for Ezile to leave the room before he attacked me he knew he couldn't show Ezile that he was angry about the whole situation he was such a snake.

"I thought that I made it clear to you that you will be mine Mbalenhle," said Ezile's business partner

"Okay, that's enough you claimed that me love but with this pattern of behavior you seem to be the main source of the pain, did you ever for a second think what if karma came around to bite you? Have you ever loved someone in your life, not lust but love and you would destroy anyone who tried to harm them? I do not want to ruin thing between you and Ezile but if you do not stop with this nonsense you will leave me with no choice but to tell him." said I said

"So if you do not mind I need to get my fiancé a drink will you excuse me?" I said 

His jaws tightened I could tell he wanted to say more but he was speechless. I thought by telling that he would back off but he didn't.

"You know what I am done with these childish stunts you pull every time things do not go your way if you have not realized you are destroying so many other lives I love Ezile and you are a fool to think that I would leave him for you I am too much of a woman for you to be handle by you so please do excuse us I believe you have said what you wanted to say!" said I

"I could escort you out if you have forgotten your way out?" said I

As he got up and made his way to the door. I felt embarrassed on his behalf. I don't know how I would deal with the humiliation. But I hated how selfish he was and the fact that he thought I was so cheap to leave my fiancé for him made me even angrier.

I also take accountability for my actions because the signs were always there but I chose to ignore them. For so many years I allowed people to intimidate me I knew that had to come to an end now it was time for me to stand up for myself and for me to groom wise children so they can know how to deal with such situations. 

I know I can't do it alone hence I always ask God to help me regain my strength. Seeing my family broken like it was in the past killed me more than anything. I may have woke up every day and acted strong but it destroyed me. There is no money in this world that could restore that.

I hated how men felt so entitled sometimes I hated how they treated women like doormats I respected and loved my partner too much to hurt him that way. People will either be so focused on what they want or lust for that they choose to not see the wrong that they do to other people or try to be in denial of their twisted ways and justify their actions. He disrespected me in so many ways but he rather chose to ignore it as a result he saw nothing wrong with his actions. I needed to be happy too, something he tried to destroy before it even got to blossom