1.12 Is That What Heartbreak Feels Like?

The atmosphere changed, and the room filled with a dark aura.

"Who tried to enter your chambers?"

Recognizing the voice, Caspian let go and turned on the light.

He knelt and said with his head down.

"I'm sorry, your majesty, this servant didn't realize it was you."

Salvatore asked impatiently:

"Who tried to enter your chambers?"

Caspian answered, his head still bowed.

"This servant doesn't know. When they saw that there was a lock, they left."

Salvatore asked:

"How many times did it arise?"

"Three times."

Salvatore's eyes darkened. He heard whispers of the pool. It was all about who would be the first person able to bed Caspian. He knew it was never going to happen, though. As soon as he met Caspian, he could tell that he wasn't interested in having a relationship, not even for a night.

Since he isn't, it seems like they're willing to do anything to win the money. He'll have his shadow guards keep closer eyes on him.

"Stand."

Caspian stood up and asked:

"Does his majesty need this servant's help?"

Salvatore frowned. He obviously didn't come here as the emperor. It frustrates him when Caspian becomes formal to avoid having important conversations.

Caspian is the only person who can touch him. Usually, nothing affects him. Salvatore pulled him into his embrace and hugged him. Caspian looked in the distance as he held him tightly. He could feel this odd tension between him and Salvatore.

He's been feeling it since this morning. It makes him uncomfortable. Caspian doesn't like it. Why did he even show up? Even if he wants to make him feel better, it's too little too late. Salvatore pulled back. He was still holding Caspian by the waist.

Caspian tried to push him, needing space, but Salvatore tightened his hold. It was as though he was unwilling to ever let him go. The determination in his eyes was startling. Caspian's hands were on his chest and he moved one hand slightly to feel his heartbeat.

Salvatore said:

"I care about you."

Caspian could feel Salvatore's rapid heartbeat, he felt that he would have a heart attack at any time.

Salvatore admitted:

"I know what you said to Drea. I was angry. I used Camilla when she showed up late at night yesterday."

Caspian's pulse quickened, and he looked away. Salvatore turned his face and swore:

"I didn't sleep with her. I didn't even lay a hand on her."

Salvatore explained:

"I made her come to my chambers an hour before you arrived in the morning, so you would think I did."

Caspian said with cold eyes:

"Every word out of your mouth is a lie."

Salvatore looked at him, stunned. He's never seen Caspian react negatively before.

"You said that you wanted me and that you would give me time. Then the next day, you decide to trick me, by making me believe you slept with the person who obviously made that playwright write that ridiculous play. Don't you think that if I was on the fence with us, it would seal the deal?"

Salvatore swallowed. He just wanted proof that he indeed cared for him.

"Caspian..."

Before he could finish, he was cut.

"Then you saw I was having a hard day, but you couldn't help but go back to addressing me royally like your words yesterday meant nothing. You declared you would protect me, but you only made me feel worse."

Salvatore swallowed again. He feels like he is on the verge of losing Caspian. Yet, he was never his to lose.

"You said you weren't interested in me."

Caspian's eyes darkened. Does he have a death wish? Is Salvatore seriously using this ridiculous reason?

He said:

"I told Drea that it did not surprise me that Camilla pulled this off, since she believes I only became a eunuch to seduce you and have your son, so he can become the next emperor. He asked me aren't you interested, and I answered no. Would you have preferred I replied yes? Do you just want me to be interested in you for status and profit?"

Salvatore said:

"At least I'd know for sure you're interested, even if it's for the wrong reasons. It would mean that you would be by my side forever. I would rather have that than nothing."

Caspian closed his eyes for a second. He opened them and said:

"You don't mean that."

He saw with his own eyes what it did to his father to be with his mother. Even if their relationship was passionate, his mother was never in love with his father. She was only with him because of his name and fortune.

She never hid it and his father didn't care because he worshiped her. As long as she was by his side, he was okay. He would often say to her, I'll never let you go, or you'll stay by my side forever, and his mom would smile. When he was a kid, he foolishly believed that it was sweet words of love, but it wasn't.

Even if the entire world believed they were in love, there was no love on his mother's side. She was only attracted to him physically. His father would always swear that they would be together forever until he couldn't take it anymore.

He was sick of being with someone who felt nothing for him, no matter how good of an actress she was. Everyone has a breaking point, and it's no different for Salvatore. He only believes that, but the reality is different.

He forwent every word he said to him so easily, so of course, he doesn't believe him. Salvatore tightened his hold and said:

"I do, I swear."

"You would truly be okay with me being with you even If I felt nothing for you?"

Salvatore said:

"I would. I would spend the rest of my life earning your love and even if in the end you wouldn't, it would be okay because I would've had the chance to spend a lifetime with you."

Caspian looked into his eyes.

The amount of love and affection in those silver eyes stunned him. It's not that he believes he is unlovable since all his previous partners loved him, but he feels like their love was just a drop in the ocean, whereas Hades' love for him is the entire ocean.

He sought to manipulate him to see if he would react to being seen in bed with Camilla. Even if he stated he would wait, that went out the window when he said he wasn't interested. He isn't angry, he just… He was just annoyed, Silas was wrong.

But now that he knows what happened, he isn't anymore. He sought to manipulate him just like he did, so it's not that deep.

"Why is his majesty here?"

"I don't like it when you do that, Peach."

Caspian asked:

"What does his majesty mean?"

From the look in his eyes, Salvatore knew what he was talking about. It seems like he is still angry at him.

He caressed his cheek and said:

"I understand that you're angry. If I feel a certain way next time, I'll talk to you directly, I promise."

Caspian didn't answer, he just looked away.

Salvatore asked:

"Are you feeling better?"

Caspian met his eyes.

"I am."

Salvatore felt torn by that answer. If he is, then it means that Drea helped him to get there like before. Even if he is happy, he is, he wishes Drea wasn't the one who supported him.

"You said you didn't like Drea."

Caspian said:

"After the play, Drea waited for me to make sure I was okay. He was sweet and invited me to dinner, so I agreed. I'm glad I went, it was eye-opening."

If he hadn't, he wouldn't realize that he is wrong for him.

Salvatore's face fell and he looked at his chest. He could feel pressure, he let go of Caspian and put a hand on his heart. After a few seconds, he looked up and asked:

"I feel as though someone is pressing my heart. Is that what heartbreak feels like?"

Salvatore doesn't how he got here. He never thought he would be interested in Caspian, even less such a long time after he started to work for him. Since the day he went to see him in his chambers,  he was curious.

He felt like he was looking at a different person but familiar somehow, and he wanted to decipher this person. Then it changed and he started to develop feelings for him. It's more than feelings, he is in love with Caspian while he feels nothing for him. He looked down and swallowed hard.