10 I am sorry

"Since she had the guts to take her own life, no one will pay any respect to her. The lowly concubine Zhao Yunqing is dead, and she is to be given a traitor's burial just like her dead family," emperor Jingli commanded, not bothered about how ruthless he was being.

"Come, my consort, you should not see such unsightly appearance," the emperor said as he took away the sobbing Noble Consort Jinghua from there.

'No… No…. No... I-I did not. Please help me, please. I did not do it. I don't want to die. Please…. I did not kill myself. It was her. Please, believe me... Please…' these were the words Yunqing tried to say multiple times but couldn't. She could only await her fate as she approached her end bit by bit.

Her eyes had long closed before the emperor arrived, and she was already declared dead by the physician who came in to check her. The physician was obviously bribed by Noble Consort Jinghua as she was not dead as at the declaration's time. She could still hear everything being said around her but could not react or move any part of her body. She just laid there like a comatose person. She was wholly paralyzed now with the poison fully taken over her body.

Was there really any use in her trying to say anything? Would anyone ever believe her words?

Was she the cause of everything? Were her actions the reason why all these events happened? Had she not accepted the late empress dowager's imperial command to marry the then Crowned Prince Jingli, would her family still be alive? Would she had lived a more peaceful life than now? Also, would her son be by her side?

The several slew of questions racing through her mind seemed to be unending. But all those ruthless words she heard from the emperor and Noble Consort Jinghua seemed to have the answers to all the questions she was asked herself.

Yes!!!

Yes…

Yes….

She was the cause of everything—the bane of her own self-destruction.

Her naivety…...

Her innocence…...

Her blind trust and faith in the wrong set of people were what led her this far. All her goodness was used up in a bid to destroy her.

She regretted it all. She regretted her stupid actions... Her tomfoolery.....

But what exactly was she regretful of?

If she had never helped bring Jinghua into the Imperial Palace or put her trust in the wrong person (Jinghua and the emperor), none of these would have happened. No! A scheming and cunning person like Jinghua would have found her way into the Palace either way.

So, where exactly was the loophole? What exactly did she do wrong?

Ah! Yes, if she had never fallen in love… yes, if she had never fallen in love or married with the emperor, her life would not have turned out badly. She should have never obeyed the imperial command at any cost. After all, the price she had to pay was far more costly.

That seemed to be it! The main problem! The most important life-changing decision she has ever regretted making the most.

Even though he was being deceived, the emperor never made an attempt to trust her or her words. All he knew was that she was a Vengeful… Vicious…. Wicked woman, who would even go to the extent of killing her own son. To him, her heart was blacker than coal. He never stopped to think of whether she was capable of committing such atrocities. So, her love and trust for him was all just a waste of time and was trampled on like a piece of dirty rag. She gave so much until she was drained physically, emotionally, psychologically. Her spirit and heart seemed to now be consist of broken shards. And yet, she was still treated unjustly.

Her mother always advised her to be 'A befitting empress to the emperor and the nation.' But what a joke she had become instead. And she also brought the catastrophe on the people she loved.

Her downfall was the benefit she got for being a dutiful wife to the emperor as well as a so-called befitting empress to BeiMing State.

She regretted everything wishing she could turn back the hand of time.

If only she could redo it all again.

If she could, she would get as far away as possible from the emperor. Not even allowing him to catch as much as a glimpse of her. Not letting him know of her existence. It would even be better if they could leave BeiMing State as a whole.

Maybe that way, her family would still be alive. Maybe she would not have lost her life in such a pitiful manner. She would never be as naive as she had been, and she would definitely protect herself and her family at all costs.

But it was all too late now….

I am sorry, grandmother…..

I am sorry, father…..

I am sorry, mother…..

I am sorry, brother…..

I am sorry, Jiaying….

I couldn't protect your son. I couldn't fulfil my promise to you.

I am sorry, everyone!

I let you down!

I let you all down!

How could she face them in the afterlife? She was not even able to avenge their death, and now she was to join them in the most pitiable manner. She had amounted to nothing.

What would they think of her? Do they even deserve a daughter like her? A weak and useless child. Yes, that is what she was.

Too weak to protect herself.

Too weak to protect her family.

Too weak and foolish.

But it was all too late now for her regrets. She realized the truth too little too late.

Her life force ebbed out as she hopes that she could finally end her suffering and join her family as her last strength waned out of her body, leaving it cold and empty.

"Though death be poor, it ends a mortal woe," William Shakespeare.

"Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets," Arthur Miller.