THE VOICES

"Should I give in"

I've had these voices in my head for so long now I think if only I give in maybe just maybe they I'll leave .

As African child I never knew how to handle mental stress either did I think it existed I mean my all life I've been fighting a gaint I didn't know about, with no weapon or right clothing I can say. Used to think I was talking to myself in my head apparently that's my conscience and by the time I knew that I was a little too late.

GOING in college as a teen soon going in her twenties all excited of course about college life from what I watched in the movie it was all cool and fun" yeah yeah I can do this "I was ready to leave my life away from home ,as an African child with stricted parents this meant freedom has come my way ,not knowing how stressful this new freedom , I was not emotionally ready but I thought I was because what was emotion.

Monday morning classes began with my little confidence and a little self-esteem got into a class with this pretty beautiful girls looking so clean and fresh a little confidence started fading," oh come on girl you can do this" the positive voice talked to me and I'm like okay yes we can do this. talk to a few of them and all was going well and for months and months this continued and there I was thinking I'm thriving " lol joker".

And of course this voices found themselves in my head how to fight this voices because this time they came bigger and better " look at your friends dressed all nice looking fresh nm, eating all nice chilling all nice and there you are an indoor church girl. We told you we don't belong here this was not meant for you" ,how to fight these voices lord I couldn't fight them because I didn't know how to fight them so what do I do build walls was that I build them so strong no one can bring down them. I decorated these wall so well from the outside that no one would see how unfinished I was inside. a smile every day with a I'm okay to my parents and everyone every day is something I can do. before I knew it I was this depressed person who couldn't express myself and the confidence shrunk I couldn't even speak in class I isolated couldn't make friends anymore I became an outsider or should I say an insider because I locked myself in these walls everyone would see these walls but only I knew what was behind those wall.

This strategy kept me for three years in college and I thought it was healthy but it's not and am not OKAY.