His True Inner Fear

I wiped my tears as soon as I realized that I wept, so commercials apparently triggers a flashback that happened years ago without any warnings whatsoever.

Luckily Kody didn't notice me weeping or I'd end up explaining the flashback to him. He's such a pain in the ass, it takes 10 minutes for him to understand one sentence, and would take 2 days for him to understand the whole story.

You'd be explaining it to him over and over again until he understands. Your mouth will get dry from explaining the same thing, he'll act like he understand, but never did.

If you let him read the terms and conditions, he would just tap on I Agree right away. His brain could not take in the amount of words in that contract.

He would ask more questions regarding the contract, and would end up indecisive.

Kody is the most slowest person ever to live on this planet, slower than my wifi.

He can sometimes be impatient and fuming too.

I'm surprised that he's able to withstand this boring and extending traffic. He usually gets wild and starts honking aggressively like a maniac on the loose.

"Aren't you mad that we're stuck here for an hour," I asked, looking at him.

He turned to me. "As long as this commercial is playing, I'm gonna last long in here."

"Hey were you crying earlier?" He added.

"No, what made you think of that?"

He replied, pointing at my eyes, "Your eyes are bit reddish and puffy."

I shookt my head. "I just rubbed my eyes, I was getting sleepy."

"There's an iced coffee in there," he replied, pointing at the glove compartment. "Bought it while you were in the grocery store."

"I didn't put it in the cup holder," he added, jamming to the commercial. "Because I will nudge it at some point while driving."

"Thanks for the caffeine," I said, drinking it.

"It was actually for me, but nevermind." He replied, "just keep drinking it."

I nodded, staring out the window again. It is such a relief that he did not have any doubts when I told him that I didn't cry.

I'm not in the mood to explain a flashback to a person who doesn't understand instantly.

My brain cells are gonna pop and decrease. I will have a low IQ, don't want that to occur.

Going back to that flashback, it feels surreal and odd. The doctor said that flashbacks can be triggered by a sensory feeling.

The flashback wasn't that detailed, but I am certain that it was my parents arguing. They are the only people I know who argues until the sun starts to rise.

The only people who gives in to pride rather than to reconcile with each other.

The only people who proved to me that love is like the seasons, it changes. The difference is that seasons come back, but theirs didn't.

The only people who proved to me not all people are worth fighting for.

The only people who proved to me that the people you love does not have the capacity to return the same love and affection you've given.

The only people who proved to me that love is not about how long you have known the person, but it's about who stayed.

I'm at the point of life wherein I imagine my self hiking a mountain, and I arrived at the peak of it.

As I arrived at the peak, I see a bridge. It is a long, shaky, scary and old one, but it leads to a beautiful destination that I could see from afar.

People have told me their experiences about crossing the same bridge, they darted across it with genuine happiness and excitement.

They've been convincing me to do the same. I told them I did, but the truth is I've crossed it only in my mind.

I don't trust the bridge at all. The experience is different for other people, but in my head it will be tragic and sad.

The destination may be prestigious and very beautiful from a far, but once you get closer and closer, you'll realize that it's filled with lies and deception.

Everything may or may not be sugarcoated, so be mindful of the people that have been surrounding you, they may be two-faced.

I'm still at the peak, facing the bridge whilst it's waiting for me to cross it. It's calling me on repeat, but I've been declining it.

Tired of standing around, I slowly walk near the bridge, and sat near it. I did not risk my life crossing it right away, so I placed half of my legs on the first step of the bridge.

After sitting around, I walked near the edge of where I was sitting, and it was dark and deep like a void, the thought of falling down scared the heck out of me.

Everyone feared falling because no one will catch you the way you do.

Everyone feared falling cause you never get the chance to know what lies beneath.

Everyone feared falling because they cannot fly.

Everyone feared falling because most things that falls get lost and change.

You don't want to lose yourself once again.

You don't want to find yourself in a situation wherein you sleep with a heavy heart again.

No one wants that.

Not even me.