Acceptance.

I was totally engrossed in chopping veggies for lunch when he came and stood behind me, gently he whispered in my right ear "MAA", I turned and there he was standing with a very wide smile on his face whereas I just escaped a heart attack. I hit him on his shoulders for surprising me rather shocking me. He hugged me and said "I love you mom", I miss that warmth till date.

Aarush, my son went abroad for his studies. He was a brilliant student, he was a curious kid and his curiosity was a headache to me. I would explain him something and take a sigh of relief and then he would come up with another, it was a never ending task. Aarush was a very lovable kid of our house, he was my mum's favourite kid, he fitted in her definition of a perfect kid. I lost my husband in an unfortunate road accident, and a month later I got to know I was pregnant with Aarush. He was my ray of hope, he was born at dawn and I named him Aarush which meant first ray of sunshine. Yes he was my sunshine, he still is.

He was very close to his nani, since I was a single working parent, my mother was the one who got to spend a lot more time with him than I did. I wasn't even allowed to scold him, in case I did, my mum would scold me for doing so.

She would praise Aarush in front of entire family, her friends, neighbours and Aarush too stood right on her nani's hopes.

He got scholarships for his outstanding performance in academics and was a constant winner in the debate competitions.

He had so many laurels but he was extremely humble, nani's favourite kid he was. Time passed and Aarush grew up, he got a scholarship from a top notch university in USA and he went there for his graduation. I had never seen my mother helpless before, but when Aarush left it was as if somebody took out a part of her from her body, whereas I was practical, I was happy for him and little sad as my home was all quite, as if my baby bird flew from the nest, I missed his chirping.

Soon he was done with his graduation, we were glad that he would come back, my mother was happiest person on the earth the day he entered home and I was equally happy to see my son after so long. He hugged her nani first and I had to wait a little to feel his warmth. My mother and I had prepared all his favourite dishes, made him gulp everything. He ended up holding his stomach and said "stop ladies, you'll kill me this way". His nani was adamant to feed him more but I came to his rescue. Aarush was a grown up man now with beard and a moustache. We were all happy to have him home, spend our time with him but there were little changes in him, the most apparent was his silence. The guy who rarely sat silent was sitting silent most of the time. He spoke less or should I say he spoke moderate since earlier he would make me hold my head and cover my ears and ask him to be quiet. One fine morning he came up to me and said, he wants to pursue post graduation from US. I kept my practicality aside and told him that he's my only kid, and that I'm tired of his absence. He said that he thought at least I would understand and came up with the theories of better education, better opportunities in US. I had to give in, since I couldn't see my sunshine sad and dull, I thought just few more years and he'll be back with us. Convincing my mother was a task no less than convincing an emperor to give up his empire.

I was working in my office when I got a call from Aarush, he sounded ecstatic, hearing him I was equally happy. He informed me that he got a dream job with a top notch company, which meant many more years of separation. I was shattered hearing this, may be I was the only mother who was upset hearing her son's achievement. I was tired of his absence, I was tired of seeing my mother moving like a corpse . This time I told him what I had within, I told him to come back home, whereas he didn't expect me to behave the way I did . He asked me for 6 months time.

Making my mom understand wasn't a tedious task anymore, she was now habitual of Aarush's absence.

Time flew, I didn't notice it's been 6 months and a few weeks since Aarush's promise to come back home. I was busy chopping veggies when he whispered in my right ear and shocked me. A grown up man with a subtle look, very handsome and a charming smile in fact a very wide smile. He was back with his chirping, he spoke a lot the way he did as a kid. I was ecstatic and my mom's reaction was very cold. She had buried her emotions, her anger but all it took was a warm hug from her grandson and she was melted. She asked him if he would leave her this time too, he said he came here to be with us.

Each day was beautiful, life was beautiful during his presence. I could see my mom laugh, I could hear my little bird chirp all day long. It was no less than a treat for my eyes and my ears and my soul.

