Chapter 175

"Are you really going to drink?"

"Would I drink fake alcohol?"

While the other members were busy preparing snacks and setting up the table, Jung Dajun hesitated as he looked at the endless rows of bottles of alcohol.

It seemed like they were worried because I had been emitting a cold atmosphere since the last time.

"What do you want to drink? I got a lot of different options."

"Wow, really? That's a lot."

"I'm gonna drink like there's no tomorrow."

Thinking back, it was the longest period of silence we had experienced since coming here, albeit unintentionally.

It was clear that we wouldn't be able to prepare properly for the next activity, and we all needed some time to unwind and relax together.

"Well, I... I'll just have a little."

"Huh? Really?"

As soon as he became an adult, the youngest member confidently bought a can of beer and drank it alone. Of course, he grimaced and threw it all away because it tasted bad.

In response to Sung Jiwon's question, the youngest member just pursed his lips and nodded his head.

His curious eyes still showed interest, even though he remained silent.

'Should I keep doing this even at the accommodation...?'

But looking at Jung Dajun's face, the decision was easy.

I nudged Jung Dajun's leg and whispered softly,

"Hey."

"Why, what's up?"

Jung Dajun, feeling suspicious, stepped back slightly, trembling. I smirked mischievously.

"Wanna see something fun?"

I'll liven up the mood a bit.

---

Bang!!

"Wow!! Wow!!"

After shaking the beer bottle and shooting it into a glass, the soju glass splashed and landed exactly in the beer glass.

I chuckled as I brushed off the moisture from my hands.

"The cheers are lacking."

"Hyung! You're so so so cool!!"

"What did you say? I can't hear you."

"Wow~!! Hoyunie hyung is awesome!!"

With sparkling eyes, Jung Dajun looked at me in awe as he bounced around the room.

His cheeks were flushed red, and his speech was slurred, as if he was completely drunk. I pushed the youngest member towards Kim Seonghyun, who was already quite tipsy, as he begged to see it again.

"Hyung! Please teach me!!"

"Huh? I'm not Seo Hoyun though?"

"Huh, really!? Then, this must be Bichi Seonghyun?"

"Me, shining?"

I let them both laugh as they looked at each other.

Jung Dajun, holding the half-eaten and now cold hot dog, raised both hands and mimicked Kim Seonghyun's final comment.

"We five will always be together."

"...??"

"Subtracting 1 from 5... equals 0, right?"

".... Jung Dajun...!!"

Even though they were drunk, teasing each other seemed embarrassing.

Kim Seonghyun, with his ears red, gritted his teeth.

Anyway, it was lively, more like our usual selves.

"Looks like those two are stuck together..."

Jung Dajun left, and so did Kim Seonghyun.

Now, only the two of us were left.

Smiling broadly, Sung Jiwon mixed whiskey and soju with a nonchalant expression, avoiding the situation. He then targeted Kang Ichae, who was giggling at Jung Dajun and Kim Seong-hyun.

"Get your glasses. I'll fill them up."

"Huh? No, I'm fine."

"Don't miss this opportunity."

While shaking the soju back and forth, Kang Ichae somehow managed to avoid it.

'What's going on?'

He was always by my side during the Shining Star Season 1 after-party.

As I mulled over this, it suddenly hit me.

"....Oh."

He... he didn't even touch alcohol back then.

I didn't realize it because he acted like he was drunk even when he was sober.

"Let's drink together, guys. I'll enjoy watching from the side."

As soon as I realized this, my eyes sparkled.

'It's an opportunity.'

I wasn't the type to force someone who didn't want to drink, but the other person was Kang Ichae. My desire to needle him matched the turmoil within me.

'Sung Ji-won.'

=Get him.

This time, Sung Ji-won, who had witnessed what happened between Kang Ichae and me, responded with a mischievous expression.

=Yeah!

Then I nudged Kang Ichae's arm.

"Aha, Ichae, just have a drink with me once."

"What...?"

The support had arrived.

Taking advantage of Kang Ichae's momentary confusion at Sung Ji-won's unusual attitude, I quickly filled a glass.

Even though Sung Ji-won's intentions were clear from his angle, he only smiled kindly.

"The alcohol content won't be too high. I also want to share a drink with Ichae."

"Hey, hey, Kang Ichae. Since Sung Ji-won is saying it, just have a drink."

"...."

In that moment, we were like two snakes.

The other members, who were originally rappers, looked at us laughing and realized something was off. They furrowed their brows.

"I don't want to."

"If Ichae doesn't want to, what can we do..."

"...."

"Are you still mad at me?"

When Sung Ji-won openly lowered his gaze with a wistful expression, Kang Ichae glared at him sharply.

"Ugh, I don't like this combination."

"Why not?"

"...If I drink, you won't bother me, right?"

