53 Chapter 52 - Unspoken Desires and Sacrifices

124 AC

The third day of the tenth moon

Marilda Pov

It was the hour of the wolf. The darkest part of the night, and the moon's pale light filtered through the small porthole of the cabin. Sleep eluded me tonight, just as it often did when I allowed my thoughts to wander to the memories of my past. Addam, my beloved boy, was finally recovering, and I couldn't help but feel relieved and grateful. The ordeal we had faced back on Driftmark had been harrowing, but Ulf's swift actions had saved my son, and my debt to him felt immense. Besides, there was no denying that Ulf's charm and handsome looks had caught my eye more than once.

Yet, despite my gratitude and the warmth that blossomed within me when I saw Addam smile, a part of me longed for something more. I remembered my youth, when I had first met Corlys, the legendary sea snake, and found myself entangled in the life of nobility and power. I had been just a naive fifteen-year-old girl then, and now, as I looked up at the vast expanse of the night sky, I marveled at how swiftly the years had passed.

Becoming a mother at the tender age of sixteen had shaped my life in ways I could never have imagined. Corlys had been charming, and though his age had advanced, he had been kind to me, even granting benefits for giving birth to his two sons. But in the quiet moments like these, I couldn't help but indulge in secret fantasies of a different life, one where a dashing knight would sweep me off my feet, and I would be whisked away to a world of romance and adventure.

The truth was, it had been far too long since I had shared an intimate connection with a man. The responsibilities of managing my fledgling trading business had consumed most of my time, leaving little room for personal indulgence. As I leaned against the cabin's wooden walls, I pondered whether it was too late to seek love and passion, whether the course of my life had been set in stone.

As I heard the soft footsteps on the deck, my heart raced with anticipation. I instinctively grasped the dagger in my hand, my senses alert. But when I looked out, there he was—Ulf, with his striking pink hair shimmering like a rare gem in the moonlight. My breath caught in my throat as his eyes met mine, and a surge of desire coursed through my veins, making my body tingle with excitement.

"It's alright, Ulf," I managed to say, trying to steady my voice despite the longing that stirred within me. "You haven't disturbed my sleep. I couldn't rest either."

His apologetic expression only heightened his rugged allure, and I couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to have his hands on me, exploring every inch of my body. He took a step toward his cabin, perhaps thinking he should leave me to my thoughts, but I couldn't let him slip away.

"Wait," I said, my voice husky with desire. "Don't go to your cabin. Stay with me for a while. It's lonely here, and I could use some company."

Ulf paused, his eyes locking onto mine, the intensity between us growing with every passing moment. I could tell he felt the same pull, the same attraction that had been building between us for far too long.

He nodded, his pink hair falling gently over his forehead, adding to his enigmatic charm. "If you want me to stay, Marilda, I will."

A small smile played on my lips as I turned and led the way to my cabin, my heart pounding in anticipation. I could feel his presence behind me, the magnetic energy drawing us together like two celestial bodies being pulled by an irresistible force.

Inside the cabin, the air felt charged, filled with unspoken desires that were finally reaching their breaking point. The dim light cast sensual shadows across the room, creating an ambiance of intimacy.

As he stood there, tall and alluring, my gaze wandered over his well-defined muscles, his strong jawline, and those captivating eyes that held a spark of mischief.

I raised an amused eyebrow, my voice dripping with playful teasing, "The great white knight, visiting the brothels of Gulltown? My, my, Ulf, that's quite a revelation." His eyes widened in surprise, and he quickly tried to explain himself.

"No, Marilda, you've got it all wrong," he protested, his tone slightly panicked. "I wasn't there for that. I was busy tailing Isembard, I swear."

Part of me wanted to burst into laughter at the sight of his flustered expression, but my concern for his reckless actions took precedence. "You idiot," I scolded, trying to keep my voice low. "What were you thinking? What if he had caught you?"

Ulf seemed defiant, brushing off the danger as if it were nothing. "I assure you, Marilda, I'm good at what I do. There's no way he could have noticed me."

My worry turned to exasperation. "You're lucky nothing happened. You should have been more cautious," I chided him, my finger gently pressing against his lips to silence him.

His lips were surprisingly soft beneath my touch, and for a moment, the intensity of our close proximity sent a tingling sensation through me. But now was not the time for such thoughts. We had more pressing matters to discuss.