One night, I saw Aarush standing still in the balcony and gazing at the moon without blinking his eyes, he had something for moon, he often said that the moon has a kind of stillness, a kind of unexplainable beauty. I tapped him from behind and asked if he was thinking something, to which he replied that he had to tell me something important. He asked me for a long walk, and I readily agreed. I had missed late night long walks with my kiddo for years.

In the middle of the walk amidst silence he broke a news, news of him being a gay.

These were his exact words "mom, I'm a part of you and you should be aware of me, what's going on within me. I need to tell you that your son is a gay, I'm a gay mom. I love someone back in US and we live together"

I stood still, looked him straight in his eyes with a lot going on in my mind and uttered, what took him so long to tell his mom the fact that he's gay. He asked if I'm not mad at him for being gay? I said, no and said that I'm glad he confided me.

I saw aarush a lot more relaxed and happy for next few days until one fine evening we had a guest at our place. My mom invited a man for dinner, he turned out to be a distant relative. All was well until he broke the news of a marriage proposal for aarush. I was shocked, my mother was on cloud nine and aarush, he was fuming with anger, he thought I betrayed him until I politely refused the man. Later he got to know that the entire affair was arranged by his nani, he came up to me and said that he should tell her about him being gay.

I remember aarush and I had an intense talk. I told him my nani was against love marriages, and his nani is little liberal on that matter but she is against LGBT, I told him that she thinks of this as some sort of mental sickness. He said that he wanted to be accepted the way he is, and didn't want to bluff the lady he loved the most. I gently asked him what does he want? He said acceptance, for what he is.

I gave him two choices, I asked what would you choose, choice number 1, to let nani know who you're and make her live rest of her days in grief, to cut all ties from you.

Or choice number 2, to let her be happy and proud of her perfect kid without telling her the truth.

He was in a dilemma, to clear his dilemma I came up with a plan. Later in the night, his nani came up with topic of marriage again, she said she would accept any girl as his wife. Aarush replied he wasn't ready for marriage yet and said he would refuse for marriage as long as he can and me & my mom would eventually get so much frustrated that we would accept a man as his love partner. My mom said that she would accept him as a single man but never as a gay. She also said that it's better to be dead than to witness such a day in her life. I knew my mom never thinks once before saying something, and this time it felt like her words were ripping off my son's soul. I stopped her saying anything further and changed the topic.

He loved his nani, more than he loved me. She was his friend, his partner in crime, his storyteller and what not.

Later that night he came up to me and said that he wants to go back, I asked him to stay for few more days. He was reluctant but agreed after I pestered him.

All this while he was a lot more quiet, he would hug his nani with warmth but speak very less. Time flew and he had to leave the house next day, I was helping him with packing. I asked him about his partner's name , he smiled a little and said Abdul, I asked in amusement Muslim guy? He said Pakistani Muslim with an equally amused expression, and both of us laughed out loud. I told him he has got the coolest mom, he hugged me tight and said he loved me.

This time his absence left a void. And by the time I was about to come in terms with his absence doorbell rang. I opened the door to find a young tall man, handsome man of about Aarush's age. He introduced himself as Abdul, I asked if he was Aarush's Abdul? He said yes, thankfully my mom wasn't home and I could talk to him in a lot more relaxed manner.

Abdul told me something which I hadn't still come in terms with. He broke the news of Aarush's illness, he said that my sunshine, my Aarush was suffering from deadly disease which is incurable and he has few days left of his life. I went numb, tears flowed, I didn't hear what Abdul say next. He shook me, handed me a glass of water. He said, Aarush didn't want her lady love i.e me and my mom to know about his illness. Abdul said that he didn't want to keep us in dark.

My mother entered home, she found me crying profusely. She asked me what happened, I told her that my son is dying. She lost her balance, Abdul held her. She asked me to not say such a thing about her kiddo. I told her he's battling with an incurable disease. I also told her of Aarush being gay but this truth about him didn't matter her anymore. She just wanted Aarush to be healthy, to be alive.

It took death to ACCEPT Aarush the way he's. His nani finally accepted him with his truth but it was too late.