Finally relenting as if giving in to the visible pressure, Kang Ichae let out a deep sigh and downed the contents of the glass in front of him.

"Ichae, you're a good drinker."

"Why does this soju taste weird?"

"It's probably because you haven't drunk in a while. Can I have some water?"

"Really?"

That's a lie.

That's Yoen Highball whiskey. It's 38% alcohol.

And five minutes later.

"Oh..."

Kang Ichae, with a hint of a smile on his lips, touched his forehead expressionlessly with his whole face stretched out.

He looked like a real gangster.

"These h-humans... this is 38 degrees!!"

"Pfft. Hey hey, are you reading it wrong because you're drunk?"

"Seo... Ugh..."

Angry, Kang Ichae spat out words informally. But I played it cool.

I even stopped him from going to his room, holding onto him as he stumbled. Of course, I chuckled.

"Are you okay with this? Are you okay? I said I can't handle alcohol."

"Yeah yeah, Hyung was wrong."

"Seo-ssi, I'm annoyed..."

I threw Kang Ichae, who was half-closing his eyes and mumbling, into the mix with Kim Seonghyun and Jung Dajun.

"Ugh!! You're heavy!"

At first, he complained, but soon he was making a racket again.

"Hyung! Do you want to have some fun?"

"Have some fun...? Where are we going?"

"Huh, don't you know? Haven't you done it with friends?"

"Hey, I don't have friends, so I don't know about this kind of thing..."

As the alcohol hit him and he grew a bit drowsy, Kang Ichae murmured, rubbing his eyes.

True to his tipsy confession, his true feelings flowed out smoothly.

Hearing this, Jung Dajun clenched his fist.

"Ichae hyung, I'll be your friend! Seonghyun hyung, let's quickly become our drunkard friends."

"Okay! Ichae and I are friends!"

"Ugh..."

"No, no, you don't need friends for this. I'll teach you! If five fruits come out, you quickly pull the lever! You just have to pull it really fast, bang bang bang. You can do it even without friends!"

"Really?"

Kang Ichae seemed intrigued and quickly got up.

"Can you really do it without friends?"

"Ichae, I'll show you."

Kim Seong-hyun grabbed Kang Ichae's arm and headed to the kitchen. They sat facing each other at the table. Soon, Jung Dajun followed suit and began dealing cards one by one. Soon, the sound of shuffling and flipping cards was heard.

Watching the whole process, Sung Jiwon burst into laughter.

"In the end, it's a game that needs friends, isn't it?"

"That's what I meant."

Would there be another wholesome drinking session like this in the world?

Watching them play like kids, it was both funny and comforting.

As I rested my chin, Sung Ji-won poured alcohol into my empty glass.

Glug glug.

"Good job, Hoyun."

"...."

"You've been through a lot all this time."

Instead of replying, I glanced at Sung Jiwon and asked.

"You fought with Kang Ichae?"

"It's just a difference of opinion."

Others didn't see it that way....

Sung Jiwon pushed aside a strand of hair that was slightly falling on his forehead and smiled gently.

Although he always created a gentle atmosphere, he seemed even happier now.

"But they're all really good kids. We can respect each other no matter what we do."

"Yeah."

"I'm happy to be a member of The Dawn. I'm happier when I'm with you guys."

As he poured vodka into his own glass, Sung Jiwon gulped it down in one go.

"I wish you were the same."

Sung Jiwon's eyes sparkled.

He never brought up his family issues.

During the award ceremony, he hugged me tightly and cried bitterly, as if it were his own affair.

He just chose to stay by my side until I felt better, instead of bringing up the family matters.

"Let's take it slow."

See, isn't he still the same?

I managed to lift the corners of my mouth slightly.

"I think I need to tidy up a bit. Are you going to stop drinking?"

"Mm. Leave me alone. Let's do it together later."

Leaving Sung Ji-won, who was smiling at me, I got up from my seat.

Swish.

I slipped the curtain aside and stepped out onto the balcony, settling onto the chair placed there. It was a chair brought by Jung Dajun when he was deeply immersed in decorating the dorm.

I opened the front pocket and took out the pack of cigarettes and the lighter Hyeonsu gave me during the drinking session.

Thin menthol cigarettes. I felt the urge to smoke, even though I had been resisting it all this time.

I took one out and placed it between my lips, but without lighting it, I just flicked the lighter, making the flame flicker.

"Sigh...."

I had been holding back so far.

Along with a feeling of exhaustion, there was an impulse to just have one cigarette.

I could just light it and take a drag.

Swish.

"Huh! Hyung!"

But that intention didn't last long.

Dajun, who had opened the balcony door, widened his eyes and pointed at me.

"Wow!! Seriously?!"

"Hey, hey. Keep it down."