"Let's save the details for the morning," I said, my voice softening. "For now, let's have a drink." I reached for the bottle of Dornish red wine that had been gifted to me by Isembard Arryn, and poured us both a generous serving.

Ulf took the glass with a grateful smile, and we moved to sit by a small table in the cabin. The air seemed charged with unspoken tension, the aftermath of the moment we had just shared. I couldn't deny that his presence stirred something deep within me, a yearning that I had kept hidden for far too long.

As we sipped the wine, the silence between us was heavy with unsaid words and desires.

"You know, Ulf, I've heard countless tales about the origin of the great white knight and how you were blessed by the Seven," I said, my voice soft with curiosity.

He chuckled heartily, "Oh, Marilda, my mother would surely have a good laugh at those tales." But suddenly, his laughter subsided, and a hint of sadness flickered in his eyes.

"Are you alright, Ulf?" I asked, my concern for him evident.

He nodded, his expression turning serious, "Yes, I am. You want to hear my true origin story? I'll share it with you."

He began, speaking softly, "My mother's name was Mary, and she was the kindest soul in all of Westeros. She would bake lemon cakes for my birthdays and tell me bedtime stories every night. She was my everything, but sadly, she passed away due to an illness when I was just five namedays old."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to the pain in his voice. His vulnerability opened my heart to him even more.

"There are times when I struggle to remember what she looked like, and sometimes I forget the sound of her voice," he continued, his voice filled with a mixture of sorrow and longing.

I couldn't bear to see him like this, so broken and wounded. I moved closer and sat beside him, wanting to offer comfort in any way I could.

"What about your father, Ulf?" I gently asked, hoping he would share more.

He let out a bitter laugh, "The Seven above know who that man is. My mother never told me, and I never asked her. The pain it brought to her face whenever I inquired was enough to keep me from seeking the truth."

I could feel his pain, and I wished there was something I could do to ease it. But all I could do was be there for him, as he had been for me.

"Ulf, your mother would be proud of the incredible man you have become," I said, reaching out to brush away a strand of his pink hair.

As his eyes locked with mine, I felt a tender electricity pass between us, a magnetic pull that was hard to resist. The intensity of his gaze made me forget everything else, and for a moment, it felt as if we were the only two souls in the world.

"My childhood was good," I replied, my voice soft with nostalgia. "My father did his best to raise me after my mother passed away." Memories of my father's unwavering love flooded my mind, and I couldn't help but smile as I recollected the fond moments we shared.

But then, my thoughts drifted to a time that had changed the course of my life. "And then, I met Addam and Alyn's father," I continued, feeling a tinge of blush warming my cheeks. "It was a whirlwind of emotions, more than just love, it was as if fate had thrown us together with an irresistible force."

In response to my candid confession, Ulf's cheeks flushed, his vulnerability matching my own. It was endearing to see him react in such a way, and it only deepened the connection between us.

"Do you not wish to know who their father is?" I asked, curious if he had ever pondered about it.

"It is not my position to ask something like this," Ulf replied, his voice filled with sincerity. "All that matters is the fact that you are a terrific mother to your children, and that is all that matters."

His unwavering support and understanding touched my heart, and I couldn't help but feel a warmth spreading through my chest. "Thank you, Ulf," I said softly, my eyes locked with his.

I could feel the intensity of the moment as my heart raced in my chest. My desire for him had become overwhelming, and without second thoughts, I stood up, moving with a purpose I could no longer control. Straddling him, I felt a rush of exhilaration as my legs wrapped around his back, drawing him closer.

"Marilda, what are you doing?" he asked, his voice a mixture of surprise and apprehension, trying to avert his gaze.

"Look at me," I whispered, my fingers gently tilting his face towards mine. Our eyes met, and in that instant, I saw a spark of something wild and untamed, mirroring the fire within me.

"You have the loveliest pair of eyes that I have ever seen," I murmured softly, my lips brushing against his ear, sending shivers down his spine.

"Thanks," he replied, his voice a husky whisper.

I couldn't resist teasing him, "Although you have a pretty bad hair color," I said with a smirk, enjoying the playful banter that only heightened the heat between us.

Hearing my comment, he laughed, "Says the person who colored my hair pink," he retorted, his grip on my waist tightening as if trying to pull me even closer.

