A letter to myself

Dear Mbalenhle Khoza

I am pretty sure you have a special place in God's heart for the love he has for you is beyond words. Always remember that you do not have to feel dragged down or be defined by the mistakes of your past or you're the wounds that were caused by the people you loved and would have given them your all if the tables were turned. Do not feel less of a human because of your past failures, hurts, and disappointments because you are only finding your feet, was still discovering your true worth. You growing, evolving, and transforming into becoming the best version of yourself.

We all grow and blossom at different paces due to our circumstances so stop being so hard on yourself if things do not work out the way you want them to or in the timeline that you have set or envisioned yourself to be in.

Life might overwhelm you sometimes but you need to always bear in mind that this is your journey it's not a race so set it at your right pace. What is meant for you will come at the right moment when God knows that will be and everything you are about to receive will not overwhelm you.

Remember at any moment in life you are not lost my dear far from it you are simply finding the way you are not useless valueless or broken or a failure but you are recovering from all the pain you had to endure at such a young age and you are healing you need peace and silence as you grow. Give yourself time to find yourself you are not unlovable but deserving of what many could only dream about. Give yourself time to get a connection with someone capable of fully appreciating you.

Money comes and goes so always be wise when making a decision that might hurt you in the long run never rush the process rather wait and pray for good things to come your way. There are going to be a lot of things that going to happen to you, things that you won't understand sometimes but learn to appreciate the process. Many times you have to fall a little so that you can learn to appreciate yourself more because those detours placed in front of you are only meant to make you stronger.

Never dim your light for anyone because that may be the death of you remember that you are a limited edition so do not settle for less. Never search for reassurance from someone else they may guide you to go down the wrong direction. Life would be meaningless without those hiccups and always bear in mind that you are meant to shine you are not meant to remain small and to remain trapped in the past and you are not meant to rewrite old chapters or meant to live life with regrets. Rather you are meant to grow and to become the best version of yourself growth is uncomfortable yet so beautiful when you do not fight the process.

You are meant to shine bright like the diamond you are you are meant to blossom and grow into all you are capable of becoming you are meant to fully embody with beauty, love, and grace.

You are meant to continue to shed old layers of yourself that no longer resonate with you and you are meant to become infrangible unshakable, the most authentic self. You are not meant to blend in with the crowd far from it rather you have to stay strong and start your path for we are all born for a purpose.

Growth is very uncomfortable at times no one enjoys being alone but you need to understand that is the best time to find yourself sometimes feeling exhausted and drained is okay disappearing is okay being on your own is okay and embarking upon a new adventure is okay and when you don't feel appreciated or celebrated enough you should choose to applaud and uplift yourself for you are the only person that knows what you went through to get to where you are today you do not need reassurance from anyone.

What is not okay is living a life that is not fully yours settling for less because of the fear of being alone reliving somebody else life instead of being true to yourself that's when you lost the true meaning of living. Most of the time when you are nursing a broken heart it is like nursing a wound it may be oozing pus the pain may be unbearable but you have to take care of that wound and treat it right till it has fully recovered, otherwise that would never heal and it will cause more bad than good. You do not need to receive love from anyone else you may fill yourself with love when you feel hopeless. Search for something that uplifts and inspires you to rediscover the true meaning of love life and joy, learn to live a little, life is too short for you to live with regrets. One thing I have learned in life is not to blame yourself for things that are beyond your control don't let toxic people destroy your peace forgive yourself to let go of hatred it destroys you more than anyone else.

Never compare yourself to anyone that's unnecessary pressure build yourself and invest in yourself because, at the end of the day, you only have your back. Most importantly love yourself more no one could endure half of the things you have been through. The only way to make your dreams come true is you need to wake up and show up wake up to your strength you are meant to be alive not just exist. Wake up to the role you play in your destiny and be the CEO of your own life wake up to the power you have been given. Choose to do what makes you happy allow yourself to cry now and again it releases all the frustration. Give yourself time to say what you think your thoughts are valid and do not allow yourself to be a pushover to anyone.

Listening people's opinions about you will destroy you more than anything I want you to live without having the fear that you might lose what I have, I permit you to work hard towards your goal so you can get everything you ever wanted and more. Build yourself and invest in yourself so that you can get everything you wished for and more. You need to stop searching for all the wrong things going on in your life, that need to be fixed or changed, some things are beyond you, and what is meant for you will come your way. Remember that we are all imperfect so stumbling and falling are part of the process.

Stand up for yourself more and learn to say no your sanity comes first and allow your growth to unfold in its own time because rushing things lead to failure learn to have more patience relax and trust that it will all work out.

Allow the process to take as long as it needs good things happen to those who wait. Allow yourself to just sit outside and let it be to soak in the rain and allow the rain to refresh your skin, and wash away anything and everything bad in your life so that you no longer have to live your life with guilt.

You should learn to rest and, breathe in the beauty that surrounds you so that you will realize the importance of true appreciation and living. Do not be fooled by people that make materialistic things seem to be more important than your goal rather focus on your spiritual growth. It's okay not to have the all answers all the time most of the time we are so forced on things that do not mean anything to us forgetting that time is very precious no riches in the world could buy you time so use it wisely, while you are trying to survive to remember to also live. This is your life so do not be misled by anything or anyone.

Yours sincerely

Mbalenhle Khoza