1 Chapter 1: Who am I?

4 months ago I never thought I'd be here, sitting in this white room. the door buzzed. "Jamison Collins please come to the courtroom, your lawyer is here." A dark skinned man wearing a police outfit tells me, directing me to the room. I take my seat in the courtroom and the judge with the boldest face walks to her seat. "All rise!" She says. "Today we have Jamison Collins. Mr Collins will your lawyer be talking on behalf of you today?" She politely asks. My lawyer Mr Johnston stands up and replies, "yes your honour. Today I want to tell you the story of how my client ended up in this situation. Half the audience here believes my client is guilty. That is not the story here. My client is and always has been innocent. Let's state the facts honorably, from the very start." He finishes speaking. I shut my eyes and go back to senior year, as I listen to Johnston speak.

"Thank you everyone! Now that the newest grade 12 students are left, I have chosen Jamison Collins as the student who will be the one to help you today." Mrs Dartson tells the students from the microphone. The audience stares while Mrs Dartson repeats my name. "Jamison?" I must've zoned out, I tell myself. I put on my smile and walked to the stage. "Welcome STUDENTS!" I yell into the microphone, the crowd cheers. "As you know, my name is Jamison Collins. A little about myself is I came here last year as lost as you are right now. I believe half of you here are moving into our dorm rooms, we are in the new east side of our campus. Mr Dartson and I have chosen 3 other Dorm assistants to help you all know everything you need to know during this school year. Now, we are doing our year differently than the rest of the school, if you have any complaints please take them to Mrs Dartson who is running the project. Although if you have any ideas please refrain from telling her as she will make you one of her assistants-" "JAMISON" Mrs Dartson cuts me off giving me a sly look. "I'm just playing around... kinda" I respond back as the crowd bursts into laughter. Mrs Dartson responds back quietly to get back on topic "To get back on topic, I was chosen to tell you my story. One year ago my mom died. What you don't know is the significance she made in politics. You will not know her name, but you will know who she helped a year ago win her election. Madame Everette, the first female majority leader. The day she was elected, her victory speech included her thanking my mother and the rest of the team. My mom always stood up for everyone, she lived her final days making sure she wouldn't let my sister and I down. At the time I was furious at her, I didn't want her final days being this. But she refused to step down. What I learned over time was she wanted to leave the world a place she believed would be better for me and my sister. The message out of this is simple, half of you here were given the opportunity to go to school here, just like me. What matters most is everyone here leaves behind their past. Then work towards a better future, treat everyone equal, regardless of their race, sexuality, or heck even their political views. You have the biggest opportunity in this country right here right now. This is your time to shine, there's no better opportunity than now. Fight for what you believe in, and make sure you leave here today knowing what you are here for. Be kind, be confident, and most importantly have fun TIGERS." I give a smile as the crowd cheers. With a few whistles. I make my way back to my seat and let Mrs Dartson finish her assembly.

Hours go by, talking to new students. Mrs Dartson walks by and starts up a conversation with me, she congratulates me on my speech and tells me she's glad she chose me, telling me she believes in me and my platform, telling me that my mother would be proud of me. I gave her a reassuring smile and thanked her for giving me the push to be her TA this year. We've all had a rough year last year and she thanked me for helping her get through everything. Sure, I wasn't exactly fitting in with everyone like Nydia was, (my sister) but I've always been the boy who's been nice to his teachers. To be fair, she really saved me from my life a year ago, although she never really knew that part of my life, and all of the mistakes I've made. I had her back and she has mine. Heck, I even brought her coffee every time I went to Starbucks. What student brings their teacher a coffee in the first place? I guess she was like a second mother to me. She saw through me and somehow managed to make me want to come to school. "Jamison? are you alright?" Mrs Dartson asks. I snap out of being zoned out and respond, "sorry I was just thinking about the past" I respond not sounding believable of any sort . Mrs Dartson continues to talk about the rest of the school year, then the next thing I know is I see Nydia talking to a boy who catches my eye, I can't put a detail on it and can't figure out who it is. The next thing I know is Nydia is all alone talking to Anna. I interrupt, "I'm sorry I'll be right back, I think I need to grab a granola bar or something" I say quickly before jogging off out of the gymnasium. In the corner of my eye, I see Mrs Dartson have a concerned look on her face, but puts on a bright smile for the class to look reassuring everything is okay.

I run to the classroom next door and kick the door stopper out and slam the door shut, leaving me in the empty classroom, in front of me is a huge mirror on the side of the empty dance room adjacent to the wall of mirrors. My mind races into a million thoughts. A single teardrop falls out of my eyelid onto the ground. I take a deep look in the mirror and see my brown hair gelled and looking perfect. I didn't feel perfect, I'm a fraud, I'm nothing like my mom and I will never be happy. I grab a chair and place it in front of the mirror. I whisper to myself "Fake it till you make it Jamison." I open my eyes and In the corner of my eye I see words backwards in big colourful bubbly letters. I turn my head and walk to the whiteboard. The board says "Who is the real you?" I grab the new set of markers on the teachers desk and take out the colourful whiteboard markers. I take the caps off, starting with black, I hesitate to write on the whiteboard. "The real you is not something you can write on a whiteboard" I say while finishing writing the sentence. I take a deep breath and walk back to the seat in front of the mirror, I sit in the chair, and write in big lines. 'Who am I?" I write in big letters. writing around my body on the mirror. ' Lost, coward, afraid, miserable, Pathetic, Loser, Fraud, ashamed, ugly, manufactured, miserable, disgrace, Guilty.' I then finish with the final word written In the middle. I use the black marker and write 'Black and White.' I wipe the tears off my face. I place the chair back in spot and walk in the middle of the mirror. The words fit perfectly around my body. Suddenly My phone rings. *where are you? * -sent by Nydia ❤️I respond back instantly, snapping back into reality. *went to grab a snack, be there in 2 minutes.* I take a look at the mirror, analyzing myself once more. I grab the whiteboard eraser hesitating, I place it back down. I whisper to myself," it doesn't feel right to remove what I wrote." I sigh in relief and open the door and walk back to the gymnasium. Putting on the exact face I used when I first started the day. "This is the right path Jamison. This is the right path." i say to myself.