Without holding back any longer, I pressed my lips against his, a hungry passion igniting between us. Our tongues danced together, exploring each other with a fiery need that left us both breathless. His body responded to my touch, hardening with desire as his hands roamed my curves, igniting a burning ache deep within me.

"Have you ever been with a woman?" I asked, my voice laced with seduction, eager to explore every facet of our newfound desire.

"No, I haven't," he admitted, his tongue delving deeper into my mouth, sending waves of pleasure coursing through me.

As our lips parted, I gazed into Ulf's eyes, my own desire mirrored in his intense stare. The air crackled with an electrifying tension, and the primal connection between us was undeniable. The anticipation of exploring each other's bodies heightened the already charged atmosphere.

Without a word, I slowly guided Ulf's hands to the edge of my clothing, encouraging him to explore further. His touch was hesitant at first, but his desire to please me was evident. As his hands traced my skin, I shivered with pleasure, my breath hitching with each tender caress.

Feeling his inexperience only fueled my passion for him. I took the lead, gently guiding him as we continued to explore each other's bodies, slowly shedding our inhibitions. The vulnerability we shared in that moment only deepened the intimacy between us, and I reveled in the raw beauty of our newfound connection.

Our bodies moved in harmony, responding to the primal rhythm that pulsed between us. Each touch, each kiss, sent waves of pleasure coursing through me, and I could feel Ulf's desire matching my own with every heartbeat.

As Ulf suddenly stopped, a wave of confusion washed over me. I could feel the fire of passion still burning between us, and his abrupt change left me feeling disoriented. "I am sorry, Marilda, but I cannot do this," he said with a hint of sorrow in his voice.

"Why?" I asked, desperately searching for a reason, anything to understand why he was pulling away.

"Because I have said my oaths, and I cannot break them," he replied, but when I looked into his eyes, I sensed there was more to his hesitance than mere oaths.

In that moment, it struck me like a bolt of lightning. "You're in love with someone," I whispered, the truth unraveling before my eyes.

He remained silent, his pained expression confirming what I had suspected. "There is nothing wrong with you Marilda. Any man would be lucky to have you," he said softly, as if trying to ease my pain.

But his words offered little comfort, for the ache in my heart intensified. I had allowed myself to be swept away by the allure of our desire, believing for a fleeting moment that we could be together in this night of passion. But now, reality crashed down upon me, shattering the delicate bubble of romance I had constructed.

"I am sorry if I led you on," he continued, his voice filled with regret. "But I have to go back."

With a heavy heart, I watched him retreat to his cabin.

The next morning, as the crew gathered for breakfast, there was an awkward tension in the air. Everyone seemed engrossed in their meals, but I couldn't help but feel my gaze drawn to Ulf, and it seemed he was doing the same with me. It was as if a magnetic force had tethered our eyes together, making it difficult to look away.

My heart pounded loudly in my chest, and I tried my best to focus on my food, pretending that I wasn't stealing glances at him. But every time our eyes met, a flush of embarrassment washed over me, and I quickly averted my gaze, hoping that no one else had noticed our silent exchange.

Ulf, for his part, seemed equally flustered. His cheeks took on a faint pink hue whenever our eyes locked, and he would quickly look away, as if trying to escape the intensity of our connection. It was almost comical how we both tried to hide our mutual awkwardness.

After our meal, Ulf called Mushroom, Hugh, Harlon, Addam, and me to his cabin, a serious look on his face. As we gathered around, I could sense the weight of responsibility in the room, knowing that Ulf had vital information to share.

He unfolded a map of the Vale and laid it out on the table, showing us the route Lady Jeyne's retinue would be taking, passing through Heartshome on their way to the Eyrie. His finger pointed to a specific area on the map, the very spot where Ser Arnold and Isembard Arryn were planning their strike.

"Therefore, all of you must make haste," Ulf instructed, his voice firm and resolute. "The faster you reach the designated area, the better our chances of countering their attack."

He looked each of us in the eyes, his gaze filled with determination and selflessness. "With this knowledge of their plans, it will be much easier to defend against their assault," he continued, his dedication to the safety of the Vale evident in every word.

"What about you, Ulf?" Harlon asked, concern evident in his tone.

"I plan to remain undercover," Ulf replied calmly, his eyes reflecting a quiet determination. "In case something untoward happens during your mission, I will be ready to provide support from the shadows."