"Why are you doing this now after holding back all this time?!"

The slightly intoxicated youngest staggered, unable to control his body properly.

He stumbled several times, clumsily bumping into the floor as he stumbled inside. When Dajun's gaze turned away as he closed the balcony door, I quickly tossed the cigarette behind and took out a stick of candy from my pocket.

"Dajun, look. This is a candy stick."

"Huh.... Oh? Really?"

So what's the big deal?

After shaking his head a few times, Dajun slowly approached me.

"Are you okay, hyung? I'm... honestly confused whether you're Seo Hoyun, Ji-won's hyung, Seonghyun's hyung, or Ichae's hyung right now."

"Really? You're getting confused a lot."

"So, isn't it weird? Besides, Ichae hyung is super drunk right now!"

You're drunk too, damn it.

Dajun, who was mumbling, kicked his feet.

Then, leaning against the wall and sitting down heavily, he buried his head in his knees and sighed.

"Hey, go sleep."

"...I'm not sleepy."

Like fathers who pretend to sleep when they're actually awake when you try to turn off the TV, I pondered how to drag this stubborn guy to bed, when suddenly Dajun lifted his face and rubbed his eyes with his hands.

"Uh, I was worried you might scold me, so I couldn't say it earlier, but I called Hojin hyung before."

"...."

"I was worried something might happen."

Even with my glaring gaze, Dajun yawned casually.

"Hyung is... I know you're someone who isn't scared of anything in the world... but... It's scary for the person who sees you like that every time."

I could guess what he wanted to say, but the fragmented sentences in between were abruptly cut off.

"And... um."

Even though I don't know if he'll remember the words he said even after waking up from the alcohol, nonetheless, Jung Dajun said it until the end.

"You don't have to take me on the roller coaster...."

I fiddled with the lighter in my hand.

"Dajun."

No response.

He had fallen asleep.

"Dajun, are you asleep?"

I called a few more times, but it was the same.

"...He falls asleep so damn fast."

Is this guy really the same as a year ago...?

Thinking like that, I recalled the unit competition and withdrew the thought.

Dajun had changed.

Just like everyone else.

"What's the big deal..."

Tap.

The light flickered and went out repeatedly in the darkness.

"...Dajun."

Muttering as if repeating foolish actions, I whispered, "I have something I'm scared of too."

More frightening than anything else is the possibility.

It's the thing I fear the most and my biggest secret.

Perhaps it's more terrifying than my parents' accident, recurring nightmares, or Se Hojin's anger.

How could I ever reveal it?

The fear that I might lose my mind worrying about whether my younger brother is still there in the world I left behind.

Surely Seo Hojin exists here, remembering me.

But if that's not all, if Seo Hojin is left alone there, searching for me, and if my absence hurts him...

Every time I think about leaving that kid behind and getting along well here alone, I become infinitely more scared.

I want to go back.

"...And I want confirmation."

That I was worrying over nothing.

"Sigh...."

I wiped my face. Maybe I drank too much today.

'Just one more crazy thing...'

I sighed and put down the lighter, tightly gripping the pack of cigarettes. Then, the impulse that had arisen disappeared as easily as it had come.

After hesitating for a moment, I picked up my phone and sent a text message to Seo Hojin.

[Me: Have you eaten?]

Even though it was late at night, I received a prompt response.

[Younger Brat: ㅇ]

If that's the case, why did you ask me to contact you?

As I was about to turn off my phone, another message from Seoho-jin came.

[Younger Brat: I miss you]

I paused for a moment.

He had never done this before.

[Younger Brat: But I'm really annoyed and don't want to see you]

"Heh."

I chuckled as I rubbed my forehead, then replied.

[Me: Just one favor, kid]

[Me: And my face is quite valuable, you know]

After reading the seemingly insignificant sentences a few more times, I lightly tapped on Jung Dajun's shoulder, who was now sleeping with his mouth slightly open. Still, there was no sign of him waking up, so I pinched his cheeks.

"Dajun, go inside and sleep."

"Ugh...."

"Quickly."

In pain, Jung Dajun rubbed his cheek and staggered inside without opening his eyes.

After sending the unwanted guest inside, I remained alone and opened the balcony window. Despite being dawn, the summer air felt damp and heavy, clinging to my skin.

"It's hot."

In the distance, the sky began to tint with red hues.

As much as I tried to pass everything off as a game or complete the scenario to end it, it all felt too vivid.

"I need to go back."

The current me occasionally felt a tingling sensation in my arms, my breath occasionally hitched, and my runaway conscience occasionally returned.

Nevertheless, I would continue living as a reckless piece of garbage.

Although I sometimes missed the family photos that had disappeared from my phone's gallery.

"Kid."

It didn't matter.

"I miss you too, hyung."

I was determined to see this through to the end.

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