It Shouldn't Be The Only Reason

Anyways, I should really stop overthinking and stressing myself out. There are other more important stuffs to think and stress about other than this pathetic, confusing, blinding and painful thoughts of love that only consists of Franco.

He's not worth stressing about...well...maybe he is, but we don't talk about that.

To drown out all these thoughts I have, I turned the radio on and the song, "Drown", by Clinton Kane Ft. Martin Garrix played. Coincidentally, I'm trying to drown all of my thoughts and this song just happens to make its entry, must be it.

Everytime I go sad, the song I play at that moment literally exposes my emotions and thoughts, and it gets kind of creepy, considering that a radio decides to cue in a precise song for whatever you are feeling. Instead of me bawling my eyes out, it dilates with horror. The FBI in my car and devices has to chill down cause it ain't funny anymore.

This song is actually about toxic relationships, it shows how we give in to lies and painted truths just to stay with them. You have been blinded by your own love to the point that you acknowledge their excuses, reasonable or not. They cause you anxiety and pain, but you still stick around as if they are not damaging you to the core.

Staying in a toxic relationship is a carbon-copy of remaining in a sinking ship. You know that you're gonna drown into the vast, deep and dark depths of the ocean filled with endless mysteries, may it be eerie or not. You have the choice to plan your escape, but you chose to be pulled under, it's the same thing with toxic relationships, you have the free will to walk away from them, to do something that benefits you physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, and to end numerous things that doesn't feel right anymore, but you chose not to do any of these options, you had these options in front of you, right in front of you, instead of choosing it, you let yourself drown, get controlled, and oppressed just because you're badly in love with them.

It's okay to be in love, it feels great to have someone to love, but remember to always check up on yourself. Do not love someone so hard where it comes to a point of neglecting yourself, all of your needs, and your sanity. I get it, you want to make a person smile and laugh genuinely, you want to let them feel that they're loved, worth it and enough, but don't forget you're also a person, you are also in need of those as much as everyone else needs it.

Let me tell you something, love should not be the only reason why you stay in a relationship. It isn't the only factor you have to consider once you enter a relationship. It's not the only factor that is in charge of keeping the relationship in place. It's not the only thing that'll benefit the relationship in the long run.

There are more factors, the common ones are, trust, respect and affection. You should not prioritize love above those three, you have to keep it symmetrical. You're probably wondering on what will be the results of prioritizing love above those three, the results is basically a toxic relationship.

First, when you prioritize love over trust, you're tolerating lying and cheating. It's when you catch your partner cheating on you and you say that it's okay because you love them. No, that's totally wrong. Right, they might've apologized to you, but always remember that an apology without change is a sign of manipulation.

Second, when you prioritize love over respect, you're tolerating abuse. It's when you're treated like trash, like a nobody, like a slave and you say that it's okay because you love them. No, that's totally wrong as well. You don't deserve to get treated like that, no one deserves it. Always remind yourself that you know your worth it and that you are enough. Your value doesn't and won't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth.

Lastly, when you prioritize love over affection, you're tolerating cold relationships. It's when your partner rarely text you messages, gives you gifts, exert efforts and you say that it's okay because you love them. No, that's totally wrong too. You deserve consistency and effort, someone who is really sure about you and your relationship and someone who sees a future with you. Never settle for less.

In short, all I wanted to say is that don't put yourself in a situation where you see sleeping as a way of escaping from your heartaches. You may be wondering why you're having trouble with sleeping, it's because, sleep requires peace and I know that every night, your mind and heart is at war. I have been there too and it's a tough situation.

Everything may seem dark and gloomy right now, but always remember that progress isn't linear. It can be a zigzag, it can be curly lines or even a line that's all over the place. Wherever you are right now, is where you need to be.

Trust yourself and the process.

You can get through this. At times when you don't believe in yourself, I believe in you. I may or may not know you, but trust me, I believe in you and with everything that you can do.

Smile. It looks good on you.