"So it is best that you all depart today and make haste," Ulf repeated, his voice firm and commanding. One by one, everyone in the cabin nodded their heads in agreement, understanding the urgency of the situation.

As the weight of the impending mission settled upon us, I turned to Addam, my son, who was standing beside me. His youthful eyes held a mix of determination and worry. My heart swelled with both pride and concern for him.

"Addam, my dear, take care out there," I said, my voice filled with a mother's love and concern. "You're strong and capable, but remember to be cautious and look after one another."

His expression softened, and he nodded, appreciating my words of advice and love. "I will, Mother," he replied, determination burning in his eyes. "I promise to do my best and make you proud."

I smiled, reaching out to ruffle his hair affectionately. "I know you will, my brave boy," I said, my heart swelling with pride for the young man he had become.

Turning to the rest of the group, I felt a sense of camaraderie and shared purpose among us. We were a team, united by our commitment to protect the Vale and its people from the impending threat.

"Hugh, Harlon, Mushroom, look after one another as well," I said, addressing each of them individually

Ulf gave a reassuring nod, acknowledging the bond that had formed among us during our time together. "Remember," he said, his voice steady and unwavering, "our mission is not just to protect the Vale but also to protect each other. We are stronger together."

The cabin felt charged with a sense of purpose and bravery.

After the others had departed, Ulf and I found ourselves alone, the weight of our unspoken desires and the awkwardness of the previous night hanging between us. Just as I was about to speak, he too began to say something, and we both interrupted each other, laughing awkwardly to ease the tension.

"Marilda, about yesterday," Ulf began, his voice tinged with a hint of regret. "I am sorry for what happened."

"It's fine, Ulf," I replied, trying to suppress the mix of emotions swirling inside me. "Though I must admit, I can't help feeling a twinge of jealousy towards this mystery woman who has captured the heart of the White Knight."

He chuckled softly, a wistful smile on his lips. "It doesn't matter who she is now; she is gone and can never be mine," he said, his voice heavy with a sense of loss.

Curiosity got the better of me, and I couldn't resist asking, "And why is that? Why couldn't you be together?"

Ulf's expression softened, his gaze drifting away as if lost in memories. "Because she is married and has children of her own," he replied softly, a hint of sorrow in his eyes.

My heart sank at his revelation, realizing the depth of his sacrifice. "Was she married when you fell in love with her, or did you fall in love after her marriage?" I inquired, attempting to lighten the mood with a touch of humor.

But Ulf's laughter quickly subsided, and a more serious expression settled upon his face. "She was not married," he admitted, and the weight of unspoken emotions hung heavily in the air.

"Why didn't you run away with her then?" I asked, my curiosity piqued and my heart aching for him.

His laughter held a tinge of bitterness. "She asked me the same question," he said. "But duty and honor outweighed my desires. I couldn't bear the thought of putting her at risk or endangering the lives that I could save with my decisions."

His words struck a chord in my heart, revealing the profound sense of responsibility he carried. "But are you truly happy with your choice, Ulf?" I couldn't help but ask, concern evident in my voice.

"It's a small price to pay," he replied with a resigned tone. "I have made my decision, and there's no turning back. The greater good must come before personal happiness."

I saw the shadows of sadness and longing in his eyes, and I couldn't help but feel a deep sympathy for him. To carry the weight of unfulfilled desires and sacrifice his own happiness for the welfare of others was a burden I could hardly fathom.

"You deserve happiness too, Ulf," I said gently, reaching out to place a reassuring hand on his arm. "It's not an easy path you've chosen, and I can't help but wonder if there might be a way to find a balance between your duty and your heart's desires."

He looked at me, his eyes filled with gratitude for my understanding, but I knew that the choice he had made weighed heavily on his soul. For all his strength and valor, he was just as human as the rest of us, burdened with the complexities of emotions and choices.

As the moments passed in silence, I could sense the heaviness in his heart, the struggle between duty and longing that tormented him. And in that moment, I wished for nothing more than to offer him solace, to ease the burden he bore.

But sometimes, the path of duty and sacrifice can lead to a deep well of sadness, and all we can do is stand by one another, offering support and understanding as we navigate the trials of life. As I stood there with Ulf, I knew that some choices were never easy, and the true measure of a person lay not only in their deeds but also in the unseen battles they fought within their hearts.